2B or Not 2B (Roomies Series) (20 page)

"And? It's their choice. Eliott never left the army
, and he'll never leave it. All the men in his family are military, and your brother is going through some kind of honor bullshit thing. It might not stay. And even if he still wants to enlist, it's his damn choice. You shouldn't have to go through that shit again just because you're afraid for your brother, or then we'd all enlist, too."

He kissed my jaw slowly. His lush lips opened
, and the tip of his tongue tasted my skin lightly, just long enough to leave me breathless. He clenched his teeth and ended with a sweet kiss. That was the most sensuous and sinful jaw kiss I ever had, which was kind of weird when I put that way. But it was Byron, and he was just sex - from his good look to his cells.

"Promise me one thing, Bridge."

My throat closed, and my eyes pricked. It sounded like a good-bye. I couldn't stomach a good-bye, not like this.
Damn it!
When I holed up in my room, I never imagined he'd decide to go back in the army, and now we were almost saying good-bye already when he hadn't even signed anything. And yet, I knew to my core that it was a good-bye, the most intimate one. It was the end of the possibilities that were there, unsaid and ignored for the most part. I wasn't his kind of girl, he shouldn't be my kind either, but there was something there. That might not be relationship material―I couldn’t picture him giving me his heart―but it didn't mean it wasn't something strong and passionate. It was more than friendship and more than what roommates should feel for each other.

"What?"

"Don't go back to Ryan. He doesn't deserve you."

I pulled back, startled.
My eyebrows shot up on my forehead at his words. He put his hands on my hips and kept me there, a breath away from his body and no farther. "What are you talking about?"

He frowned at me
, his fingers clawing nervously at my hips. "I saw you with him the other day." I kept looking at him, not following one bit. These days I often missed things. "Behind the Science building."

I gritted my teeth and narrowed my eyes on his face. It couldn't be, could it? "Don't tell me that your awful mood was mostly because of what you think you saw."

He released me and crossed his big arms over his chest. He was a wall of muscles and was acting like his bullheaded self. I wanted to knock him down and put some much needed sense into his thick skull. But I didn't have enough strength for it, and it wouldn't even faze him. I was starting to know that guy.

"I know what I saw, Bridge. You in his arms about to kiss him away from anybody to see that could go to his girlfriend and rat everything. I thought you knew what a scumbag he is."

"Tell me just one thing, Byron." I closed my hands in tight fists. My nails dug into my palms, but I didn't put any thought into it. I was starting to see red and all the mellowed, swooning and drooling thoughts I had were fast vanishing. "Were you in such a foul mood because you were angry that I could be such an idiot, or because you were jealous?"

"Jealous. And disappointed." He ran a hand in his scruff with a sigh that annoyed me even more.

"I suppose you didn't wait to see me leave."

"I'm not a
psychic, Bridge," he replied with a stern voice that didn't sound like him. We were about to go from a big hug to having an ugly argument. We were just like bipolar people with our lows and highs.

"I didn't kiss him."

He shrugged. "I saw how close you were. His arms were around you. No need to lie, after all you don't owe me anything."

"The only willing contact I had with Ryan was when my knee said hello to his balls
, and I haven't seen him once since then." I narrowed my eyes on him. "That's what you didn't see when you left and what you should have asked instead of drawing conclusions about me." I turned around and walked to my room. My blood was boiling in my veins. I needed to hurt him, to say something that would leave him speechless, but we have a whole new situation between us. "And just so you know, I only slept with two guys. Ryan and you; I couldn't do it with Eliott, and he helped me to fake it when he saw how it bothered me to hear the girls in your room."

On these words, I turned around and closed the door loudly in a Byron
-pissed-kind-of-way. But it didn't stay closed for long. As soon as the door put a wall between us, Byron opened it. The door hit the wall, and I cringed. It would leave a dent there.

"What do you think you're doing?
This is my room!" I yelled, forgetting any kind of restraint. That was it. We were in a yelling game, and I wasn't so sure I’d be the winner when I saw his face getting all red as he was taking the biggest breath ever known to man. His chest almost doubled in size, and it distracted me a little too much.
Bastard
.

"You didn't sleep with Eliott?" he asked me after he exhaled very slowly. His hands were shaking in front of him and he didn't even try to hide it from me.

"I couldn't! I'm not the slut you and the other guys around here think I am. I'm soon to be twenty, and I’ve only slept with two guys." My cheeks heated, but I kept my ground.

"I don't give a fuck about these girls
, so why did you make me think you had sex with my best friend? Fuck! Do you have any idea how mad I was? How fucking crazy it drove me?! I almost beat the crap out of him the next day."

He stepped toward me, but I escaped him. My back was almost against the window
; I was trapped, but at least I wasn't close enough to touch him. I needed this space to keep a clear head.

"It shouldn't concern you,’’ I countered weakly.

"I slept with you, and it wasn't just sex, Bridge. Fuck, I don't even care about the girl's name usually, but you …" He ate the space between us in two strides, so fast that I didn't have the time to plan my escape. "With you, it's different. You are so different from them, and you are different to me." He cupped my face in one hand in a move that was almost shy.

"Because you fucked your roommate. That's all," I mumbled, fighting against myself not to push my face into his hand and bring my arms around his strong waist.

"Is that all it is for you? A meaningless fuck between pretend friends?" His voice sent shivers down my spine. "Don't you feel something else, something more? It must be something more if you couldn't go all the way with Eliott. Talk to me."

"Stop it."

"I just want you to fucking love me! Is that so much to ask?"

"Byron, stop it," I repeated, trying to push his hand away, but he held onto me. Unmoving.

