A Family Divided (Dividing Line #3) (22 page)

“
We could go out for some lunch, take a walk, just relax, it’ll do us both good.”

“
I said I’m busy.”

“
But we need to reconnect, we’re drifting apart.”

“
Leave it Rachel,” he bellowed before storming out and slamming the door shut.

Recently Rachel might have burst into tears and curled up into a ball, sobbing her heart out but she was getting sick of his attitude. So she picked up her own car keys and stormed out of the house, following him into the garage.

“Where are you going?” he frowned.

“
What do you care?” she yelled at him before jumping in her car and slamming the door shut. As she sped off down the drive she could see him watching her go with a perplexed frown. “You’re not the only one who can act like a sulky child,” she muttered angrily.

Rachel drove to the spa for a work-out, trying to exercise off some of her anger and frustration. Swimming twenty lengths did nothing to ease her temper so she spent an hour in the gym too, working out until tiredness started to cut through some of her pain.

“You’re going to hurt yourself at that rate,” said a voice.

She smiled up into the face of Tim, one of the hunkier personal trainers she
’d hired. With his blond hair, twinkling blue eyes and winning smile he certainly drew in the punters.

“
Alright Tim. How’s everything going?”

“
Boring without you around,” he said, treating her to one of his dazzling smiles. He always flirted with her, even though she was his boss and she was glad he was treating her just the same, not subjecting her to the pitying looks everyone else was. “And you’re doing that wrong,” he said, indicating the weight she was holding.

“
I am?”

“
Yeah, you hold it like this,” he said, coming up behind her, so close his lips could have touched her neck. “You’re flinging your arm up instead of using the muscle to lift it. Concentrate on where the movement’s coming from and you’ll work your body a hundred percent more efficiently.”

It had been so long since Ryan had touched her that she became aroused by Tim
’s close proximity, the fact she was hot, sweaty and already worked up only adding to the situation.

“
There, that’s better,” he smiled when she bent her arm, bringing the weight up with it.

She looked at him over her shoulder, his lips just an inch from hers and noted the arousal flare in his eyes.

Run, get away before you do something you regret,
the sensible voice inside her screamed.

Rachel shook herself out of it and stepped back from Tim.
“Thanks for the tip. I’ve got to go.”

“
Rachel…”

She let the weight drop to the floor with a heavy thud and hurried off to the women
’s showers where he couldn’t follow. She stood beneath the hot spray, letting it massage her aching muscles, her tears mingling with the water. Since Ryan she’d never looked at another man. The first hitch in their marriage and she was being tempted by a twenty year old blond god. Or maybe she should flirt? It might do Ryan some good to get jealous. On second thoughts, he’d probably only end up beating the crap out of whoever she flirted with.

“
What do I do?” she murmured into the water.

After dressing and drying her hair she took a walk through the spa, chatting with her staff, asking if there were any problems but everything was harmonious. She took a quick look through the books, the large profit they were making improving her mood a little. While she was in the office she received a visit from Mikey.

“Fancy getting some lunch? My treat,” he smiled.

It was only then she realised she
’d been cutting the Maguires out of her life. She hadn’t seen any of them in a while.

“
Sounds good.”

He beamed.
“I thought you were avoiding me.”

She smiled at him fondly.
“Course not. I’m sorry Mikey but things are difficult at home. I haven’t been out much.”

“
Ryan?”

“
How did you know?”

“
We’ve all noticed how he’s changed. Thomas’s death has floored him.”

“
I know.” Tears filled her eyes. “I’m losing him Mikey.”

He hurried round the desk to hug her.
“No you’re not. Things will get better, promise. It’s just a rough patch, every married couple goes through it.”

She nodded her head and wiped away her tears.
“You’re right. It’s just such a contrast to how he usually behaves towards me, he’s always been so…”

“
Adoring?”

“
I don’t want to sound big-headed but yes.”

