A Cousin's Promise (20 page)

Loraine’s legs shook like a newborn colt as she stumbled into the house. She could hardly believe Jake had kissed her. She could hardly believe she’d let him.

She leaned against the door, her heart racing so hard she feared she might pass out. Gulping in several deep breaths, she tried to calm herself.

Should I have agreed to go out with Jake tonight? Am I falling for him again? Oh Lord, how could I have let this happen? If I allow myself to fall in love with Jake, how can I ever face Wayne?

Loraine remained slumped against the door, breathing deeply and replaying Jake’s kiss in her mind. At first it had taken her by surprise, but then she’d begun to relax, and had found the kiss to be comforting and kind of nice. Then, when he’d deepened the kiss, it had taken her breath away. That frightened her a lot!

She stayed at the door for several more minutes. Once she’d calmed down enough to walk without shaking, she tiptoed up the stairs and into her room. Thankfully, Mom and Dad’s bedroom door was shut, so she assumed they were asleep. Good. She didn’t feel up to engaging in any small talk or answering anyone’s questions about her date with Jake. She needed to be alone to think, pray, and read her Bible.

Loraine found the Bible lying in the drawer of her nightstand. She’d been negligent in reading it regularly, using the excuse that she was too tired by the time she went to bed each night. Tonight, however, she needed some answers and knew they’d best come by filling her mind with God’s Word.

She took a seat on the bed, opened the Bible, and turned to Psalms, one of her favorite books. She thumbed through a few pages, until her gaze came to rest on verse 4 of chapter 37. It was the same verse that had been attached to a loaf of friendship bread she’d gotten from Ella several weeks ago. “Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”

I don’t know what my desire is, Lord,
Loraine silently prayed.
I used to think I wanted to be married to Jake, but after he left, I fell in love with Wayne. Now Jake’s back, and I’m having some feelings for him again. Yet whenever I see Wayne, I long to be with him. Is what I’m feeling for Jake really love? Or am I merely attracted to Jake because Wayne’s pushed me away? If I continue to see Jake, will he think we’re back together? Do I want us to be? Wayne says he doesn’t love me anymore, but I can’t seem to let go of what we once had. Oh Lord, what do I want? What should I do?

No answers came; just the steady
tick-tock
of the clock by her bed.

She stood and moved over to the window. The bright, full moon she’d seen earlier was now hidden behind the cloudy night sky. As she stared into the yard, she saw nothing but darkness. Even the stars she’d made comment about on the drive home had disappeared.

She pulled the window open, and a chilly breeze blew in, causing her to shiver. She didn’t care. The cold air might help clear her head. Leaning against the windowsill, she drew in several deep, even breaths.

Still, no clear direction as to what she should do.

With a sigh of resignation, she closed the window and returned to her bed.

Flopping against the pillows, Loraine closed her eyes. Almost immediately, an image of Jake popped into her head—playful, teasing, full of laughter and life. Then she saw Wayne in her mind’s eye—not the way he used to be, but the way he was now: somber, pessimistic, full of self-doubt.

What happened to you, Wayne?
Loraine’s soul cried out.
Why’d you have to stop loving me? Have you given up on life? What happened to our plans to live together as husband and wife for the rest of our lives?

Tears coursed down her cheeks, and she sniffed and swiped them away with the back of her hand.
Maybe I should give Jake a chance. That’s what Wayne wants, after all. I may not love Jake in the same way I love Wayne, but I do enjoy being with him more than I care to admit. Maybe it’s okay to settle for second best.

Feeling a tug at his heart to spend some time in God’s Word, Wayne lifted his Bible off the nightstand and took a seat on his bed. He opened it to the book of Proverbs, and his gaze came to rest on chapter 3, verses 5 and 6: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

Wayne swallowed against the lump in his throat. He knew he hadn’t been trusting in God these last few months. He’d been wallowing in self-pity and was full of doubts. His understanding of things had pulled him down to the pit of despair. He hadn’t acknowledged God or allowed Him to direct his paths, either. He’d been trying to do everything in his own strength, irritated when others wanted to help. He’d been ashamed of his appearance and embarrassed and concerned about what others thought because he only had one leg. He’d felt incapable of becoming a husband because he thought he was only half a man.

