1 Assault with a Deadly Glue Gun (38 page)

At least I no longer had to worry about Ricardo. He now resided at a
federal facility. Permanently. No chance of parole, thanks to a trail of dead
bodies three months earlier.

"A life without romance isn't worth living," said Mama. "Which reminds
me, how's that sexy tenant of yours?"

"Zack?" asked Nick, bounding into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator
and began to survey the contents. "He's cool. Don't you think he and Mom-"

I cut him off before he could finish his sentence. "I thought you had a
test to study for." I yanked his head out of the fridge and closed the door.

My sons shadowed Zachary Barnes like unweaned puppies. More often
than not, I arrived home from work to find Zack sitting at my kitchen table,
regaling Nick and Alex with his latest adventure. Lucky for me, the too-sexyfor-my-own-good photo journalist traveled frequently.

"I'm hungry."

"You'll have to wait until dinner."

He glanced at the clock over the sink. "Jeez, Mom, it's after seven. When
are we going to eat?"

I tossed the box of mac and cheese at him. "If you're so hungry, you can
help."

He tossed the box back. "Can't. Have to study." He snagged an apple
from the bowl on the kitchen table and hustled out of the kitchen.

"So what's with you and Zack?" asked Mama.

When Mama first met Zack, she tossed her hair, batted her eyes, and
preened in front of him like a svelte Miss Piggy trying to woo Kermit the
Frog. When Zack didn't take the bait, she decided I should have him. This all
took place within days of both of us entering the ranks of widowhood.

I handed her a half-empty bag of carrots and a vegetable peeler. "Nothing."

She raised an eyebrow as she began scraping carrots. "He's a very handsome man, Anastasia. Unattached. Good job."

"Forget Zack. Let's talk about you. Why are you home three days early?"

Mama had a knack for marrying grasshoppers-men who lived life to
the fullest without any regard for tomorrow. When they died, as each of
them had, they left her with fond memories of a good time and little more
than pocket change. So between husbands, she camped out at Chez Pollack.
Although also a grasshopper, Seamus O'Keefe had had the foresight to purchase a small life insurance policy prior to his and Mama's Irish sojourn-a
life insurance policy Mama had discovered only by chance weeks after returning from Ireland. Behind my back she paid off twenty-thousand dollars
of my inherited debt, then treated herself to a post-Seamus first-class cruise
with the remaining five thousand dollars.

Mama waved a raggedly peeled carrot in the air. She was as useless in the
kitchen as the rest of my brood. "The ship had some sort of mechanical
problem in Antigua. Since there were severe storm warnings, Lou and I decided to fly home before the storm hit."

"And just who is this Lou?"

A dreamy look settled over her face. The corners of her mouth turned
upward into a beatific smile as she exhaled a long sigh. "Lou? He's the answer to my prayers. And yours."

"Want to run that by me again?"

Mama rose from the table and tossed the carrot scrapings into the sink.
"Lou is Louis Beaumont, Anastasia."

I waited. And waited. I crossed my arms, tapped my foot, cocked my
head, and waited some more. "And?"

Mama's eyes grew wide. "Surely you've heard of Louis Beaumont."

"Can't say as I have."

"He produces You Heard It Here First with Vince and Monica"

That explained so much. I offered Mama a blank stare.

"The morning talk show with Vince Alto and Monica Rivers? Surely
you've watched it."

"Television?" I laughed. "Right. Every morning while I loll around at the
spa. In the afternoon I sip champagne, eat bonbons, and watch the soaps."

"There's no need for sarcasm, dear. It's a popular show. Even if you
haven't watched it, I'd expect you to know about it."

"In case you hadn't noticed, Mama. I'm a single parent. I'm juggling a
full-time job, two teenage kids, a house, a parrot who thinks he's the reincarnation of William Shakespeare, a semi-invalid mother-in-law, and her
spawn of Satan dog.

"And when I'm not dealing with all of that, I'm trying to figure out ways
to earn extra income because I'm up to my patootie in debt. I've never heard
of Louis Beaumont. And you've heard that here first."

"Well, you'd better make an effort to watch You Heard It Here First, dear,
because you're going to be a regular on the show."

Lois Winston straddles two worlds. She's an award-winning author of romantic suspense and humorous women's fiction. She's
also an award-winning designer of needlework and crafts projects
for magazines, craft book publishers, and manufacturers. Like Anastasia, Lois worked for several years as a crafts editor. A graduate
of the Tyler School of Art, she often draws on her art and design
background for much of the source material in her fiction. She
and her husband live a stone's throw from Manhattan (assuming
you can throw a stone across the Hudson).

Lois loves to hear from readers. Visit her at www.loiswinston
.com, and check out Anastasia's Killer Crafts & Crafty Killers blog
at www.anastasiapollack.blogspot.com.