01_Gift from the Heart (11 page)

Adam had only half listened to Adele’s chitchat, but now he tried to focus on what she’d said. She’d mentioned running into Clare at…Wal-Mart. And what was this about a second job?

“I’m sorry, Adele. Did you say Clare had a second job?”

She raised her eyebrows. “You didn’t know?”

“No.”

“Hmm. Clare’s working at Wal-Mart.”

Adam frowned. “How long has that been going on?”

“Just a couple of weeks, from what I could gather. I asked why she didn’t just substitute teach, but apparently she’d have to get different credentials in North Carolina.”

Adam’s frown deepened. Since early February, things had gone crazy at the office as a flu epidemic swept the county. He’d been getting home far later than usual, too exhausted to do anything but wolf down his dinner and head for bed. He and Clare had hardly exchanged more than a few words all month. So he had no idea what had prompted her need for a second job. But he intended to find out tonight.

“Thanks for letting me know, Adele. I’ll definitely look into it.”

“Good. I hate to see her wearing herself down.”

Adam jotted down a prescription, then tore it off and handed it to Adele. “This should help those sinuses.”

She tucked it into her purse and rose. “You’re a good doctor, Adam. I’m sure this will solve my problem. Now take care of your nanny.”

“Clare, could I talk with you for a minute?”

At the serious tone in Adam’s voice, Clare turned from the sink. “Is everything all right?”

“That’s what I’d like to find out. Is Nicole doing her homework?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s sit for a minute, okay?”

Clare wiped her hands on the dish towel and carefully draped it over the sink. Something in Adam’s tone put her on alert, and when she joined him at the kitchen table a moment later she gingerly eased into a chair and folded her hands nervously in front of her.

For a moment he didn’t speak, and she studied his face. He looked bone weary, she thought. Which wasn’t surprising, since he’d put in a ridiculous number of hours over the past month. While the workload was finally beginning to abate, the pressures and demands had left their mark. The fine lines that radiated from the corners of his eyes had deepened, and the smudges beneath them spoke of late hours and interrupted sleep. The fingers he’d wrapped around his coffee cup seemed slightly unsteady, as well.

“I saw Adele today,” he said at last.

“Is she okay?”

“Yes. But she passed on some disturbing information. She told me that you had taken a part-time job.”

Clare frowned, momentarily caught off guard. “Yes. But I only work nine to two, four days a week. We agreed that my time was my own while Nicole was in school.”

“It is. But I didn’t expect you to go out and get another job.”

She sent him a curious look. She hadn’t purposely kept the part-time job a secret. But with Adam’s hectic schedule, there’d been no real opportunity to bring it up. She wasn’t sure why it was such a big deal. Unless he felt awkward about having his nanny work at Wal-Mart.

“I would have done substitute teaching if I had the right credentials for North Carolina,” she said. “But since I didn’t, this was the most convenient thing I could find. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

Now it was his turn to frown. “This isn’t about me, Clare. You could never do anything to embarrass me. I’m more concerned about why you felt the need to take on another job. It seems to me we keep you plenty busy here at the house, and I know you help out at church and at Nicole’s school. I don’t mean to pry into your personal business, but have you had some sort of financial emergency? Because if that’s the case, I’d certainly be happy to help.”

Although she was touched by Adam’s generosity, accepting such an offer wouldn’t be in keeping with the spirit of Aunt Jo’s will. Besides, it was important to her to be self-reliant. She drew a deep breath, then looked directly into his eyes. “I appreciate that, Adam. But there’s no immediate emergency. I just want to build up a little reserve. The root canal and car repairs pretty much wiped me out.”

Adam took a moment to digest that. When they’d first met, Clare had implied that she’d fallen on tough financial times. But apparently they were even tougher than he’d imagined. Which explained why she was so in need of Jo’s legacy. And why she’d taken on a second, low-paying job. Yet at one time she’d obviously enjoyed a far different lifestyle. What had happened to reduce her to such a desperate state? It wasn’t any of his business, of course. And she hadn’t offered details. But he wanted to know.

“You can tell me to mind my own business if you want to, and I won’t be offended,” he said slowly. “But what happened, Clare? You obviously weren’t always in such dire straits.”

As she searched his kind, caring eyes, Clare was torn between the need to share her burden and the need to protect Dennis’s memory. She didn’t want anyone to think badly of her husband because he had left her with so little in a material sense. That’s why she’d never revealed her precarious financial situation, even to her sisters. Dennis had loved his family with an intensity that had sometimes taken her breath away. He had done everything he could to provide them with the best of everything. And he’d planned to continue doing so.

