A Dad of His Own (10 page)

“You’re afraid people will think we’re a couple? Is that it?”

She lowered her eyes as a mottled flush rose to her cheeks. “Yes, but it also…might be tempting.”

Tempting? Tempting to have him go or— Her meaning struck him. Their kisses, the growing feelings, the… He placed his hand on Lexie’s shoulder and tilted her chin to look into her eyes. “I don’t act on temptation, Lexie, until I first talk with God. You can trust me.”

A shudder fluttered through her shoulder. “I do trust you, Ethan. With all my heart. I don’t always trust myself.”

His heart dropped to his stomach. He searched her eyes. Her meaning dissolved into confusion. Trust herself? Why?

“I haven’t been with a man in many years, and until I met you, I’d forgotten what it felt like to be cared about and desired. You haven’t said a thing, but sometimes I see looks in your eyes, and I know what’s in my heart. I want to be true to both of us.”

Her honesty bolted into his chest. “So do it. I respect you, Lexie. I’m human, and I have yearnings, too, but I can control those. I have for years.”

She looked away. “I guess I have, too.”

“So don’t worry about that. I would never—”

“You’re a gentle man, Ethan. I’m ashamed of myself for even thinking such a thing.”

Heat burned in his chest. She’d spoken what he’d tried to deny. He drew her into an embrace. “Let’s just remember that we are in control.”

“In control of what?”

Cooper’s voice jarred them apart. They spun to face him, guilt searing through Ethan’s frame.

Cooper’s wide-eyed gaze shifted from his mother to Ethan and back again until a curious grin spread across his face.

Ethan dragged words into his brain. “In control of life. Your mom is in control of her life and I’m in control of mine.” He suspected that didn’t mean a thing to an eight-year-old, but he’d found something to say.

“Me, too. And my control says, let’s play a game.”

Relief exploded to a laugh as Ethan tousled Cooper’s hair. “What kind of game?”

“Pick Up sticks. Mom bought it for me.”

“Who wants some milk and cookies while we play?” Lexie’s response washed over him in a balm of acceptance.

Ethan raised his hand. So did Cooper. Lexie turned and headed into the kitchen.

“Cooper, you and Lucy finish whatever you’re doing. Her mom just pulled into the driveway.” Lexie turned from the stairway to the front door and watched Kelsey ascend the porch stairs. She grinned and pushed open the screen door. “You’re early.”

Kelsey brushed a strand of hair from her forehead. “I finished ahead of time. It’s too hot to work.” She stepped inside and drew in a lengthy breath. “It’s cooler in here.”

“Brick keeps it cooler inside.” She motioned her to sit. “I told Lucy you were here.” She leaned up the staircase. “Did you hear me up there?”

A double groan bounced down the stairs. “Mom, we’re almost done with this game.”

She looked over her shoulder at Kelsey.

“Ten minutes.” Kelsey held up her fingers.

Lexie shouted the message up the stairs and then turned. “Would you like something to drink?” Then ambled toward one of the wingback chairs.

“I’m fine, thanks.” She leaned against the cushion. “Any news on Dreams Come True?”

“We’ll know Tuesday. I think that’s what Ethan said.” She sank into the cushion, wishing she felt more excited.

“I’m ashamed I haven’t approached them for Lucy. She’s doing so well.” Kelsey leaned forward. “Cooper’s doing great, and he will enjoy something special this year, but you don’t look happy about it.”

Lexie squirmed. “I’m nervous.”

“About what?”

“What if Cooper and I get there and something goes wrong?”

Kelsey’s eyes widened. “Where’s that positive spirit? Nothing will go wrong.” A frown settled on her face. “I thought Cooper asked Ethan to go with you. He’ll be there.”

She lowered her head. “I haven’t agreed to that.”

“I thought—”

“I’m having a difficult time with that situation.” She glanced toward the stairs and lowered her voice. “Ethan guarantees me he will be nothing but a gentleman, but—”

“You mean you’re worried about—”

“It’s me, not him.”

Kelsey whisked to her side and balanced on the chair arm. “You’ve fallen in love with him.”

She lowered her face in her hands. “I don’t know if it’s love or the need to be loved. It’s been a long time since I’ve had these feelings.”

Kelsey patted Lexie’s back. “Lexie, you’ve never said anything about Cooper’s dad, but I think something went
terribly wrong there. All men aren’t like him. Whatever he did, Ethan’s different. You know that. He’s stuck by your side. He cares about you and Cooper. It’s obvious to me.”

