04 - Shock and Awesome (4 page)

 
   
"Is it in the same condition as when she lived there?" I asked, recalling the floral drapes and overstuffed chairs, not to mention the amazing collection of china birds and plates. It was a lot better than recalling the things Mrs. McIntyre was getting up to in the nursing home she recently moved into.

 
   
"Oh, yes."

 
   
"I'll pass."

 
   
"Why? It's so close. Your father and I could come to your house for dinner."

 
   
"Compelling as your argument is, I think I need something closer to, uh, work."

 
   
My mother bashed something in the background, and I jumped before she came back on the line. "Of course you do, honey. How's the investigating going? Is there any career progression? Did you know your sister started her own business? We're so proud."

 
   
"It's going okay, I just got a new case." I paused, my forehead wrinkling as I thought about career progression. I really didn't think there was any. Solomon was the boss. The rest of us were merely minions. Right now, I was the lowest of the minions. Maybe one day, I would be top minion. Only if Delgado, Fletcher, Flaherty, and Lucas offed the job first, and the only way I saw any of them going was if they got an amazing offer elsewhere, retired, or were killed. Cheerful thoughts. "Maybe promotion one day," I told my mother.

 
   
"Oh, thank the Lord," sighed Mom, "I was getting worried. Your sister has her own business. Did I mention that? She's the boss."

 
   
"Yes, I..." I started before she cut me off.

 
   
"Maybe you'll start your own detective agency. Your father would probably want to join you. I wonder who would be boss? Maybe you could call yourselves Graves and Graves. Or Graves and Daughter."

 
   
No, thanks. "Solomon won't let me go. He really needs me," I told her, even though it was a semi lie. He needed me as much as a hippo needed a tutu; but I was good at the job, and he did need a woman on the team to get to the places the guys couldn't go... like the ladies’ bathroom. That didn't necessarily mean he needed
this
woman, but I won’t go into that.

 
   
"I'm glad it's going so well for you, honey. Have you asked for a raise yet?"

 
   
"I only just returned to work."

 
   
"Because you were hurt in the line of duty!"

 
   
"I still received my salary while my arm got better, and he paid my hospital bill, too."

 
   
"As he should. After he put you in danger."

 
   
"I think that was mostly my fault," I protested, since it was. I chose to go to a lonely warehouse on the outskirts of town, unarmed, and it ended badly. I was lucky to be rescued in time, although I did crack the case, helping to bring down a gang of drug smugglers. "So, about any rentals…"

 
   
"If I hear of any, I'll let you know. Janice Markowitz might be getting married to her young man. She has that nice condo two blocks over from you."

 
   
I didn't know Janice, as she was a few years older than I, and though she went to my school, we never socialized. I did see her kissing my brother, Daniel, once, when they were both seniors, and I pretended to puke, so I figured she didn't like me much. Her condo was pretty nice, I recalled. I wondered if she held a grudge.

 
   
"Let me know?" I asked. "Lily's parents sold the building and I need a new apartment in four weeks."

 
   
"No problem. I'll tell her mother you're going to be homeless soon and you're desperate. Perhaps she'll take pity on you."

 
   
I groaned. Janice would love that. She'd tell her friends and everyone would know I was the only Graves that couldn't find a home. "Please don't!"

 
   
"But..."

 
   
"
Moooooom
!" I whined. "She's mean and she'll make fun of me."

 
   
"Alexandra, how old are you?"

 
   
I garbled my age, covering it with a cough, which was pointless because I was pretty certain my mother was there on the day of my birth.

 
   
"That's right. Thirty in one month! No whining. Do you see your sister whine?"

 
   
"Not lately." Although she was a whiner, ever since she began humping Antonio Delgado, she cheered up considerably. That was an image I really didn't want in my head.

 
   
"Exactly. She had a baby, went through a divorce, and what happens? She pulled herself together, started a new business, and met that lovely Antonio. And she doesn't give a shit what Janice Markowitz thinks."

 
   
"Mom! You swore!"

 
   
"Everyone does these days. You should hear the swearing on the CD I bought your father for Christmas. These rappers are all at it."

