A Fate Filled Christmas (8 page)

Brie turned a one eighty to see a tall, lanky man with a bald head carrying a dog leash as he hurried down the sidewalk toward Jane.

"Wilbur. Cut that out and come back here," he chastised.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jane corner the errant pig only to have the animal dash between her legs. Jane grabbed too late, leaving her flat on her rear and the mischievous pet running full-out for the man holding the lead. Skidding to a halt, the pig sat back on its haunches and squeaked, receiving a food reward from the man.

"That's my Wilbur. Fruitcake is your favorite after all." After clicking the leash back on, the man led the pig back the way he came.

Rye snickered.

Jane climbed to her feet, sputtering and huffing. "Tom Thomas, stop right where you are."

"The man's deaf as a doornail," Thelma leaned in to whisper in my ear.

Brie nodded.

Brushing herself off, Jane hotfooted down the street in pursuit of the man leading his runaway pet pig.

Oh, yeah. Definitely bedlam.

Chapter 13

The piece of pumpkin bread halted just short of his mouth as he caught a purple-haired lady staring openly at his groin from just a few feet away. If that weren't bad enough, she licked her lips. Frowning, he lowered the snack and turned around only to find another elderly woman looking with curious delight just below his belt.
What the hell?

"Brie?"

"Yeah?" She stuck a tiny square of fudge in her mouth.

"What did you say?" He cast glances across the room, finding more than his fair share of attention directed solely at his assets from women over the age of retirement.

"To whom?"

"To them?" He waved toward the room.

"Who's them?" Her face spoke of bewildered puzzlement.

Once again he motioned with his arm. "Them. What did you say to make those old women obsess with my crotch?"

Understanding flashed across her features. "Oh. Well, I overheard Jane and Thelma telling a group of their friends that you were impotent but now take a pill, which seems to get the job done."

His eyebrows shot up to learn his performance abilities were the topic of conversation amongst the geriatric crowd. A feeling of dread cascaded over him. "And?"

"I know better, and their ridiculous remarks were offensive. So I told them the truth." She grinned proudly.

"Which is?" He tilted his head and braced himself for the oncoming onslaught.

"That you're hung like a prize stallion on a stud farm and perform like a champ. I told them you put Annie to shame in size and sheer impressiveness."

"You what?"

Annie, her never-used, oversized vibrator lived in a shoebox under the bed. When he had discovered the hidden toy, he couldn't resist tormenting Brie. Only his plans backfired when the nosey neighbors had shown up at an inopportune time and declared him impotent, thus Brie's need of the gigantic plastic phallus.

She blinked. "Told them you were hung like a horse, and if they didn't believe me, they could see for themselves in a couple of porn flicks."

He groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. From impotent to stud muffin in a few short months. Old ladies trying to get a peek at his endowments frankly creeped him out. Not to mention the poor video store clerk sure to have heart failure when half the town's widows show up at the counter asking for porn videos.

Rye scrubbed at his suddenly aching forehead. "Dare I ask which movies you mentioned?"

Brie looked down at her feet before sheepishly answering. "
Vegas Nights
and
Driving Miss Daisy's Lust
."

"Oh, hell."
She didn't. Not the one male star.
"You told them I…" His eyes narrowed.

"Was absolutely huge and might carry some interesting tattoo artwork down there."

She did. Tattoo guy.
Holy shit.

A short gray-headed lady paused on her way to the buffet table, her gaze fixated on his pelvis. Only once did she glimpse upward before her vision lined up with his family jewels again.

He scowled down at his girlfriend. "Brie…"

Her mouth fell open as she puffed up like an irate chicken. "What? I defended you! Don't all men want their girlfriends to tell others her man is… well-endowed and knows how to use it?"

"Well, yeah. To him. Or perhaps his buddies. But to a flock of gossiping old hens? Never."

She rolled her eyes and puffed out a breath. "I thought you'd like porn star awesome better than impotent hunk."

His mouth opened and closed without a single sound emerging. He grappled with the urge to flip Brie over his lap and paddle her sexy rear.

Brie, more than likely unawares, just announced her great enjoyment of his body and lovemaking to the entire neighborhood. Yeah, he could do much worse than love a woman who possessed no fear in broadcasting her sensual delights and his sexual talents to the world.

Spontaneous laughter bubbled up and overflowed.

Grabbing Brie around the waist, he lifted her off the ground and swung her around in a circle, enjoying her startled squeak and joyful giggles. By the time he set her down, half the attendees were watching with wide smiles of their faces.

Rye wrapped Brie in his embrace and tugged her against his body. "You're such a squirrel."

She grinned. "Cute and cuddly?"

"Something like that." Before she could say more, he meshed his lips over hers, not caring who in the auditorium watched.

"Wow wee!"

Rye leaned back to glance to his side, finding an all too familiar small person dressed in the same pine green outfit. "Jingle."

Brie turned her head and grinned. "You're an elf!"

Rye opened his mouth and shut it once more. After what he'd been through, he couldn't really say one way or another.

"Yes, ma'am." Jingle beamed, took Brie's hand, and kissed her palm. His gaze found Rye once more. "You're one lucky dog."

"I'll give you that." The corner of his mouth tilted upward. "I think I'll keep her."

Brie giggled and leaned into Rye's side. "Gee, I'm glad to hear that."

"Smart man." Jingle tilted his head, sending the bell to chiming.

"By the way, I owe you." He'd done a lot of thinking since Jingle dragged him out of the line of fire. Thanking him seemed too trivial a reward.

