A Broken Promise (30 page)

              “Well, today was lovely,” mom said. She gave me a hug before getting into her car. “I’ll be sure to tell Jack your good news. He wanted to be here today, as you know, but he was too busy at work. Though, he did promise to make it to your college graduation.”

              “College,” I repeated. She backed out of the driveway and soon her car was out of view. Dad had already stepped back into the house and I had two options. Either I could sleep there for the night, or I could go back to the apartment. I knew the latter would bring the demons that I needed to defeat, so I decided to climb the stairs up to my old room.

              My dad hadn’t touched my room since I moved out almost three weeks ago. It looked almost the exact same as it did before. I pulled out some pajamas from my dresser and hopped into the shower. The cold water stung me, but warmed up as I stood motionless under the faucet. The nice things about showers – no one could tell you were crying. I leaned against the side of the shower and sobbed until I was sitting on the floor of the shower. Water poured over me, but I couldn’t move. I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around them. This had been the hardest month of my life.

              I felt better once I got out of the shower and into my own bed. The fan turned lightly above me and the moon shone through the window, casting a shadow across my ceiling. I watched the reflection of the tree branches dance across my ceiling. I didn’t know how long I laid like that, but I couldn’t sleep. I looked around my room, trying to find something to do. My eyes landed on a familiar blue CD case and I jumped to my feet, placing the CD into my laptop.

              Listening to Keiffer’s voice made me feel calm. I placed my cheek against my wooden desk as I listened to him talk. I felt absolutely numb as I heard him speak to me through the computer. He had given these CD’s to me to give to Indigo in case he had passed away, and I had forgotten. I copied the CD’s onto my computer’s hard drive so I could give them to Indigo without regretting my decision.

              Before making my way back to my bed, I looked out my window towards Keiffer’s house. It wasn’t like I was expecting to see him through his window, but it was mostly just out of habit. For the past months I used to always look out for him, and now I had no one to look for. Instead, Shane was laying on the roof where Keiffer used to lay. I smiled to myself as I watched him look up at the stars. That was something my husband had enjoyed doing.

              “Good view?” I called from my window. Shane looked over at me, obviously startled by my voice. He smiled and nodded his head.

              “The best,” he responded. “We used to do this, you know? Keiffer and me. We used to go stargazing when we were doing surfing tournaments. We would camp out on the beach and just stare up at the stars.”

              “I just didn’t get it…” I called out.

              “But you do now, so there’s no need to be hard on yourself,” Shane called back. He smiled before looking back up at the stars. “I know why Keiffer chose you.”

              “You don’t even know me,” I responded. He laughed and didn’t answer my statement. “You don’t,” I started again. “I’m not who you think I am.”

              “Sure you are,” he said sternly. “But the question is, do
you
know who you are?”

              His question took me by surprise as I looked dumbfounded at him. Who was I? I wasn’t even sure myself. Keiffer called me Jenna Horowitz – Ice Cream Scooper. But was I more than that? I looked down at the window sill and started to pick at the chipping paint.

              “Come to Florida with me,” he asked again. This time I didn’t feel anger, but instead sadness. Of course I wanted to go to Florida with him, but it just wasn’t possible. I had a life here. I had so much that I had to do, and moving to Florida just wasn’t possible.

              “I can’t,” I answered.

              “Oh, because you need to go to Yale,” Shane said sarcastically.

              “No!” I crossed my arms across my chest. This guy was just as difficult as Keiffer. However, wasn’t that what attracted me to Keiffer in the first place? “I can’t because I’m pregnant.” There, it was out.

              He didn’t say anything, but instead looked back up to the stars. “I will accept anything of Keiffer’s. I will love your child as mine. I will always continue to love my best friend.”

              “I can’t,” I responded again. This time my voice was much weaker. “It’s not easy for me! I’m making this decision for my child. I love Keiffer too! I’m not going to put our child into a hard position. This child deserves everything!”

              “Everything?” Shane called back. “You can’t give them their dad!” His words stung and it took all my might to not slam the window in his face. Instead, I just took a deep breath and tried to ignore his statement.

              “I know that,” I answered his statement.

              “Then give the baby your love, and I’ll do the same. We’re both struggling, Jenna. We need to struggle together.”

              “I’m sorry,” I tried to give him one last smile before I started to shut the window. “I hope you have a safe flight tomorrow.” And with that, I shut the bedroom window and climbed back into my bed. His voice rang through my ears until I finally fell asleep.

              The next morning freaked me out just a little. I couldn’t remember where I was, and it took me a while to remember I fell asleep at my house and not at the new apartment. I quickly got dressed and pulled my hair back in a ponytail before heading towards my closed door. The blue CD’s caught my eye as I took one last look around my room. It was now or never to give the CD’s to Indigo.

              I hugged my dad good morning and grabbed myself an apple before heading next door. Much to my surprise, Indigo wasn’t outside gardening like she normally was. I knocked on the front door and waited patiently for her to open it. Once she did, I noticed that she was wearing a flowery apron and holding a spatula.

              “Good morning, Jen!” Indigo said excitedly. “I was just making cookies for you and your father. You’ll bring them to him, won’t you?”

              “Sure,” I answered as I stepped into the house. She placed the spatula down and poured me a glass of water as I sat down at the kitchen table.

              “So what brings you over?” She asked. “Not saying that you need to have a reason. You are my daughter after all.”

              “I actually do have a reason.” I hesitantly grabbed the CD’s from my purse. She took them, not sure what to make of them. “Keiffer made me these CD’s throughout the semester. They were full of information about him… he said he wanted you to have them in case something happened to him.”

