A Cowboy For Christmas (9 page)

“
No.” Her hunched shoulders
kept him close to the door, watching her as she took a deep breath.
When she motioned to the couch, he came in and sat, leaving space
between them.

Suddenly he noticed the
pile of folded blankets next to the couch. “You’re sleeping out
here?”

Shrugging, she tried to say
something, but just ran her fingers through her hair. He didn’t
understand for a minute, but it didn’t take long. From where he
sat, he could see down the hallway, to the bedroom door. It was
shut. He doubted she’d gone into Ben’s old room.

Brent felt so lousy about
himself he didn’t know what to say.

She cleared her throat.
“I’m sorry.”

Even if she’d kissed him
first, which he doubted now, it wasn’t her fault. “You don’t have
to be sorry for it.”

She looked up to his face
again. He saw regret in her eyes and braced for the words. “I have
to be, and I can’t do that again.”

“
You didn’t like it?” His
question went over the line, but he had to know. He wasn’t sure how
he’d walk away from someone so mysterious, so beautiful.

“
I did like kissing you,
Brent.” The way she spoke slowly had him bracing for the ‘but’.
“I’m just not ready for a relationship.”

“
I wasn’t either. There’s
no way to prepare for that.” She’d about knocked him over, sent him
into moans.

“
I don’t think I’ll ever be
ready for that.” She stood back up as she spoke, and he jumped to
his feet after her.

“
If you’re not attracted to
me, tell me, but please don’t turn away if it’s something
else.”

She folded her arms. “I
don’t have to explain this to you, or anybody. I told you my
problems are just that, remember? My problems.” Anger simmered
under her quick words. She took three long strides to the door and
grabbed the handle.

She was tall, but he was
taller and took two steps to catch her. He planted a hand on top of
hers. “That’s not how it works with people who care about
you.”

“
What?”

“
Yeah, I care about you.”
Without warning, he planted his mouth on hers again. She made a
noise that started like an
hmm
and ended with an
ahh
! She leaned into him, going soft,
her hands relaxing on his shoulders, but it ended quickly. With a
shove, she separated them.

Eyes dancing with fury and
heat, she declared, “I don’t have to kiss you, and I don’t have to
explain!”

Taking her gently by the
chin, he held her so she looked straight into his eyes. “Of course
you don’t have to kiss me. But since you did back there, you should
tell me why you don’t want to do it again.”

“
No!” She shook, trying not
to cry. “I can’t.”

“
Why, Missy? What happened
that made you this way? Because your boss lied about you, or
because he did something else?”

She stared at him with icy
eyes.

“
He hurt you?” Sure, he was
blunt. He’d always been that way. But he regretted this instance of
it because the emotion slid off her face. He’d lost her.

Instead of responding, she
passed him and walked down the hall. Man, he needed to learn how to
talk to people. He went to the bathroom door where she’d locked
herself in.

“
I’m sorry,
Missy.”

She answered with
silence.

“
I’m too curious for my own
good.” He resigned himself to talking to the door. “I’ve grown to
care about you. It happened when we met, but I didn’t want to like
you. I can’t fight it now. So I’m sorry about whatever
happened.”

Wow, his longest speech
ever. He heard quiet crying and nothing else.

“
I hold on too tight, I
know.” Confession time now, he guessed. “I don’t want to push you
away. I don’t want to lose you, too.” She didn’t answer and he was
out of words.

Now what? He could hear her
crying and couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

Sure, he could sit and
wait. Or he could remember his place, or more specifically that
this was her place now, her home.

“
Okay, I’m leaving, but I
won’t give up on you.” His legs felt stiff on his way out, like he
had to push through river water to get outside.

He gulped down a cool
breath of sweet Oregon air. This complicated the hell out of
things, but there was no turning back.

* * * *

“
Has there been a flash
flood warning?” Dale asked as he met Brent at the stable entrance
in the early morning.

“
Not officially, but I feel
something coming. Let’s get the rest of the horses in.” He’d
brought in two already, but he needed help to calm down the horses
remaining in the pasture.

They were excited about
something, and it just might be the heavy rain they’d had for days
now.

The horses couldn’t seem to
make up their minds once they were inside for the day. They settled
down, then panicked again.

“
It’s just rain,” he
muttered to himself before the truth hit him. His mood, not the
weather, was spooking them.

He trudged back to the
pasture. How was he supposed to act normal? He wanted to help Missy
through this, whatever it was. Plus, they couldn’t work together
with things the way they were.

With the horses in their
stalls, he felt better.

“
Brent?” That one quiet
word behind him made him jump. He turned around to find Missy
bundled in a thick brown jacket, her arms crossed and pulled
close.

He stood, staring, a full
minute at her lips, red from the cold, and her weepy eyes. They
were wide, driving him crazy, and reminding him he should
answer.

“
Missy.” He stepped closer,
gauging her reaction, but she didn’t move.

“
I’m sorry I shut you out
like that.” She dropped her gaze.

“
No, I am. I said the wrong
thing.” This felt like a second chance to talk things out, but he
knew to step lightly. He wondered if he could at least offer a hand
of support on her shoulder.

She was trying not to cry
and needed something. So he took the last step, but stopped in
front of her, not touching, just waiting. “Well, if we’re both
sorry, let’s just move on. If you want to, that is.”

When she nodded, he moved
his arm across her back and drew her closer. That sweet lavender
smell reached him right before she relaxed into him. Her head
leaned and rested on his shoulder.

