A Fox's Family (13 page)

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Authors: Brandon Varnell

Tags: #Humor, #Fiction

BOOK: A Fox's Family
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He
waited for a moment, his mind and body slowly coming down from the
adrenaline that his confrontation with Iris had caused to storm
through his bloodstream. Shaking his head to dispel the last bit of…
whatever had clouded his mind, he proceeded into the bathroom,
entered the shower, and turned the water onto its coldest setting.

I
can already tell,
Kevin
thought as he stood there, shivering,
this
day is not going to be the least bit pleasant.

***

Fifteen
minutes after Kevin got out of bed, Lilian woke up. During that time,
Kevin finished taking a shower and donned jeans and a T-shirt. Lilian
got dressed after she had finished taking a shower herself.

Kevin
looked at his girlfriend-slash-mate’s clothing. Her jean shorts
fit her shapely hips better than any glove, almost like they were
painted on. They were also very short, which allowed an expansive
view of her stunningly long legs. She wore a green off the shoulder
crop top that exposed much of her flat stomach, which Kevin found
distracting in ways he could scarcely comprehend. He then looked at
her gladiator sandals and groaned. He was not becoming a foot person!
He wasn’t!

Kevin
preferred tails.

“Do
you like my outfit?” Lilian asked.

“Uh…”
Kevin shook his head, shedding the fuzziness clouding his mind. “It’s
nice,” he eyed the redhead some more. “Really nice,”
he amended, his face scrunching up. “But, um, aren’t you
going to be cold?”

Lilian
shook her head. “It’s not that cold yet. Besides…”
she looked down at herself. “I kind of have to wear these
clothes now. They’re my signature look.”

“Your
what?”

“My
signature look.” She stared at him, as if doing so would
somehow make Kevin understand what she was talking about. He didn’t.
“These are the clothes I wear on the back cover.”

Kevin
pressed a hand to his forehead and gave her a deadpan stare. “The
back cover?”

Smiling,
Lilian walked up and gave him a quick peck on the lips. “Don’t
worry about it too much, Beloved. Now then,” she grabbed his
hand, “let’s get some breakfast. I’m starving.”

Kotohime
had breakfast ready by the time they arrived. Iris was also present,
sitting at the table and slowly eating her salmon. When she saw
Lilian, her face lit up like a million watt bulb. “Morning,
Lily-pad. I hope you slept well.”

“Don’t
call me that.”

“Come
on, sit and eat with me.” Iris patted the seat next to her, and
then slowly panned her face towards Kevin, the smile leaving. “I
guess you can eat with us, too.”

“Gee,
thanks,” Kevin’s voice actually contained a surprising
amount of sarcasm. “I’m so pleased that you’re
comfortable enough to tell me when I can and can’t eat in my
own apartment. Truly, your generosity and humbleness knows no
bounds.”

Iris
snorted. Kotohime, who had moved to set their plates of food on the
table, gave him an odd look. Kevin couldn’t place it, but it
almost felt like she approved of his attitude.

Lilian
was much more vocal in her thoughts.

“I
think that was the hottest thing you’ve ever said in this
series. Ever.”

“Uh…”
Kevin blushed. “Thank you?”

Sarcasm,
the hottest thing since Scarlett Johansson played Black Widow.

***

The
problem Kevin realized they would have earlier that morning came to a
head after breakfast. It was a multi-layered problem, one that he
really didn’t know how to solve.

“Ugh,
what am I supposed to do now?”

“Kevin?”

“There’s
no way I can let those three live here without some adult
supervision.”

“Kevin?”

“I
mean, sure, Camellia’s an adult… sort of. But, she acts
so childish. I mean, just listen to her. She talks in third person
and has the dumbest catchphrase I’ve ever heard. How is that
adult?”

“Hawa?”

“Beloved?”

“And
then there’s Kirihime. She seems nice enough, I guess, but she
doesn’t appear to be very reliable. I don’t know, maybe
I’m being too hard on her, but she wasn’t very much help
last night, and that French maid outfit is just weird.”

“You’re
not listening to me, are you?”

“And
don’t even get me started on Iris.”

“I’m
right here, you know.”

“She
might be hotter than sin, but God, does she have a disgusting
attitude.”

“Still
right here. Thanks for the compliment, though.”