A shudder ran through Lexie as she lifted her head, ashamed she’d allowed her emotions to overtake her. “You’re right. I’m very confused. I want to be open to a relationship but I’m frightened. Things can turn quickly. Without a warning.”

“I know all about that.”

The impact of the comment struck Lexie. She’d given no thought to Kelsey’s situation. She’d had to say goodbye to her husband and her friend when their affair came to light. A double betrayal would lash anyone’s confidence and security. Another case of trust.

She pressed her palm against Kelsey’s arm. “We both had difficult times.”

Thuds sounded on the stairs, and Kelsey rose from the chair arm while Lexie worked to put a smile on her face. “Who won?”

Lucy waved. “But it was close.”

Cooper shrugged. “I won last time.”

Kelsey slipped her arm around Lucy’s shoulders. “So how was the end of school today?”

“Fun. We didn’t have regular tests. They were like games.” Lucy darted to her backpack and dug inside.

Cooper leaned his shoulder against Lexie. “We had a spelling bee first and then treats.”

His weight pressed against her hip, and she placed her palm on his forehead. “Are you feeling okay? Tired?”

“No.” He straightened. “I’m good.”

Good.
Right. Worry shuffled along her spine.

Before she could comment, he darted to the window. “Ethan’s here.” Cooper pulled open the door, pushed past the screen door and bounded to the porch.

Kelsey grinned. “I’ll see your school papers when we get home, Lucy.” She gave her shoulder a squeeze. “Grab your backpack. We need to get moving.”

“You don’t have to rush.” Lexie moved toward her while she fought to keep her eyes from focusing on the doorway.

“Really. I have lots to do.” Kelsey rested her hands on Lucy’s shoulders from behind and guided her forward. “Thanks for picking them up and inviting Lucy to play.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Carlson.” Lucy grinned, looking overburdened by her bulging backpack.

As they strode to the porch, Cooper and Ethan were heading up the stairs. Ethan always looked so good to her. His hair had streaked to a honey-blond in the near summer sun, and today his blue eyes glistened as he climbed the stairs. He wore a pair of camel-colored cords with an earth-tone plaid shirt. She noticed he liked plaids. They fit him.

Ethan greeted Kelsey and Lucy in passing, and Lexie waited until Kelsey pulled away as she listened to Cooper’s excited voice talking about his last day of school.

When she entered the living room, Cooper sat smashed against Ethan’s side. “Coop, let Ethan breathe, would you?”

Cooper tilted his head. “He is breathing or else—”

“You’re nearly sitting on him.” She crooked her finger for him to come to her.

He scowled and then slogged toward her as if being punished.

She pressed her hand on his forehead again. His skin felt cool, but he had a glassy look in his eyes that concerned her. “Let’s take your temperature, okay?”

He pressed his fists into his waist. “I’m good, Mom. I told you.”

“But I’d feel better if—”

“Don’t you trust me? I tell you when I’m sick.”

The truth smacked her. Worrying about his illness served no purpose except to upset them both. She opened her arms and drew him in. “I’m sorry, Coop.” She pressed her cheek against his. “I’m a worrywart, I guess.”

He chuckled. “You’re a wart?”

Ethan spurted a laugh. “That’s an expression. It means she worries about things too much.”

“Right, Mom. You are a wart.”

She gave him a playful wallop as he ducked away from her. “Can I have a snack?”

She nodded. “Have fruit. It’s good for you.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yuck. Everything’s supposed to be good for me.” He plodded through the archway toward the kitchen.

“Where did he get that attitude?”

“Being with other kids, I’d guess.” Ethan patted the seat beside him. “I heard through the grapevine that Cooper’s trip is a go. I won’t know officially until Tuesday, though.” He rested his hand on hers. “Are you happy?”

“For Cooper.” The warmth of his hand stirred her. “I’m being cautious.” She looked into his eyes, and her stomach cartwheeled. “Worried, to be honest. I haven’t adjusted to Cooper being well, and I’m so afraid that something will happen while we’re gone.”

“Don’t ask for trouble, Lexie. It’s not like you.”

She shrugged. “I keep telling myself that, too.” She steeled herself. “So I’ve been thinking.”

His eyes searched hers.

“About your offer.”

“My—”

“Cooper’s invitation.”

“To join you?” His direct gaze clung to hers. “Are you sure?”