The elf shrugged and shot him a smile wide enough to show straight white teeth. "Just doing my job. Besides, I think this one would miss you terribly."

Brie's expression turned serious as she looked from one man to the other. "Maybe someone should tell me what's going on?"

Jingle tipped his hat and bowed slightly. "I'm Rye's guardian angel elf." He glanced to the side, then back at her. "I'm being summoned. It's nice to meet you, Brie."

"But…"

He spun on his heel and waved back at her. "I have a feeling you're gonna have a very merry Christmas."

With those words, he disappeared in the crowd.

Brie shifted to stare up at Rye, one eyebrow shooting up.

He grinned sheepishly. "Jingle helped me out on a couple of cases."

"What's this about being your guardian angel elf?"

He shrugged. "The little guy showed up at the department one day, asking for me. Gave me some tips. Told me up front that's what he was. I thought he was a bit loony."

"Uh huh."

Leaning in, he brushed his lips over her sensitive earlobe. The last thing he wanted was to make her frown, fret, and worry about something that already happened. He preferred, instead, to enjoy the evening, old lady gossips and all, with Brie at his side.

"Tell me more about how you love my cock."

He nibbled before trailing the tip of his tongue along the curve of her neck.

She shivered under his touch. "Did I say that?"

"Oh yeah. To the biggest gossips in the whole city."

"Wonderful." Her tepid tone put a grin back on his face. Let her wallow in her own troublemaking.

"Once we get home, you can show me to your heart's desire."

She nuzzled his cheek. "You're on."

Chapter 14

Christmas Eve found Rye hanging out at home with an all-too-bubbly Brie. She spent all morning baking, humming Christmas carols, and teasing him with a wiggle in her bouncy walk.

If only he could corral her long enough to make naughty but excellent use of her energy.

His cell rang. Checking the caller ID, he immediately answered. "Hi, Mom."

"Rye. How are you feeling?"

"Good. Why do you ask?" His detective senses prickled with her unusual question right off the bat.

"No reason." A momentary silence covered the air space before she spoke again. "I wanted to thank you for the presents, although I thought we agreed not to do presents this year."

"Presents? What presents?" He glanced over at Brie, who sat at the other end of the couch, pretending to be totally engrossed in her book and not eavesdropping.

"Brie brought them over for you, dear. Yesterday. One for each of the immediate family. Very generous of you, I will say."

"Okay…"

"Well, you know your father. He's so impatient. Nothing doing than he had to rip open the wrapping and see what he received." She sucked in a breath. "Honey, we're a bit confused. To quote your father, 'What in the hell is wrong with that boy?'"

"Brie…" Her name rumbled from his chest like a volcano announcing pending eruption. His gaze locked on her as he ground his teeth.
Holy shit.
Brie didn't…

"That's one reason we're concerned. Brie. Such a pretty young lady and so sweet. When you have her, why are you looking at pictures of naked mature women? And the card. You hope we enjoy the pictures as much as you do? Sure, we've always known you were a bit kinky, but this seems odd even for you."

Brie snorted and coughed, a weak attempt to contain the giggles she suppressed as indicated by her quaking chest and pink cheeks.

"What? I…" His mouth opened and shut twice before more words came out. "I didn't. I don't."

"Your brother opened his already. I swear the poor boy about had heart failure on the spot. He said he would be talking to you soon. Something about crappy taste in women, although that wasn't the exact word he used."

"Brie!" His ire rose as rare heat flooded his cheeks. Leave it to his girlfriend to give every one of his family members a copy of the old ladies nude calendar. He would never live this humiliation down, especially as she worded the card to indicate he'd developed a wrinkle and saggy boob fetish in the past week.

"Would you like to come over and talk about this with your father? I'm sure he can help you."

Rye snorted. "Umm. No thanks. I'm a bit busy right now."

"Oh?"

"Yep. My girlfriend needs a spanking."

"Oh my. How many fetishes do you have, dear?"

"Later, Mom." He clicked off the phone and tossed it on the couch in front of him. Standing, he glared down at Brie.

She glanced up at his face and fell into a fit of laughter, great guffaws sending tears pouring down her cheeks. Holding her belly, she panted for breath and finally simmered down to spontaneous giggles. Wiping her eyes, she blinked at him innocently.

Like I'm buying that. Not.

He waited a beat longer, allowing the steam to build up at her prank. Thanks to her, his family was on the verge of calling in a therapist.

"The money went to charity. It was for a good cause." She stood up, placing the end of the couch between them. "Besides, the pictures weren't racy. They were tasteful, in fact."

"Uh huh." Stepping forward, he closed in on her.

"Ummm. I just remembered. I need to… run an errand." Brie dashed around the couch, sprinting across the room.

He caught her as she surged by. "Oh no you don't." Sweeping her over his shoulder, he juggled his hold until her belly rested on his shoulder, her head pointed to the floor, and her bottom stuck up in the air, in easy reach. Slapping her rear, he held tight as she wiggled.

"Put me down."

"No way, squirrel. Not until we've had a long talk."

"About?"

Her caution-laced tone put a grin on his face. "Paybacks."

Brie groaned dramatically. Rye chuckled and whapped her backside lightly.

She might be feisty and a troublemaker, but she was his little squirrel. A keeper if he ever saw one.

Chapter 15

Late that same evening, Brie snuggled up on the corner of the couch, wired and wide awake despite a hearty round of mind-blowing sex earlier in the day. Rye might boast and possess an elephant-sized ego, but he backed up all his claims with gusto.

She sighed as she watched him rub her feet, a touching gesture and big-time point scorer in her game book. "That feels wonderful."