Wayne turned over to the book of Isaiah and read chapter 50, verse 7: “For the Lord God will help me; therefore shall I not be confounded: therefore have I set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be ashamed.”

He set the Bible aside and closed his eyes.
Maybe my situation
isn’t hopeless, Lord. Just as the stump of my leg has begun to heal, my emotional wounds need to heal as well. I realize now that You’ve been with me all the time, helping me to get through each day. Please help me learn to accept my limitations and be thankful for the things I’m able to do.

Wayne thought about how, for the last few weeks, he’d been helping Pop in his taxidermy business. To his surprise, he’d found that he rather enjoyed the work, and they were making a decent living. He’d adjusted fairly well to the prosthesis, too, so maybe getting married and raising a family wasn’t an impossible thing.

He winced as he pulled the covers aside and crawled into bed.
Loraine’s the only woman I’d ever want to marry, but it’s too late for us now that she and Jake are back together. She deserves to be happy, so I won’t come between them. Loraine and Jake will never know how I feel.

Tears sprang to Ella’s eyes as she sat near the fireplace, rocking in her chair, and thinking about Loraine and the things she’d said when Jake had come to pick Loraine up for their date.

I only want to help her,
she silently moaned.
I don’t want to see her get hurt again.
Ella’s tears trickled down her cheeks and splashed onto the front of her robe. She was glad the rest of the family had gone to bed. She was supposed to be the strong one and didn’t want anyone to see her give in to her tears.

Loraine and I have always been so close, but since the accident, we’ve been drifting further and further apart.
She squeezed her eyes shut.
Is it my fault, Lord? Am I the reason Loraine’s been pulling away?

When Ella opened her eyes, she saw Dad’s Bible lying on the coffee table, where he’d placed it after they’d done their family devotions earlier this evening.
What was that verse of scripture Dad read?
Ella had been so upset with Loraine and Jake when she’d come home, she hadn’t really listened to much of anything during devotions.

Ella rose from her chair and picked up the Bible. Then, taking a seat on the sofa, she opened it to the place that had been marked with a narrow piece of ribbon. It was the book of Proverbs, and Dad had underlined verse 24 of chapter 18. “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”

The words swam on the page because of Ella’s tears. She’d been trying to be a good friend to Loraine, but everything she said seemed to be taken the wrong way.
Why can’t Loraine see that Jake isn’t the right man for her? Why won’t she listen to my warnings? Doesn’t she realize she’s walking on dangerous ground?

Ella flipped through a few more pages, until her gaze came to rest on another verse Dad had underlined: “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”

She continued to read several more verses that had been underlined, and swallowed on the sob rising in her throat when she read Proverbs 27:15: “A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.”

“I’ve been a contentious woman and have been going about trying to help Loraine in all the wrong ways,” she murmured. “If I want Loraine to remain my friend, then I need to keep quiet about Jake. It’s Loraine’s life, and she has to make her own decisions without interference from me. From now on, I’ll keep my opinions and concerns to myself.”

As Jake headed down the road toward home, he couldn’t stop thinking about Loraine and the way he’d felt being with her tonight. He only hoped his unexpected kiss hadn’t driven her away. Since he’d recently purchased a couple of thoroughbred horses, he figured if things went well with Loraine and he was able to get his business going soon, in a few more months, he might be in a position to ask her to marry him. The question that nagged him the most, though, was whether Loraine might still be in love with Wayne.

Directing his focus on the road ahead, Jake decided he would stop worrying and commit his future to God.

He was almost home when he spotted a couple of horses running down the road. It was too dark to see what color they were, but he had a sinking feeling they were his.

He pulled his horse and buggy onto the shoulder of the road and was about to get out and investigate, when he spotted a semi-truck barreling down the road in the opposite lane.

Jake’s heart leaped into his throat. Before he had the chance to react, the truck slammed on its brakes, skidded several feet, and plowed into the first horse, knocking it to the side of the road. The second horse, obviously panicked, reared up, and rammed into the side of the truck.

Jake let out a yelp, jumped from his buggy, and dashed into the road, where the truck had stopped.

The driver got out, and stood there, shaking his head. “I didn’t see the horses until it was too late.” He looked over at Jake. “Are they yours?”