Her cartwheeling heart returned. “I am. I would be more
comfortable knowing I had someone to lean on.” Her jaw tightened. “You’re always telling me I should learn to do that.”

His tension softened. “You should. I’m glad you’re listening to me.”

“Can you arrange it…if the foundation agrees to the trip.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” He lowered his hand. “How’s that?”

She nodded, but his response disappointed her. She’d hoped he would be excited, too, but she’d put up barriers. What did she expect?

T
uesday evening when Ethan pulled into the driveway, Cooper was sitting on the porch steps. He jumped up and charged toward the car, jerking the door open before Ethan could turn off the motor.

“You’re certainly full of vinegar.” He tousled the boy’s hair.

Cooper tilted his head upward, a frown growing on his face. “Vinegar?” He shook his head. “I don’t drink vinegar.”

Ethan chuckled. “That’s an old saying my mom used to say to me. It means you’re full of energy.”

He wagged his head. “I like energy. I was sick so long, and I didn’t have any, but now—”

“Cooper, let Ethan get out of the car, at least.”

Lexie’s voice stopped him. The boy stepped back, and Ethan grinned, giving a wave to Lexie. He headed her way, gazing at her flowing hair glinting with red highlights from the sun. Her knit top matched the highlights like red raspberries. The sweater hung halfway down her knees, covering the black pants that shaped her legs.

Once again she looked gorgeous, even more amazing than the last time he’d seen her when they’d talked about emotions and longings. He’d tried to waylay her fears. She avoided
anything about the past, and he sensed her husband, Cooper’s father, had hurt her deeply. Sometimes an urge overcame him to ask, but the barrier would rise and undo their progress. And then, he chose not to talk about Laine, either, unless Lexie asked.

He found his smile as he stepped inside, longing to kiss her before he told her what he heard. He stopped himself, but the urge didn’t waver. “I have good news.”

She searched his face. “It’s a yes?”

He nodded. “A rousing yes. I thought it would be. They are thrilled. You give me the dates that work with your schedule, and they’ll make the arrangements.”

“All of them?”

“Everything. The arrangements and expenses.” He chuckled. “But then you knew that.” He gazed down at Cooper whose attention darted from his mother to Ethan. “Do you want to do the honors?” He gave a slight nod toward Cooper.

“No, you should.”

“Are you sure?”

She drew Cooper to her side her arm around him. “Positive.” She looked over her shoulder. “But let’s sit.”

Cooper plopped into the first chair he found, his gaze shifting from one to the other. “Tell me what? I know you have a secret. I’m not a dumb little kid anymore.”

Ethan couldn’t contain his laughter. “You’re far from a dumb little kid. It’s your Dream Come True.”

His jaw dropped. “You mean the Grand Canyon?”

“I mean the Grand Canyon.”

This time Cooper’s eyes widened. “Really? I can go to the Grand Canyon?”

“Really, Coop.” Lexie leaned forward, grinning. “We just have to tell the people when.”

Cooper leaped from the chair and grasped Ethan around the waist. “Now. Let’s go now.”

Ethan crouched and hugged him. “Your mom will give me dates that will work for her, and the foundation will make the plans. You have to be patient.”

“I don’t like being patient.”

“You’ve been patient all your life, and that’s why I’m so happy about this trip for you.”

“And you’ll come, too, right?” The look on his face melted Ethan’s heart. He’d tossed the pros and cons back and forth many times since Lexie had agreed he join them on the trip. But until now he had no idea which way he would go. He glanced at Lexie, seeing her face as expectant as Cooper’s. The words moved from his heart to his lips. “I think I can arrange it.”

Cooper leaped backward and jumped into the air, clapping his hands. “Good. Good. Good.”

Ethan rocked on his heels with the boy’s thrust from his arms. He caught his balance and raised from his haunches. “I’m glad you’re happy.”

Lexie stood, gratitude reflecting in her eyes. “Let’s have a treat to celebrate. Who wants ice cream?”

Cooper’s hand shot up first and Ethan followed.

Lexie gave a nod and scooted through the archway to the kitchen, but before Ethan could follow, Cooper tugged on his hand. “Tell me what we’ll do there. We’ll have so much fun.”

“There’s lots of things to do there, but the best is seeing the canyon.” Ethan settled onto the sofa with Cooper pressed beside him, clinging to every word he uttered. He told him about some of the tours and sights. “And you can become a junior ranger.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely. You’ll get maps and binoculars and have questions to answer so you can get your badge.”