“
Give him time, he’ll come round. Why don’t we go out, have a few drinks and a laugh? It’ll cheer you up.”

She gave him a smile.
“Okay. Thanks Mikey.”

“
You’re welcome.”

Ryan watched Rachel and Mikey cross the car park together arm in arm. He
’d come to invite her to lunch, to spend the day together as she’d suggested but Mikey had got there first and she looked to be having such a nice time he didn’t want to interrupt. So he sat in his car and watched Mikey’s car drive away. Neither of them noticed him, they were too busy talking, making him feel more isolated than ever. When they’d gone he started the engine and set off, although he had no idea where he was going.

Over lunch Rachel was distracted from her own worries by Mikey
’s problems.

“
Alex is changing,” he sighed miserably into his pasta. “Whatever he says goes and he won’t listen to reason. Don’t worry, I won’t give you any details but recently he made a business deal that lost us a substantial amount of money.”

“
How substantial?”

“
Half a million.”

“
Ouch.”

“
I know. Me and Jez advised him not to do it, we could see what was happening, even Battler had a word but no, he knew best, the prat.”

“
That doesn’t sound like Alex.”

“
The power’s going to his head. At first he was so unsure of himself when he took over that he always listened. Now he’s got a taste for it and he’s turning into Hitler. How do I make him see sense?”

Rachel thought back over how Alex had squared up to Ryan in their back garden after Thomas
’s funeral. It had surprised her, the old Alex would have realised Ryan was grieving and taken whatever he threw at him, not wound him up even more.

“
He’s losing respect for everyone around him. He’s not his dad or Danny. What are you going to do?”

“
What can I do but stick with it and hope he gets better.”

Rachel was glad she was well out of it but nevertheless she was still worried and she grasped his hand. Alex Maguire was the most dangerous man she knew.
“Be careful Mikey.”

“
I will.” He didn’t add that he thought Alex was up to something behind his and Jez’s back. As yet he didn’t know what and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know, but it could end up dragging them all down with him. “Declan’s bought his own club.”

“
He has? Which one?”

“
Zenith.”

“
I know that, it’s a good place. So he’s here to stay?”

“
It seems so. There’s talk of his brothers coming over too.”

“
To work in all the Maguire businesses?” she said meaningfully.

Mikey nodded. He was glad because their loyalties would be to him, not Alex and he thought he might need their back-up in the not too distant future.

“What will they be doing?”

“
Come on Rach, I can’t tell you that. Ryan would kill me.”

She thought her husband probably wouldn
’t even care. “Sorry, I can’t help but be curious.” Her eyes widened and she gasped.

“
What’s up?” he frowned, his fork halfway to his mouth.

“
I forgot to ask, how did Amber’s 3D scan go? You were going to find out the sex.”

“
You don’t want to know about that.”

“
Yes I do, it’s important. I can handle it Mikey,” she said when he appeared doubtful.

“
Okay,” he said, pulling the sonogram out of his jacket pocket and holding it out to her.

She accepted it and smiled.
“You carry it around?”

“
Yes, it means a lot to me.”

A lump formed in Rachel
’s throat as she studied the scan, the image blurring when she recalled her first scan with Thomas, Ryan holding her hand, both so excited. Thomas was going to be the final piece in the puzzle, the completion of their family.

“
Rach?” he said softly when she’d stared at it in silence for a full two minutes.

“
Sorry,” she said, blinking away the tears and handing it back. “Is everything okay?”

“
Absolutely fine,” he smiled.

“
What sex is it?”

“
A boy. Sorry.”

It was a moment before she could speak.
“Don’t be. You’re very lucky.”

“
I know.” He took her hand. “Sure you’re okay?”

“
Yes,” she replied in a shaky voice.

“
Me and Amber have started dating,” he said, wanting to distract her from baby talk.

“
Dating? Talk about putting the cart before the horse,” she smiled.

