A Complicated Summer of Love (Complicated Love Series #3) (14 page)

What happens if I tell Lily how I really feel about her
?

I’m not sure what she feels for me and I hate that I crave her as much as I do. I had to get out of that bar, so I ditched Maddison. I feel guilty for just leaving her, but she’s with the others. Now I’m here, on this beach, trying to decide what to do about this shit that’s swirling around in my mind. I really want to go to Lily and tell her everything that I’m feeling and apologize for the argument earlier. We were both in the wrong and in some way, I regret sleeping with Maddison again. I shouldn’t feel guilty because I’ve done nothing wrong. I’m single and I don’t have to answer to anyone, but it doesn’t stop me feeling guilty for hurting Lily.

“Baby, there you are! I wondered where you went.” I cringe and turn around to see Maddison stumbling toward me. I rush forward when she trips down the steps, catching her in my arms she giggles hysterically. “Oops, my feet seem to have a mind of their own tonight.” She giggles and hiccups before throwing her arms around my neck. “My hero,” she hiccups again.

“Maddison, I think you need to go back to your bungalow. Maybe a lie down would be best?” She laughs again and kisses me on the cheek.

“But the night is still young and I’m having a good time…well, I am with you.” She looks sad for a second and her eyes well up with unshed tears.

“Maddison, what’s wrong?” She sniffles and pulls out of my arms before sitting down on the steps.

“It’s nothing.” She won’t look at me. “I can’t talk about it.” I sit down on the step beside her and wrap my arm around her. She scoots closer to me and rests her head on my shoulder.

“You can tell me anything. You know you can.” She’s silent for a while so I sit there until she’s ready to talk. A few minutes later she looks up at me.

“Why does no one want me?” I frown not understanding why she even asked that. “I’m sick of being second best in people’s eyes, especially men. I just want to feel loved and cared for, you know?” I nod as she carries on. “Why do I always go for the wrong ones? The ones that take advantage and don’t really want me. They flirt and make me feel special, but their heart always belongs to someone else.” She sighs and rests her head back on my shoulder. Hearing her say that, I’m suddenly feeling ashamed of myself.

Is this what I’m doing to her?
Making her feel like she’s second best to me. She probably thinks that I only want her when Lily pushes me away and looking back, I’m beginning to believe that myself. I always go to Maddison when I’m having trouble with my feelings. I’m feeling horrible and angry with myself right now.

“I’m so sorry, Maddison.” She lifts her head and she looks at me, furrowing her brow.

“Why are you apologizing? It isn’t your fault that the man I want keeps pushing me away. He flirts with me and treats me like I’m special and then casts me aside when he feels like it.” I see anger in her eyes now. I have no idea what she’s talking about.

“Maddison, I’m confused.” She doesn’t seem to be listening to me because she continues speaking, “Why should I be treated like that? I know I shouldn’t let him do this to me, but I love him so much. He told me we’d be together soon, but he’s still pretending to play happy families with his bitchy, obnoxious wife and that daughter of theirs.” She tries to stand up, but her legs keep giving way. She giggles when she falls for the second time. I still see the anger in her eyes, though. “We kissed, you know? It was so amazing and I knew then that he was the one. My God when we had sex, though, it was electrifying and he was so sweet when he cuddled me after. We just lay there together for ages and it was so…magical. I’ve waited ages for him to finally tell his wife that he’s leaving her, but I’m sick of waiting. I just want to tell her and then he will finally be with me like we’re supposed to.”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing.
She’s in love with a married man?
She actually thinks this guy is going to leave his family for her. I hate men like this. Men that prey on innocent women and make them fall for them only to throw them away when they’ve had enough. It’s disgusting and I’m finding it hard to comfort her and tell her it’s going to be all right when I know this guy has lied to her. I thought I’d feel something because I’ve been sleeping with Maddison and I thought she wanted me, but I feel nothing. There’s no feeling of jealousy or anger toward her for leading me on. Nothing like that at all, and in a way I’m kind of relieved. It makes me take a good look at the reason why I gravitated toward Maddison. It was because of Lily. Lily is who I want, but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want me. I hear Maddison sniffling and I look down to see tears cascading down her face.

“Maddison…look about this guy. You do know that he’s playing you? He wants you for sex and I’m sorry, but he has no intention of leaving his family.” She jerks her head up and glares at me.

“He does want me. He does. He just has to wait until he can find the right time to tell his wife.” This guy has really done a number on her. I shake my head and it just makes her angrier. “Stop shaking your head. You know nothing about it!” She tries to stand up again, but she isn’t having any luck. It’s not really anything to do with me and I need to get her back to the bungalow and into bed.

“I’m sorry, okay? It’s none of my business.”