He just hadn’t planned on dying.

Clare blinked rapidly, then reached up to brush back a few stray strands of hair that had worked their way loose from her chignon. For more than two long years she’d carried her burden alone, struggling to make ends meet even as she dealt with her grief. There had been times when she’d been utterly discouraged, had longed for a sympathetic shoulder to cry on. Figuratively speaking, anyway, because Clare didn’t cry. She hadn’t shed one tear since the accident. At first she’d been too shocked even to react. Shock had been followed by numbness, which in turn had given way to an emptiness that had left her heart devoid of everything—even tears. Which wasn’t the best way to deal with grief. She knew that. Tears were therapeutic. But she was afraid that if she gave in to her grief she’d sink into a pit of despair from which she would never emerge.

So she’d held her tears inside and somehow managed to find the strength to carry on alone. But she was tired of being alone. Lately she’d felt an almost desperate longing to share her burden with someone. To share what it had been like to wake up one morning and realize that her whole world had changed forever in the blink of an eye. And as she gazed into Adam’s kind, warm eyes, she suddenly knew that he was the one she wanted to share it with.

“It’s kind of a long story,” she said.

“I have all evening.”

“You may be sorry.” Clare tried to smile, but couldn’t quite pull it off.

“I don’t think so.”

“Well, I’ll try to give you the condensed version.” She paused for a moment to collect her thoughts, then took a deep breath. “When I was twenty-five, I met a wonderful man named Dennis. He was kind and smart and outgoing, and I fell head over heels in love. We were married a year later. And two years after that we…we had a son.”

“David.” At her startled look, Adam explained. “Nicole told me about him.”

She nodded. “We were so happy! I gave up teaching to be a full-time mom, and Dennis’s star started to rise. Within a few years he had an executive position in public relations with a major agency. I was happy for him because he’d come from a dirt-poor family where no one had ever gotten a college education, and success meant a lot to him. So did the trappings of success. We had a beautiful home in an exclusive suburb of Kansas City, and we sent David to one of the finest schools in the area. We took fabulous vacations, and Dennis lavished us with gifts. We had the best of everything, from clothes to cars to home furnishings.”

Clare paused, and when she spoke again her voice had dropped. “The thing is, Dennis didn’t expect to die. He was young and healthy and had many more years to work. To save. To pay off all our debts. At least that’s what we thought. But the accident changed everything. In every way. They were both…” She paused and sucked in a sharp breath. “They both died,” she said in a choked voice.

Adam looked down at her tightly clasped hands. He ached to reach over and cover them with his own, to comfort her for the loss of her family and her dreams. But he remained still, knowing she had more to say.

“Afterwards, I realized just how deeply in debt we were,” she continued unsteadily. “We had a huge mortgage on the house, and we’d heavily financed the cars…as well as other things. Dennis had some life insurance, but it wasn’t anywhere near enough to cover our financial obligations. It was clear that everything would have to go.”

She raised her head and gave Adam an intent, almost fierce look. “But I didn’t really care about those things, anyway. They were important to Dennis, and I understood that, given his background. I grew up on a farm, and while we never lived lavishly, we always had nice clothes and plenty to eat. So I never attached as much importance to material things. It wasn’t hard for me to give them up.”

It was obviously important to her that Adam understand she held nothing against her husband for not providing for her after his death. But Adam wasn’t so generous. A man with a family, who chose to live so close to the edge of financial ruin, should at the very least have considered the possibility of an accident and provided for the welfare of those he loved. Adam had little sympathy for such irresponsibility. But he kept those thoughts to himself.

“So then what happened?” he prompted gently.

“I sold almost everything and moved into an apartment. I knew I’d have to go back to work, so I got recertified as a teacher. I was just starting to substitute teach on a regular basis when Aunt Jo’s legacy fell in my lap. I still have some debts to pay off, and I’d like to establish a little financial reserve. So her bequest was a godsend. I’ll be fine once I can claim it, but in the meantime I need to generate some income. Things are a little…tight.”

He suspected that was a gross understatement. She was clearly living a bare-bones existence, purchasing only the absolute necessities. Yet she truly didn’t seem to mind.

But something didn’t quite make sense, he realized with a frown. “Given your situation, I’m surprised Jo didn’t provide some sort of stipend for you while you worked as our nanny. Sort of an advance against the bequest. She wasn’t the type to ever leave a need unaddressed.”

Clare averted her face. “She didn’t know about the state of my finances. No one does.”

He didn’t have to ask why she’d kept that information to herself. Clare was protecting Dennis’s memory. Which he admired. But loyalty to her late husband wasn’t going to solve her problem. Clearly she needed a temporary job, for her own peace of mind if nothing else. And teaching was out of the question. Still, there had to be something that would make better use of her skills than clerking at the giant discount store.