“
She’s lovely Rach,” he beamed, “so sweet and kind. I’m used to tough, mouthy women like Jennie, but she’s so different, so fresh. We’re sleeping together,” he said, lowering his voice, “and it’s amazing.”

Rachel had never heard him talk about a woman like this before.
“You sound smitten.”

“
I am,” he said, popping a new potato into his mouth.

“
Don’t hurt her Mikey.”

“
I don’t intend to.”

“
Will this continue after she’s had the baby?”

“
I hope so.”

“
Amber’s not like your other girlfriends.”

“
That’s why I like her.”

“
I mean, you can’t run around on her. She’s not the type to get insanely jealous and start yelling like Jennie. She’d just take it and grow more and more hurt until it destroyed her.”

“
I won’t do that, I really like her.”

“
If you do make a commitment to her make sure you stick to it. Don’t mess her around.”

“
I’ll be careful, promise.”

Rachel hoped he meant it, she
’d hate to see that girl ruined.

CHAPTER 18

Rachel returned home feeling troubled by what Mikey had told her about Alex, although she was pleased about Amber, she would be good for him. To her dismay Ryan wasn’t home. She tried calling him but it went to voicemail, as it tended to these days. So she decided to throw herself into the new hotel project, which she’d decided to take on. Mikey had thought it a brilliant idea and his encouragement had decided her. She needed something to do or she thought she’d go barmy.

She enjoyed jotting down ideas and researching the area on the internet. It was monied, plenty of people to use the golf course, spa and restaurant. Although they had a flagship restaurant under their belt they didn
’t have a flagship hotel and she decided this was it. It would be huge with only the best staff. Her Michelin-starred chef at the spa had worked wonders, made it
the
place to eat in the city and he’d trained up an apprentice. She wondered if he would be happy to leave the spa restaurant in his protégé’s hands and work at the hotel instead?

With her mind so occupied time passed quickly and the next thing she knew Adela was bringing the children home. Leah was bursting with news about a school trip, Ethan was immensely proud of a painting he
’d done and Aaron just ran about babbling excitedly to himself, caught up in his siblings’ enthusiasm and they raised Rachel’s spirits even more. All three children were elated to see their mummy happy and laughing again.

As afternoon turned to evening and evening to night Ryan still didn
’t return and Rachel started to seriously fret. He’d not stayed out all night before. In fact, since they’d got engaged they hadn’t spent a single night apart and fear ran its fingers up and down her spine. Was he lying injured somewhere? Or dead? Or was he in the arms of another woman? She grimaced at the thought. She was afraid of what she’d do if he cheated on her because deep in her heart she knew she’d kill him and the bitch he shagged. There was no two ways about it. When she tried calling again his mobile went to voicemail. Her pride didn’t want her to continue ringing but the fretful wife couldn’t rest so she tried Jez instead.

“
Yes, he’s here,” said Jez. “Don’t worry.”

“
He hasn’t been fighting again, has he?”

“
No, just his usual sunny self,” he said sarcastically. “Do you want to talk to him?”

“
Is he in a talking mood?”

Brief pause.
“No, probably not.”

“
He doesn’t want to speak to me, does he?” she said, swallowing down the lump in her throat.

“
I’m sorry Rach,” he replied gently.

“
It’s okay, thanks Jez,” she said quickly before hanging up, not wanting him to hear her tears. With the kids tucked up in bed she thought it safe to indulge in a couple of scotches and knocked back two in quick succession, which made her eyes grow heavy and she dragged herself upstairs to bed, not sure whether it was tiredness, alcohol or depression making her lethargic. However she couldn’t rest until Ryan came in safe so she forced herself to stay awake.

