A Death to Remember (2 page)

So
...what did he find wrong? Little to complain of, surely. He took me round the back, past the car wash, which I didn’t remember at all, and up an outside flight of wooden stairs, which, suddenly, I did recall. Below this was the corrugated iron structure they used for car servicing, beyond that a dreary expanse of open space scattered with wrecks (help yourself to spares – bring your own tools) and beyond that the pool, looking exactly as it had always done, dreary and opaque, and dead.

‘
The office,’ he told me, throwing open a door from the landing at the top.

I
’d have known it for an office, but not
the
office, not the last one I’d visited that day. I stood, and looked round, my heart suddenly hammering.

My
brief image of him standing behind his desk and shouting had no reality in this setting. For one thing, the desk was not in front of the window, as in my memory, but skewed across a corner. It was not even the same desk. Larger, more modern. How did I know this, I wondered, and yet my general impression, still carried with me as a subliminal feeling, was of squalor, of dirty, smoke-blackened walls and tatty girlie calendars, creaky wooden filing cabinets and uncertain folding chairs. The walls were now clean, the one calendar was of birds, the two visitor’s chairs were plastic and tubular steel. The filing cabinets were grey steel.

I
was in a strange office, with a stranger. I turned to look at him, and did not recognise him in this setting.

‘
I don’t know,’ I said. My only memory of this place was of stress and emotion.

He
didn’t give me a chance to change my mind, but whipped open the top drawer of the nearest filing cabinet and lifted out a pile of account books and loose-leaf files, banged them down on the desk, and stood back.

‘
Have a look through ‘em,’ he said, beaming at me proudly.

It
was simply stupid. Even if I’d been right on top of the job, I’d have needed hours, days...‘Oh...come on!’ I said, but all the same I looked at them.

They
were new. Everything was new around there, as though something had been wiped away as cleanly as my memory. New books. I lifted a cover, and was looking at a page of neat entries. The date on the first one was December 1st, fifteen months before, a fortnight after my assault. I opened the others. The same. Tidy and immaculate. Where were the oil-dirty account books, dog-eared with loose pages, some of them hanging torn from the covers, which suddenly I recalled so clearly, lying on that very same surface? No, the desk had changed. It was not the same surface, and not the same account books.

I
looked up abruptly, and for one brief second saw a different Tony Clayton. He was staring at me dourly, shoulders hunched and his head low, a savage anticipation in his eyes.

‘
I’ll need the old books,’ I said, as though I really intended to get down to the job.

‘
They’re not here.’

‘
Where, then?’

‘
The accountant’s got ‘em, I reckon.’

‘
Reckon? You reckon? Don’t you know? You say your wife’s been looking after things. Haven’t you asked her? Where is she, anyway? What’s going on here, Clayton?’

‘
You don’t know?’ he asked quietly.

‘
Would I ask you if I...?’

‘
Don’t know about her?’ he asked heavily, no light now in his eyes.

‘
How the hell would I know...’ I stopped, the loudness of my voice ringing from the walls, and suddenly I was afraid. I was a stranger to myself. This could not be me, this hot, furious and lost man, shouting my hatred–and yes, it
was
hatred–at Tony Clayton. I gripped the edge of the desk and stared down at those pristine books, placed there to mock me, and hung on. I had been told to relax, not to allow myself to become involved with stress. My head pounded, and for a moment the desk surface blurred. I could have sat back on to the swivel chair behind me, but somehow pride held me firm. Then I looked up.

‘
You could ask your accountant for the old books, then maybe I’d get some sort of picture.’

Still
his voice seemed to be probing. ‘I thought you’d ask him.’

I
sighed. ‘When I was an officer of the DHSS I could’ve done that. But now I’ve got no authority at all. I don’t understand this. What does your wife say? What is it that you think is wrong?’

He
relaxed suddenly. ‘It’s a feeling.’ He shrugged, then walked across to stand glumly staring out of the window. His mood had changed. ‘All this – in only a year.’ He didn’t mean what he was looking at, the roof of the corrugated iron structure and the dreary pool. I knew what he meant.

‘
Have you asked your wife?’

‘
My wife isn’t here.’ His voice was dull, indistinct. ‘She’s disappeared.’

Then,
for a long minute, there was silence between us. I was aware that he had not brought me there to examine his books, but simply in order to make that statement. To me. Why me? I looked at his profile, the jaw hard now, none of the weakness I’d seen full face. I ventured:

‘
How d’you mean, disappeared?’

‘
What d’you think I mean?’ he snapped, glancing sideways. Then, more quietly: ‘She visited me regularly, you know, with news how things were going, the improvements she was making, how much Michael Orton was helping her, and I got not one single hint...’

‘
Who did you say?’

‘
Our accountant, Michael Orton.’

‘
Oh God!’

I
was aware he had my arm, and was steadying me. I thought I was laughing at the irony of it, that Orton should intrude on me there, but apparently the sound I was making didn’t give the impression of amusement. I must have known that Orton had been his accountant, but I had completely forgotten.

‘
What’s the matter?’ He shook my arm.

‘
Nothing. He’s just the one accountant I wouldn’t want to approach. Not for you, not for me.’

Michael
Orton was the man who was now married to my ex-wife, Valerie.

I
looked steadily at him. ‘You were saying?’