“No, it isn’t, so keep your opinions to yourself!” I stand up and help her up to her feet. She’s still stumbling a bit so I wrap my arm around her waist to steady her.

“Let me help you back to the bungalow.” She nods and we stagger along the beach. She’s very unstable so we have to stop a few times as we walk in silence. I’m not sure what’s going through her head right now. I have no idea what to say and obviously we aren’t going to agree on this situation with her and the married guy.

“I’ll prove to you, you know? To all of you,” she mumbles but I still hear her.

“You have nothing to prove to anyone, Maddison.” She giggles.

“He wants me, I know he does and he
will
be mine soon. He
will
end it with his wife and he
will
come to me. He does think I’m special and I’ve been so good to him for so long. Being his PA is the best thing I ever did because it led me to him finally after all these years of loving him from afar, even when that whore Tammy was trying to get him back.” I stop in my tracks and I have to grab onto her tight before she falls over.

Did she say PA?
But I thought she was…Shit!

“Maddison who is this married man?” She giggles again and leans toward me as if what she’s going to say is a secret.

“You can’t tell anyone because he told me not to. I love him so much.” She stares off dreamily and I have to snap my fingers in front of her face to bring her back to reality.

“Who is he, Maddison?” I’m getting angry because I think I know deep down who it is, and I’m outraged beyond belief.

“Joshua of course! I’m his PA…duh!” She looks at me and laughs loudly as she bends over and keeps on laughing until she has tears falling down her face again. I’m confused. She composes herself and looks at me. My face must be a picture because she cuddles into me again.

“Sorry baby. It’s just so good to finally tell someone.” I have no idea what to say.
I thought Annabelle and Joshua were solid?
They seem to be smitten with each other, but under all that he’s seducing his PA and promising her stuff like leaving his wife for her. He’s an asshole, and he needs to be told just how much of a dick he really is. I help Maddison back to her bungalow and unlock the door, glancing inside to see if Lily is around. Luckily she’s nowhere in sight. This would look pretty bad me being here with Maddison. I grab Maddison’s hand and pull her behind me, making my way to her bedroom. She nearly trips on the wool rug on the floor, so I scoop her up in my arms and carry her into her room. Placing her on the bed, she sits up to unzip her dress. I give her a hand when she starts cursing that she can’t reach it at the back. I help her finish getting her dress and shoes off before lifting her legs onto the bed for her. She lays back in just her bra and knickers. She looks at me and smiles.

“Thank you for being such a gentleman, baby.” Her eyelids are drooping and she turns over onto her side. I decide to go and get her a glass of water and some painkillers for her hangover that she’ll inevitably have in the morning. I make my way to the kitchen and hunt around for painkillers which I eventually find in a drawer. Filling a glass up with water, I turn and stop dead in my tracks. Lily is standing there in just a silk, pale green nightie. She looks breathtaking.

“I’m…uh…just getting these for Maddison.” She crosses her arms.

“Not surprising.” She looks bitter and I’m getting annoyed with this attitude she has.

“What the hell do you mean by that?”

She huffs. “You always go to her…always. Is it because she’s a whore and so easy?”

“Don’t call her that.”

She huffs again. “See? Defending her again. Do you know what? Have her! I’m sick of this.” I’m not even sure what she’s on about.

“Look Lily. There’s nothing going on between Maddison and me.”

“You don’t have to explain it to me. I don’t care what you and that whore do. Just stay out of my way!”

I’m getting angry now. “Of course you care. Otherwise, you wouldn’t keep saying that you don’t. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m telling you now, nothing is going on with Maddison and me and there never will be, okay? I’m interested in someone else, but she’s so stubborn and annoying that she keeps causing arguments for no reason and pushing me away whenever we get too close. Even though this keeps happening, she’s all I think about!” I’m panting with anger after my little speech.

She’s staring at me open mouthed and no one is saying anything. I’m waiting for her to say something about what I’ve said. I feel like I’ve been knifed in the chest when she turns around and rushes back to her room without saying anything. I sigh and make my way back to Maddison’s room. I’m angry and annoyed at Lily and obviously what’s happening with Maddison. I place the water and pills on the table near the bed and look over to find Maddison asleep. I grab the throw and drape it over her body.

I can’t believe that Joshua is doing this to her. I kiss her on the cheek and quietly make my way out of her room and out of the bungalow. I’m offended by this whole thing and I think the best idea is to go to bed, but I don’t do that. Instead, I march back across the beach, knowing where I’m heading. I’m going to the Fisherman’s Bar to confront Joshua and let him know what an asshole he is for doing what he’s doing to Maddison. I’m irate and ready for a confrontation.

