1. That's What Friends Are For (4 page)

"I never found it dull," he pointed out mildly. "I just wanted to become a professional actor, and Pay-ton doesn't have that many job openings in that particular field." He glanced over at her and grinned when he saw that she was absently twisting a curl around one of her fingers. She only did that when she was agitated. Good. At least he had her thinking. "Besides," he went on blandly, "I wasn't talking about what you make. You're an only child and your family is very well off."

"So what? I'm certainly not apt to be inheriting anything for years to come, and you know it. Good grief. Mom and Dad are still in their forties."

"I know. They got married very young and they made it work but it was tough, which is why they're against teenage marriages."

Penny looked at him in surprise. "How do you know that?" she asked. "I've never heard them say anything about their early years."

"Never mind," he replied, deciding it was time to change the subject. "So if he isn't interested in your money, Gregory must want you to play hostess for him and preside over his home."

"What's wrong with that?" she asked, puzzled by his tone.

"Oh, Penny, that isn't you, and you know it. You've got too much vitality and sparkle for that kind of life. If you would just be honest with yourself, you'd admit that you're already bored with teaching school. How do you think you're going to feel playing helpful Harriet for a man who could pass as your father?''

''Would you stop with the stupid remarks about Gregory's age? In the first place, Gregory doesn't even look that old. As a matter of fact, you may have noticed that he looks a little like you—same hair coloring, similar build."

He grinned. ''Is that why you fell for him? Because he reminded you of me?"

She stared at him in horror. "Of course not! He's absolutely nothing like you, thank God."

"You don't have to sound so thankful. I didn't turn out all that bad, did I?"

She heard the hint of pain in his voice again, and wondered about it. Brad Crawford was too self-confident to be easily offended. And yet twice today she had heard a slight hesitancy in his voice as though he were unsure of himself.

"You're living your life the way you want to, Brad. I can't fault you for that," she said quietly.

"But are you living your life the way you want to? That's my concern at the moment."

She glanced at him, puzzled. "That's the second time you've made a remark Hke that. I am not bored with teaching. I am very content with my life." She studied him for a moment in silence, then asked, "And why should you care what I do or how I feel, anyway?"

"Come on, Penny, you know me better than that. I have always looked out for you and cared for you, ever since we were kids." He gave her a quick glance from the corner of his eye and smiled. "Why should I stop now?"

She wasn't going to let that statement go unchallenged. "Yet you could hardly wait to leave here once you finished college.''

He was quiet for a moment. He heard the hurt in her voice and realized once again what a fine actress she truly was. Until now he had never really known that she had cared when he'd decided to go to New York. An interesting discovery, considering how he'd felt when she had blithely greeted his news three years ago by wishing him well.

"You could have gone with me," he said finally.

The interior of the car seemed to reverberate with sudden emotion. The silence that fell between them seemed to grow like a living thing, until Brad felt that he could almost reach out and touch it. Whatever she was feeling, it wasn't indifference. That he knew. He wished he'd had this conversation with her then, instead of now. He'd paid for his cowardice every day since.

When she did speak, her anger surprised him. "Of course I could have gone. We could have starved together! Why would I have wanted to go to New York, Brad? I was twenty-two years old. It was time for us to grow up, accept responsibility, make something of ourselves. Playtime was over.. .at least it was for me."

"Is that all that acting was to you, Penny? Playtime?"

She laughed, but she didn't sound in the least amused. "Well, it certainly isn't a way to make a living."

"I haven't done so badly at it."

Penny felt a sudden urge to hit something, she felt so frustrated. Who was she kidding, anyway? Why didn't she just admit the truth?

"Actually," she said, wishing her voice didn't sound quite so uneven, "the biggest reason I didn't go with you to New York was simple. You never asked me."

There. She'd finally said it, spoken the words out loud. In doing so, she finally faced them for the first time.

"Would you have gone?" he asked in a neutral tone.

Who knew the answer to that at this late date? The whole point was he hadn't asked. He hadn't even acted as though he'd given such an idea a thought. And Penny had been faced with the harsh reality of their shared life. At one time Brad Crawford had been everything in the world to her while he had considered her a friend—his buddy, a pal.