"No, London." My eyes bugged out when he used my name. The last time was when we were against the wall. He leaned closer, his face perfectly aligned to kiss me. "I'm not going to use a fucking nickname to say this because it's too serious. I am serious, you hear me?" He waited for me to nod like an automaton. My heart was beating hard and fast in my chest, and my breathing was labored, just like his. "I love you." He pecked my slightly parted lips. "I need you." Another kiss. "I crave you." Another one, but it lasted a second longer, without deepening it. I could feel his lips shaking against mine. When he opened his eyes, they were bright and digging into me—to my very soul. "London, why can't you fucking open your heart for me?"

Without thinking, I brought my hands to his chest. His heart was
beating strong and fast under his tee-shirt clinging to his muscles and under his hot skin. My eyes watered, and shame of my reaction took over. I would have looked away if I hadn’t been secured there by Byron's hand. Tears were on the edge of my eyes, just a breath away from falling. If I blinked, there would be no returning. "You're leaving," I whispered. I wasn't entirely sure that it was really audible, but he understood. His eyes softened more and lost some of their edge.

"Not if I've got someone tying me down here. Not if you feel something for me. I would even
stay if you just
liked
me. It would mean that you’re letting me in your heart. It would mean that I could convince you that I can be worthy of you."

"You are worthy of me. You're more worthy than the skanks you invite in your bed,
Byron. Can't you see that?"

He pressed his body closer to me
, and I sighed, my eyelids closing on their own accord. "I should be dead." He ran a hand along my jaw before he put it behind my head. "I don't think I deserve more to be alive than the guys who died, so how can I be worthy of anyone? But for you, London, for you, I want to be. You are my bridge back to life, and for the first time since I came back, I want to get rid of these dog tags and put everything behind. For the first time, I'm ready to sever the last thing that connects me to what happened."

I grabbed the dog
tags and read the name on them. It wasn't Davis, but Wilson. He was wearing someone else's dog tags, and I never thought about it. It must be one of the guys who died in front of him, trying to protect him, as he was already so hurt with the gunshot in his chest, the shrapnel in his face, and his broken leg. A chill ran down my spine and froze me to my core. How could someone survive this and still function? How someone could go through this? Maybe right now, someone was going through something similar somewhere in this world. When you think about these things, you realize how petty you are, and quite pathetic, too.

I spent months, and even years if I counted my high school years with Ryan, lamenting myself and getting pissy and hurt because a guy broke my heart and humiliated me. It was so ridiculous of me, so not important when you put it into perspective. And here was Byron, ready to take a leap of faith when he wasn't even sure of himself, when he knew how closed off I was when it
came to any kind of romantic involvement.

I locked my eyes in his ever
-so-blue ones and saw the silver dots brightening, contrasting more so with his thick eyelids surrounding them.
Beautiful. No, gorgeous
. He wasn't just the sexy scarred ex-soldier; he was also gorgeous in and out, and that wasn't something many people could really claim.

I ran my fingers against his unshaved cheek
, and he tilted his head into my palm. Tingles went up my arms, and a smile tugged at my lips. "Don't do this for me, Byron. Do it for you. Move on for you, and that will be one of the best things you could do for me."

He kissed the inside of my palm
, and I swooned some more. Who knew that Byron Davis, the womanizer of UCLA, could be so sweet and soft, and so freaking adorable? Seriously, I'd never thought I would use the adjective
adorable
to describe my roommate. Ever.

"Answer me, London. Don't let me hang here."

I chuckled, the most inappropriate thing to do when you're supposed to be in the grand romantic scene, the one you see at the end of romantic movies and books. And then, I snorted at imagining a heroine from one of my favorite books laughing at her lover's face when he told her for the first time that he loved her and wanted to see what life had for them.

Byron frowned, but didn't pull back. "I think I'll never get used to your weirdness, Bridge. I can't possibly be bored with you."

"At least that's one thing you won't have to worry about in the future," I retorted with a little laugh straining my words.

His breath hitched
, and his hands moved to bring me closer to him, his eyes very close to mine, and his lips ghosting over mine. "Does that mean what I think it means?"

I grabbed him behind his head and closed the last tiny space between our mouth
s. I barely had time to see his look of surprise, but I took advantage of his parted lips to immediately deepen the kiss.
No time wasted.

But he took the control back fast
, and I loved switching like this. That gave me a wicked idea as his tongue was leisurely brushing against mine. I sighed and tightened my grip on him as my legs were all wobbly.

His lips, so soft and yet determined, played with me, teased me to better let me surrender to him. I ran a hand in his short hair and broke the kiss before it was too much. My heart was swelling with everything I tried to bottle up
for the last few weeks. I hadn’t even known him for two months yet, and I was already done for. I would be disappointed in me if it didn't feel so good.
If he didn't feel so good
.

"Tell me," he said and brushed my long fair bang
s away from my eyes. "Is it just a kiss, or is it more?"

I blinked at him and smiled devilishly. "More
, as in I want your body?"

His lips twitched on one side, but he kept his serious face on. Though, he rolled his eyes at me. "No. More like there is a possibility that you love me." His voice went lower, deeper to better send off my butterflies on speed flying in my belly.

I got lost in his eyes, craving his lips and his hands and all of him really, when my phone started ringing. With the opening of Rhapsody by Queen, the doubts and fears came rushing back. Ryan was never mine to begin with when I started that thing with him, but with Byron it would be different. He was giving me his heart, but what would happen when he wanted it back? What would happen the day he strayed―because I couldn't fathom that kind of guy being faithful for too long―and left me because I wasn't enough anymore?