The night is going better than I expected. I’m pleased that Maddison isn’t here because I hate feeling like I have no control and I’m always waiting for her to blurt out something. Something that will turn my world upside down. She makes everything sound so much worse than it is and I can’t believe Karl asked me if I’d slept with her. That pissed me off so much and I’m fuming he could even ask me. I’m scared that Annabelle is going to find out what happened and I can’t cope with that. I feel so much better that Maddison has scurried off and hasn’t come back. It’s nice being here with Tracy, Karl, and Annabelle. We’ve been sitting and chatting for a while now and I think the girls have had enough to drink because they’re giggling like little school girls. They are funny to watch. Annabelle is laughing loudly and as I look at her, I can’t help but admire how beautiful she is. I’m so lucky to have an incredible wife. She gave me a precious gift bringing my daughter into the world and I can’t wait to start trying for another. I want Ella to have a baby brother or sister and once that happens our family will be complete. Tracy and Annabelle are still giggling about something, but then Tracy looks behind me and frowns.

“What’s up with him?” We all look around to see Brandon marching toward our table. He doesn’t look happy and I’m confused. We haven’t seen him since he walked out when we got here so I’m not sure what’s happened since then. He marches right up to our table and hovers over me. He’s glaring and is panting heavily. We’re all silent, wondering what’s happening. Tracy decides to try and break the silence.

“Brandon, you okay?” He doesn’t speak and continues to stare at me. I feel sort of intimated by the way he’s hovering over me with his hands scrunched tightly into fists. “Brandon…earth to Brandon? What’s your problem?” She giggles and I know she’s had too much to drink to take this seriously. I stand up and he backs off a bit but not too much.

“Mate…” The punch comes from nowhere and before I know it I’m laid out on the floor with Brandon looming over me. I hear Annabelle and Tracy squeal. Karl comes around and helps me off the floor so I’m standing in front of Brandon. My jaw is hurting and it’s going to be bruised badly. I feel a trickle of something on my top lip so I wipe away the warm liquid noticing that it’s blood.

“Oh my God Joshua, your nose is bleeding.” Annabelle is by my side digging into her purse until she pulls out some tissues and gives them to me. She swirls around and glares at Brandon. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing? What the hell was that about?” Her eyes are stormy and her lips curl downwards into a snarl. Anger waves are permeated from her and I can see just how angry she is.

“Stay out of it Annabelle! You really don’t want to know what I know.”

I swallow hard.
What does he know?
I’m beginning to think this has something to do with Maddison. I’m not stupid and I know they’ve been cozy with each other during this holiday.

Annabelle sighs. “What are you talking about and why wouldn’t I want to know?”

Brandon hasn’t stopped staring at me even though he’s speaking directly to Annabelle.

“Okay, you want to know? Then I’ll tell you. I think it’s only fair that I tell
you
because this concerns
you
. I’ll tell you what your precious husband has been doing.” Annabelle looks at me and then at Brandon. I can’t gage what she’s thinking and I feel physically ill. I get up and take a step around Annabelle so that she’s behind me.

“Look mate—”

“I’m not your mate. Not after what you’ve done.”

“I haven’t done anything. I don’t know what you’ve been told, but it’s not true Brandon.”

“What’s not true?” I look at Annabelle and she’s biting her lip. “What’s he talking about Joshua?” I don’t know how to tell her what happened and I’m not sure what Maddison has told him.

“Darling, can you go with Tracy and Karl while I sort this out?” She shakes her head and I know she’s going to be stubborn because she crosses her arms.

“No, I want to know what he’s talking about and I’m not leaving until I find out.” I look around at Brandon and he’s standing there with a smirk on his face.

“Please don’t do this here. You don’t know the truth about what actually happened, so please wait until we’re back at the bungalows.”

Brandon laughs and shakes his head. “No way. You’re not getting out of this. You can’t treat people the way you’ve treated Maddison. She’s in bits because of your actions and promises you’ve made her. You have no right to do this. You’re a married man for God’s sake.”

I don’t want this to happen, but I have no control now because Brandon is saying his piece. I can’t look at Annabelle right now.

“You treated her like a whore. You made her fall in love with you and then just cast her aside when you’d had enough. Does it make you feel good to break a woman’s heart? You have screwed her up big time.”

I take a step toward Brandon with my palms up. “Brandon look, what Maddison has told you just isn’t true. I swear.”

“Save your crap, Joshua.” He looks over my shoulder and back at me. “Maybe you better explain things to your wife. I’m sure she’d like to know that you slept with Maddison.” He moves toward me until we’re nose to nose. “Don’t you even think of going anywhere near Maddison…ever again. She deserves more than you’re giving her.” He turns around and storms off. I’m left standing here feeling sick to my stomach. It’s silent between us and all that can be heard is the music. I sigh, knowing that I have to face Annabelle. Looking at her, I’m overcome with emotion when I see Annabelle standing stock still with her hands by her sides. She’s biting her lip and I notice her glassy, watery eyes. She trying to stop herself from crying, so I take a step toward her.