"It hardly matters at this point, does it?" she asked, staring unseeingly out the window.

"Have you ever thought about trying to make it as an actress?" he asked.

"Not for years. Brad. I'm content with my life."

"You keep saying that, but I'm not sure which one of us you're trying to convince. You were always such a natural on stage, you know. You seemed to come alive. It was a beautiful thing to see." He glanced at her, but she had her head down and he couldn't see her expression. "Don't you ever miss it?"

"Not really. I'm active with the local group... and I directed the high school play this year."

"When you could be starring on Broadway? Penny, that's a shameful waste of your talent and you know it!"

Once again she made no response.

Forcing a lighter tone, Brad asked, "What does Gregory think of your acting abilities?"

"He's never seen them," she muttered.

"But he knows about them, surely."

Penny rested her head against the window. "He knows I've had training in that area and assumes I minored in drama while I was getting my degree in education."

"Why haven't you told him? Showed him your clippings and reviews?"

She shrugged. "There's no reason to. That's just part of my past."

Brad wondered if he was too late. Was it even his place to attempt to save her? Obviously she didn't see herself as needing saving. She had chosen not only the man, but an entire way of life, and she was within days of cementing that relationship.

How could he let her do such a thing? Yet how could he, in good conscience, interfere if that was what she wanted?

He loved her. He had always loved her. He would always love her. And he wanted her to be happy. For years he had hoped that her happiness would lie with him. He'd listened to both sets of parents as they had urged him not to rush into a permanent relationship too early in their lives. They had insisted that each of them needed some space, a chance to mature separately, in order to recognize their own feelings.

So he had taken their advice. Because of it, he had lost Penny. He had wanted to be fair, and to do what was best for both of them. Instead, he had lost the only woman who had ever meant a damn to him.

But even in his worst nightmare it never occurred to him that Penny would turn into this subdued, quiet woman who was willing to accept so little in her life.

Now that Brad had brought up his move to New York, the past began to tumble into Penny's consciousness like a child's building blocks. They fell in colorful disarray around her. Mr. Akin at the post office had been right. She and Brad had been inseparable as far back as she could remember. Had anyone asked her back then. Penny would probably have explained that she and Brad would marry someday.

Strange how things had worked out.

She and Brad had never talked about their feelings for each other. There had been no reason to. They were so much a part of each other's life—until Brad announced his intention to go to New York.

Penny could still remember the day he told her. They had been home from college a week and had taken his family's boat out on the lake. The day had been warm and they had found a quiet spot to anchor and laze in the sun.

Penny had been almost asleep when Brad spoke.

"Have you decided what you want to do now that we're out of school, Runt?"

''I'm doing it," she replied in a sleepy voice.

''I mean, to earn a living?"

"I filled out an application to teach. I suppose I'll wait to hear from the school board. Why do you ask?"

He was silent so long that Penny eventually opened her eyes. He had turned so that he was facing her, and she found herself staring into his eyes. "I've decided to go to New York."

She smiled because they had talked about New York for the past year. "To become rich and famous?" she asked with a grin.

"I won't know until I try," he answered in a quiet tone.

Penny's smile slowly disappeared. "You're serious, aren't you?" she asked, and even now she could recall the sudden jolt to her system as the fear of losing him swept over her.

"Yes."

Penny never knew how she managed to get through that day. She'd fought hard to hide her reaction. Somehow it had been important for her not to let him know how devastated she felt. If he could so calmly plan his life apart from her, then she must not mean as much to him as he meant to her.

She determinedly hung on to her pride.

Penny had kept up the act of well-wishing friend until Brad left home. Only then did the true enormity of what had happened sweep over her.

Brad Crawford had blithely and without a care walked out of Penny's life. He didn't need her to make his life complete. Penny had never known such rejection, nor did she know how to deal with it.

As the months went by Penny mentally packed away all of their shared memories methodically and with grim determination. Obtaining the teaching position had been her salvation. She threw herself into the new experiences of teaching and interacting with students and co-workers. Penny learned to hide her thoughts and feelings from others, relieved to discover after a while that her highly charged emotions seemed to disappear.