“A badge?”

“Yep.” His chest tightened with the boy’s excitement.

“And I can take pictures.” He held an imaginary camera to his eye and pretended to take photographs.

The clink of dishes sounded from the kitchen, and Ethan glanced toward the door expecting Lexie to appear. “You’ll take great photos, Coop.”

He dropped his hands and spun to face him. “I can’t wait to see the Grand Canyon.” He plunked beside Ethan and rested his head against his shoulder. “But you know what I love more?”

“I don’t know what could be better than the Grand Canyon, so I have no idea.”

“I love you, Ethan. That’s better than anything.”

A dish clanged on the floor beyond the archway.

Ethan’s pulse charged, digging into his chest. Lexie had heard him, and that might just rev up her sensitivity to Cooper’s preoccupation with him. And now how to respond to Cooper? He loved the boy, but if he told Cooper, the boy would have expectations, and Ethan had no control over what might happen. The prospect of a committed relationship with Lexie depended on her as much as him. He could offer no guarantees to Cooper—a child with so much love to give.

He studied the boy’s face and couldn’t find the heart to ignore him. “I love you, too, Coop.” He bent down and kissed the top of his head.

Cooper tightened the embrace and quieted a moment while Ethan struggled to regain his composure. He’d just agreed to go on the trip with them, but his greatest motivation for joining them was to grow closer to Lexie. Though she’d accepted his kiss and returned it, sometimes she backed away like a trapped animal. He needed to know why.

And the cancer. Would it stay away? Would Cooper have a full life? Ethan wasn’t sure if he could deal with more loss in his life.

Footsteps alerted him to Lexie’s approach. He straightened his back and pulled his arm from around Cooper. “I think it’s ice cream time.”

He popped up and met Lexie near the doorway.

Ethan studied her face. She didn’t look him in the eye when she handed him the ice cream. He sensed she’d heard Cooper’s admission.

She settled into a chair across from him, dipping her spoon into the ice cream and swirling it more than eating. She seemed as cold as the dessert.

He decided to give her an opening. “Break a dish?”

“No, but almost.” She finally looked at him. “Clumsy.”

Ethan let it slide and made small talk about the double chocolate with sprinkles. He sensed the fallen dish meant more than that, but Lexie kept things in. He let the situation pass. One of these days, he’d learn what she thought about Cooper’s declaration of love.

Ethan gazed at the ice cream and sent up a prayer.

Lexie stood back from the rental booth in the car terminal, monitoring Cooper’s unbound enthusiasm and trying to keep him from becoming a helium balloon and flying around the Phoenix airport. His feelings about Ethan had caused her to balk, but after she’d had time to think, she became rational. Children loved everything. “I love this book, Mom.” “I love the Pick Up sticks. They’re so fun.” “I love chocolate ice cream.” And he would love the Grand Canyon. She couldn’t blame Ethan for Cooper’s outburst of affection.

Cooper spun around again, knocking over his luggage. She’d never seen him so excited. On the plane, he made every excuse he could think of to climb over her from the window
seat and head two rows back to Ethan. She’d been grateful they were seated on the side of the plane with only two seats per row.

Ethan had more patience with Cooper than she did sometimes. She had no doubt Coop plied the poor man with a million questions and asked him once again about the itinerary of their trip to the Grand Canyon. By now Ethan could recite the activities from memory.

“Cooper, stop jumping around.” She straightened his luggage and set it beside her.

“When are we going to the Grand Canyon?” He looked at her with anxious eyes while he adjusted his backpack.

“As soon as Ethan finishes renting the car.”

“Can I sit in the front seat?”

“No. It’s a long ride. The backseat will be more comfortable for you.”

His face kinked into a scowl. “But I want to talk to Ethan.”

Drawing in a lengthy breath, Lexie grappled for patience and pondered how she could stop Cooper from putting Ethan in other uncomfortable situations.
I love you, Ethan. That’s better than anything.
The unwanted feeling crawled over her. What about her love for Cooper? She hoped that meant something to him. Envy cut through her like ice.

Get a grip. Every boy wanted to be loved by a father figure. What she needed to do is explain that he couldn’t go up to men and express his love. And when it came down to it, she’d invited Ethan on the trip, too. She knew what could happen. These days would offer her and Cooper bright memories rather than the dark days they so often spent together.

“Is it as hot at the Grand Canyon as it is here?”