“Don’t Joshua!” She sniffles. “Is it true? Did you sleep with Maddison?”

Tracy wraps her arm around her, and I can feel her eyes on me. I glance up and notice that she’s glaring. She clenches and unclenches her fists, trying to gain control of her emotions, but her face is a red and I can imagine smoke coming out of her ears by the anger she is radiating.

“Darling, I’ve never slept with Maddison, I swear. She’s obsessed with me.”

“Obsessed with you?” She snorts and her tears fall freely down her face now. “That’s your way of explaining why Brandon has just stormed in here and accused you in front of our friends…saying you’ve screwed your PA!” She gets angrier as she spits out her words.

“Darling, I—”

“Just don’t! I can’t do this.” She races out of the bar. I want to go after her, but Tracy jumps in.

“Joshua, I’ll go after her.” She’s looking at me with disappointment written all over her face. “How could you!”

“Tracy, I didn’t do anything, okay?” She doesn’t seem to believe me. Karl places his hand on Tracy’s shoulder.

“Go and check on Annabelle. I’m going to stay here with Joshua.” She nods her head and heads off after Annabelle. I slump down in my seat and notice I don’t have a beer. Karl must know what I’m thinking.

“I’ll get us a couple of beers. I think it’s a good idea to stay here for a while.”

He heads off to the bar. He’s right. There’s no point in going back yet. I need to wait for Annabelle to calm down and maybe then I can explain what happened. I’m having a difficult time believing this is even happening. Maddison is a complete psycho, and I hate her for what she’s done. She’s turning my friends and wife against me, and I’ll be damned if I let her get away with this. I know we shared a kiss and I’m guilty of that, but I’ve never slept with her and I
will
make her tell the truth. Karl returns with two beers and places one down in front of me. We spend a good part of an hour talking and drinking about anything, but the horrible situation that’s awaiting us.

I’m physically exhausted and I feel like my heart has been ripped from my body and smashed on the floor. I’ve got no idea how to feel about the information Brandon relayed. This is Joshua he was talking about.
My Joshua.
The Joshua that’s always sweet, kind, romantic and caring. He makes me feel like the most precious and the most extraordinary woman in the world.

This can’t be right…can it?

I’m finding it hard to believe that what I’ve heard is real and not some sort of made up rubbish. After everything that happened with his ex–Tammy, I thought we were stronger and had built up a beautiful relationship together. We even have a daughter that we both cherish.

Why would he blow all he has for sex with his PA?

I need to get away and clear my head. I can’t think of anything other than getting out of the bar, so I race out and now I’m walking across the beach toward the bungalows. I don’t want to see anyone right now.

“Annabelle, wait up.” I sigh in relief knowing that it’s Tracy who’s followed me. I’m glad it’s not Joshua because I can’t speak to him…not yet. I slow my pace and Tracy catches up and starts walking beside me. We don’t speak for a few minutes. I feel my eyes welling up again and I try to stop them, but nothing helps. Tears keep trickling down my face. I’ve been attempting to wipe them away, but they’re coming thick and fast now and Tracy notices.

“Oh, babe…come here.” She pulls me to a stop and hugs me tightly. I’m sobbing so hard that I can’t see a thing because my eyes are so blurry. I have a pounding headache. Pulling away from Tracy, I try to wipe my eyes again.

Tracy bites her lip and glances at me with a worried glance. “Are you okay?”

I laugh when she says it, I can’t help it.

“Okay, dumb question, but at least I got you to laugh. She wraps her arm around my shoulders and we set off again. “Look, I know you’re hurting at the moment, but you have to speak to Joshua.”

I shake my head. “No, I can’t. I don’t know what to say to him.”

“You have to give him a chance to explain. You don’t know what’s actually happened, and you’re only going by what Brandon has heard from Maddison. I’m as pissed off as you are, believe me, and for a second I believed it. But now I just think you need to talk to him and find out from him…what happened.”

I’m thinking about what she’s just said.
Maybe I do need to speak with him?
I need to find out what actually happened.

“I think your right.”

She laughs and squeezes my shoulder. “I’m always right. You should know that by now.”

Smiling, I’m glad she’s here with me. We walk to my bungalow and Tracy stays with me for a while. An hour later we hear chatter outside. Tracy and I have been sitting here, talking about loads of different things and trying not to think about this situation I find myself in. The chatter is still going on outside the door, so I know it’s Joshua and Karl. I’m not sure if I’m ready to speak to him, but I guess I can’t put it off since we are going home tomorrow morning.