It was a little after one o
’clock in the morning when she heard his car pull up the drive. No doubt he wanted to make sure she was sound asleep before he returned. She lay still in the dark, listening to him come in through the kitchen door via the garage. There was the rush of water as he filled a glass to bring to bed with him, his nightly ritual, then his footsteps on the stairs. Her heart beat hard in her chest as he approached, not used to being nervous around her husband but she didn’t know what to expect from him anymore. Just before the door opened she turned on her side facing way from the door, feigning sleep. If he thought she was awake he’d retreat back downstairs and she ached to feel his warmth beside her. There was a pause as he assessed whether she really was sleeping then he entered the room and quietly closed the door, creeping about as he undressed, God forbid he woke her up and had to deal with her.

He lay down beside her, being careful not to touch her and tears formed in her eyes but she forced her breathing to remain even. Why couldn
’t he just wrap his arms around her like he used to? She sniffed the air, trying to scent perfume on him but there was nothing, not even alcohol. He didn’t need that crutch like Danny had.

Still pretending to be asleep, she turned over onto her other side and flung her arm around his waist, as though she
’d been disturbed slightly but not woken properly, just to see what he’d do. She felt him go rigid then, to her delight, he lightly ran his fingertips up and down her arm and she tried not to smile at this simple sweet gesture. She nuzzled in a little more, her face against his shoulder. Again he went tense before relaxing and she felt him kiss her hair. Maybe they weren’t such a lost cause after all?

“
Ryan?” she murmured, making a show of opening her eyes and stretching.

“
Err, yeah. Sorry to wake you.”

“
It’s okay.” Deciding to take a chance, she rolled on top of him and kissed his chest. Having a go at him wouldn’t get her anywhere, so she decided to go easy on him instead. “How’s Jez?”

“
Fine.”

She rolled her eyes when it became clear he wasn
’t about to elaborate. Instead she feathered his chest with kisses.

“
Rachel…”

“
What?” she said, moving up to his neck, smiling into his throat when he inhaled sharply.

“
I’m really tired.”

But she was determined not to give up.
“You don’t need to do anything, just lie there.” She cringed inwardly, unable to believe she’d just said that. How tacky.

“
But…”

She cut him off with a kiss, heartened when his arms went around her and he pulled her against him. She undulated her body against his, feeling his hardness between her legs. He rolled her onto her back and she held onto him for all she was worth as he explored her with his hands and lips, feeling him coming back to her.

“I’ve missed you Ryan,” she breathed.

Her words broke the spell and he lifted his head.
“I’m sorry, I’m not in the mood.”

He rolled off her, turning his back on her.

“Ryan, please,” she croaked.

He didn
’t respond.

Furious, she sat up and switched on the bedside lamp.

“If that’s how you’re going to be then you can sleep in the spare room,” she spat at him.

He turned over, looking incredulous.
“This is my bed.”

“
Why don’t you piss off so you won’t have to touch me, I know it disgusts you.”

“
That’s not true.”

“
Then why won’t you have sex with me?” she practically yelled in frustration.

“
Keep your voice down, you’ll wake the kids.”

“
I’m sorry but I can’t go on tiptoeing around you, frightened to say the wrong thing in case I drive you away. Are you seeing another woman?”

“
No, don’t be ridiculous.”

She had to admit that he did appear very insulted by the insinuation.

“I’m not seeing anyone else,” he said in a softer voice. “I would never do that to you, there’s no one for me but you.”

“
Then why don’t you want to be near me?”

“
I wish I could explain, but I can’t.” He sighed and shook his head, not used to baring his feelings.

“
I went through something similar when I had my first miscarriage. I didn’t want to have sex with Danny anymore because I was frightened of getting pregnant and losing another baby. Is that why you don’t want to have sex with me, because you’re afraid of getting me pregnant?”

He opened his mouth to reply, her words making sense to him but she
’d ruined it by mentioning Danny Maguire, the old jealousy rearing its head and darkening his mood.

“
Perhaps it is best if I sleep in the spare room,” he said, pulling the duvet aside and getting to his feet.

“
We need to talk about this.”

“
I can’t.”