“I hope not.” Moisture still beaded on her forehead from the shuttle ride to the car rental terminal.

Cooper spun around, whacking his backpack into her.

“Be careful.” She grasped his arm. “Have patience.”

“Mom.” He dragged out her title to three syllables.

Lexie couldn’t help but grin. She beckoned him closer, nearly tripping over his suitcase she’d parked at her feet. “I know you’re excited, but it’s a long drive and we have to be grateful that Ethan is with us. I’m sure he’s almost finished renting the car, and then we’ll be on our way.”

She slipped her hand from his head to feel his forehead. Would she ever stop hovering over him? Probably not until he’d been well for years. But would that day ever come?

When she looked up, Ethan was beckoning to them.

“Coop, let’s go. Ethan’s ready.”

“Finally.” He grasped the handle of his bag and toted it behind him.

Lexie followed. Her chest tightened as she gazed at Ethan. His face glowed with the same excitement Cooper displayed. He wore jeans and a burgundy polo shirt. As they neared, he gave her a smile. No matter how she fought the emotion, her pulse skittered up her arm.

Ethan headed toward the exit as Cooper ran ahead, and she hurried to catch up. When she hit the outside, the heat swallowed her again. As she inhaled, she felt as if she’d bent over a hot oven.

Ethan reached past Cooper and handed her a map. She eyed the picture on the folded paper, viewing a panorama of rugged mountains. She’d never seen the Grand Canyon, either, and today she admitted her anticipation had piqued, too.

“It’s too hot.” Cooper ran the back of his hand across his forehead. “Give me air-conditioning.”

Lexie internally echoed his plea.

“This way.” Ethan pointed down a row of cars, and they followed to a white sedan where a man checked his paperwork and then opened the car trunk.

After Ethan loaded the luggage, she reminded Cooper he would sit in the backseat. He tossed his backpack on the seat and climbed inside the car, his disgruntled expression obvious. In moments, he was hanging over the front seat as far as he could.

“Seat belt.” Ethan gave his hand a pat. “I want to keep you safe.”

He eyed the belt, a sulk returning to his face, and sat back.

Ethan waited until they all hooked up before he turned on the ignition. “Ready?”

“Ready.”

Lexie chuckled at Cooper’s overanxious boom.

Ethan backed from the spot and wended the car through the airport maze to the highway. Lexie leaned back and flipped open the map, eyeing the distance between Phoenix and the Grand Canyon. She’d wished they could have flown into Flagstaff, but flights were limited. The Phoenix airport met their needs.

Conversation quieted once they turned onto Interstate 10. Cooper had accepted his fate in the backseat and pulled out a video game. Lexie looked over the seat. Monopoly. That should keep him occupied for a while.

She shifted in the seat, gazing at Ethan’s profile. His blond hair appeared silver-streaked with the sunlight glowing through it. His jaw looked relaxed, and from the side, she noticed his firm lips set in thought. Today his major concern, she guessed, was to arrive at the Grand Canyon safely.

She leaned back again, their conversation limited to the scenery and answering Cooper’s questions—mainly how much longer before they arrived at the Grand Canyon.

When Interstate 10 split to 17, Ethan followed the new route going north. Once they’d left the Phoenix urban area, the landscape became open desert dotted with towering saguaro
cacti. Heat pierced the windows, and Ethan cranked up the air conditioner. She hoped the temperature at the Grand Canyon would be kinder.

After an hour had passed, Ethan veered up a ramp leading to a place called Rock Springs. “I heard about a café here and thought we’d stop for lunch.”

Cooper strained against the seat belt. “Good. I’m starving.”

Ethan pulled off the highway, and in moments he rolled into a parking lot of a plain beige brick building ahead of them with a sign that read Rock Springs Café.

Lexie eyed the unlikely building. “This is it?”

He chuckled. “I expected something fancier. A friend told me they’re known for their pies.”

Cooper had already unhooked his seat belt and leaned on the front seat. “Yum. I like pie and ice cream.”

“After you eat lunch.” Lexie gave his hand a pat.

They climbed from the car and headed inside. Lexie’s expectation had vanished with the sight of the drab building, yet cars lined the parking lot so she held a shred of hope. Once they stepped inside, she understood. The building held mementos of history with its knotty pine walls decorated with historic photographs and wonderful antiques. A tangy meat scent hung in the air, and she noticed diners chomping down on thick buns filled with barbeque.