Suddenly, in a flash, a solution presented itself. He wasn’t sure she’d go for it. But it was certainly worth a try.

“I may have an idea,” he said slowly.

She looked at him curiously but remained silent.

“When Janice has her baby, she’ll be taking six weeks off. The temp I had lined up just fell through, so I’m desperate for a replacement starting next Monday. I only need someone from eight to four, four days a week. Nicole’s gone by seven-thirty, and she could stay at the after-school program for half an hour. You’d still have Wednesdays free to work with the Feed the Hungry program if you wanted. You’d be perfect for the job, Clare.”

She stared at him. Working as a temporary receptionist in Adam’s office was far preferable to stocking shelves at Wal-Mart, but was it somehow violating the spirit of Jo’s legacy?

As if he’d read her mind, Adam spoke. “Jo’s stipulation about pay related to the nanny job,” he pointed out. “If you don’t take the receptionist job, I’ll still have to fill it. I’ll be paying the same salary whether it’s to you or to someone else. And I guarantee you’ll have a great boss,” he added with a grin.

Some of the tension in Clare’s shoulders eased, and she smiled in return. She couldn’t argue with his logic. And it was the perfect solution to her problem. “You’ve convinced me. I accept. But I’ve never done this kind of work before. I hope you won’t be sorry.”

“Not a chance,” he assured her.

Which was true. He already knew Clare was sharp and quick. She’d have the office routine mastered in a couple of days. It was the ideal solution to her problem. And his.

Not to mention the fact that for the next six weeks, he would get to see a whole lot more of his daughter’s nanny.

“A
dam, may I interrupt you for a moment?”

At Clare’s slightly uncertain voice, Adam paused and glanced up from the chart he was reviewing on his way to the next examining room. “What is it?”

“There’s a Mrs. Samuels on the line. I know you have back-to-back patients today, but I think you might want to take this. I checked her records and saw that she’s diabetic. It sounds like she may be having problems with her insulin.”

The twin furrows in Adam’s brow deepened. “Pull the chart and put her through to my office.”

Clare handed him the chart. “She’s waiting on line three.”

Adam nodded. “Let Mr. Travis know I’ll be right with him.”

A few minutes later, as Adam hung up the phone, he was reminded again of how quickly Clare had become a valued member of his staff. After only two weeks, she had not only learned the office routine, but took appropriate initiative and demonstrated sound judgment with patients. Like Janice, she was able to screen calls and quickly discern the true emergencies. Today she’d been right on the money in her assessment of Mrs. Samuels’s condition. The woman had needed immediate attention, and Clare had recognized that.

As he strode down the hall, Adam took a moment to pause at the receptionist’s counter. “Good call,” he told Clare.

She gave him a relieved smile. “Thanks.”

“Mary Beth, could you do a throat swab on Mrs. Reed in room four? We might have a case of strep.”

“Sure thing.”

The two women watched as Adam continued down the hall, then Mary Beth turned to Clare with a grin. “Congrats on the accolades. They were well deserved. I have to admit I was a little nervous about Janice being gone, but you’ve really picked things up quickly. It’s been smooth as silk. Don’t tell Janice I said that, though. She might get nervous about her job.”

Clare laughed. “She doesn’t need to worry. This is very definitely a temporary position for me.”

“I don’t know. Adam runs a tight ship, and he seems really pleased. He might not want to let you go.”

Clare knew Mary Beth was just teasing, so she only smiled in response. But more and more, she was finding herself wishing that were true. And not just about the receptionist job. It was silly, of course. Adam clearly wasn’t in the market for romance. Despite what she’d seen in his eyes the day of the sledding accident, he’d never done anything to suggest directly he had an interest in her beyond the jobs she was doing for him. His primary goal was to establish a close relationship with his daughter. Clare was simply a catalyst for that.

And frankly, even if he was interested in her in a more…personal way, she wasn’t ready to offer him much encouragement. She was trying to work through her guilt over the accident, but it was slow going. And until she resolved that, she couldn’t really mourn the loss of her beloved family. So she wasn’t ready to think about the future yet, either.

But as she watched Adam interact with his patients at work and strive so diligently at home to be the kind of father he had never known, she recognized what a fine and caring person he was. His patients loved him for his empathetic and unassuming bedside manner, and Clare had been struck time and again by his warmth and patience. No matter how tired or stressed he was, no matter how many demands he was trying to juggle, when he sat down with patients they generally had his full and complete attention. He was an insightful listener who was able to quickly asses a condition and then make sound and decisive decisions. Clare now understood why the town felt so fortunate to have him. He truly was a superb doctor.

