A Dash of Desire (Spiced Life #2) (13 page)

A spurt of irritation ran through him. “I don’t recall you telling me a single thing about Ms. Upchurch.” She huffed. He didn’t meet her gaze. Tristan almost made it to the door before he thought of something else and retraced his steps. “I almost forgot. Yesterday, I talked to Brother West over at the Nashville Mission. He’s currently shorthanded and overworked. I agreed to send some help his way. Starting tomorrow, you’ll report to work there.” For now, it was a total lie, but he intended to make it the truth before the end of the day. He couldn’t stand another day of Emma’s hate-filled gossip and the shock on her face was worth every extra prayer for forgiveness he’d have to put in later.

The fifteen-minute drive to the Upchurch place wasn’t nearly enough to clear Tristan’s head. Every second of the night before ran through his mind. He wondered if he’d relive the moment he’d spent holding Riley for the rest of his life. The way she tasted, the sounds she made as she came apart beneath his touch, and the expression on her face when he’d shut her down. All of those things were seared into his brain. He wanted to keep her. The house came into view. Nothing seemed visibly out of place, but an ominous sense of foreboding hung in the air. Even the wind seemed eerily calm as Tristan slid from his truck. The front door opened and Billy stepped out. Without a word, she pointed toward the open field to the left of the house. He spotted Riley right away. The grass needed mowing, but her bright yellow sundress stood out like a beacon. With a nod in Billy’s direction, he headed for Riley.

She didn’t tense or turn her head at his approach. An expensive bouquet of uniquely colored roses rested across her lap. Her head was bent over them, but she didn’t touch them. He sat down next to her.

“I got flowers.” Her voice sounded small.

“I see that. They’re nice.” They were. He wanted to toss them away.

“No. They’re not.”

Tristan didn’t know what to say. Riley twisted her fingers nervously. The motion caught his gaze. He focused on the bruises covering her arm. They looked worse. He’d forgotten to ask what happened and now didn’t seem the time.

“I imagine they cost a fortune.”

“I imagine so.”

With her head bent and her hair framing her face, Tristan couldn’t see her expression. He really wanted to. As it was, he couldn’t get a read on her mood.
There was something in her tone. He couldn’t put a name to it.

“Do you love him?” Riley laughed. There wasn’t an ounce of humor in the sound. Swallowing his pride, he gave voice to his worst fears. “Are you going back to California with him?”

“What choice do I have?”

At Riley’s question, something inside Tristan snapped. “Me. For fuck’s sake.” Giving into temptation, he snagged the flowers and tossed them aside. “You have me.” Riley kept her gaze locked on her lap, staring at the spot where the flowers had been.

“You said fuck,” she said, sounding mystified.

All of the sudden, Tristan couldn’t stand another second of her refusal to look at him. Riley belonged to him. Her every glance was his. She was flat on her back, blinking up at him, and he was straddling her hips before even Tristan knew it was going to happen.

“I’m fucking furious,” he said, explaining the sudden burst of ugly language. The final word died on a whisper as the full impact of what he was seeing stole the heat from his anger. A red mark that was rapidly becoming a bruise marred Riley’s cheekbone. Her eyes swam with tears. The muscles in his stomach tightened.

“I’m tired, Tristan.” Riley’s whispered confession tore at his heart almost as much as the tear rolling from the corner of her eye and back into her hair. She made no attempt to swipe it away. “I’m so goddamn exhausted.” In spite of her obvious pain, her voice sounded flat. It was a frightening combination, like something inside her had died.

He had to clear his throat before he could speak. “What happened?” In his heart, he knew, but Tristan wanted to hear her say it. It was as if he’d been asleep for years, but he wasn’t any longer. He was nearly insane with rage.

She shook her head. “You’re such a good person. You look at life…” She paused, visibly swallowing before continuing, “It must be so beautiful from your eyes. Everyone accepts you, and is always happy to see you. Life isn’t like that for me.”

