A Bend in the Road (28 page)

Sarah’s lips tightened.
She said nothing.

“I don’t know
if I can live with that, even though you had nothing to do with it, because
being with you means that in a way, I have to be with him, too. He’s your
family and . . . I’m not ready for that. I wouldn’t be able to handle
that.  And I don’t know whether I’ll
ever be ready.”

“We could move
away,” she suggested. “We could try to start over.”

He shook his
head. “No matter how far I go, this will follow. You know that. . .

.”

He trailed off, then
looked at her. “I don’t know what to do.”

She smiled sadly.
“Neither do I,” she admitted.

“I’m sorry.”

“So am I.”

After a moment,
Miles moved closer and put his arms around her. He kissed her gently, then held
her for a long time, burying his face in her hair.  “I do love you, Sarah,” he whispered.

She forced
aside the lump in her throat and leaned into him, feeling his body close to
hers and wondering whether this would be the last time he held her like this.

“I love you,
too, Miles.”

After he let
her go, Sarah stepped back, trying to stop the tears. Miles stood without
moving, and Sarah reached for her keys in the pocket of her jacket. She heard
the jingle as she pulled them out. She couldn’t form the words to say good-bye,
knowing that this time, it might be forever.

“I’ll let you
get back to Jonah,” she said.

In the soft
glow of the porch light, she thought she saw tears in his eyes as well.

Sarah swiped at
her tears. “I bought a Christmas gift for Jonah. Would it be all right to bring
it by?”

Miles glanced
away. “We might not be here. I was thinking of heading up to Nags Head next
week. Charlie’s got a place up there and he said I could use it. I just need to
get away for a while, you know?”

She nodded. “I’ll
be around if you want to reach me by phone.”

“Okay,” he
murmured.

No promises, she
thought.

She took a step
backward, feeling empty, wishing for something to say that would change
everything. With a tight smile, she turned and went to the car, doing her best
to keep control. Her hands trembled slightly as she opened the door, and she
looked back at him. He hadn’t moved; his mouth was set in a straight line.  She slid behind the wheel.

As Miles
watched her, he wanted to call out her name, to ask her to stay, to tell her
that he would find some way to make this work between them. That he loved her
now and always would.

But he didn’t.

Sarah turned
the key and the engine hummed to life. Miles moved toward the stairs and her
heart surged, but she realized he was moving toward the door. He wasn’t going to
stop her. She put the car in reverse and started to back out.  His face was shadowed now, growing smaller
as the car rolled backward. She could feel her cheeks getting wet.

As he opened
the door, Sarah had the sinking realization that this would be her last image
of him. She couldn’t stay in New Bern the way things were. Seeing Miles around
town would be too hard; she’d have to find another job. Somewhere she could
start over.

Again.

On the road,
she accelerated slowly into the darkness, willing herself not to look back.

I’ll be fine,
she told herself. No matter what happens, I’ll make it, just as I made it
before. With or without Miles, I can do that.

No, you can’t,a
voice inside her cried suddenly.

She broke down then,
the tears coming hard, and she pulled to the side of the road. As the car idled
and steam began to cloud the windows, Sarah cried as she’d never cried before.

Where were
you?” Jonah asked. “I looked around, but I couldn’t find you.” Sarah had left
half an hour earlier, but Miles had stayed on the porch. He’d just stepped
inside when Jonah spotted him and came to a halt. Miles motioned over his
shoulder.

“I was on the
porch.”

“What were you
doing out there?”

“Sarah came by.”

Jonah’s face brightened.
“She did? Where is she?”

“No, she isn’t
here. She couldn’t stay.”

“Oh . . .” Jonah
looked up at his father. “Okay,” he said, not hiding his disappointment. “I
just wanted to show her the Lego tower that I built.” Miles went to his side
and squatted until he was eye level with Jonah. “You can show me.”

“You’ve already
seen it.”

“I know. But you
can show me again.”

“You don’t have
to. I wanted Miss Andrews to see it.” “Well, I’m sorry about that. Maybe you
can bring it to school tomorrow and show her then.”