He wasn’t quite as far along on the father front, but he was making great strides. Where once Clare had had to struggle to get Nicole to include Adam in the dinner conversation, the two of them now talked more easily and naturally without her intervention. And she’d noticed that, more and more, Nicole was seeking out Adam for advice. There were even occasional moments of physical affection, when Adam would put his hand on Nicole’s shoulder or she would jab him playfully in the arm. While there was still a lot of room for improvement, the trend was in the right direction. And both father and daughter were blossoming because of it.

Which was good. Because with only a couple of months remaining in her nanny commitment, she was running out of time to help those two become a family.

“A penny for your thoughts.”

Startled, Clare shot Adam a guilty look, embarrassed at being caught daydreaming. “They’re not for sale,” she told him with a smile. “Did you need something?”

Clare saw something flicker for a brief moment in his eyes, something that made her breath catch in her throat. But then he simply handed her Mr. Travis’s chart. “Could you write up an order for blood work?”

“Sure.”

As he walked away, she tried to quiet the sudden staccato beat of her heart. Though the look in his eyes had been brief, she was pretty sure she had identified it correctly.

Longing.

And she felt exactly the same way.

But until she dealt with her personal issues, and until Adam recognized—and acknowledged—his own feelings, there was nothing to do but wait.

“Boy, this is a great spot! The furniture’s new, isn’t it? Seems to me the last time we were here this porch was bare.”

Adam leaned forward to lift his mug from the wicker coffee table, then settled back into the comfortable matching chair before he replied to his brother, “You get an A for your powers of observation,” he said with a wry smile. “Clare found the whole set at an estate sale, including the settee you’ve appropriated.”

Jack chuckled. “As I recall, you hogged the couch at Christmas. Now it’s my turn.” He sighed contentedly. “This is the life.”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying our hospitality.”

“The amenities have improved considerably since the last time we were here. And there’s actually a bed in the guest room now. No more sleeping bags.”

“Clare found that at the same estate sale.”

“And the food is better, too. No more take-out from that café in town for every meal.”

“Clare’s a good cook.”

“She seems to be good at a lot of things.”

Adam nodded. “She’s worked wonders with Nicole.”

“I’ve noticed. The prickly pear has been replaced by a peach.”

“Clever, but true,” Adam said with a smile. “And we’re getting along better than ever. My only concern is what will happen when Clare leaves. I’m afraid Nicole will be devastated.”

Jack eyed his brother speculatively. “And how about her father?”

Adam stared into his coffee. “I’m trying not to think about that,” he said quietly.

“Why not?”

He gave a frustrated sigh and raked his fingers through his hair. “Clare’s had a lot of trauma in her life already. She doesn’t need any more. And I’m just not husband material. My wife would have told you that.”

“Maybe you just had the wrong wife.”

“Maybe. But I had a tough time with Nicole, too. I have trouble with relationships in general. I think I’m getting better, but I wouldn’t want to risk hurting Clare—even if she was open to romance. Which I don’t think she is. She loved her husband very much. She still does.”

“Just because she loved her husband doesn’t mean there isn’t room in her heart for someone else. And I’ve seen the way she looks at you. My guess is that her interest is more than professional.”

Adam felt his heart stop, then race on. “Even if that was true, I can’t risk hurting her,” he said carefully. “I wouldn’t want to be married again unless I could have something like you and Theresa have. But that takes a willingness to open up and to share your feelings and emotions. I’m still fighting Dad’s legacy on that front.”

“Let me ask you something, Adam. Do you trust Clare?”

“Of course.”

Jack sat up and dismissed Adam’s response with an impatient shake of his head. “I don’t mean do you trust her to keep the records correctly at your office, or to tutor Nicole or to handle your household budget. I’m talking about trust at the deepest level. Do you trust that no matter what you tell her about your past, about your deepest fears and your dreams and your feelings, that she’ll always treat you gently?”

Adam frowned. Leave it to Jack to ask the tough questions. Adam turned toward the distant, blue-hazed mountains and thought back over the many examples of Clare’s empathy and caring that he’d witnessed: the gifts she’d lovingly knitted for him and Nicole at Christmas, her generous work with the Feed the Hungry program, her efforts to help Nicole make friends at school, the way she’d transformed his house into a home—a place he relished returning to after a long day. He thought about her keen insights and gentle kindness, honed in the fire of adversity. About her loyalty to the ones she loved, and about the way she was miraculously transforming the lives of two lonely people. Trust Clare? The answer was obvious.