Tristan should’ve been thrilled. Riley thought he was a good person. But he wasn’t. He was pissed. “My life isn’t perfect. I don’t jump out of bed every day singing about how happy I am to be alive. You make it sound like I skip to work, while thinking about how blessed I am because the sun is shining. My life isn’t like that at all. Believe it or not, I’m just doing what I can to make it through every day the same as everyone else. That is, until I met you.”

His confession only seemed to piss her off. “Oh please. You might want me, but you’re not happy about it. Up until last night, every time you thought I might touch your junk, you held me off. It fucking sucks getting treated like I’m such a bad person that I might molest you at any moment.”

Tristan dragged his hands through his hair. Frustration surged through his every pore. “That’s not even true.”

“Uh. Yeah. It is. I’m not crazy. You were definitely holding me off.”

He wanted to punch something. Why was she so blind? “Nobody fucking touches me, Riley. Other than shaking my hand after service, or my grandmother hugging me when I come to visit, nobody has touched me in any way since Harmony died.” Riley seemed to hold her breath, but he couldn’t stop. “Since the moment you blew into town, there’s nothing I’ve wanted more than to feel your skin against mine. Hell, just being with you has become like a sickness, but I didn’t want to know your touch if you weren’t going to stay.”

“I’m leaving in the morning.”

Her words punched him in the throat. Tristan shoved away from her, coming to his feet, and towering over her. Riley didn’t budge.

“Are you freaking kidding me? I was right. I. Was. Right. You let me know what it was like to have you, and now you’re taking it away. I don’t even know what to say.”

Riley stared at the sky, refusing to meet his stare. “Adam is meeting me at Desserts First in two hours to go over a long distance plan of attack for his social platforms.”

“I cannot believe you’re doing this. This guy is going to kill you.” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair again, incapable of doing anything more. “You know, you’re making it real hard to feel sorry for you.”

Riley didn’t exactly fly to her feet. In fact, he suspected, as she slowly stood, that she was nursing at least one injured rib. The fury written on her face kept him from asking about it.

“Feel sorry for me,” she repeated, nearly causing him to groan. He wanted to take it back as she squared off against him. “You can save your fucking pity for your fucking flock. I didn’t ask you to come here. As a matter of fact, I distinctly remember asking you to stay away. I’ll be goddamned if I apologize for doing the best I fucking can. You may not believe me, but I do realize I made my own damn bed, and I will lie in it like a big girl.” With a wince, she finally straightened to her full height, confirming Tristan’s thoughts on the state of her ribs. He reached for her before thinking better of it. Riley swatted at his hands, and twisted away. She hissed at the motion.

“Bastard. Feel fucking sorry for me,” she muttered to herself as she stepped around him, heading toward the house and grumbling every step of the way. “Stupid ass men. They’re everywhere.” Tristan thought Riley also said something about switching teams, but her rambling was laced with such a litany of curse words, he couldn’t be sure. He tried following her to the front door, but she stabbed a finger at his truck as they passed, stopping him. As much as Tristan wanted to argue, he knew he was being shut down.

He almost made it to his truck before reversing direction and calling her name. Riley froze, but she kept her back to him. He could see the tension in her shoulders by the way her spine remained stiff. “Harmony died at that pond.”

She turned at his confession, meeting his gaze, but she didn’t move any closer. It didn’t matter. He was going to speak his piece. “Last night, I wanted you, and I didn’t care about anything else. You deserved better. I can’t let you leave with you thinking anything different. Since meeting you, there hasn’t been anyone else inside my head. I’m sorry if you ever felt like I want you to change or that I’m ashamed of you somehow. I don’t and I’m not. Every time I’ve asked you to go to church with me, it wasn’t about you at all. It was about me. All I wanted was to hold your hand. When I got up to speak, I wanted to see your face and know that one person there saw me.” In spite of everything, a smile tugged at his lips. “I don’t want there to be a doubt in anyone’s mind that you belong to me.”

Riley blinked. Tears trailed down her cheeks, breaking his heart. He wanted to hold her, but he needed to live to fight another day, so he left before Riley had time to tell him not to come back.

