(2011) The Gift of Death (41 page)

She cut the line and walked to the door. Josh looked beat. His eyes were circled with black and his skin was pale.

‘
Are you okay?’ she asked.

‘
Yeah – well. Not much sleep.’

‘
I can imagine. What’s the latest? You said you had something you needed to tell me.’

She led him into the kitchen and opened the ice box.

‘
Do you want a drink? Ice tea?’

‘
I’ll have a beer.’

She handed him a bottle and poured herself another glass of ice tea. He sat down on one of the stools ranged around the breakfast bar. He still couldn’t meet her eye.

Kate took a sip of her drink, suddenly feeling slightly nauseous.

‘
Josh. What is it?’

He took a long gulp of beer.

‘
It – it’s not about the case.’

‘
What do you mean?’

‘
What I wanted to talk to you about. It’s not about Gleason.’

There was a pause. God, she hoped he wasn’t in some kind of trouble. Or sick. Or worse.

‘
You’re not ill, are you?’

‘
No, even though I feel I haven’t slept for weeks.’

‘
Well – you know you can always talk to me,’ she said softly.

At that point he broke down, his body wracked by a wave of violent sobs.

‘
Oh my God, Josh,’ she said, taking him in her arms. ‘What on earth is wrong?’

He tried to form words, but he felt his mouth melting.

‘
Kate – I - ’

‘
Take a deep breath. Come on.’

She stroked his hair as he regained control of his breathing.

‘
It’s taken me a long time,’ he said, swallowing, ‘and I know that you probably won’t. I don’t blame you, after everything that’s go on. The way I behaved. I should never have - ’

‘
Hey, slow down. One thing at a time.’

‘
I acted so stupidly. I was blind. I didn’t know what I wanted. It was only a fling, but then the way you reacted. I -’

‘
What do you mean?’

‘
It’s like this, Kate. I realised - ’

She couldn’t speak. It was all too unreal.

He took another deep breath as he stood up.

‘
It’s you, Kate.’

What?

‘
It’s you – you that I want.’

She didn’t know how to react, what to say. She opened her mouth, but she couldn’t form the words.

He moved towards her to kiss her, but she stopped him with her hand.

‘
I don’t know, Josh. It’s too -’

She was interrupted by the harsh ring of Josh’s cell. He tried to ignore it, but on the fifth ring he answered.

‘
What?’ he barked, but then immediately became more business-like. ‘And you’re sure it’s a reliable witness? What’s the address? Okay, I’ll meet you there.’

He cut the connection and turned back to Kate.

‘
It was Curtis. In response to the release of your reconstruction there’s been a sighting of Ryan Gleason at a motel in West LA. I’d better get over there now.’

‘
Can I come with you?’

‘
No. You stay here. As soon as I’m through I’ll come back over, if that’s okay. We need to talk some more.’

‘
Sure.’

‘
See you later then,’ he said. He thought about kissing her – just lightly, affectionately – and decided against it. Obviously she needed time to get used to the idea. Maybe she wouldn’t even accept him back. It was something he couldn’t force upon her. He turned to go.

‘
Josh?’ she said.

He looked back over his shoulder.

‘
Take care. Please.’

He nodded, smiled, and walked out of the house without another word.

65

He watched him come out of the motel room, get into his car and drive off. A few seconds later she started her engine and followed.

He was on the tail of both of them. Where was Ryan Gleason going? And what would Susan Gable do to him?

Whatever was about to happen he was looking forward to getting a ring-side seat. He pushed his foot down hard on the gas. He hadn’t felt this alive in years.

66

What was she supposed to feel now? Of course, part of her wanted to scream, ‘Yes!’ at the top of her voice. Yes, she would go back to him. Yes, she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. Yes, she still loved him. But – somewhere at the back of her mind there was a horrible niggling sense of doubt that threatened to cast a shadow over her life. He had left her once. What would happen if he did it again? She couldn’t bear that to happen.

It would be easier to tell him ‘no’. But then would she always live with a constant feeling of regret? If only, she might wonder to herself, if only I had had the courage to take a risk.

She had to do something to take her mind off him. She walked into the kitchen and poured herself some more ice tea. She took her drink out to the terrace and watched the waves for a while. As she observed their rise, their fall, their fury and their peace she made up her mind to spend some time in the dark room. But first she needed to check on her mother. She called her mom’s line and waited, imagining her mother tending some flowers in the garden, looking up as she heard the noise of the phone, putting down her shears and slowly ambling towards the house. She let the phone ring and ring, knowing that it would take her some time to answer. Finally she heard her mother’s voice.

‘
Hello?’ She sounded vague, distant.

‘
Hi, mom. Are you okay?’

‘
Yes, dear. Why?’

‘
Oh, I don’t know, you just sounded a little –‘

‘
No, I’m fine. Gorgeous day, isn’t it?’

It was the same weather as always in LA, but her British-born mother never could get used to the fact that in California it was sunny every day.