“Yes.”

“Then what’s holding you back?”

Jack’s question was not only pointed, but valid. And Adam knew the answer, though it was difficult to articulate after years of living with a father who saw such admissions as weakness. Adam glanced down into the murky depths of his coffee and forced himself to give voice to the word. “Fear.”

“Bingo,” Jack concurred quietly. “And you know what? That’s not a sin, Adam, despite what Dad might have made you think. It’s okay to be afraid. I’ve been afraid. A lot of times. And Theresa knows it. That didn’t hurt our relationship. In fact, it made it stronger. Being willing to admit that you don’t always have all the answers, that sometimes you’re afraid and uncertain, is just being human. Superheroes might be nice in the movies, but in a relationship nobody wants a perfect mate. That would be impossible to live with—or live up to. People just want someone who cares, who tries to understand their point of view, their feelings, their fears, their hopes—and who’s willing to share theirs. That doesn’t mean you’re always perfect. It just means you sincerely try.” He paused for a moment and took a deep breath. “May I tell you something else?”

Adam looked up, but remained silent.

“You’re just about there, buddy. I can’t believe the difference in you in the past few months. You look happier and more relaxed than I’ve ever seen you. And you’ve shared more with me in our last couple of visits than you have in our entire lives. I’d say that’s progress. And my guess is that one very special nanny can take the credit for that.”

Jack leaned forward, clasped his hands and rested his forearms on his thighs. “So here’s a piece of advice from your kid brother, for whatever it’s worth. If I were you, I’d think long and hard about renewing Clare’s contract—on a permanent and personal basis.”

As they settled into the church pew for the sermon, Clare glanced at the family group next to her. Nicole was on her left, with Adam beside her. Theresa was next in the row, then came Adam’s niece and nephew, Karen and Bobby. Jack was at the end of the pew, on the aisle.

When Adam and Nicole had insisted that she join in the family’s Easter activities, she’d hesitated, not wanting to intrude. But in the end, she was glad they had talked her into it. She’d liked Jack and Theresa immediately, and they had embraced her warmly, making her feel like part of the group instead of an outsider. Under Jack’s energetic direction, there had been nonstop activity since their arrival. And Clare was glad for that. It gave her less time to think about past Easters, when she’d had her own family.

Reverend Nichols moved to the pulpit, and Clare focused her attention on him. As usual, his sermon was well prepared and articulate. And his final words touched her deeply.

“A few years ago, shortly after I was ordained, I was assisting at a church in a small town in Oklahoma,” he said. “I preached what I thought was a very good sermon, and I was eagerly waiting to greet the congregation afterward, sure I’d receive all kinds of accolades.

“Well, things didn’t go quite as I expected. Most people said polite, perfunctory things. But no one raved. Finally an older gentleman came along. At that point I was desperate for a compliment, so I asked him if he’d enjoyed the sermon. And I’ll never forget what he said to me.

“‘It was okay, young man. But if you want people to really listen, you need to speak from the heart. Facts and figures are all well and good, and I expect I learned a thing or two today about Bible history. But that’s not going to make me change my life. Don’t just tell me what I’m supposed to believe. Tell me why
you
believe it. What’s in the heart is just as important as what’s in the head.’

“Well, needless to say, my ego was pretty deflated. But when I thought about it, I realized he was right. And I took his comments to heart. But I can tell you that his advice isn’t always easy to follow. Because when we speak from the heart about our faith, we take a risk. We’re not just putting our theology on the line, we’re putting ourselves on the line. We’re opening ourselves to ridicule and rejection and pain. And in the case of our Lord, to death. But the important thing to remember is that His death wasn’t the end. It was the beginning.

“My dear friends, that’s what Easter is all about. The lessons of this day are many, but a key one is that we must live what we believe, not just think about it. We must follow our Lord’s example of complete and unselfish love. Sometimes that means we have to take chances. That in order to grow in our faith, and in our lives, we have to be willing to trust our heart with other people. To share what we believe, knowing that not everyone will treat us kindly. Knowing that we can become discouraged and afraid. But unless we let go of our fear, unless we follow the example of our Lord and reach out to other people with our love, we can never move forward or fulfill His plan for us.

“So on this Easter Sunday, as we celebrate new life in Christ, I ask Him to bestow the gift of His grace on all of us, and to give us the courage to trust in Him and to love as He did…completely, selflessly and without reservation. And now let us pray….”

Clare felt tears welling up in her eyes at the beautiful message in Reverend Nichols’s sermon. Unconsciously she looked to Adam, wondering if the message had special meaning for him, as well.