              “Jenna…”

              “No, they’re yours.” I stood up from the chair. “His voice brings back memories… maybe they’ll help you, too.”

              “Thank you so much,” she smiled through the tears. She gave me a hug and we both stood awkwardly in the kitchen. Finally, she jumped into action and started placing the cookies on a paper plate.

              “So where’s Shane?” I asked nonchalantly.

              “I dropped him off at the airport almost an hour and a half ago. His flight leaves in,” she checked her watch. “Well, I guess ten minutes ago. Poor guy was a mess. He wanted to stay here, but his family is in Florida.”

              “I don’t blame him for wanting to stay. He thought of you as a second mom.”

              “And I think of
you and Shane as another one of my children. And if I could give you advice, I would tell you that sometimes staying behind to make others happy won’t make
you
happy.” She handed me the plate of cookies. “But I find him lucky. I wouldn’t mind flying down to Florida and seeing my daughter again.” She nudged me playfully in the arm.

              “Indigo…I can’t…”

              “I know, you’d rather go to Yale and have your baby raised by the nanny –“She read my shocked expression. “Your dad and I talk.”

              “I don’t want that to happen!” I felt my temperature start to rise.

              She grabbed her car keys and jingled them in front of me. She had a huge smile on her face, obviously ready to have an adventure. “Then don’t let it.”

              Before I knew it, we were at the airport. We had no luggage, but it didn’t seem to be a problem. Instead, she bought both tickets and we were on the next flight to Florida. I knew it was crazy, but it was probably the only way that I would ever get away from my problems. I didn’t want to go to Yale. I didn’t want to give my child to the nanny. And I especially didn’t want to be surrounded by the ghosts that haunted me in that small town. I needed somewhere new. And I needed someone who reminded me more of Keiffer than anyone else in this world.

              It wasn’t until we were in a rental car in Florida did I have a chance to call my family. I first called my dad and listened to the wrath that I knew was coming. I knew he would be angry at me. I had left without even telling him. I could tell that he felt betrayed, but soon his voice smoothed out. After making amends with him, I called the one person that I was scared to talk to.

              “Hello?” My mom said into the phone.

              “Mom, hey,” I answered her. I told her that I was in Florida with Indigo. I waited for her to start yelling, but nothing came but silence. I checked the face on my phone to see if we had gotten disconnected. We hadn’t, but she just hadn’t said anything. Finally, she spoke up.

              “This is for the best,” she said quietly. I waited for her to continue. “You’ve always done what your father and I wanted. You’ve never lived your life for yourself. You dated Brad for us, and you were even willing to go to Yale for us. I bet it’s time for you to make your own decision.”

              “I am, mom.” I relaxed a little bit. “And I’m in good hands. I’m with Indigo.”

              “And Shane,” my mom interrupted.

              “Mom!” I laughed. I could hear her laugh on the other end also.

              “Hey, I see things too!” Mom teased into the phone. “And maybe it’ll be good for you to be around someone who really needs some support too. You guys can work on this together.”

              “Thanks, mom.” And with that, we said our goodbyes before hanging up the phone.

              Indigo and I looked at each other, sharing a conversation that only our eyes could say. We stayed quiet until she pulled up to a house with beautiful landscaping. Sidewalk chalk was all over the driveway and a girl about four ran around the front yard with a woman chasing her. It was obvious that they were playing outside for that afternoon. As soon as we parked the car, the lady ran around to the driver’s side and hugged Indigo once she stepped out of the vehicle.

              I stepped out too, taking a good look at the house. The temperature was much warmer in Florida than in Michigan! No wonder Keiffer always had a killer tan! After the two women said their hello’s, they walked over to the side of the car where I was. Indigo was holding the little girl and she introduced the lady to me.

              “Jenna, this is Goldie…Keiffer’s big sister.” I held my hand out and shook her hand. Her face looked a lot like Keiffer’s. They had the same smile with the same dimple. Oh, how I had missed his smile. “Jenna is Keiffer’s new wife.”

              “He told me about you,” Goldie smiled. “You really made him happy.”

              “Yeah…” I answered, suddenly feeling sick to my stomach. Obviously, I didn’t make him too happy.

              “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to the funeral. It was so sudden… I couldn’t get time off from work.” She paused, searching my eyes for forgiveness. “Why don’t you two come in? I’ll get us some lemonade or something.” Goldie invited us inside, but before I had the chance to step into the house, Indigo turned towards me, placing the girl to her feet. I watched the little girl run into the house.

              “I’m happy to be home,” Indigo smiled at me. “I can’t believe how big little Grace got while away. Honey,” she placed her hand on my shoulder. “Shane lives two houses down. His house has dark gray paneling with a white picket fence, it’s almost impossible to miss it. Go to him.”

              “But I’m not here for him…” I responded, my stomach doing a flip.

              “Go to him,” she responded again. I looked her deep in the eyes. She thought this was right, and she hadn’t been wrong yet. Indigo always had the best senses, and she always knew what was right. I took two steps backwards before turning around and fully running down the driveway. I ran until I was standing outside his door.

              I wasn’t quite sure what I was going to say. Should I tell him that I was only here for a friend? Should I tell him that I still loved Keiffer but we could give us a try? I wasn’t quite sure what I was going to say until the front door opened, a young lady standing in the doorway.

              “Is Shane home?” I asked, breathlessly. She shook her head.

              “He’s out back on the beach. You can go through here though.” She opened the door and I slipped into the house. It was nice and neat, not something that I would have expected. Shane was just like Keiffer in so many ways, but their cleanliness was a different story.