Jake nodded, as the headlights from the truck made the horses clearly visible. They were his! What a horrible ending to an otherwise perfect day!

“I still can’t believe my horses got out on the road last night,” Jake said as he took a seat at the breakfast table. “One horse is dead, and the other one injured so bad it might never fully recover.” He groaned. “I’ll never get my business going at this rate.”

“Maybe you need to accept the fact that you might not be able to have your horse ranch here,” Dad said. “You oughta be thankful you’ve got a job working for me.”

“I’ve already told you, I don’t want to shoe horses for the rest of my life. I want to raise and train horses.” Jake looked over at his three younger brothers. “When I left to take Loraine out to supper last night, my horses were both in the corral, and the gate was closed. Did any of you open the gate?”

Vern and Kyle, the two youngest boys, shook their heads.

“I never went near the corral last night, either,” Elmer said.

“Well, somebody had to open that gate!” Jake frowned. “It sure didn’t open itself and let the horses out.”

“Maybe it blew open in the wind,” Jake’s sister Marilyn spoke up.

Jake shook his head. “That’s not likely since there wasn’t any wind last night. I’m sure someone in this family opened that gate and they’re just sittin’ here, afraid to tell.” He eyeballed his brothers again.

“That’s enough with the blaming,” Dad said in a stern voice. “The horses got out, and we don’t know how, so let’s just leave it at that.”

“That’s easy enough for you to say,” Jake mumbled. “They weren’t your horses.”

“Even if they had been my horses, I wouldn’t be trying to put the blame on someone else for what happened.” Dad put both hands on the table, and locked his fingers together. “Now, let’s pray.”

As Jake bowed his head with the others, all he could think to pray about was his situation with Loraine. He had to see her today. Had to find out if she was upset with him for kissing her last night. Had to know if there was any chance that they might have a future together.

I’ll go over to her place later today,
he decided.
Or maybe I’ll stop by the Lambrights’ around five o’clock. Loraine might be fixing dinner for them.

“I’ll be going over to the Lambrights’ after I get off work again today,” Loraine told her mother as she set the table for breakfast.

“I wish you wouldn’t go over there so often,” Mom said, reaching for her choring apron.

“Ada still needs help.” Loraine grabbed three napkins from the basket in the center of the table.

“I realize that, since I, too, have been helping out there. Even so, I don’t think it’s good for you to hang around Wayne so much.” Mom sighed. “I know the main reason you keep going over there is because you’re hoping he’ll change his mind about breaking up with you.”

Loraine let the napkins fall to the table and whirled around to face her mother. “I’m not trying to get Wayne to change his mind. Fact is, I’ve changed
my
mind.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve decided to give Jake a chance. If he asks me out again, I’m going to say yes.”

Mom smiled and moved over to the stove. “Now that is good news.”

Loraine took a pitcher of grape juice from the refrigerator and set it on the table. She could understand why Mom might like Jake better than Wayne. He was a lot more pleasant to talk to, and he always had a joke or funny story to tell. Still, Wayne had his good points, too—or at least he used to before the accident. Too bad Mom couldn’t be more supportive of Wayne. Maybe with a little encouragement, Loraine might not have given up on Wayne herself. Maybe Mom could have even put in a good word with Ada on Loraine’s behalf. But no, she just took her turn at helping and never said a thing.

Loraine poured juice into one of the glasses and took a drink, hoping to push down the lump that had lodged itself in her throat. Ella, who was supposed to be one of her best friends, wasn’t supportive or understanding, either. Mom wanted her to get together with Jake, and every chance Ella got, she tried to convince Loraine that Jake was no good for her. Well, Ella and Mom could think whatever they wanted. After mulling things over last night, despite the fact that she’d gotten no clear answers from God, Loraine had made her decision.

Wayne poured the last bit of coffee from his cup down the sink and glanced out the window just as a young Amish woman pedaled up the driveway on a bicycle. He squinted, trying to make out who she was, but she was too far away to know for sure.

He waited at the window until she drew closer, and when she stopped her bike near the house and got off, he realized it was Fern Bontrager.

What’s Fern doing here?
he wondered.
Last I heard, she was living in Ohio.

He went to the door and opened it just as she stepped onto the porch.

“Hello, Wayne.” Fern smiled shyly. “It’s good to see you again.”

