A Guide to Quality, Taste and Style (7 page)

Let’s begin with the nuts-and-bolts approach to setting your closet on the path to wholeness and health. Presumably, you have read one of the thousands of articles on closet care that seem to spring, fungus-like, from the pages of our popular magazines. Thanks to our culture’s current mania for organization and those ubiquitous California Closet
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ads, it seems that the closet should be the centerpiece of one’s home. Unless your closet is large enough to receive guests in—and if it is, please think twice about making this a habit—don’t fret over a lack of wenge wood shelving and Brunschwig & Fils upholstered poufs. A utilitarian closet is a beautiful thing and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. What is important is that the closet provides you a relaxed environment from which to select your clothes.

Before we begin the closet-cleansing process, please set aside space for four separate piles. We shall return to these piles, and what goes in them, shortly.

Who has not suffered that particular depression brought on by a closet full of clothes when one feels that she has nothing to wear? It is our theory that this feeling arises from the discrepancy between your perception of the image your clothing projects and the idealized image
you’d like to project in a given situation. The goal is to maximize the correspondence between what you feel conveys the proper image and the items you actually own. This task can only be accomplished when your closet is rid of those items that do not truly make you feel happy and confident when wearing them. This is complex stuff, as you can see. The eternal task of discovering what makes one happy is closely linked to the idea of discovering one’s “authentic self.” And that’s a subject that has preoccupied minds since Cicero worried that laurel wreaths were just so not him.

Søren Kierkegaard (1813–1855), Danish philosopher, opera lover, and the man Ludwig Wittgenstein called “the most profound thinker of the nineteenth century,” can actually be a huge help when it comes to curing one’s closet. The author of
Fear and Trembling
will not tell you explicitly to toss out those clam diggers, but he will supply two enormously helpful ideas.

We find these two ideas in volume one of Kierkegaard’s 1843 book
Either/Or
. The first idea may be clear to you just by reading the preceding sentence. As the title implies, this book is about choice and that is exactly what he suggests you do: Make a choice. In fact, he states that if you do not make choices for yourself, someone else will make them for you. Egad! This simple but powerful idea is not just a life lesson; it is the basis of all personal style. Notice the use of the word “personal.” This is not style as dictated—another word for “chosen”—by fashion editors, friends, or pop stars. It is an expression of what speaks to each individual’s soul. Listening is not always
easy, especially when one’s soul demands bell-bottoms in a skinny-jean season. It takes practice and commitment. There may be missteps along the way, but the reward—which is having pride and courage in the convictions of your closet—is worth it.

Ultimately the following process should allow you to divide your closet into four distinct piles.

Choosing what stays and what goes can be intimidating, but we have nothing to fear if we listen to Søren. He counsels that the unmediated choice is the only choice one will never regret. That means no agonizing over whether or not to keep the jumpsuit. If you have to ask, the answer is: Throw it away. If, however, the item causes heart palpitations of happiness, it goes in pile number one:

The Soul-Stirring Pile
. Keep in mind that this pile is not just for fantastic items; that flattering cotton tank you love goes in this pile, too.

If a beloved garment needs some attention, put it in
The Repair Pile
. You now have exactly five days to
go to the dry cleaner or tailor. Do not allow items to languish. If this is a temptation, perhaps the item is not important enough to fix.

The Give-Away
and
The Throw-Out Piles
are where things often get hairy, as in filled with dangers or difficulties. Let’s look at what remains in the common closet after the
Soul Stirrers
and
Repairs
have been set aside, and decide what to do about what’s left on the rack.

This is a broad category that ranges from the aforementioned velvet jeans to items that do indeed fit, just not well. There is no reason to have something taking up space in your closet that does not make you feel good. These items must go. Perhaps you like to torture yourself by trying on some jeans from a few years ago to see if you can button them. Clothes do not exist to humiliate their owners. Please do not force garments into performing psychological tasks for which they were not designed. Furthermore, please be kind to yourself. They don’t fit. Toss ’em.