‘
Are you listening?’

‘
I’m listening.’ But remembering. That damned memory, it worked well enough on the things I’d have preferred to forget, and which now came flooding back. Such as Michael Orton, who’d always managed to convey to me his contempt whilst smiling at me, and managed to condescend with every second word. I remembered the first time I’d met him – and Valerie, as it happened...’

Clayton
was saying: ‘...she was intending to pick me up at the prison, but she didn’t come. Nobody came. In the end, I had to get a taxi to the station and find my own way. And nobody here knew anything about it...about her. There was no note, no message. The last entry in the books is the day before I came out.’

He
stopped. I opened a book and checked that point. ‘Friday the seventeenth?’ I asked.

‘
I came out on the Saturday.’

‘
Yes.’ I didn’t know what else to say. I sat. He stood. We were silent. At last I asked the obvious.

‘
Have you told the police?’

‘
No.’

‘
Why not?’

‘
I was in for GBH,’ he said stubbornly. ‘You know what that means? Grievous Bodily Harm.’

‘
I know what it feels like.’ Which was a lie. I didn’t remember what it felt like.

‘
Ha!’ he snarled in disgust. ‘You don’t have to be funny.’

‘
Sorry. So...what if you were?’

‘
A chap comes out of prison after a sentence of GBH, and straightaway he says his wife’s missing, and everybody knows
he
knows that his wife’s been having it away with her accountant...so, what’ll they think?’ He nodded out of the window. ‘The first thing they’d do would be to start dragging that pool out there.’

‘
Don’t talk so stupid.’

His
voice had been breaking with emotion, and I had to shout at him. But really I needed silence, to absorb what he’d said.

Michael
Orton, my wife’s husband of a year, and he’d been playing around the whole of that time...Lord, but it was lovely, or tragic. I had to have silence in order to decide which.

‘
What’s so stupid about it?’ he demanded. ‘Once you’ve been inside, they’ve got you pegged.’

‘
I don’t believe that.’

‘
The first thing they’d do...’

‘
She’d be frightened of you,’ I told him, seeing now the man who could be capable of smashing my head in with a spanner. This Tony Clayton looked capable of anything.

‘
You see!’ he shouted. ‘You, now!’

‘
And why not me?’ I demanded. ‘Why should you expect sympathy and understanding from me? What the hell do I care if your wife leaves you because she’s terrified of you! She knows what you did to me.
I’d
be scared, in her shoes. I bet she couldn’t get away fast enough...’

He
reached forward and grabbed my arm and thrust his face close, and for one moment I thought he was going to attack me again. But it was pain I saw in his eyes. Entreaty.

‘
It wasn’t me,’ he said, his voice thick. ‘And you know it.’

‘
I don’t know anything.’

‘
I didn’t beat your head in, you fool, and if you’d just tell somebody the truth...’

I
looked down at his hand, and rather to my surprise he released me. I couldn’t see what he was getting at, what he wanted from me.

‘
I can’t remember that last day,’ I told him. ‘Certainly nothing of the attack on me. But the police say they caught you standing over me, stuff from the briefcase scattered everywhere...’

‘
So
you
think it was me?’

‘
Yes, I think it was you.’

‘B
ut you didn’t come looking for me, with a couple of hired thugs at your shoulders.’

‘
The thought didn’t occur to me.’

He
grinned sloppily. ‘You see. It didn’t occur to you. And you know why not? Because you
know
. Mate, don’t shake your head at me. You know damn well it wasn’t me bashed your head in.’

I
couldn’t follow his logic, but he stood back, as though displaying himself for my consideration. It was quite true that I felt no certainty about him, but there was no memory that assisted me one way or the other. Yet his confidence was infective.
He
knew he was innocent. You could see it. And he was so completely guileless that I couldn’t help smiling at him.

‘
I wish you could prove it,’ I told him.

For
some reason he sensed this as a victory, because he leaned forward and gave me a small thump on the shoulder with his fist. ‘You see.’

What
I saw was that he seemed to feel some bond between us, sealed by the assault on me. He felt us both to have been victims, and that this entitled him to my friendship and assistance.

‘
So what do you want from me?’ I asked quietly, probing.

‘
I want you to find my wife.’

‘B
ut I can’t possibly...’

‘
You’ve got the experience, going round asking questions, making enquiries. You could do it.’

He
was looking at me with raised eyebrows, his eyes wide with innocence. And yet he seemed to be poised, waiting on each word.

‘
Not your books, then?’ I asked cautiously.

‘
Those too. Find my missus, and she’ll tell you about the books...’

And
about why the garage had done so well in his absence? That must have been galling to him.

‘
I can try.’

‘
Good man.’

‘B
ut promising nothing.’

‘
You’ll know where to ask around.’

But
that was something he could do himself, and he’d know her haunts and habits better than me. I was not a detective. But there was a glint in his eye as he watched my indecision, and I could see it was important to him.

It
was then that I began to wonder whether in fact he
had
killed his wife.

I
looked away. ‘I’ll ask around.’

After
all, it would have been a good cover for him. Would a man who’d killed his wife ask the man who should be his enemy to try to find her? It would appear to be the gesture of an innocent man. His innocence glowed from his warm, open face, and I found myself completely distrusting him.