He gave a nod. “I didn’t realize you were in the area. Has your family moved back to Indiana?”

Fern shook her head. “My folks still live in Ohio, but my brother Freeman and I are moving here.”

“Oh?”

She nodded. “I’ll be teaching at the schoolhouse where Jolene Yoder taught before she lost her hearing, and Freeman hopes to open a bike shop.”

“I see.” Wayne leaned against the doorjamb, feeling the need for a little support. He remembered how, when he and Fern had been going out together, Mom had said she really liked Fern and hoped she and Wayne might get married someday. He figured Mom would probably be happy to hear that Fern was moving back, but he hoped she wouldn’t have any ideas about him and Fern getting together again. He wasn’t sure why Mom had always liked Fern so well. Maybe it was because she was such a compliant person and had always agreed with everything Mom said.

“I heard about the horrible accident you and your friends were in,” Fern said. “I felt bad when I learned that you’d lost a leg because of it.”

Wayne lifted his pant leg enough to reveal his prosthesis. “Thanks to this, I’m able to walk at least.”

“It’s really good that things like that are made available to people who lose a limb.”

Wayne nodded. “They’re expensive, though.”

“I can only imagine. Did you have help from the community paying for it?” she asked.

“Jah. They held an auction, and even though it was cut short because of a fire in the building, enough money came in to help with everyone’s medical expenses.”

“That’s good to hear.” Fern’s forehead wrinkled. “I saw Loraine Miller and Jake Beechy at Tiffany’s restaurant last night. I was surprised to see them together. The last I’d heard, you and Loraine were engaged to be married, and Jake was living in Montana.”

Wayne shrugged. “Loraine and I broke up, and now she’s seeing Jake again.”

“Oh, I see.”

A harsh wind whistled under the eaves of the porch, causing Fern to shiver and pull her jacket tightly around her neck. “The weather sure is unpredictable these days. One day it’s too warm for fall, and the next day it almost feels like winter.”

Wayne nodded. “Why don’t you come in out of the cold? I’m sure my mamm will be glad to see you.”

“I’d like to see her as well.” Fern stepped into the house, and Wayne shut the door.

“Mom broke her leg a few weeks ago, so she’s not up to doing much yet.” Wayne motioned to the door leading to the living room. “You’ll find her in there.”

Fern gave him a curious stare. “Aren’t you coming in to visit with us?”

Wayne shifted uneasily. He had no desire to listen to Mom gush over Fern, but he didn’t want to appear impolite, either. “Jah, sure,” he said, feigning a smile. “I guess I can sit and visit awhile.”

When they stepped into the living room, Mom’s face broke into a wide smile. “Fern Bontrager! What a pleasant surprise! I had no idea you were back in town.”

“I’ve been hired to teach at the schoolhouse in this district,” Fern explained.

“Ach, that’s wunderbaar!” Mom patted the sofa cushion beside her. “Come, sit and tell me all about it.”

Fern removed her jacket and took a seat beside Mom. Wayne seated himself in the recliner across from them. For the next several minutes he listened to Fern tell about her folks and how much they enjoyed living in Ohio. When Fern finally came up for air, Mom jumped right in.

“Did you hear about the accident Wayne and his friends were in?”

Fern nodded soberly. “My folks found out when they read about it in
The Budget.
We were sorry to hear that some lost their lives.”

“It’s been a sad time for all.” Mom looked over at Wayne with a doting expression. “We’re very grateful that our son is alive, even though his leg had to be amputated because of his injuries.”

“She knows about that, too,” Wayne said, “But let’s not go into the details, okay?”

Mom’s pinched expression let him know that she’d planned to do just that, but he was relieved when she nodded and relaxed against the sofa pillows.

“I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed our visits,” she said, patting Fern’s arm. “As soon as you get settled in, you’ll have to come over for supper some evening.” She glanced back at Wayne. “It’ll give you two a chance to get reacquainted.”

Fern said nothing, and Wayne looked around the room, wishing there was a hole in the floor so he could crawl right in it.

“Do you need a place to stay while you’re here, Fern?” Mom asked. “Because if you do—”

“My bruder, Freeman, and I will be staying with our grandma, Sara Bontrager.”

“Is Freeman moving here with you?”