“
Can we be friends again?”
she asked. Feeling her in his arms stirred protective feelings. She
felt like a fragile fawn, too wobbly to stand on its new legs. Her
lavender and spice scent stirred other things, but he ignored
them.

“
Friends, Missy.”
And anything else you want from
me
. He hoped she sensed that thought
because speaking it wouldn’t be right.

He couldn’t fight for a
woman who asked him for his friendship. She clearly needed that,
someone to depend on. He could be a good friend, it had always been
the
more
that
caused problems.

* * * *

After she looked out her
window the next morning and saw Brent working with horses, Missy
stayed indoors for the day. Somehow she had to keep busy and not
think about their kisses.

The cabin had no TV, so she
tried to finish the cleaning. She’d added some touches of her own
here and there, though she’d been hesitant to replace Ben’s things
with her own.

Coming here turned her life
around. She’d spent three years thinking about the firm, her
accounts, building her reputation. She’d fought and won
battles.

Now she questioned what
she’d been fighting for. Whatever she sought before, wasn’t
there.

She stood by the window
that faced down the road, toward Brent’s house. She couldn’t see
it.

After glancing around the
empty cabin, she went outside for a walk. It was eleven, and she
saw Dale and Ivan working on the fence Brent was adding to section
off the pasture.

She needed to talk to them,
without Brent around. What better way to befriend two men than with
food? She headed inside to fix something. Twenty minutes later, she
brought them hot drinks and sandwiches and hung around to hear
their rodeo stories.

Halfway through Dale’s
recounting of the time he broke four ribs, she heard Brent’s giant
truck hauling down the gravel road. She knew she wouldn’t get out
of there in time without being rude, and that would undo her
efforts with the men.

He pulled the truck up by
his house and headed their way. Why should she avoid him? She’d
never felt so safe with anyone else.

She watched him walk,
watched his long jean-clad legs. He was dependable about those
jeans. Every day she got to drool over him in them.

Teasing aside, he was
patient. He gave great massages. Cooked her a wonderful dinner. And
every time, he walked her home without making a move. Until that
kiss.

She met his gaze, wondering
if he could tell what she was thinking about.

“
So this is what I miss
when I head into town for a day?”

“
You should take off more
often.” Ivan grinned over his sandwich.

Brent gave her a
look.

“
I wasn’t sure what to do
with myself. You weren’t here handing out chores.” She tried for
the light tone that their teasing had carried before, but when her
gaze met his, she could tell he wouldn’t see her as an annoying
city girl ever again.

Dale and Ivan both seemed
to miss his lack of response and jumped knee-deep into conversation
about getting the fence finished before the rain came
back.

“
Thanks for lunch, Missy,”
Dale said as the two men headed back to work.

“
Seems they like
you.”

“
I try.” She picked up the
tray and mugs.

“
Listen, you don’t need me
telling you what to do. If you want to join them, go ahead. Or go
for a ride. Feed the horses.”

“
Are you tired of bossing
me around?” She gave him a grin, but he saw through it.

“
You don’t need bossing
around.” He tipped his hat and turned to leave.

Just like that? She watched
him go, sinking inside. Why wasn’t she happy that he listened to
her? First time she’d ever gotten a man to do what she wanted, and
it didn’t want to make her dance around. Darn him!

She took the dishes back to
the house before she headed down to the stables. If she’d learned
anything, it was how to muck out a stall, so she took on the dirty
job with a vengeance.

Did he think she wanted
space? Yeah, she’d asked to be friends, and that meant she wanted
to spend time around him.

She needed him.

Where did that come from?
She didn’t need anyone.

* * * *

Look at that. Her hair
flying and dancing with the horse’s gait, Missy rode Speckle with
an ease that usually came with years of riding. The smile, too,
went with a deep love of horses and joy of riding.

Maybe she hadn’t grown up
in the lifestyle, but it suited her. And he’d never seen anyone
look as good as she did on a horse. Relaxed, in rhythm, and
graceful.

She’d been all over the
property lately, and he hoped it was to look for him. He stepped
away from the corner of the stables and raised a hand. She turned
Speckle and trotted up, a cautious smile on her face.

“
Brent.” She wore that
burgundy sweater that made him want to touch her. While its color
put a rose tone to her skin, it clung to her in all the right
places.

“
Howdy, stranger.” Brent
almost grinned when he thought of what his friends would say about
him using reverse psychology.

Missy didn’t want him to
push her or ask about her past, so he wouldn’t. His quiet, steady
way would win her over. Not that his emotion about her felt quiet
in any way. Working with her day after day made them louder and
louder, harder to control.

“
Taking her in?” he asked,
shoving his hands into his coat pockets to keep them
warm.

“
Yeah. What are you up to?”
She swung down and led Speckle into the stable yard.

“
Just hanging around,” he
said, keeping it vague, and managed to keep the grin off his face
as he walked in with her. She didn’t need to know how glad he was
to see her again.

She looked amazing as she
fed and brushed the horse. So natural and caring. When she led
Speckle back into her stall, the rain suddenly came down hard
enough to make a thundering sound through the stable
roof.

“
I was thinking about my
brother,” she said as she moved on to pet a different horse. He
busied himself by bringing hay over.

“
I’ve done some of that
lately.” He kept his tone light, but those weren’t words with a
light meaning.