03 Saints (31 page)

Her blue eyes were still staring at the invisible bug on the floor.

“And why did he leave?” I asked.

“Because I am what I am. You know his prejudice,” Alex said.

I did know his prejudice. He hated Nightstalkers. His mother had been killed by one, and he saw them as creatures unworthy of saving. He spent his free time hunting them down and killing them.

“It’s his loss,” I said. “If he can’t see how wonderful…”

“I know that!” she said defensively. “I’ve told that to myself a hundred times: it’s his loss, not mine! It doesn’t stop the pain. It doesn’t stop the fact that I have all this feelings and visuals in my head that I can’t reconcile with the reality of my situation. I know, for instance, that he didn’t kill his sister, like we thought. He simply couldn’t save her from the car that hit her. His powers were too weak when it happened. I know that he loved his mom very much and that he sees it as his personal duty to wipe out all Nightstalkers from the face of the planet…” Her words cut off with a strange catch that was unlike her. “It’s just sadness and anger I have no outlet for,” she added.

“I can understand that,” I said. “If Daniel and I had shared the joining and he hadn’t wanted to be with me…” I shivered at the thought.

Alex started playing with a bowel, spinning it in circles on the counter. “The worst part is that I wonder if I’ll ever be able to have a normal relationship with someone. I mean, how do I tell someone, ‘Hey, I’ve been joined with someone who doesn’t want me!’? No one in their right mind would want me after hearing that.”

“The right person would,” I argued. “Besides…” I looked around the deserted kitchen. “Can you promise you won’t utter this to anyone? Not even in your darkest hour?”

“Don’t be a drama queen,” Alex said with a sigh.

“I honestly, truly, believe that the joining doesn’t mean as much as people think it means. It’s intense, of course, but it’s not the end-all be-all of relationship status. Watchers like to think of it as fate, but I think we choose the one we want to join with. What we know about the joining comes from people who don’t really understand it to begin with. Watchers are so particular about who touches them – understandably so in a world where the mind can kill – so how do we know that it isn’t something that happens when a person is emotionally vulnerable and touches another Watcher? How do we know it doesn’t happen more than once? We don’t know…We allow who we want in our lives. To think fate dictates how and when we allow ourselves to love is ridiculous,” I said.

Alex looked flabbergasted. “But you and Daniel!”

“Right, we chose each other… Fate is lazy. You always have a choice.”

Alex’s eyes filled with tears. The tears brimmed over and started to track down her face. My truth had meant something to her. I walked around the counter and put a hand on her shoulder. She collapsed into my arms, and I hugged her tight. She cried into my shoulder, letting her emotions out for the first time since Eli had left.

“This is so hot,” I heard a voice say from the kitchen door.

Spider was staring at us, grinning from ear to ear. Though he was teasing us, I sensed his concern for Alex. His words had been meant to break the tension.

“Clare, kiss Alex,” he added.

I picked up an unused spatula off the counter and threw it at him. It hit him solidly in the forehead then hit the floor. He rubbed at his forehead, his grin gone. He looked hurt, as if he had never been so insulted in his life. Alex wiped her tears away on my shirt, her snot streaking on the black.

“Can I help you with something?” I asked Spider.

“Reaper wanted me to find you dolls and let you know they’re having a meeting up in his room, about Daniel’s parents. I think they might be doing something profound and all hero-y.”

“Lunch is ready, if you want to tell the others,” Alex told him.

“Sweet,” Spider said.

“Are the kids going to start going out tonight?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Spider agreed. He rubbed his hands together eagerly. “Back on the streets again. I can’t wait.”

“I saw you with those shady guys,” I said. “You’re not digging yourself into trouble you can’t get out of, are you?”

“Me? Never,” Spider said.

“Says the boy who was getting the crap beat out of him the first time we met,” I said.

“Are you dolls gonna go? Reaper is probably getting impatient,” Spider said primly adjusting his shirt.

“Just be careful,” I warned.

“I will,” he promised more seriously than before.

He turned and started putting food on a plate. I took that to be our dismissal. Alex was quiet as we made our way to the third floor. She was lost contemplating her sorrow and my words.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you…you know that guy, who got attacked along with K.J. and Elizabeth?” I said as we walked.

“Yeah,” Alex said.

“I talked to him last night. I think he could use someone, who is understanding, compassionate, and generally awesome to talk to. He was really depressed when I talked to him.”

She sniffed, wiping the last of the tears and snot from her face, and smiled. “I’ll talk to him,” she promised.

Daniel, Jackson, Margaret and Reaper were waiting for us when we got to Reaper’s room. It was the first time I had seen the inside. The room was simple, and less like mine than I had imagined. It was almost empty. There was a rickety-looking table with a chair pushed under it in the center of the room and a single, small bed pushed in the corner. Other chairs were stacked in the corner.

Daniel took my hand as soon as I entered, though his eyes lingered on Alex.

Is everything okay?
he asked me.

We had our talk,
I told him.

Ah.

A similar, though less informative, discussion was happening between Reaper and Alex. With one look at her face, he could see she had been crying. He asked her about it, and she denied anything was wrong. Diverting from her obvious sadness, she asked what was going on and why we had been called.

“We were discussing sending some people to check out Marcus’ camp in Alaska. It’s going to be dangerous, so we’re trying to figure out the best way to handle it,” Reaper told us. “Any suggestions?”

“Find a tank, a whole heck of a lot of ammunition and guns, and take the place by storm,” Jackson promptly suggested.

“He even managed to say it with a straight face,” I said dryly.