Fern nodded. “He’s hoping to open his own bike shop.”

Mom smiled. “That sounds exciting. We can always use another bike shop in the area.”

For the next several minutes, Wayne listened to Mom and Fern gab on and on, but when Mom started dropping hints about what a good wife Fern would make for some lucky fellow, he decided it was time to take his leave.

“If you two will excuse me,” he said, rising to his feet, “I need to get out to the taxidermy shop. Pop’s planning to work on a baby fox that was brought in by one of our English neighbors, so I’d better not keep him waiting.”

Mom pursed her lips. “Oh, but I thought—”

“It’s been nice seeing you again, Fern.” Wayne hurried from the room.

When Ella entered the hardware store, she was relieved to see Loraine behind the counter waiting on a middle-aged English woman. After the decision she’d made last night, she needed to talk to Loraine and make things right.

She waited over by the rack of books until the customer had paid for her purchases and left the store, and then she quickly stepped up to the counter. “I’m glad you’re working today, because I need to tell you something,” she said, leaning as close to Loraine as the counter between them would allow.

Loraine tapped her fingers along the edge of the cash register. “If you’re here to give me another lecture about Jake, you can save your breath; I’ve already made my decision.”

“What decision?”

“About me and Jake.” Loraine’s voice lowered to a whisper. “Since Wayne has made it more than clear that he doesn’t love me anymore, I’ve decided to give Jake a chance. That is, if he wants to continue seeing me,” she quickly added.

Ella leaned against the counter, too dumbfounded to say a word. Even though she’d planned to tell Loraine that she wouldn’t say negative things about Jake anymore, she hadn’t expected to hear such a declaration.

“Aren’t you going to say something?” Loraine asked, nudging Ella’s arm. “I’m sure what I said is not what you were hoping to hear; am I right about that?”

Ella slowly shook her head. “It’s not what I’d like to hear, but I’ve been doing some thinking and praying, and I’ve come to realize that it’s your life, not mine.” She forced a smile. “So if you think Jake will make you happy, then it’s none of my business.”

Loraine’s mouth gaped open as she stared at Ella in disbelief. “Do you really mean that?”

“Said so, didn’t I?” Tears welled in Ella’s eyes. “We’ve been best cousin-friends since we were little girls, and I don’t want anything or anyone to come between us. I’m sorry for the things I said before. From now on, I’m behind you one hundred percent.”

Loraine stepped out from behind the counter and gave Ella a hug. “You really are my best cousin-friend.”

Ella grinned. She might not like the idea of Jake dating her cousin, but she felt good about her decision to stop nagging Loraine and just be her friend.

“Pop’s gonna run to town for a few things we need in his shop, and I’d like to go with him,” Wayne said when he stepped into the living room where Ada sat on the sofa with a basket of mending beside her. “Will you be okay here by yourself until we get back? I don’t think we’ll be gone for more than a few hours.”

“Jah, sure, I’ll be fine.” She lifted the pair of trousers she’d been mending. “I’ll stay busy with these for a while, and then I may take a nap.”

“That’s a good idea. I’m sure one of the ladies in our community will be over later with some supper for us, so there’s no reason you can’t rest until we get back from town.”

As Wayne started to leave the room, she called out, “Were you as surprised to see Fern this morning as I was?”

He turned and nodded. “I guess the members of the school board will be happy to have another full-time teacher.”

“What about you, son? Aren’t you happy to have your girlfriend back in town?”

Wayne’s eyes narrowed. “Ex-girlfriend, Mom. Fern and I haven’t dated each other in several years.”

“That’s true, but since she’s back now, I thought maybe—”

“You thought you could figure out some way to get us back together?”

Ada’s face heated up. “Well, I—”

“If that’s what you had in mind, you can forget about it.” Wayne shook his head. “I’m not interested in a relationship with Fern or any other woman. I’ve come to realize that staying a bachelor’s the best thing for me.”

“Oh, but—”

“I’ve gotta go. Pop’s waiting in the buggy, and the sooner we get going, the sooner we’ll be back. See you later, Mom.” Wayne hurried from the room, leaving Ada shaking her head.

“I wish men weren’t so stubborn,” she mumbled as she threaded her needle. “And I wish my son would realize that I only want what’s best for him.”