A Fire Within (These Highland Hills, Book 3) (25 page)

"More likely because ye stood up to him over her. Ye've never
done that before, and he doesn't quite know what to make of it.
Or where yer true loyalties lie."

He was too tired to be discussing such a topic, much less trying to discern where his cousin was really going with this. And
Kenneth was most definitely headed down some specific path.

"Loyalties other than the intent to protect her from him?"

Dar couldn't quite hide the irritation in his voice. "Spit it out,
Kenneth. What exactly are ye getting at?"

"It's just not me, Dar. Father thinks the same thing." He paused,
inhaled what looked to Dar like a fortifying breath. "Athe fears
ye mean to take the chieftainship from him."

If he hadn't been so exhausted and so in need of conserving
every ounce of energy he had left, not to mention he didn't need to
set his side to aching any worse than it already was, Dar would've
laughed out loud. Instead, he just shook his head.

"And how many times must I repeat I've no desire whatsoever
to lead the clan? What more do I need to say or do before anyone
believes me? Ye or yer father haven't gone and put any ideas in
anyone else's heads, have ye? For I can't fathom Athe forming
such a daft notion about me on his own."

"It's naught we've said, Dar," Kenneth replied. "It's what others
have begun saying to us."

Dar turned to look at his cousin. "Others? Some of these
men?"

Aye.

He expelled an exasperated breath. "Then I'm certain ye and
yet father are imagining things. I saw their reaction when Athe
began to impugn my loyalty. They think I'm smitten with Caitlin,
and she has me on the verge of betraying them all for her."

"Well, it's not as if ye hide yer affection for her all that well,
ye know."

"By mountain and sea!"

Dar lurched upright and was rewarded by a sharp stab in his
side. He caught himself before he grabbed at his wound, but
couldn't hide the grimace of pain.

"Ye have gone and hurt yerself, haven't ye?" Kenneth eyed him
closely. "I wondered as much, when ye could barely walk over to
us last night in the library."

"Not a word to anyone. Do ye hear me?" Dar sent him a furious look. "If Athe should know that I'm not up to full
strength ..."

"He'd waste no time in seizing the chance to bring ye down."
His cousin nodded in understanding. "More's the reason not to
push him too hard or oft right now."

"I've no intention of doing so," Dar muttered. "Just as long
as he keeps his hands off Caitlin ..."

"Then I suggest ye begin to affect some indifference to the lass,
and do so posthaste. Even ifAthe fails to act the proper gentleman
around her. He may well be casting about for just such an excuse
to fight ye again and, in the doing, prove to the others what he's
already begun to try to plant in their minds."

Dar turned a blazing gaze to the bard. "Never. I'll never
surrender my honor to save my life, and seeing Caitlin safely
back to her brother's care is about all the honor left me. Besides, whether he ultimately draws me into another battle or
not, Athe's never going to allow me back into the clan. That's
as clear as day."

"Well, there's always another sure way to get back into the
clan, ye know."

"And exactly what would that be?"

Kenneth didn't immediately answer. "Why don't ye relax a
bit? Lean back against the tree and look bored? Yet brother has
suddenly taken a wee too much interest in our conversation."

Knowing better than to look in Athe's direction, Dar did as
his cousin suggested. He leaned back, crossed one ankle over the
other, and closed his eyes.

For a time, the two men didn't speak. Finally, though, Kenneth
must have decided it was safe to talk again.

"I don't dare linger here much longer," he said. "Not to mention, the lass even now is heading our way with some food. But
I will leave ye with one last thing to consider. The other way to
be taken back into the clan is if the clan asks ye to return."

When Dar opened his mouth to protest that Athe wouldn't
allow that to happen, Kenneth held up a silencing hand.

"Athe can have naught to say about what the clan wishes, if
he's no longer chief," his cousin then continued. "And the only
way that can happen is if ye or someone else-if ye stubbornly
persist in refusing to consider such a position-is elected chief.
Just because we managed to extricate Athe from Kilchurn doesn't
mean he deserves to continue being our leader. On the contrary.
The more I'm with him, the more convinced I am he's the worst
answer to our present dilemma. And that mayhap we erred in
bringing him back."

Kenneth pushed to a squatting position beside Dar. "So think
on all this, if ye will, and put that clever mind of yers now to
solving this wee problem. For indeed, if the error's ours, then it's
only right and honorable that we be part of the solution. And
that what ye desire, in the end, may not be as important as what
ye're being called to do."

After the midday meal, they all took an hour's rest, then Athe
ordered them to resume the journey. His plan-which he shared
only with Dar, Kenneth, and Feandan-was to lose their Campbell pursuers long enough to backtrack a bit, then head to a
shieling in a high, verdant meadow near Ben Vorlich, deep in
MacFarlane lands. The summer home, where cattle were taken
for several months to graze the lush hill grasses, would be one
of the last places Niall Campbell would think to look for them,
Athe assured Dar and the others.

Dar wasn't certain Niall Campbell would so easily give up,
leastwise not when it came to one of his own family. In any case,
Dar didn't plan to risk taking Caitlin all the way to the shieling.
He didn't trust Athe to release her. Even blindfolded, she might
guess their location and eventually reveal it to her brother.