 
   
I didn't know which was more shocking: that my mother swore for what I absolutely believed was the first time ever, or that she bought explicit-lyric rap CDs for my father, or that anyone still had CDs.

 
   
"You should try it,
Lexi
, it's liberating. Go on, say ‘shit.’" My mother paused. After a moment, she hissed, "Say it."

 
   
"Shit," I said quietly, putting the phone down.

 
   
I called Lily next, even though she was only downstairs. The shock forced me into the kitchen and I was running my hands along the shelves in search of secret stashes of emergency chocolate. "My mother's gone mad," I yelled at my cell phone on the counter.

 
   
"What's new?" came Lily's voice via speakerphone.

 
   
"She swore."

 
   
"Get the fuck out!"

 
   
"Don't you start."

 
   
"I thought you were going to say she'd taken up some really crazy new hobby."

 
   
"Like belly dancing and
Krav
Maga
aren't crazy enough?"

 
   
"When done together," mused Lily. "I'd like to see that."

 
   
"Call my mother. She loves you. Don't tell her about the bar though."

 
   
"Why not?"

 
   
"She'll really get on my case about running my own business."

 
   
"Tell her it isn't the right economy."

 
   
"I told her Solomon needed me."

 
   
"Did you tell her you played the naked bump and grind with Solomon?"

 
   
I blushed, a rare reaction for me. Hot, followed by cold, raced through my body. Of course, that could have been because of my hand fastening on a bar of cooking chocolate. Good enough. I tore the wrapper open and jammed a square into my mouth. "No," I squeaked. "I have to go. I have to... do anything but think about this! Thanks for helping!"

 
   
"You're so not welcome," said Lily. "What are you eating?"

 
   
"Nothing. Chocolate. Cooking chocolate. Oh crap, I think I accidentally ate half of it already."

 
   
"That's okay. You're a PI. You're allowed to eat crap."

 
   
"What a cliché. I'd rather have a salad but I'm all out."

 
   
"Do you want to get a takeout cheeseburger? I think the baby wants one."

 
   
"Sure, why not? I'm hungry and I don't have anything in the fridge anyway."

 
   
"Plus, it'll stop you eating all that chocolate."

 
   
"Too late. Anyway, like a cheeseburger is better?"

 
   
"It has cheese," said Lily, but I wasn't sure if that was her argument. She sounded a little confused too. "And we can eat it at my bar."

 
   
"Is there alcohol?"

 
   
"No. Plus, I'm not drinking and out of solidarity with me, neither should you.
Jord
isn't drinking either."

 
   
"I'm pretty sure I saw him in O'Grady's three days ago having a beer with Garrett."

 
   
"That bastard! He put the baby in me so I can't drink. He has no right to enjoy himself!"

 
   
"Maybe it was a soda," I backtracked, wondering if I should point out that wasn't why
Jord
put a baby in her. I was pretty sure he didn't intend to leave a lifetime souvenir so early in their relationship at all; but I didn't think that would go over well.

 
   
"In O'Grady's? Hey, maybe we should go there instead and get their cheeseburger with a stack of fries and onion rings."

 
   
My mouth watered as I looked at the empty chocolate wrapper. Dessert first... how novel! "Okay," I agreed. "But only because I want to prove that I'm not a cliché."

 
   
"By eating a cheeseburger?"

 
   
"By not refusing it because I care about my weight, ergo, I am a normal woman, and um, because I do eat a lot of salad and maybe it's a healthy cheeseburger from cows that ate grass and, uh, nice things."

 
   
"And because you're totally hungry?"

 
   
That too. "I'll be at your door in five."

 
   
"Minutes?"

 
   
"Seconds."

 
   
I insisted on driving, partly because I was being nice, and partly because it meant Lily couldn't complain when I insisted on cruising past my favorite residence in Montgomery: the pretty, yellow bungalow with a neat yard. It was picture-perfect cute and today, as for many years, I was dying to look inside. I should have taken the opportunity while it was for sale months back.

 
   
"I'll always love this house," I told Lily. We were parked a little way down the road, and Lily filed her nails while I gazed lovingly at the bungalow.