“
Fine, run away like you always do, coward,” she yelled, hurling his pillow at him.

He just gave his weary sigh and marched out of the room clutching his pillow, leaving her to descend into sobs.

The next morning the kitchen was a hive of activity as Rachel and Adela got the children ready for school and nursery. Rachel laughed as her daughter twirled around the room in a clumsy pirouette and Ryan scowled. How could she be so happy? It wasn
’t right.

“
I’m off,” he muttered, snatching up his car keys.

When she realised he was leaving and might be gone all day and all evening again, she panicked.
“Ryan?”

“
What?” he said impatiently.

“
Can I have a word?”

Sullenly he nodded and followed her into the lounge, so the children wouldn
’t overhear. But before she could get a word in, he spoke over her.

“
What’s with all the laughing and smiling? We only buried Thomas two weeks ago.”

“
You think I’m not grieving anymore?” she frowned. “I will always grieve for him.”

“
How can you…” He trailed off and pressed his palms to his eyes.

“
You’re not coping, are you?”

“
Maybe I would if I was as cold as you.”

Her expression turned hostile, fighting the urge to scream at him.
“I think you’d better leave, before we both say something we regret.”

He barged out of the front door instead, so he wouldn
’t have to go past the children. Rachel watched him jump into his Audi and speed off, kicking up a spray of gravel, just wishing he’d stay and give her a hug, a kiss, anything.

Realising she was upset, Adela took the children to school then ran some errands, so Rachel would have some time alone. Rachel wished she hadn
’t, the silence in the house just made her feel worse. She wondered if there was something wrong with her, but the smiles were false, forced for the sake of her children. Obviously Ryan thought they were real. She explained all this to Beth when she came round to see her later that morning.

“
Of course you’re not unnatural, we know how much pain you’re in but you still have three kids to think of. You have to try and get back to normal for their sakes.”

“
Ryan’s not coping,” Rachel said sadly. “He’s pushing me away. He’s never been the type to talk about his feelings.”

“
I know, it took him nearly a year to admit he fancied you. Sometimes strong and silent can come across as weak and retarded.”

“
After losing Danny and now Thomas, I can’t lose him too. It would destroy me, but I don’t know how to get him back.”

“
You could get him some help, maybe some counselling.”

“
Ryan Law see a counsellor? He’d end up knocking them out. He needs someone to blame, someone to take his anger out on and he’s frustrated because he can’t find who caused the accident. He feels like he’s let us down.”

“
And he’s turning the blame on you?”

“
It would seem so.”

“
That’s not fair, you’ve suffered too. Men can be so pathetic at times,” said Beth, thinking of her own husband.

“
He doesn’t know what else to do. I know what’s wrong with him but I just don’t know how to get through to him.”

“
He’s going out with Jez today. He’s noticed how he’s behaving and he told Alex he’d have a word.”

“
Let’s hope he can talk some sense into him then.”

Like Mikey, Beth wanted to discuss her own problems but refrained, they seemed so petty in comparison to Rachel
’s. Obviously Rachel had forgotten all about the breakdown she saw her have, which she was grateful for because she was so ashamed of herself. At least Alex had said she could keep the au pair, as long as she wasn’t around when he was, but he was hardly ever there anyway. He was losing interest in her, she could feel it but she lacked the energy to fight for him. Maybe she was losing interest in Alex too? However she had the feeling he’d never let her go. In his head a divorce would weaken him in the eyes of his associates and disturb his sense of control. But she kept all this to herself. She’d talk to Rachel about it when she was feeling stronger.

Jez had tried talking some sense into his brother but he was fighting a losing battle. Ryan was one big ball of anger and pain. He’d tried gently cajoling, reasoning, even yelling at him but nothing was getting through. Now Ryan was driving them both through the city streets, slamming the car into gear with exaggerated force. Jez decided not to criticise his driving. Ryan was in the mood for a fight and he had no wish to take him on.