A Girl by Any Other Name (30 page)

“I know, but I’m really busy this year.”

“Is it a girl?” My momma could read me like a kindergarten primer.

“Maybe,” I relied, hoping she’d drop it.

“Bring her with you.”

Shit.

“I think it’s too soon. We just started dating.” It wasn’t a total lie.

“Tell me about her,” Momma asked.

What could I say? That I loved Sylvie? That she made my heart stammer, my pulse quicken and

my brain work in crazy ways? Then Momma wouldn’t let it go.

“She’s very special to me.” I stroked Sylvie’s hair, unable to resist touching her. “Tell me about

you, Momma.”

“She must be special, since you’ve never mentioned a girl to me since—” She halted and I knew

why. Momma didn’t mention Sylvie’s name anymore. I think she did it because she knew it pained

me.

“I know. You don’t have to worry about me. I want to know how y’all are doing,” I asked again.

“I really wish you’d come down for Thanksgiving. There is someone I want you to meet.”

“Who?”

“The man I’m dating.”

I shot straight up in the bed, pulling the covers with me. “Who is he?”

“Remember Paul Casper?”

“Him? He can’t even hold down a job.”

“Calm down, Cal. It’s not him. It’s his brother, Alan.”

“I don’t know an Alan Casper.”

“I went to high school with him. He moved out of town for college, but he’s back now.”

I wasn’t naïve enough to believe my mother didn’t date. She was an attractive woman after all,

but she’d never been serious enough to want me to meet any of her dates. “Has Mandy met him?”

“Yes, she likes him, and I think you will too. He’s a very nice man.”

“He better be if he wants to date my momma. If he’s anything like his brother then I don’t

approve.”

I imagined her shaking her head through the phone. “He’s very nice.”

“What does he do for a living? Why did he move out of town? Why is he back?”

“I wasn’t expecting an inquisition.”

“I’m sorry, but if he’s dating you then he needs to meet certain standards.”

She sighed. “He’s a dentist. He’s opening a practice here so now we don’t have to drive forty-

five minutes to get our teeth cleaned. He’s a very nice man.”

“Then why isn’t he already married?”

“Cal, you seriously need to get a hold of yourself! He’s divorced if you must know.”

“Why is that?”

“I didn’t ask him, but since you’re so curious I’d suggest you come home for Thanksgiving so

you can meet him.”

“Did Daddy like him when y’all were in high school?”

“What does that matter?”

“Because my father was a good judge of character and his approval holds a lot of weight with

me.”

“Yes, we were all friends.” Her voice grew softer and I felt guilty bringing it up.

“I’m sorry, Momma, I just don’t want you to get hurt or be taken advantage of. There are many

men out there who prey on women like you.”

“Cal, you need to trust my judgment. Do you think your momma’s a fool?”

“No, ma’am. She’s a smart, capable woman, who raised a son that will beat any man’s ass that

dares hurt her.”

She chuckled. “You’ve always been a protector. It’s in your blood. I’ll be fine. Please think

about coming home, you hear me?”

“Okay,” I said to appease her. “I love you.”

“I love you too, son. And tell that girl that she better be treating you right or she’ll be hearing

from your momma.”

I hung up the phone and felt Sylvie’s small hands kneading my shoulders. I leaned back against

her chest.

“You miss them a lot, don’t you?” she asked.

“They’re fine, Sylvie.”

“You didn’t answer my question, but I’ll let it go. I think you should go home for the holidays.

They miss you too. I’ll be fine. I’ve spent a lot of holidays by myself.”

“Not anymore.” I took her hand, kissing it. “I’m right where I should be. End of subject, okay?”

“’Kay.”

The truth was, I wanted my family back together. I wanted all of us in one place, especially

Sylvie.

