A Dangerous Masquerade (19 page)

             
‘Does he have a fever?’

             
‘As yet he seems peaceful,’ Constance said.  She looked at him anxiously.  ‘You have been out all night.  I was worried.  I thought…’

             
‘Renard is dead.  He offered a duel then tried to shoot me in the back.  One of my men was too quick for him.’

             
‘Thank God for that,’ Constance said.  She went into the kitchen and poured the dirty water down the large butler’s sink.  Then she turned to look at him, her eyes searching his face.  ‘Is it truly over at last?  Are the nuns safe?’

             
‘Yes, and the children they’ve rescued, as long as they choose to remain with them – but some of them may stray.  For many there is only a life on the streets or houses such as those Renard owned.’

             
‘Yes, I suppose so…’ Constance shivered.  ‘Not all men are as he was.  I know there are some who try to do good; they set up orphanages to take in poor boys and girls.’

             
‘And set them to work as they grow older – but we cannot cure the ills of society, Constance, no matter how we try.  There are good people who help, just as there are bad who use and harm.  All we can do is try to help a few.'

             
‘Yes, I know.’  She saw the tiredness in his face.  ‘You should rest.  Would you like me to prepare breakfast now – or when you have rested and changed?’

             
‘I ate something a while ago with my men.  If you do not mind I shall sleep for a while.  We must talk, Constance, but not just now.’

             
‘Go to your room and sleep.  We will have a later brunch today when you rise.’

             
‘What of you?’  He took her by the shoulders, gazing deep into her eyes.  ‘You look tired.  Did you sleep at all last night?’

             
‘Heloise watched him for a while.  Yes, I slept for a few hours.  He was very tired but when the doctor changed his dressing he was feverish.  I have a mixture to give him when he wakes, but I think he is very ill.  I am not sure he will live long.’

             
‘We’ll talk soon.  I am exhausted.  Feed yourself and Heloise.  When I come down I can make something for myself.’

             
‘I will prepare some soup for later.  Heloise can go to the market.  We do not need anyone to protect us now.  Besides, Pierre sent word that he is returning to my service.  The nuns have recruited their own servants and no longer need him.’

             
‘I shall be relieved to know that he is here taking care of you.’

             
Constance turned to watch as he left the room.  Her heart caught and she had a sinking feeling inside.  Moraven was very restrained.  She knew that something was on his mind and feared that he was trying to find a way to tell her that he was leaving her.

Alone in his room, Moraven pulled off his boots and stretched out on the bed fully clothed.  A great wave of weariness swept over him, leaving him feeling empty and numb.  After so many years it felt strange to know that his enemy was dead at last.  Once it might have elated him because the traitor was caught and punished, but now he just felt empty.  He’d wanted to take Constance in his arms and tell her that she belonged to him, but something had held him back.  He might have finished his work, but had it finished with him?  Would it return to haunt him?  Could he sleep without fear of nightmares – and could he ever give all of himself to a woman?

             
Somewhere along the line he’d lost himself.  He wasn’t sure who he was or where he belonged at this point in time.  A part of him wanted to be with Constance and forget the rest – but didn’t she deserve more?

             
She needed a man, who could love her, as she loved him.  Moraven knew that she cared for him but was that enough?  Constance had stolen his purse but she was honest and decent and modest.  He’d wronged her by taking her virginity but there was nothing he could do about that now.  Yet perhaps it might not matter.  She might still have a chance of the kind of life she deserved with someone else.

             
Jonathan South was in love with her.  He was very ill but with care and devotion he would probably recover – and he would be grateful to his nurse.  He would offer marriage and it might be best for Constance if she accepted him. How would he feel if she accepted?

             
It was too difficult a question for the moment.  Moraven closed his eyes.  He felt as if Delilah had cut off his hair, his strength drained away.  He needed to sleep.  He would talk to Constance later.

Constance divided her day between watching the soup and watching Jonathan sleep.  She had managed to give him two doses of his medicine and she thought it had eased him.  He certainly seemed a little easier, not quite as hot as he’d been earlier.

             
It was just before dinner that she went up and found him awake.

             
‘How do you feel?’ she asked, approaching the bed.  ‘Is the pain bad?’

             
‘Pretty bad,’ he admitted and grimaced.  ‘No, I don’t want laudanum.  I would prefer to talk to you, Constance.’

             
‘I have left Heloise watching the soup.  I made chicken broth today and if you could manage a little it might help you – but if you would  prefer a glass of milk I shall not force you to eat yet.’

             
‘I would prefer some brandy,’ he said and smiled at her weakly.  ‘I fear I have been a lot of trouble to you, Constance?’

             
‘Not at all.  I am happy to care for you.  You helped to save me from that man.  I shudder to think where I might be now had you not acted as you did.  You must have known what a risk you ran?’

             
‘Renard will kill me if he finds me.’

             
‘Renard is dead.  One of Moraven’s men killed him.’

             
‘I am glad, because it means you are safe.’

             
‘Yes, but you must not worry about me.  You have to get well.’  Constance hesitated, then, ‘I asked you before if I could send for someone for you?’

             
‘My mother died three years ago.  I quarrelled with my father – there is no one else that matters.’