It took him an hour of driving around aimlessly to come up with a half-assed plan, and then another to decide where to start. He found Adam in his office. Since the man had stepped down from his position in the Monroe family business to concentrate on making the bakery a success, it was where he could always be found. Thank God, since Tristan needed Adam or he had nothing.

“Tell her not to go.”

Adam’s eyebrows shot to his hairline at Tristan’s demand. “You might want to shut the door.”

Nodding, Tristan did as suggested. He knew he was acting like a crazed person. There was no need for the entire place to witness it happening. With their privacy ensured, Adam leaned back in his chair, giving Tristan his full attention.

“When Riley gets here, I need you to tell her that your business arrangement is too new to go long distance, and you need her here.” There was a possibility Tristan should’ve felt stupid, but he was desperate. It was too late to hide it. He’d worry over appearances later.

“So you want me to lie?”

Tristan didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

“No.” With a single word, Adam stole the last of Tristan’s hope. “You know as well as I do, if I tell her that, she’ll hand me her resignation.” Adam was right, of course. If Riley was intent on leaving, a job wouldn’t keep her here. He sat down. “I’m guessing this has something to do with Graham Whitaker.”

Tristan made a helpless gesture. “How do you know about him?”

Adam held his gaze. “Setting aside the fact that I know everything, Emma May has been enjoying herself with that juicy bit of gossip.” Great. As if losing Riley wasn’t enough, it seemed he could also kiss his reputation and job goodbye. The elders would only overlook so much. Obviously and correctly reading his mind, Tristan rushed to reassure him. “Faith and Serenity are already on damage control, so don’t worry over Emma May. If anyone can handle her, it’s Faith.”

Defeated, Tristan shrugged. “I don’t know how to fix this.”

“Do you want to?” Adam asked, sounding confused. “I mean someone needs to be honest with you, and since I don’t love you like Faith does, it seems the job falls to me. This woman plans to leave you. For another man. A married man.”

It seemed Adam didn’t know as much as he thought. “I don’t think she has a choice.”

Adam scoffed. His expression saying he clearly thought Tristan was an idiot. “She’s a grown woman. She has a choice.”

Tristan was shaking his head before Adam finished speaking. “Have you seen her?”

Adam turned his head, glancing at the security monitor on his desk. “Speak of the devil. There she is now.” Tristan’s gaze shot to the screen. She’d changed clothes. Even though it was ninety degrees out, she was wearing long sleeves and an ankle-length skirt. He wanted to put his fist through the image. Adam pulled his keyboard closer. With a few clicks, he zoomed in and turned on the sound. A calculating light entered his eyes as he stared at Riley. Once she was seated and a waitress brought her some coffee, Adam moved to his feet. “You’re out of your league, Tristan.” He waved toward his chair. “You should be able to hear every word from here.” Before Tristan could settle into Adam’s chair, the man was gone. The door had already closed between them.

***

The sick feeling in Riley’s gut was a familiar reminder of Graham’s presence in her life. The constant stinging at the backs of her eyes was new. Up until now, she’d been smart enough to harden her heart. That is, until Tristan. Now, she felt everything. It was as if she was staring at her life in one of those awful mirrors that showed everything closer than was necessarily healthy. Except instead of seeing how bad her pores looked, Riley was staring at her soul. It was shattered. An image of Tristan’s enraged expression flashed across her mind. Fuck. She really hadn’t thought it was possible to hate herself more. Part of what had drawn her to Tristan was the way he looked at her, with open hunger and something she couldn’t name—something pure. Now it was gone, replaced with Graham’s poison. It was the final straw. The one that made her decide to finally drink it, swallow her fate. She could not allow Tristan to lose everything because of her.

“Aren’t you hot?”

Startled by Adam’s sudden appearance, Riley jumped. He slid into the booth, sitting across from her.

“No.” A chill raced through her, as if her body decided to back up her claim. She locked her teeth against it. Adam eyed her closely. His gaze moved from her cheek to her arms, seeing too much. Hers hit the table. Tugging at her sleeves to ensure the bruises remained hidden, she shifted her arms from the table to her lap to be on the safe side.