* * * *

She made me barbecue brisket and homemade ice tea like Momma did. She did it as a non-

verbal gesture to convince me to go home. How did she not understand? There was no way I could

enjoy a holiday with my family knowing she was alone and in danger. Neither of us talked about it,

opting to watch a movie. She fell asleep on the couch, so I carried her to bed, deciding that watching

her was better than any movie.

Sylvie asleep in my bed was still a surreal feeling, except tonight she stirred and shifted. The

panicked shriek that followed signaled a nightmare. She hadn’t had one since I’d found her. She began

shaking, like she was crying, but no tears came. I gently shook her shoulder, kissing her cheek,

whispering reassurances to coax her awake.

As soon as she opened her eyes, her mouth dropped and her eyes widened with terror. She

wrapped her arms around my neck, clinging to me. I rolled us over so she was on top of me. I stroked

her hair, trying to comfort her. “Hey, you’re okay. You just had a dream, sweetheart.” She didn’t

answer. She gripped me as if I was a high ledge she was hanging onto. ”Do you want to talk about

it?”

“No.”

“It might help.”

“I said no.” Hot tears rolled off her chin onto my chest. I pulled her away from me so I could

look at her face.

She surprised me by pressing her lips against mine. She rolled her tongue over my lips causing

me to instantly go hard. I opened my mouth for her. We were both embraced in each other. I rolled us

over again so I was on top of her. “Sylvie, what are you doing?”

“What do you think?”

“Talk to me, baby,” I said, gripping her arms and holding her slightly away from me so she

would look at me.

“I may not be talking, but I’m definitely communicating. Will you please listen? I need you, Cal.”

That was enough for me. I returned her kisses, but there was something hungry and desperate in

her touch. It was almost feral, and it caused me to match her motions. I pressed my mouth against her

neck, licking her salty skin, moving down the familiar path. She shifted up, and I lifted my T-shirt off

her and rolled down her panties. I kissed her again, letting her dominate me. She took my bottom lip

inside her mouth, slowly manipulating it. I did the same with her top lip. Our tongues danced and

darted, our breathing sped up and our hands explored each other.

“I need you inside of me,” she said with desperation.

Her fingers roamed down my chest, into the waistband of my boxers, grasping my erection. She

stroked me in her delicate hands, forming a tight circle with her fingers, moving up and down my

length. I groaned in response. I eased inside her with my fingers, shocked at how slick she was. I

pushed her legs apart and took both her hands, holding them above her head. I moved inside her and

began thrusting. Our mutual need was too great and I found myself propelling deeply with carefree

abandon, feeling the tightness of her walls embrace and welcome me. Her legs encircled my hips,

rubbing against my ass. Her soft body became wetter with every movement while my hard body

became even harder.

“You feel so perfect,” I stammered between breaths. A small, annoying thought crept into my

mind about why she felt extra incredible right now, but I quickly shoved it away.

“Fuck me hard, Cal.”

The words were my undoing. “Baby, please tell me you’re close because I am. I am going to

come so fucking hard inside of you.”

Her arms tightened around my shoulders. I lifted her ass off the bed, going even deeper, rocking

into her with every part of my anatomy. Our bodies moved in rhythmic pleasure, aided by the moist

sheen of sweat that glistened on our skin. “Don’t let go of me,” I warned her.

“I won’t,” she moaned. I meant it in the physical sense, but I knew her response was emotional.

“I love you,” I said.

She nodded in reply. I shook my head, my words coming out like a harsh garbled command. “I

need the words, baby. Say them.”

“I love you, Cal. I am yours.”

With that I couldn’t contain it anymore. “Tell me you’re close ’cause I sure the fuck am.”

“Oh, God, yes,” she screamed, rolling her head back. She tightened, shivered and released her

climax. I buried my face into her neck, moving once more before I came hard and fast, filling her with

my seed.

Fuck.

I rolled off her, lying next to her for a few seconds, trying to wrap my head around what had just

happened. We were both covered in sweat and breathing heavily, but I managed to stumble to the

bathroom to get her a damp towel. I turned on the hallway light so I would be able to see her. I sat on

the edge of the bed and wiped her down.