             
‘Would he not forgive you?’

             
‘I doubt it – but it is of no concern.  Only one person is important to me now – that person is you, Constance.  You know I love you…’

             
‘You should not…’ her cheeks heated.  ‘I am happy to care for you, but you do not  need to say such things…’

             
She was close to him by the bed.  He reached out for her hand.

             
‘I know that I shall not live many weeks.  I could never be a husband to you, Constance – but if you would let me take care of you, provide for the future.  Marry me.  Everything I have would be yours.  It is not the fortune that might have been mine had I not quarrelled with my father but I have some money and I want you to have it when I’ve gone.’

             
‘No, please do not,’ she begged.  ‘There is no need.  I am happy to nurse you.  I do not need payment.  Believe me, I want nothing from you.’

             
‘But I want to care for you.  I want to know that you are safe.’

             
‘It is kind and sweet of you to think of it but…’

             
‘Perhaps you should consider it, Constance.’

             
Moraven’s words shocked her and she turned to look at him, feeling the colour drain from her face as her blood ran cold.

             
He could not mean it?  Surely he could not mean it.  Had that night meant nothing to him?  She had given him all the love that was in her but now he was telling her to marry another man.

             
‘Listen to Moraven,’ Jonathan pleaded, his damp hand clutching at her.  ‘Please, for my sake if not your own.’

             
‘You should listen to him,’ Moraven said.  ‘Heloise sent me to tell you that the soup is ready…’ he turned and left without another word.

             
Jonathan clutched at her hand.  ‘I know you don’t love me, you love him, but he can never love you, Constance.  You have no idea of the things he’s done, the stories people say of him.  Many houses are closed to him in London.  I can give you an honourable name and my love for as long as I live.  Please, at least say you will consider it?’

             
‘You are feverish again.  You must rest.  Give me a little time, sir.  I shall answer you as soon as I am able.’

             
‘I want to make you safe,’ he said but his eyes had closed and his fingers slid away from her hand.

             
Constance saw that he was sleeping and left him to rest.

             
She walked slowly down to the kitchen.  Her heart felt as if it might split in two but she held back her tears.  She would not beg Moraven to stay with her if he wished to go.  He must know that she loved him, but it seemed that her love was not enough.

             
He was standing near the window looking out when she entered the room.  She knew he was aware of her but he did not turn immediately.

             
‘I must go to England.  I must leave tonight,’ he said without looking at her.  ‘I have business.  I’m not sure how long it will take.’

             
‘Of course you must finish your business.  It is why you came here.  We intruded into your life and must be grateful for the time you gave us.’

             
He whirled round then, his eyes dark and anguished.  ‘I have told you before.  It does not suit you to be meek, Constance.  I prefer the adventuress who stole my purse.’

             
‘Naturally.  She could never mean anything to you, could she?   You could leave her when you chose and return if it pleased you, but another softer Constance might prove a burden to you.  Please believe me when I tell you that you owe me nothing.’

             
‘I know what I did and what I promised,’ he grated harshly.  ‘I want you, Constance, believe me.  It is costing me to leave you here with him but he cannot travel and I know you would not desert him.  Besides, he can give you far more than I ever could.  I do not believe I could make you happy.’

             
‘That should be for me to decide,’ Constance replied, raising her head proudly.  ‘I would never try to hold you knowing you wanted to be free.  Nothing has changed.  My life is the same as it was.  I shall nurse Jonathan until he no longer needs me and then…’

             
His gaze arrowed in on her face as she hesitated.  ‘Then, what will you do?’

             
‘Who knows?’  She laughed carelessly.  ‘I shall go where life leads me.  Perhaps I shall continue my masquerade.  I dare say I could find a lover if I chose, perhaps more than one.’

             
‘Do not talk as if you were a wanton.’  His face darkened.  ‘You are telling me I have ruined you so that your reputation no longer matters.’

             
‘Had I not gone to your room and lain on your bed it would not have happened.  I do not blame you for that night – nor am I bitter.  You showed me a sweetness in life I had not known.  If I cannot share such pleasures with you I may find someone else.'

             
He glared at her as she set about filling soup bowls, slicing bread and bringing hot meat pies from the oven.  What he might have said next was lost as Heloise entered the room.

             
‘You must be hungry.  Please eat something for your journey.’

             
‘I have lost my appetite.  Share your food with your patient.  I am sure he will oblige you in your new life – should he survive.’

             
He walked from the room and Constance heard the clatter of his boots as he ran up stairs.  She sat down at the table and dipped her spoon into the soup.  It tasted of nothing and would not pass her throat.  With all her being she longed to run after him and tell him that she had not meant a word she’d spoken.  He was the only man she loved, the only man she would ever want or need.  Pride held her back and then she heard the front door slam and she knew he’d gone.  It was too late to call him back., but then it had been too late when he’d walked in that morning; she’d sensed then that something had changed.  He’d shut off from her somehow and she wasn’t sure why.

             
If he’d loved her as she loved him, he wouldn’t have told her to think about Jonathan’s offer.  He would have taken her in his arms and kissed her until she couldn’t breathe and told her he would never let her go.