“There’s
no way I can leave them alone in my apartment. Who knows what kind of
chaos they’ll cause?”

“KEVIN!”

“Huh?”

Kevin
blinked, his mind snapping back to reality. He looked around and
noticed that he was standing in the living room. Lilian, Iris,
Camellia, and Kotohime were with him. They stood off to the side,
watching with various expressions that contained either amusement,
exasperation, or a combination of both.

Except
for Camellia. She just did what she did best: smile and look
innocent.

And
then Kevin realized what he’d been doing.

“Did
I say all that out loud?”

“Yes.”
An amused Kotohime held the sleeves of her kimono up to her lips,
demurely hiding her smile. “Yes, you did.”

“Oh…”
Kevin scratched the back of his head. “Whoops.”

“Are
you alright, Kevin?” Lilian’s eyes shone with concern.
“You seem a little… stressed.”

“That’s
certainly one way of putting it.” Lilian’s words were
completely disproportionate to the amount of stress he felt at that
moment. “We’ve got a problem.”

“I’ve
noticed,” Lilian said with just a touch of amusement.

“I’m
not sure how we should handle this. I can’t in good conscience
let these three stay here without someone around. I don’t want
to come home and find that my place has been struck by a supernatural
disaster.”

“Seems
like someone has trust issues.”

Kevin
glared at Iris. “If I have trust issues, then it’s
because I don’t know you that well. You’ll have to
forgive me if extending trust to a couple people I’ve never met
before last night is difficult.”

“Whoa
there, kiddo.” Iris held her hands up defensively. Kevin glared
at the “kiddo” comment. She might have been over a
hundred years old, but by kitsune standards, she wasn’t much
older than him. “No need to flip. I get it. I really do.”

“Whatever.”

“I
have an idea.” Everyone turned to Lilian. “Why doesn’t
Iris come with us to school? That would solve at least some of your
dilemma, right?”

“That’s…
actually not a bad idea,” Kevin admitted slowly. Iris looked
like she wanted to say otherwise, and only didn’t because
Lilian was the one who suggested it. “If Iris came to school
with us, that would mean Kotohime only has to look after Camellia and
Kirihime, and I think Kirihime can take care of herself.”

“Hawa.”
Camellia’s pout reminded everyone of a child who’d been
told they couldn’t have ice cream. “You make it sound
like Camellia can’t take care of herself. Camellia’s a
responsible adult, too, you know.”

Everyone
stared at Camellia with matching deadpan expressions. When it became
clear that she was being serious, they decided to ignore her.

“Ufufufu,
I had not realized Kevin-sama trusted me this much.”

Kevin
shrugged. “Lilian trusts you, and you haven’t done
anything that would warrant me distrusting you.”

“Ufufufu,
I’m honored.”

“Please
stop with the ‘Ufufufu’ already. It’s not funny
anymore. I’m pretty sure the fans are getting tired of your
laugh.”

… A
pause.

“Wait.
What did I just say?”

“BELOVED!”

“Wha―mmrrgggllle!”

Camella,
Iris and Kotohime watched as Lilian pounced on her mate, sending him
to the ground and smothering him into blissful oblivion.

“Oh,
Beloved, you’re so amazing!”

“Mrph!
Mggrrrlllee! Mph! Mmph!”

“I’m
so proud of you!”

“Hmph!
Mm mmm mmph!”

“Truly,
you’re the best mate a kitsune could ask for!”

“MPH!”

“Um,
Lilian-sama,” Kotohime actually looked kind of worried, “not
to be rude, but I think you’re suffocating him. He might die if
you keep that up.”

Lilian
didn’t appear to have heard her. She continued holding Kevin’s
head to her bosom, heedless of the fact that her mate was slowly
losing his tenuous grip on consciousness.

“Death
by symmetrical docking… he can’t complain.” Iris
cracked her knuckles. “And if he does, I’ll kill him.”

“Oh,
my.”

“Hawa?”

***

After
solving the first part of their multi-layered dilemma, Kevin had to
solve the second part: getting to school.

Kevin
rode his bike to school--a bike only meant for one person. Somehow,
he managed to fit Lilian on without too much trouble. Large breasts
aside, his mate was actually quite thin. However, now there were
three people going to school, and his bike could not carry three
people—at least not safely.

