14 Years of Loyal Service in a Fabric-Covered Box

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books from Andrews McMeel Publishing

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ISBN: 0-8362-7175-0 hardcover
ISBN: 0-8362-6745-1 paperback

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ISBN: 0-8362-5129-6 hardcover
ISBN: 0-8362-3668-8 paperback

Casual Day Has Gone Too Far
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ISBN: 0-8362-1779-9

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Answer: A Coworker
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For ordering information, call 1-800-223-2336.

For Shelly

When I was a kid, I had no idea there were so many different occupations that a person could pursue. I had a vague understanding of the more common jobs, such as doctor, lawyer, fireman, farmer, and policeman. I set my sights on becoming a lawyer, largely because the other careers inevitably involved dead mammals.

At some point during college, I realized that although lawyers don’t directly kill any mammals, they do hold mammals down so other people can kill them, figuratively speaking. So I abandoned my plans for the legal profession. I decided to become a banker because one of my professors said I should, although I didn’t fully understand what that career involved. I assumed I’d take people’s money, put most of it in a big safe, and keep some of it for myself. It seemed like a dream job.

Unfortunately, no one warned me that a career in banking would lead to years of sitting in a fabric-covered box and accomplishing nothing. During that period, I was surrounded by other people in fabric-covered boxes, whose shared mission, apparently, was to keep each other from adding value. I was so many levels away from anything that looked like productivity that I was always surprised when I got paid.

After several years of loyal service in my fabric-covered box at the bank, I jumped ship to the local phone company and settled into a fabric-covered box that was a different color. It was a sad gray, evidently designed to keep me from experiencing unauthorized joy. And it worked. As soon as I entered my cubicle, my shoulders would slump and my IQ took a forty-point hit. I don’t think I gave the company my best effort.

Speaking of best efforts, please check out
www.dilbert.com.

Scott Adams