4 Yip/Tuck (14 page)

I WAS HONKED OFF. I couldn’t believe someone had taken a bat to my Jeep like a scorned lover. I called Darby for a ride, but she was in the middle of a photo shoot for the calendar. Grey and I were still fighting, and the last thing I wanted right now was a well-meaning speech. There was Caro, but as we all know, my cousin and I weren’t speaking.

So I called Betty. She was thrilled to give me a ride.

While I waited, I snapped pictures with my cell and emailed them to myself. I’d have to get a rental while my car was in the shop.

It hadn’t occurred to me until now that I didn’t know what type of car Betty drove, so when a Mini Cooper zipped into the parking lot, I had no idea it was my ride until the window lowered and an older female voice shouted, “Let’s go, Cookie, I don’t have all day.”

Great. Did I mention I hate small cars?

I barely had time to buckle my seatbelt when Betty peeled out of the parking lot, jumping the curb. Holy crapola.

“Sidewalks are for pedestrians only.” I should have pressed Betty to let me drive her car.

She was hunched over the steering wheel in concentration. “I missed them by a mile.”

Her Mini Cooper raced down the road, blowing through a major intersection, almost sideswiping a bus. I gasped. We were going to die. I should have called Grey.

“Are you trying to kill us?” I cried out.

“I’m a great driver.” She pressed the gas.

“You are a horrible driver.”

We zigzagged down PCH toward Laguna Beach, straddling the painted white line more often than not. I grabbed the Oh-Crap handle above my head.

“What’s the big emergency?” I asked.

Betty zoomed up to a red light and slammed on the brakes, throwing us forward. “I had to shoo away some customers to come get you. I told them to come back in an hour.”

The light turned green. Betty hit the gas, and the tires squealed. We rolled into town in record time. I’d finally caught my breath as we turned onto Forest heading toward the boutique. I recognized the yellow Hummer in front of us.

I could tell from the side mirror, Tova wasn’t the driver.

“Do you mind if we make a quick stop before we go back to the shop?”

“You’re the boss. Where to?”

“Follow that Hummer.”

Betty rubbed her hands together and let out a Texas-sized holler. “Hot Damn. I love a good car chase.”

What have I done?

I SHOULD HAVE known Stacie would head straight for the Kitty Kat club. Race Car Betty sped around back so Psycho Stacie wouldn’t see us. By the time we circled, the Hummer was in the parking lot with a handful of other vehicles.

“This place is a dump,” Betty said.

“It’s much more exotic at night.”

“Sure. You can’t see it. What are we doing here, anyway?”

“That was Tova’s assistant. I think she’s the one who vandalized my Jeep.” Among many other despicable acts. “Pull up next to the Hummer. I want to look inside.”

Betty pulled up. I jumped out and peeked through the window. Sure enough, on the floorboard was a baseball bat. A Louisville Slugger.

I hopped back into the Mini Cooper. “Let’s get out of here.”

Betty looked crestfallen. “Aren’t we gonna go inside and confront her? Take her down?”

“She brutalized my Jeep, killed Dr. O’Doggle, and probably ran Gwen off the road. Even I don’t want to take her on.” Especially with Betty as a sidekick.

“Wow.” Betty revved the engine. “I didn’t peg you for a party pooper.”

Neither did I.

THE ENTIRE TRIP back to Bow Wow, Betty continued to express her disappointed about not going inside the club. I was too busy praying for our safe arrival that I missed most of it.

When we got back to the boutique, I called Malone and filled him in about the Jeep beating and the bat in Tova’s Hummer. I told him I was worried about Tova, too. He promised to send a couple of uniformed officers to her place to check on her.

Then he left me speechless, which doesn’t happen often. Me being speechless, that is. He thanked me for not doing anything stupid.

It was official. We’d turned a corner in our relationship.

I sent a disappointed Betty home while I closed up. She was still running high on adrenaline, spouting off her allegiance to justice and revenge. Frankly, I didn’t think her daughter was going to let her continue working for me. Not that I could blame her.