He just needed to buy himself a bit more time in which to
gather some additional strength. Another day was about all he
could spare, though. After that, they would enter MacFarlane
lands. And Dar, like the rest of them, didn't want in any way
to betray the clan that had been of such support in these dire
times.

In another day's time, he intended to force the matter of Caitlin's release. If Niall Campbell hadn't caught up to them by the
time they reached MacFarlane lands, it would be evident they
had managed to elude him for at least a time. They were then,
in all senses of the word, safely away.

Dar only hoped his brother's reason to continue holding Caitlin had truly been just for that purpose. If not, the confrontation he had assiduously been trying to avoid could be avoided
no longer. And everything he had striven so hard to achieve,
and the danger he had placed Caitlin in, would have been for
nothing.

In any event, Dar felt as if everything were already tumbling
down around him. Nothing, save that he had managed to extricate Athe from Campbell custody, had gone as planned. Caitlin
wasn't back with her brother. Athe was still the same selfish,
prideful, uncaring man he had always been. And the long-dreamt
brotherly gratitude, which should have resulted in an invitation
to rejoin the clan, hadn't-and wouldn't-be forthcoming.

He was tempted to consider his efforts a dismal failure. Indeed,
Dar struggled mightily at times not to surrender to despair. But
some good had still come out of all of the missteps and poorly
resolved plans.

Though he still marveled at the unlikelihood of such an occurrence, he had begun to gather a small group of friends about
himself. His uncle and Kenneth had always been there for him,
even during the years of his exile. But now he also counted Goraidh and Caitlin as friend. And, atop everything else, Kenneth had mentioned that some of the men in this very group had
spoken of him replacing Athe as chief.

No one, save Feandan and Kenneth MacNaghten, had ever
before regarded him with interest, much less with caring and
respect. He had been the second and last child born to their
mother, who had died while he was yet a child. Athe had been the
eldest, the heir, their father's pride and joy. And little Dar, who
for a time had been sickly and small, hadn't even been expected
to live very long.

But now, after all those years of parental abuse and clan disinterest, it seemed others were beginning to gather around him.
Why they were doing so mystified Dar, though. Were they at
last discovering that Athe wasn't fit to rule them, and were now
turning to him by default?

And if they looked to him now for other reasons entirely,
what did it all mean? Whatever it meant, should he give it any
credence?

They had never wanted him before. What did he owe them
now, save what he wished to give? To be chosen as the lesser of
two evils was hardly a compliment, much less a vote of acceptance and love.

Dar smiled sadly. Acceptance and love ... He had longed for
that ever since he could remember, but perhaps that had never
been what truly mattered.

As Kenneth had so recently informed him, what he desired
just might not be as important as what he was being called to
do. Problem was, though his cousin's words held a ring of truth,
Dar wasn't so sure he cared much for the implications of being
called. They smacked too much of losing control over one's life,
of God and holy quests.

His thoughts traveled back to that day they had departed
Goraidh's cottage, when the hermit had stoutly claimed he would
be joining them. That he went where the Lord led, and it was evident the Lord wanted him to join what Dar was even then
beginning to view as a hopeless undertaking. An undertaking
that, convinced as he was that the Lord was involved, Goraidh
definitely didn't see as hopeless.

Caitlin seemed equally certain that all of this was God's will.
But if God really was in this, why now? God had never seemed
particularly interested in Dar before. And what did He expect
from him?

With a sigh, Dar closed his eyes for a brief moment. It was too
much to comprehend, especially as exhausted as he was. All he
knew was he wanted some answers, and that he needed help. As
hard as that was to admit, Dar finally faced the fact he couldn't
do what he had set out to do alone. Too many things conspired
to stop him, one particularly large obstacle being his brother.

He leaned back, felt Caitlin behind him. In response, she
clasped him a bit more tightly about his waist and laid her head
against him. Bonny, faithful, trusting Caitlin. Dar's heart swelled
with love for her.

Dare he hope it was also God's will they remain together?
Such a consideration was enough to make a saint out of a sinner. But when had God ever done anything kind or loving for
him? And to imagine that now, after all these years, the Almighty
might change was beyond comprehension, much less belief. It
was but the crowning evidence that Dar had reached the end of
his hope-and sanity.

He looked to where Goraidh rode ahead of them. A longing
to talk with the hermit filled him. Oh, how he needed explanations, guidance, and a nonjudgmental ear! But such consolations
weren't for him. Leastwise, not just now.

What mattered most now was rebuilding his strength, and
anticipating from which quarter Athe might next attack. Kenneth was right. His brother was indeed on the edge. Sooner or
later, something was going to set him off.

"Are we headed toward MacFarlane lands then?" Caitlin asked
later that day, even before they had left the last of former MacNaghten holdings.

Dar could barely contain the jolt of dismay her innocent question engendered. "And why would ye be thinking that?" he asked,
hiding his rising tension with the greatest effort.

"Well, for one thing, their lands lie in the direction we're
heading. I also recognize Ben Vorlich in the distance. And that
mountain's most definitely in MacFarlane territory. Besides,"
she added as he shot a quick glance at her over his shoulder, "ye
first introduced yerself as a MacFarlane. It's simple enough to
deduce that ye took the name of a clan friendly to ye, when ye
didn't dare use yet own."