“You’ve never done this before,” she said, staring at me.

I discarded the towel in the laundry basket. I kissed her, gently. “What was your dream about?”

“That night, except in my dream you died.”

“I’m right here and so are you. I’m sorry you had a nightmare, but I loved the consequences of

it.”

“Yeah, I guess I just lost control. I was pretty caught up in the moment.”

“We both were in the moment. So much so that neither of us remembered the condom.”

She cupped her hand to her mouth, blinking rapidly. I took her hand to calm her. “I promise I’m

clean. I’ve been tested and…”

“I’m not worried about that.” She sat up, pulling her long legs up to her chest and wrapping her

arms around them. Her hair fell over her, covering her like a mask.

“Are you mad at me for this?” I pushed the long curly strands out of the way, wanting to

understand why she looked so upset.

“It was definitely my fault too. Probably more so than yours.”

“Then what are you worried about?”

“What if I get pregnant, Cal?”

I put a hand on each side of her face and lifted it so she was looking at me, and clearly seeing my

smile. “Then we deal with it. It would be a happy surprise.” She didn’t reply. I frowned, moving back

to my side of the bed, hoping she would clue me into whatever it was she needed to hear right now.

She pressed her hands to my chest, crawling over me, but there was nothing sexual about it. She

was panicked. “How can you say that?”

“How can you not?” I asked pointedly. She looked close to tears, though, so I turned the tight

grimness I was feeling into a soft smile for her benefit. I clasped her arms. “We talked about this kind

of thing once, remember? The pulling out method,” I said, trying to calm her, but it seemed to have no

effect.

She furrowed her brow. “Yes, but you didn’t pull out, did you?”

“Sylvie, I realize the timing isn’t great and it wouldn’t be the ideal order of things, but I assure

you, if you ended up pregnant I would be a very happy man.”

She shook her head. “You don’t understand. Bringing a baby into our already complicated

lives…well, that’s just really irresponsible.” She moved her legs over, and got on her side with her

back toward me.

I was fighting the urge not to give in to the frustration I felt with her statement. I lay back in bed,

staring at the ceiling for a minute, trying to get the rampant thoughts in my head in order. “What the

fuck are we doing?”

She turned to me. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…this thing we have feels so perfect. So right, and yet so stagnant too. Maybe it’s too

soon to say this, but I’ve never held back with you, not even when we were kids, so I’m just going to

tell you what I’m feeling. I want to have babies with you…lots of them. I hope to God they’re all as

beautiful, smart and kind as you. Frankly, it really makes me sad that you don’t share those feelings. I

want to take you home to meet my family or re-meet them. At least then they can stop worrying so

much about me. They miss you too, you know. I want us to belong to each other in every way two

people are tied, but it’s like we can’t get past this fucking line. Like we’re living in purgatory.”

She rubbed my shoulder, peering over me. “Cal, of course I want your babies, but I don’t think

it’s a good idea for us to have children…at least not right now. Honestly, I don’t know if I will

change my mind on that. I don’t want to put another life in danger, especially not a child. I’m so sorry.

I never wanted this for you. I swear it. Besides the risks of being with me, I never wanted you to make

these sacrifices because I know first-hand how unfair they are. I wanted you to have a normal

relationship and do all of those things that real people do. That’s the other reason I never dated you in

high school. That I stayed away all these years. I wanted you to have all the things you deserved.”

She was crying and I felt like a complete idiot. This girl had never had anything normal, not even

her name. I had just successfully fed into all her self-doubts and guilt about us, justifying those

feelings for her.

I turned to her, but she had her back to me now. I knew she was trying to hide her tears. “Sylvie,

please look at me. I need you to look at me when I say this to you.”

She turned, lying flat on her back. She tried wiping away the tears, but I got there first, kissing