At some point, it dawned on me that Betty was a glimpse into my future. At moments, I found myself amused and other times sympathetic and grateful to those who loved me. But I had one heck of a future ahead of me.

Speaking of the latter, the last call I made was to Grey. He didn’t answer, so I left him a message asking if he’d pick me up at the shop. I only said I’d had some car trouble.

I was in my office, shutting down the computer when the front door chimed. Betty must have forgotten to lock it behind her. More likely, she was back with a new argument as to why we should go spy on Stacie.

I grabbed my purse and ambled out front. “What’d you forget?”

“Not a thing,” Stacie said sarcastically.

Obviously not. She had a gun. And it was pointed at Betty’s side.

I felt sick. I held up my hands and, in the process, dropped my purse on the floor. “Betty doesn’t know anything.”

Stacie nodded her head in mock sadness. “Yes, she does.”

“Sorry, Cookie. I got a little excited when I saw her heading your way. I may have let it slip about her killing the doc.”

I sighed. Trying to control Betty was like trying to tame a hurricane.

“You don’t want to do this, Stacie. I’ve talked to Malone. He knows everything.”

She shoved Betty toward me. “You two are so annoying. Can’t you take a hint?” Stacie’s angry green eyes glared at me. She leveled her gun at my heart.

I stepped back, straight into the damn Christmas tree Betty’d set up in the middle of the store. “Obviously. I figured out you killed Jack.”

“You’re a naughty girl,” Betty said. She wagged her finger at Stacie. “That very attractive detective is going to throw you in jail.” I yanked Betty to my side and backed up another inch or two, trying to put space between us and the gun. The tree blocked my way.

Stacie whipped her gun in Betty’s direction. “Shut up. I’m done listening to your smart mouth.” With a few steps, she closed the gap between us, kicking my purse out of reach.

Betty hissed. “I knew you were bad news. You can’t bamboozle me, Tootsie. I’ve got your number.”

I squeezed Betty’s arm, willing her to stop antagonizing the lady with the deadly weapon. I couldn’t think with them snapping at each other.

My cell was in my purse, and Darby was still in the middle of a photo shoot. Grey was MIA and Malone was . . . doing police stuff just blocks away. Where were the cops when you needed them?

Hells bells, if Stacie didn’t kill me, Betty’s daughter would.

“You should let Betty go. She can’t hurt you,” I said, stalling as I racked my brain for a way out alive.

“No.” the gun waved between Betty and me. I noticed the rash still on Stacie’s hands. Of course. The rash was the final piece. “I’m going to shoot both of you. I just have to choose which one is first.”

Rock, paper, scissors didn’t work out so well for me. I pressed my lips together, keeping my smart-aleck comments to myself.

A prickly pine branch pressed against my back. I shuffled Betty over a few inches so I could find some relief from the blasted tree.

There was nothing I could use to defend us other than a handful of shampoo and conditioner, a can of dog perfume, and . . .

The dog cologne. That was it.

“Betty, don’t worry.” I continued to shuffle us backwards. “She hates me more. I have proof she killed Jack and that she was the one who ran Gwen off the road.” Of course I was lying. I had nothing.

“I didn’t leave behind any proof,” Stacie snarled.

“Because of the gloves? That’s how you got the rash. It’s not poison ivy, is it? Did you know you were allergic to latex before you stole the box of gloves from Dr. O’s office?”

Her eyes widened in surprise. “How’d you know?”

I’d guessed about stealing the box from Jack’s office. She could have just as easily bought a box from the local drug store. But Stacie seemed to like living life on the edge. “I interviewed a potential employee who was allergic to latex. She told me all about her symptoms. Even brought me a box of latex-free gloves to keep at the boutique.”

Betty snorted. “Are you talking about that nut job, Vera? You almost gave her my job?”

“You could have taken her in a fair fight.” I looked at Betty and shifted my eyes toward the Christmas tree, trying to telegraph what I was thinking. I wasn’t sure Betty was paying any attention.

“What I don’t get is how you got Jack out front,” I said to Stacie. I continued to stall as I attempted to maneuver us into the perfect position.

Stacie stepped closer. “Stop moving.”