When Gregory came into her life she was content. He filled a place in her daily routine. He offered companionship and conversation, all she really wanted anymore in a relationship.

Penny had overcome the pain and desolation she had felt when Brad had left. She'd forgotten, until now, what a hole he'd left in her life. Penny knew she could never allow anyone to become so important to her again.

❧

As they continued following the country road. Penny slowly became aware of their surroundings. They had been steadily winding through the rolling hills for miles, she realized with dismay. Brad turned into the entrance of a state park and followed the road toward the bluffs where they had spent countless hours as children.

"What are we doing out here?" she demanded. "I thought we were going to get a drink?"

Brad began to laugh. "I wondered when you were going to notice."

"Brad, I don't have time to be out here. I've got to get home. I told Mother I'd be back by—" she glanced at her watch "—by now, darn you!"

"Okay, so you're late. Big deal. She knows you're with me. I thought it might be fun to come out here again. I haven't been to the park in years. I threw some snacks in a sack and brought some cold drinks. Why don't we wander around for a while, relax and enjoy the scenery? I'll take you back home whenever you say."

"Why is it I've never trusted you when you've used that tone of voice?"

"I have no idea. Everyone else always has."

"I know. But no one else knows you the way I do."

"Good point, Penny. You might want to think about just what that means to both of us. It could surprise you."

B
rad and Penny spent the next hour hiking along the bluffs, skipping rocks across the water and wading in the shallows—all activities they had shared during their years together.

Penny realized that, like Sonia, she really was interested in hearing how Brad had adjusted to suddenly being thrust into the limelight of the entertainment world. She plied him with countless questions—some serious, others teasing, and he patiently answered them, one by one.

When he grew tired of sitting quietly. Brad started a game of tag, and Penny seemed to forget her dignified years and chased him, convinced that he would be too out of shape to give her much trouble. She was wrong. Whatever he did in New York to keep in condition, it certainly worked.

Eventually they threw themselves on the grassy bank of the slow-moving river where they had left their food. Brad reached into the water and pulled out two soda cans dripping with water and handed her one. Penny was convinced that nothing had ever tasted so good.

"See? I told you I'd buy you a drink," he pointed out with a grin. He couldn't help but appreciate the fact that she no longer looked like the prim and proper Ms. Blackwell who was marrying the regal Mr. Duncan in a week. She'd lost the combs that had held her hair away from her face, so that the curls tumbled riotously around her cheeks and across her forehead.

Her face was flushed from running, and she was still breathing hard. The thin tank top did nothing to disguise the sauciness of her heaving breasts. Perspiration dotted her upper lip, and Brad had an almost uncontrollable urge to reach over and wipe it away with his thumb.

How could he possibly give up this woman? He had thought he would go out of his mind for the first several months he'd spent in New York. Only the remembered conversations with first her parents, then his, enabled him to recognize that before he asked her to marry him, Brad owed Penny a chance to have a life apart from him.

Their parents had known how to get him to give her time. They had pointed out that she would probably marry him out of habit, because she was used to following his lead. Did he really want a bride who accepted him for that reason? They had already known the only answer he could live with.

"What's the matter? Do I have dirt on my face?'' Penny asked with a grin, looking totally relaxed and unconcerned with her appearance. She was stretched out on the grass on her side, propped up enough so that she could drink from the can without spilling it. In her shorts and skimpy top she reminded him of the young girl he'd known, free and uninhibited.

"Don't you always?" he teased. "I think you must bury your nose in the dirt every so often."

She broke off some blades of grass and tossed them at him, then laughed as they decorated his shirt. "You aren't much better, you know. Just look at your shoe."

They both gazed at his foot. His shoe and sock still dripped muddy water where he'd slipped off one of the rocks when they'd crossed the shallows. "What would your fans think of you now, Mr. Crawford?"

"I hope they would realize that I haven't enjoyed myself so much in years," he said with a smile. He gave up trying to resist temptation and reached over, running his thumb lightly across her upper lip.

