#5 Not What I Expected

© 2015 by Laurie Friedman

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Friedman, Laurie B., 1964–

Not what I expected / by Laurie Friedman.

pages cm. — (The mostly miserable life of April Sinclair ; #5)

Summary: “April Sinclair has always looked forward to high school. But with a jealous BFF, fighting parents, and self-doubt about romance, ninth grade may be more than April bargained for”— Provided by publisher.

ISBN 978-1-4677-8588-4 (lb : alk. paper)

ISBN 978-1-4677-8829-8 (eb pdf : alk. paper)

1. High schools—Fiction. 2. Schools—Fiction. 3. Dating (Social customs)—Fiction. 4. Friendship—Fiction. 5. Family life—Fiction. 6. Diaries—Fiction. I. Title.
PZ7.F89773No 2015
[Fic]—dc23

2014046272

Manufactured in the United States of America
1 – BP – 7/15/15
eISBN: 978-1-46778-829-8 (pdf)
eISBN: 978-1-46779-044-4 (ePub)
eISBN: 978-1-46779-043-7 (mobi)

For Becca, the best daughter a
mother could ask for

One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman.

—Simone de Beauvoir

Sunday, August 17, 7:29 p.m.

In the bathroom

I'm not sure which is more traumatizing—learning how to put in a tampon or teaching your little sister how to do it. Actually, I do know. The experience I just had with May is permanently embedded into my brain in the most unfortunate way. She came into my room just as I was settling into bed to watch a double episode of
Grey's Anatomy
. It was how I'd planned to relax on my last night before starting high school.

One look told me May was upset. I shut my laptop. “Is this about what Amanda said at dinner?” I thought for sure it was going to be. But I was so far off.

“I don't know how to use a tampon.”

I shook my head like that was a ridiculous thing to be scared about it, and her case it is. “You don't need to know how to use a tampon. You haven't started your period yet. Have you?”

“No. But what if it starts while I'm at school?”

This wasn't the first time May and I had had this talk. I'd already assured her that even if she did start at school, she wasn't going to bleed out all over Fern Falls Middle School. Still, I remember how scary it was starting middle school and worrying about when you were going to get your period. “What'd I tell you about your first period?” I asked May.

“Not much comes out.” It sounded more like a question than a statement.

“Right. So keep a few pads hidden in your backpack and just put one on if you need it.”

“But what if my first period is heavy?” asked May. “I've read that it can be.”

I glanced at the clock on my nightstand. It was getting later by the minute, and I had a lot of TV to watch. “Everyone I know had a light first period. Don't worry.”

I thought I sounded fairly authoritative, but May wasn't convinced. “Did you ask everyone you know if their first period was light?”

I blew a piece of hair off my face in response. Her question sounded annoyingly like something Mom would ask. She ignored my lack of an answer and continued on. “Besides, I don't think I'll be able to play soccer or softball with a pad on.”

Since I don't do field sports, it was kind of hard for me to comment on that. “Maybe you need to talk to Mom. It's her job to teach you these sorts of things.”

“Mom said she'd teach me at the
‘right time.'
” May enunciated the words like her definition of the right time and Mom's weren't the same. Then she looked at me, her big brown eyes popping out from under a fringe of stick-straight bangs. “I need to know. Just in case. Please, April. You're my big sister.”

I let out a breath. I knew she wasn't going to leave me alone unless I helped her. Plus, I have to admit that part of me felt sorry for her. “C'mon,” I said. I grabbed May by the arm and led her into the bathroom. But before I could shut the door behind us, June followed us in.

“What are y'all doing?” she asked.

“April is teaching me how to use a tampon,” said May.

I slapped my head. I couldn't believe May told her what we were doing. She should have known this was NOT an activity that June needed to know anything about.

But it was clearly something June was interested in. “Can I watch?” she asked.

“NO!” I said. Mom would kill me if she knew I was letting my eight-year-old sister witness Tampon Insertion 101.

June put her hand on her hip and made no movement towards the door. “C'mon,” she said. “I know what tampons are for. I know all about periods.”