Our feet froze in place. I had to keep her talking.

“How’d you do it, Stacie? Did you drive him here?”

“It was easy. He was so desperate to make up with my brother. He did whatever I said. I told him you agreed to meet him here first thing in the morning to turn over those stupid dog booties. You played into my hand perfectly when you refused to give Tova his gift. He got in my car without a complaint.”

“You drugged his shake so that by the time you got here—”

“He was almost asleep. He told David and me all about his great plan to be a famous drag queen plastic surgeon. I just helped him reach his celebrity status quicker. Don’t you get it? Dr. O’Doggle was strangled with his girlfriend’s dog leash in front of Bow Wow Dog Boutique?”

Every time we stepped back, Stacie unconsciously stepped forward. I just needed Stacie to take one more step closer. “Is that why you planted Tova’s bracelet on him?”

Her lips curved into a nasty smile. “That was my excuse to see him at the gym. My peace offering. I told him the clasp was broke and Tova had lost it. He must have put it in his pocket.”

“What were you looking for when you and Tova were here?”

“That was all for Tova’s benefit. She was still looking for her bracelet. And being the amazing assistant, I was helping her.” Stacie lifted her chin and stared me in the eye. “I’m finished talking.”

I guess she’d made up her mind who she was shooting first.

Betty narrowed her lipstick eyebrows and pursed her lips. “I’m not going down without a fight.” She shuffled toward Stacie.

Stacie turned away from me. “Hold it right there, Grandma.”

“I’m not your grandma,” Betty shouted.

I lunged for the Christmas tree and pushed it onto Stacie. She screamed, stumbling backwards and dropping the gun.

“Run,” I yelled to Betty.

I grabbed the can of Pooch Smooch Cologne from the counter and sprayed it in Stacie’s face. Just for good measure.

Betty wasn’t about to be left out of the action. She hopped up on Stacie’s back and wrapped her tiny legs around her waist. “You’re going down, Cupcake,” she hollered.

Stacie tugged on Betty’s arms. “You’re choking me,” she gagged. “Let go.”

I grabbed the gun. “Betty, let her go.”

“No way.”

Stacie spun in circles, trying to toss Betty. “Get off, get off.” Stacie reached behind her head, whacking at Betty. It was like a scene from a World Wrestling Federation match.

“Betty, stop! I’ve got the gun.”

Betty loosened her hold and slid down Stacie’s back. Her sneakers hit the floor with a firm thud. “Why didn’t you say so?

I didn’t take my eyes off Stacie. “Betty, call the police and ask them to send Detective Malone.”

“Oh, goodie. I like that yummy detective. Let me freshen up, first.”

“I can’t believe I got taken down by Nancy Drew and her grandma,” Stacie sneered.

I smiled. I loved Nancy Drew. “Consider the Case of the Murdered Plastic Surgeon solved,” I said.

“I like the Secret Life of a Drag Queen,” Betty argued.

Out of nowhere, Malone burst through front door. “Police.”

“How’d you know?” I asked, relieved to see him.

“Tova’s yellow Hummer’s parked in front of the shop. I was looking for it. You can put the gun down.”

I lowered the weapon. Malone cuffed Stacie and told her to sit on the floor.

I was next to receive his attention. He held out his hand. I happily gave him the gun and managed a shaky smile. “Sorry I didn’t call. As you can see, I was detained.”

“Are you okay?”

I nodded. “I can explain everything.”

He shook his head. “No, you can’t.”

Malone called for backup, and soon the boutique was once again bustling with police. I asked if I could go next door and fill Darby in, knowing she’d be worried. He agreed, but I was to come back so someone could take my statement. He even offered to give me a ride home.

I politely declined. I’d rather take my chances with Grey, who I hadn’t called yet. Even Betty seemed like a safer choice than a cross cop.

Betty was in her element, being the center of attention in a room full of attractive men. As I was heading toward the door, I saw her lift her silk pajama pant, exposing her leg to a handsome young police officer.

“Darn.” She batted her eyes at him. “I’ve got a run in my pantyhose.”