Mistakes were made; find the unloved items a new home. These items are especially pernicious because one remembers the moment of plunking down all that cash or credit every time one glances at them. This can often lead to face-flushing, feelings of unhappiness, and self-recrimination. The goal of this chapter is to remove any
closet-based sources of unhappiness, so please, get rid of these items. Since you never wear them, they should be in good condition and therefore avoid the
Throw-Out Pile
. As they hit the
Give-Away Pile
, whisper a solemn oath to not make such silly purchases again. Repeat: Cheap Is Chic, Cheap Is Chic, Cheap Is Chic. There, all better. If you feel you must recoup something and the item retains its value, there are always consignment shops, but eBay is much more
au courant
.

Perhaps what you wear to work was whisked out of the closet with the items you love. If so, bravo! Many people, especially those who work in more conservative environments, find that a huge chasm stretches between their work and leisure-time looks. Remember Mr. Kierkegaard while surveying your work wardrobe. Do you
choose
to wear the same pair of black slacks as every other woman in your office? Or is it a matter of channeling all
your personality into your leisure wardrobe? If you are Agnes Gooch by day and Chita Rivera by night and on the weekends, something must change. There are plenty of ways to bring a little Chita to your nine-to-five. Work can be draining enough without having to wear drab things devoid of any spark. Why not focus on bringing some of those special items you love into your work wardrobe? This is not to say that basics are bad. A beautiful, flattering pair of charcoal gray slacks are a marvel to behold; a deadly dull, ill-fitting suit jacket is not. Notice the use of ill-fitting. If the jacket is deadly dull, fits you well, and makes you feel confident and happy on interviews, that’s a whole different deadly dull jacket. We all need practical items, but the key is to make sure they are also great looking and flattering. If you wouldn’t want to run into an ex-lover, that’s a sure sign you could do better. For the rest of your work wardrobe, if you can’t summon more than a “meh,” we respectfully suggest you get rid of it.

Perhaps you try these items on and then hang them back up. Perhaps you skip right over them like something that’s been in the freezer so long you no longer want to eat it. You’ve just said no too many times. Off it goes.

There is no look so strange or unflattering that it will not be recycled. These days it seems to happen with
stunning alacrity. Many a woman scoffed at the idea that leggings would ever return, and here they are, back with a vengeance. However, one only has so much space and one never knows if you’ll find a trend equally compelling on the next (or third or fourth) go round. Better to move on.

These are items that you would never, ever wear but keep for purely sentimental reasons. The T-shirt that reads
HAPPY SIXTIETH, IRV
! or the ratty sweater you were wearing when you got into graduate school. Yes, they remind you of wonderful times, but they have to go. Irv’s birthday will live on in your memory, as will the thrill of receiving that fat envelope. Let the physical items go on to new adventures. You’ll retain the wonderful memories
and
more shelf space. It’s a win/win situation!

Perhaps you find nothing as restful as a day spent at your local mall, fighting the crowds for yet another cardigan because . . . who doesn’t need twelve black angora
cardigans? If you shop like a drunken sailor, chances are that you own far more than you will ever be able to wear. This leads to Creeping Closet Syndrome—the sad state of affairs in which your wardrobe takes over your home.
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We are loath to admit it, but in certain very rare cases it is permissible to keep a piece that is never worn. We’ve all asked older relatives why they didn’t hold on to that fabulous outfit we’ve seen in photos. It is permissible to keep something for posterity. However, it is highly unlikely that more than one piece per closet overhaul is worthy of preservation for the sake of unborn grandchildren. Assess with a keen eye.

If radical shape-shifting is going on—a diet or pregnancy—of course it makes sense to hold on to items that will soon fit again. Be honest, though. If those last ten pounds have been on their way out for the last ten years, why not make room in the closet for things that will fit now? Carpe diem!