‘
Look – I’m going to be working at the beach house today. But I should be back later. Will you be alright?’

‘
Gosh, yes. I’ve got so much work to do in the – or what’s the word for it. The, the – ‘

‘
The garden?’

‘
Yes, that’s right. The garden.’

It wasn’t the first time she had forgotten a word. In fact, Kate thought it was getting worse. And sometimes, when Kate looked into her eyes she saw nothing but emptiness, a blankness that was frightening.

‘
Mom, do you remember we talked about you going to see Dr Harrison?’

‘
Yes.’

‘
I know you said that you were fine, but I do think it would be a good idea just to see him.’

‘
I don’t see why, but –‘

‘
So when I get back we’ll have another talk about that. And we can find a good time to go together. Okay?’

There was silence on the line.

‘
Mom?’

‘
Yes, dear.’

‘
Did you hear what I just said?’

‘
Yes.’

‘
And you’re okay with that.’

She got the feeling that her mother had been distracted by something, that or she had lost the thread of the whole conversation.

‘
Are you sure you are alright?’

‘
Fine, dear, fine.’

‘
I’ll see you later. And call me if you need anything. Okay?’

Silence again.

‘
Bye, then.’

‘
Bye, dear.’

She cut the connection and walked into the dark room. In a few moments, after she had changed the light settings, after she had prepared the solutions in the trays, after she had unwound the spool of film from her camera, she would enter that space that she loved, a zone free of problems.

Carefully and methodically she started to organise the room. She closed the door, switched on the safelight and placed the enlarger on the trestle table. She made sure she had everything she needed – the developing fluid, running water, the photographic fixer and the wash. By the door she placed a small wooden stool, the place where she would sit while she unloaded the film from the camera.

Normally at this point her mind was free and clear, only focused on the task in hand. But today, today was different. Her brain felt clouded by images. What was she going to say to Josh? What was she going to do about her mother? What was going to happen about Gleason? As she pushed one worry away another set of problems would take its place.

She took hold of her camera, enjoying the feel of it in her hands. In order to take the film out of the camera and load it onto a development spool she needed complete darkness. Normally she loved the sense of nothingness that washed over her when she turned off the safelight, but again today she felt that something was not quite right. She froze, stopped breathing for a second as she tried to define the nature of the anxiety that hovered on the periphery of her senses.

Cradling her camera in her hands she walked over to the door. She listened intently. Nothing. She turned the safelight off, plunging the room into complete darkness. Using one of her hands to steady herself she traced the door frame downwards until she came to a sitting position on the stool. She closed her eyes and opened them again. The dark room seemed blacker than her world inside.

She opened the back of the camera and took out the film. She worked quickly, transferring it onto a spool. But just as she was nearing the end of the process she heard a sound. Breaking glass.

The noise sent a splinter of fear into her heart. She knew, in that instant, what she had been afraid of all along. He had come for her.

It was a matter of minutes – seconds even – before he would find her. But she had once made a promise that, no matter what, she would protect her unborn child.

Quietly she put her camera on the floor and turned on the safelight. She opened her cell and pressed Josh’s number on speed dial. It went straight to voice mail. She cut the connection and, with fingers shaking, managed to tap out a short text. ‘He is here.’ She dialled 911 and waited for the pick-up. She started to speak as soon as they answered.

‘
Please come,’ she whispered. ‘My name is Kate Cramer, address –‘

‘
Sorry, miss, I’m unable to hear you. Can you speak up a little.’

‘
No,’ she hissed. ‘Just get here. I’m at 20452 Pacific Coast Highway. It’s a private track down to the –‘

She heard a noise from somewhere outside. Had he heard her? She placed the cell on the trestle table so that the operator could hear, and record, the conversation. If the cops arrived too late to save her at least they would have a clearer idea of the sequence of events.

But what had happened to the officers stationed outside in the car? How had he got past them? Of course, they were dead. He would have killed them. Just as he was about to kill her and her baby.

No. It wasn’t going to happen. She wouldn’t allow it.

She stood up, quickly turning off the light and locking the door. She moved quickly, like a hunted animal, across the dark room. She could hear him outside, searching the house. It sounded like he was coming closer.

She found the tool box and took hold of the chisel and the piece of cheese wire. She pushed them into one of her pockets. Silently, trying to swallow her fear, she used her hands to trace a path in the darkness back towards the door. She waited there, desperately trying to ignore the quickened pace of her breathing. She listened to his movements as he searched the house, stealthily moving from one room to the next. She pictured him as he walked into her bedroom, defiling her private space with his presence. She saw his black, expressionless eyes, scanning the room for a clue to her whereabouts. She pictured him walking down the stairs, through the lounge, the kitchen, opening the door to the storeroom, before making his way down towards the dark room. As she waited she felt the blade of the chisel press into the flesh of her thigh. She ran a finger over the length of cheese wire, imagining how it could cut deep into the flesh.