Penny jerked her head, startled by his touch. His eyes were filled with golden sunshine, their toffee color warm and inviting.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he said softly.

"I didn't think you were," she admitted. "You just startled me, that's all."

Brad chose not to pursue her reactions to him. At the moment it was enough for him to see her looking so relaxed and at ease.

He rolled over onto his back and stared up at the trees above them. Sunlight dappled the ground around them, the leaves forming a canopy above. "We had some good times together, didn't we, Runt?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Do you remember the time you lost your glasses and accused me of hiding them from you?"

She laughed. "Yes."

"I almost got a beating for that. My folks believed you."

"I wonder why? You were always hiding something of mine—my baseball glove, my volleyball."

"Maybe so," he admitted, "but never your glasses. You couldn't see a thing without them."

"How well I remember."

"Contacts made a big difference for you, I know."

"You're right. A whole new world opened up. Particularly when I got the extended wear. Do you have any idea how wonderful it is to wake up at night and be able to see the clock without putting on my glasses?"

"Weren't you ashamed of accusing me of taking them and getting me in trouble?"

"Wel-l-l, maybe. But I'm sure you did a lot of things and never got caught, so it probably all evened out."

He reached over and touched her hand. "I've really missed you, Runt."

Penny looked at him a long time without speaking. "I missed you, too," she said, finally. "For the longest time I didn't think I'd ever be happy without you in my life." She began to smile. "Isn't that crazy? Now I have a whole new life separate from yours, and everything in my life is just perfect."

She looked over at him and idly noted that he had closed his eyes. His thick lashes rested on his high cheekbones. "Do you remember how we always used to argue? It drove our mothers nuts."

"Yeah, but all they had to do was find something to get our minds off whatever we were arguing about.''

"Are you saying we argued out of boredom? Surely not."

Without opening his eyes he said. "You were always such a tomboy, no bigger than a minute, convinced you could do anything anyone else could do, and you usually managed to prove it no matter how hard I argued against you."

"I can remember a few times when you managed to help me in such a way that nobody else knew I hadn't done it all myself."

He smiled to himself. "That's what friends are for."

"Yes," she said with a hint of surprise. "I guess it is."

The quietness of the park settled over them, and Penny laid her head on her folded arms. She was probably going to be sore tomorrow with all of her unaccustomed exercise today. Her eyes drifted closed. The park was so peaceful. She'd just rest her eyes for a few moments and...

"Penny? You'd better wake up. I'm afraid we both fell asleep."

Penny sat up with a start. The sun had almost set, and she glanced at her watch in dismay. "Oh, no! Gregory was supposed to pick me up almost half an hour ago." She came to her feet and stared up at Brad and his rueful expression.

"I'm sorry, Runt. I didn't mean this to happen," he said softly.

The sincerity in his voice couldn't be mistaken. Quickly slipping her sandals on, Penny said, "It was just as much my fault as yours." She hoped Gregory would understand. She'd never been late for a date before. He was such a stickler for promptness.

Her life seemed to be falling into a shambles since Brad had appeared, although she couldn't really hold him responsible. He just seemed to have that effect on her. Life never seemed to be as serious when he was around. And it was a lot more fun.

They were quiet in the car going back. Penny tried to prepare herself for her coming meeting with Gregory. Surely he would understand. The time had seemed to slip away. Besides, she had needed that day. It was a day apart from her life, apart from time, separate and complete. She and Brad had returned to their childhood, the innocence of youth where time was meaningless because there was so much of it.

Surely Gregory would understand. If only she could think of a more logical explanation.

But she wasn't sorry for going to the park with Brad. At least she could be honest about that. She had enjoyed every minute, even the argument in the car with Brad earlier.

There was no reason to expect Brad to approve of the man she married. She was certain that Brad would never find a woman that was good enough for him in her estimation. The thought gave her quite a pang in the region of her heart.

Penny had been careful not to ask Brad about the women he had dated, many of whom he'd been photographed with. She hadn't wanted to know about them. She knew she was being silly, but she couldn't help it. Brad was very special to her and it was time she acknowledged that to herself.

He always would be.