June always has a book in her hands and is an emerging smarty (Mom's word, not mine) on lots of topics, but I was surprised this was one of them. I watched open-mouthed as she reached into the cabinet under the sink and took out my box of tampons. “I'll read the directions while you show her what to do,” she said.

This had wrong written all over it, but no way was I giving this lesson twice. “Suit yourself,” I said.

June grinned victorious, plopped down on the ground, handed May a tampon, pulled the instruction leaflet out of the box, and started reading. “After washing your hands, remove the product from the wrapper and get into a comfortable position sitting on the toilet, squatting slightly with knees bent, or standing with one foot on the toilet seat.”

May shot me a look.

“Go with option one,” I said.

May washed up, then pulled down her shorts and panties and sat on the toilet. She grinned like she was proud of having completed the first step. I felt vaguely nauseous.

June kept reading. “To insert the applicator, hold the outer insertion tube by the finger grip with your thumb and middle finger. With the removal string hanging down, insert the tip of the applicator at a slight upward angle. Slide the outer insertion tube in until your fingers touch your body.”

May stopped grinning. “Eww,” she said. “I don't want to do that.”

I didn't think I should have to remind May that she's the one who wanted to learn how to use a tampon. “Keep reading,” I commanded June.

“To push the tampon inside you, push the inner tube with your pointer finger all the way into the outer tube, or use your other hand to push the inner tube. Remove the inner and outer applicator tubes at the same time. The tampon should now be comfortably inside you, with the removal string hanging outside your body.”

May shook her head. “I don't know what any of that means.”

“Do you want June to read it again?” I asked.

“No,” said May. She held the tampon out towards me. “Can you show me?”

“Just stick it in,” I said. I gave May my best you-can-do-it look, but when I did, I saw the tears forming. I racked my brain. “It doesn't hurt. I promise.”

May sniffled. “Please.”

I looked at the tampon in her hand. It was a light one. “You pick up kids twice your size. For fun. You can put that little thing inside you.”

May shifted on the toilet. “I don't pick up kids anymore. I'm going to middle school.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “I'm scared.”

I took a deep breath. I knew she wasn't talking about putting in the tampon. “Middle school will be fine,” I said. “You'll make new friends, you'll get used to switching classes. All the bad things you worry might happen won't. If I survived middle school, you can too. I promise.”

When I finished, May blew her nose into a piece of toilet paper. I actually thought we were done. I waited for her to stand and zip up. But that's not what happened.

“Now can you show me how to put this in?” She waved the tampon in front of me.

This was an honor I didn't need or want. But as the saying goes, it was time to get on with the show. Literally. I took a deep breath, unzipped, and then put in a tampon as both my little sisters watched. “See, that wasn't so bad.” I wasn't sure if I was saying it to myself or my little sister. Either way, I'd had all I could take. “My work here is done,” I said as I left.

I'd much rather watch
Grey's Anatomy
than May's anatomy.

10:42 p.m.

Post-Grey's

Dad just came and told me to turn my light off. “I can't believe my number one daughter is going to high school tomorrow,” he said.

That makes two of us. The whole purpose of watching
Grey's
was to help me relax and not think about it, but now it's all I can think about. The dinner we had earlier tonight didn't help. Since we go back to school tomorrow, Dad thought it would be nice to have a family gathering, so all my aunts, uncles, cousins, Gaga, Willy, and Sophie and her mom, Emma, convened at the Love Doctor Diner. As soon as we sat down with our plates of fried chicken, egg salad sandwiches, and Dad's homemade pickled peaches, the back-to-school talk started.

“Charlotte, Izzy, I can't believe you girls are starting first grade,” said Gaga. “Are you ready?” she asked.

Charlotte nodded. “I got a Hello Kitty backpack.”

“I got a Thomas the Tank Engine lunch box,” added Izzy.

My cousin Amanda rolled her eyes. “It's kind of weird for a first-grader to have a Thomas the Tank Engine lunch box,” she mumbled.