Jonah shrugged.
“That’s okay.”

Miles looked at
him closely. “What’s wrong, champ?”

“Nothing.”

“Are you sure?”

Jonah didn’t
answer right away. “I guess I just miss her, that’s all.”

“Who? Miss
Andrews?”

“Yeah.”

“But you see her
in school every day.”

“I know. But it’s
not the same.”

“As when she’s
here, you mean?”

He nodded,
looking lost. “Did you guys have a fight?”

“No.”

“But you’re not
friends anymore.”

“Of course we
are. We’re still friends.”

“Then why doesn’t
she come over anymore?”

Miles cleared his
throat. “Well, things are kind of complicated right now. When you’re a
grown-up, you’ll understand.”

“Oh,” he said.
He seemed to think about that. “I don’t want to be a grown-up,” he finally
declared.

“Why not?”

“Because,” he
said, “grown-ups always say that things are complicated.”

“Sometimes they
are.”

“Do you still
like Miss Andrews?”

“Yeah,” he said,
“I do.”

“Does she like
you?”

“I think so.”

“Then what’s so
complicated?” His eyes were pleading, and Miles knew then with certainty that Jonah
not only missed Sarah, he loved her as well. 
“Come here,” he said, drawing Jonah close, not knowing what else to do.

• • •

Two days later,
Charlie pulled up in front of Miles’s house as he was loading a few things into
the car.

“Taking off
already?”

Miles turned.
“Oh . . . hey, Charlie. I figured it’d be better if we got going a little
early. I don’t want to be stuck in traffic.”

He closed the
trunk and stood. “Thanks again for letting us use your place out there.”

“No problem. You
need a hand?”

“No. I’m just
about done.”

“How long you
gonna stay?”

“I don’t know.
Maybe a couple of weeks, until just after the New Year. You sure it’s okay?”

“Don’t worry
about it—you’ve got enough vacation time to spend a month up there.”

Miles shrugged.
“Who knows? Maybe I will.”

Charlie cocked
an eyebrow. “Oh, by the way, I came by to let you know that Harvey isn’t going
to press charges. Seems that Otis told him to drop it. So, officially, your
suspension is over and you’ll be able to work again when you get back.”

“Good.”

Jonah came
bursting out the door, and both of them turned at the sound. Jonah called hello
to Charlie, then turned around and ran back inside as if he’d forgotten
something.

“So is Sarah
going to join you up there for a few days? She’s more than welcome to.”

Miles was still
looking toward the door, and he turned back to Charlie. “I don’t think so. Her
family is here, and with the holidays, I don’t think she’s going to make it.”

“That’s too bad.
You’ll see her when you get back, though, right?”

Miles dropped his
gaze, and Charlie knew what that meant. “Not going so well?”

“You know how it
goes.”

“Not really. I
haven’t dated in forty years. But that’s a shame.”

“You don’t even
know her, Charlie.”

“Didn’t have to.
I meant that it’s a shame for you.”

Charlie pushed
his hands into his pockets. “Listen, I didn’t come here to pry.  That’s your own business. Actually, there’s
another reason. Something I’m still not exactly sure about.”

“Oh?”

“I got to
wondering about that phone call—you know, when you let me know that Otis was
innocent and suggested we stop the investigation.” Miles said nothing, and
Charlie squinted at him from beneath his hat. “I take it you’re still convinced
of that.”

After a moment,
Miles nodded. “He’s innocent.”

“Despite what
Sims and Earl said?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re not just
saying that so you can handle this on your own, are you?”

“You’ve got my
word on that, Charlie.”

Charlie searched
his face, sensing that he was telling the truth. “All right,” he said. He
brushed his hands against his shirt, as if wiping them off, then tipped his
hat. “Well, listen—have a good time up there at Nags Head. Try to do some
fishing for me, okay?”

Miles smiled.
“You got it.”

Charlie took a
few steps, then suddenly stopped and turned. “Oh—wait, there’s one more thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Brian Andrews.
I’m still a little foggy on why you were bringing him in that day. Is there
anything you want me to take care of while you’re gone? Anything I should know
about?”