“I think it would be prudent to be more low-key about our arrival,” Reaper said politely.

“Why is everything always sneaking around?” Jackson complained.

“Because we’re usually always outgunned and outnumbered,” Daniel said.

“Ain’t that the truth?” I asked.

“So, you’re thinking about sending some people up there to check out the defenses, and see if a rescue attempt is even possible?” Alex asked to keep the conversation on track.

“And see if Sevier was lying,” Daniel said.

“I don’t think he was,” I said.

“That may be, but we need to approach this delicately. Lives hang in the balance,” Reaper said.

“Three people,” Daniel decided. “It’s a small enough group to avoid attention, but get the information we are after.”

“I agree,” Reaper said. “So, who do you want to send?”

“I’ll go,” Daniel said instantly.

“Then, I’m coming, too,” I said.

“Um,” Daniel said.

It was obvious from the expression on his face he didn’t want that kind of trouble for me – the getting captured, tortured, and killed, kind – but he also knew there was no way either of us could deal with that kind of separation again. If he went up there to risk his life, I was going, too.

“I’ll go,” Margaret said. “With Jackson and one of Reaper’s men. I can provide cover, Jackson knows how to scout, and whomever Reaper sends should be skilled enough to keep up with both of us.”

Her tone brooked no room for argument.

“I’ll ask some of my people and see who is willing to volunteer, though I think Preacher might be the best suited for this kind of task. He’s an illusionist,” Reaper said.

“Like a magician?” I asked.

“Like he can make the things he sees in his mind look as real as me standing here,” Daniel said.

“Oh,” I said.

The last ‘illusionist’ I had met was Marcus’ daughter. She had stuffed me in a cage and driven me to an underground room, where I had ended up killing three people. Alex had, in turn, killed her, when she had come to help me save Daniel. It wasn’t the happiest of memories to associate with Preacher.

Reaper nodded, making his decision. “I’ll see if Preacher is willing to go. If not, I’ll find someone who is. Anything else you can think to add?” he asked us.

“Don’t get dead,” I said.

“Amen,” Alex said.

That night Daniel took me on my first real mission. It was a simple mission – we were to retrieve information. I wanted to save ten people as he had, or create a new world order, or beat up some bad Watchers…whichever was easiest, but I knew retrieving information was just as important. It was the beginning of all those things.

Sara dropped us off at the shipping docks near San Pedro and disappeared with a smile. Daniel had warned me to be alert, to stay focused, but as soon as Sara was gone, I was giddy with excitement.

Daniel saw me grinning in the dark and sighed as if he had expected such a reaction. I tried to suppress my smile, but I couldn’t. I was excited to do the same sorts things he took for granted. I was ready to start fighting back for real.

“We need to go around here,” he said quietly. He pointed to a building to my right. “Try to look like you fit in, instead of like a crazy person just released from the loony bin,” he said.

“I’ll try,” I said.

His teeth flashed briefly in the dark as he returned my grin.

He led the way around the building, his eyes everywhere. He was calm, in control, alert in ways I had never seen him. I tried to mimic his body language and his calm. I felt like I wasn’t fooling anyone. My heart was pumping too fast and my eager was too obvious. We stepped in-between the building he had pointed out and another larger building and pressed our backs against the metal wall, so we could wait without being seen.

“Do you think they’re going to be okay?” I asked.

Jackson, Margaret and Preacher – who had agreed to go along almost as soon as Reaper had asked – had left with Shawn right before we had left to go on our mission. There hadn’t been any long goodbyes or tearful farewells. They hadn’t expected to be gone that long. It was a hopeful gesture I fully supported.

“They’ll be fine,” Daniel said.

“Define ‘fine,’” I said.

“Not dead,” he said.

“So maiming, limb loss, and unconsciousness aren’t included in that definition?” I asked.

“A person can survive a maiming,” Daniel said.

“I guess that’s all that matters, huh?” I asked. I looked out the gap between the buildings thoughtfully. “What are we doing here, anyway? Beyond ‘getting information.’”

“We’re going to intercept a shipping manifesto and bring it back to Reaper,” Daniel said.

“Why?” I asked.

“He asked me to,” Daniel said with a shrug.

“Oh, well, okay.”

“Clare?” Daniel asked after a moment of silence.

“Yes?”

“I wanted to ask you, without running the risk of sounding like a douche bag…”

“Too late,” I said.

Daniel made a face but he was focused on his question. “Did something happen between you and King?” he asked. He hurried to add to his question. “I’ll understand if you needed comfort after your ordeal…anyone would have…and it’s not like we’ve been together for as long as it feels. I just want to know.”

I started laughing. “Are you…are you actually jealous?” I asked.

“I get jealous,” he said. “More than you know.”

“Really?” I asked.

“Of course,” Daniel said.

“How often? Daily?” I asked.

Daniel looked at me with an expectant expression on his face and didn’t answer. His expression told me he wanted a real answer to his question.

“King and I are friends. He helped me focus on getting better, so I could find you. You should be thanking him, really.”

“I think he might feel something for you, though,” he said.

I shrugged. “Could be. I can’t really speak for other people. Just myself.”

“Fair enough.”

I took a moment to celebrate the idea that he could get as jealous as I did of him.

“I have a question,” I said finally.

“What?” he asked.

“With Jackson gone, who’s gonna train me? I have a bargain to fulfill,” I pointed out.

“I’ll do it,” Daniel said. He looked at me sternly. “If you promise to listen.”

“I promise to try and listen,” I said.

Daniel’s return smile was lopsided. “That’ll have to do, I suppose.”