They
had to take the bus.

Kevin
hated riding the bus. Back when he was in middle school, he
remembered riding the bus. It was hot and loud and frenetic, with
children running around and the bus driver yelling at them for doing
so. People threw stuff all over the place, from pencils and erasers
to gum and food. Unpleasant really did nothing to describe how
horrible riding the bus truly was.

Kevin,
Lilian and Iris sat on one of several benches. Because the bench was
so small, his girlfriend sat in his lap. He didn’t mind this,
or he wouldn’t have normally, except that the number of stares
he received that day was disconcerting. It felt like there were
nearly twice as many eyes on him than normal.

Kevin
did his best to ignore the looks that ranged from downright murderous
to “I’m gonna fucking kill you!” as the bus drove
down the street.

He
could not ignore the whispers, however, and there were many of them.

“Hey!
Pst! Isn’t that Kevin?”

“Yeah,
I think it is. Certainly looks like him. Wonder what he’s doing
on the bus? Doesn’t he ride a bike or something?”

Kevin
wondered how these people knew so much about them, when he was
positive that he’d never spoken with any of them before.

“Who
the hell cares about that? Look at who he’s with! Lilian and
some other hot chick! Look at her! Shit, I wish I could get a piece
of that!”

“Damn,
that girl is fine.”

“I’d
tap that in a second.”

“Do
you think she’s a virgin?”

“Are
you freaking kidding me? You think a girl that hot is a virgin? Keep
dreaming.”

“I
wonder, what’s her relationship to Kevin and Lilian?”

“I
wonder where she came from.”

“I
wonder where Kevin’s getting all these girls from. What, does
he make them fall from the sky or something?”

“I
just wanna kill him. It’s not fair that he’s hogging all
the babes for himself. Damn, greedy son-of-a-bitch!”

“Something
wrong, Kevin?” Lilian asked as Kevin buried his face in her
hair.

“Nothing.
It’s nothing.”

“Hmm…”

While
the bus shook and jostled as it drove along the bumpy road, Kevin
felt something come over him. He felt cold, chilled, like someone had
shoved him into a freezer. A shiver ran down his spine.

He
looked around and his gaze landed on Iris. She was staring out the
window, her left leg crossed over her right, with her left elbow
resting against her thigh, and her chin sat on the butt of her hand.
She seemed bored.

Silently,
he went back to staring at the red hair of Lilian, who was enjoying
her time on his lap.

Had
he looked back at Iris again, he would have noticed her attempting to
bore a hole through his head with her gaze.

***

When
they exited the bus, Kevin led Lilian and Iris to the principal’s
office.

“Lilian
already knows this, but I feel I should warn you; be careful around
the principal.”

“Oh?”
Iris raised an eyebrow. “And why is that?”

Kevin
just shook his head. “You’ll see.”

They
arrived at the main office building and, upon speaking with the PA,
were allowed to enter the principal’s office and talk to the
man up top.

Principal
Corrompere was Eric’s old man, which explained a lot, like why
Eric was such a perverted lech, as well as why he hadn’t been
expelled for doing things that should have put him in prison.

Principal
Corrompere looked like an older, fatter, more lecherous version of
his son. While it seemed impossible for someone to look pervier than
someone else, it wasn’t. Anyone could tell from looking at the
principal’s drooling face and lustful eyes that this was a man
whose perversity knew no bounds. His image wasn’t helped by the
porn magazine in his hands.

The
lecherous old man giggles he periodically released didn’t help
anyone’s perception of him either.

“Principal,”
the PA ignored the porn mag in her boss’s hands, “you
have a couple of students who would like to speak with you.”

“Oh?”

Principal
Corrompere looked up…

… And
froze when his eyes locked onto two girls who created a sweet and
sexy dichotomy that he’d never imagined possible in real life.

His
face flushed. His breathing became heavy. Steam shot from his
nostrils like erupting geysers. His irises, once a dark brown
bordering on black, suddenly transformed into large pink hearts.

Without
warning, he shot to his feet and ripped off his shirt, revealing a
chest that made Chewbacca look like he shaved daily. The fat perv
jumped onto the table and then leapt off to pounce on the two girls.

“Where
have you two been all my life?!”

Lilian
and Iris, upon seeing the danger presented to them, swiftly stepped
out of the way.

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