“No,” he
answered.

“It was . . .
what? You never were real clear about it.” “A mistake of sorts, Charlie.” Miles
studied the trunk of his car. “Just a mistake.”

Charlie gave a
startled laugh. “You know, that’s funny.”

“What is?”

“Your choice of
words. Brian said exactly the same thing.”

“You talked to
Brian?”

“I had to check
in on him, you know. He had an accident while in the custody of one of my
deputies. I had to make sure he was doing okay.” Miles paled.

“Don’t worry, I
made sure that no one else was home.” He let that sink in, then, bringing his
hand to his chin, he gave the appearance of someone groping for the right
words. “You see,” he finally went on, “I got to thinking about those two
things, and the investigator in me had the feeling that they just might be
connected somehow.”

“They weren’t,”
Miles said quickly.

Charlie nodded,
his face serious. “I thought you might say that, but like I said, I had to make
sure. I just want to be clear—there’s nothing I should know about Brian
Andrews?”

Miles should have
known that Charlie would figure it out. “No,” he said simply.

“Okay,” Charlie
said. “Then let me give you some advice.”

Miles waited.

“If you’re
telling me it’s over, then follow your own advice, okay?”

Charlie made sure
that Miles heard the seriousness in his tone.

“What’s that
supposed to mean?” Miles asked.

“If it’s over—if
it’s really over—then don’t let it screw up the rest of your life.”

“I don’t follow
you.”

Charlie shook his
head and sighed.

“Yes, you do,” he
said.

Epilogue

It’s nearly
dawn now, and my story is almost over. It’s time, I think, to let you know the
rest.

I’m thirty-one
years old now. I’ve been married three years to a woman named Janice, whom I
met in a bakery. She, like Sarah, is a teacher, though she teaches high school
English. We live in California, where I attended medical school and did my
residency. I’m an emergency room physician, out of school for a year now, and
in the past three weeks, with the help of many others, I’ve saved the lives of
six people. I’m not saying this to brag, I’m telling you this because I want
you to know that I’ve done my best to honor Miles’s words to me in the
cemetery.

I’ve also kept
my word about telling no one.

It wasn’t for
me that Miles made me promise silence, you see. My silence, I was convinced at
the time, was for his own protection.

Believe it or
not, letting me go that day was a crime. A sheriff who has absolute knowledge
that someone has committed a crime must turn that person in.  Though our crimes were far from equal, the
law is clear on this point, and Miles broke the law.

At least that’s
what I believed back then. After years of reflection, however, I came to
realize that I’d been wrong.

I know now that
he’d asked me because of Jonah.

If it had become
widely known that I was the one driving the car, people in town

would have
forever gossiped about Miles’s past. It would have become part of his

general
description—“The most awful thing happened to him,” people would say—and

Jonah would
have had to grow up with those words all around him. How would something like
that affect a child? Who knows. I don’t, and Miles didn’t. But he wasn’t
willing to take that chance.

Nor will I risk
it even now. When I am finished, I plan to burn these pages in the fireplace. I
just needed to get it out.

It’s still
hard, though, for all of us. I talk to my sister infrequently on the phone,
usually at odd hours, and I seldom visit. I use distance as an excuse—she lives
across the country from my wife and me—but we both know the real reason I stay
away. She does, though, sometimes come to see me. She is always alone when she
does so.

As for what
happened with Miles and Sarah, I’m sure you’ve figured it out. . . .

• • •

It happened on
Christmas Eve, six days after Miles and Sarah said good-bye on the porch. By
then Sarah had finally, reluctantly, come to grips with the fact that it was
over. She hadn’t heard from Miles, nor did she expect to.  But that night, after getting home from
visiting her parents, Sarah got out of her car, glanced up toward her
apartment—and froze. She couldn’t believe what she saw. She closed her eyes,
then opened them slowly, hoping and praying it was true.

It was.

Sarah couldn’t
help but smile.

Like tiny stars,
two candles were flickering in her windows.

And Miles and Jonah
were waiting for her inside.