A Heart for Home (26 page)

If she couldn’t even remember what he said, why was she so steamed?

She couldn’t talk with Far because he was off somewhere threshing wheat. She could go talk with Pastor Solberg, but what could she say? “Thorliff and I are having a bad time?” A fight? An argument? Was that it? He would say, “Over what?” And she would say, “I have no idea.” And he would say, “Then what is the problem?” She would answer, “We are acting like children, according to Elizabeth.”

Lord, are you listening? You probably are, but what am I saying? I
am saying that I am concerned, no . . . worried, that the hospital is not
going to be finished in time. And since Thorliff was the one with the idea
to pull the work crew off that building, I guess I blame him.
But to spend over a week away from the building, that was a lot of time.

She turned into the lane leading to her mother’s home. Her own home really, because she did not have a home of her own. And the way things went with Joshua, she might never have a home of her own, or at least a family of her own. She could have a house built for her if she wanted one. But who wanted a house all to oneself?

Inga saw her first. “Tante Astrid!”

Surely Andrew and Ellie could hear the greeting clear over at their house. The little girl threw open the gate and came pelting down the path to throw her arms around Astrid’s neck as she bent over to hug her niece.

“I didn’t know you was coming. You stay all night?”

“Yes, that’s the plan.”

“You be here in the morning?”

Astrid took her hand, and they swung hands together all the way up the walk, the porch, and into the kitchen.

“Grandma, look who is here.” While the walls caged Inga’s shout, they shuddered in the doing.

“Astrid, is something wrong?”

The half shrug, half nod said more than words could.

“Oh dear.” Ingeborg pushed her reading glasses back up on her nose. “Come in here. I was just reading my verses for the evening.” She hooked her arm through Astrid’s and drew her along. “Sit here.”

How good it felt to be mothered. Astrid spent so many hours of her days taking care of other people that these simple commands seeped into her aching heart and nestled. “Guess I’m like a little bird coming back to the nest.”

Inga looked up at her, then squinted and shook her head slowly. “You no baby bird. You Dr. Bjorklund, like Ma.”

“Thank you, Inga. You say the best things.” Astrid hugged Inga to her side and dropped a kiss on the part in her hair.

“Inga, I think it is time you got ready for bed.” Ingeborg’s voice came gentle in the dusking room.

“I will.” She stared at her grandma. “No bath.”

“All right, but wash good, including your feet.”

Inga stared down at her bare feet. “Dirty, huh?”

“’Fraid so.”

Inga liked a bath about as much as a cat did. She slid down from the sofa by Astrid. “Will you sleep in my bed?”

“If you want.”

Inga nodded. “Or I sleep with Grandma?” She watched for a reaction, then smiled. “You pick.”

Perhaps having a little body in bed with her would be a good thing. “Do you promise not to kick?” Astrid asked.

Inga rolled her eyes and shook her head, but as she headed for the bathroom, she threw a giggle over her shoulder.

“So you need to talk?”

“I guess so. I’m acting in ways that aren’t like me.”

“The argument with Thorliff?”

“Ja, and it didn’t quit. I mean, he didn’t yell at me, not really, but as Elizabeth said, ‘Stop acting like children.’ Only I don’t remember ever arguing with him like this.”

“What started it?”

“I commented on whether the hospital would be ready by the deadline. He got all angry.”

“I imagine he is feeling a lot of pressure with all the building going on, the typhoid slowing things down, fears for the men, and getting the other buildings up too. He’s taken on a lot of responsibility.”

“Don’t forget the newspaper.”

“I think that has become almost a hobby, albeit one with deadlines always looming. Your far and I have been praying extra for him. You might do that too.”

“I might. Mor, I really don’t like feeling like this.”

“I can understand that. You like things out in the open, where you can see them and deal with them.”

“I do?” Astrid thought a moment. “I guess I do. I thought that was how I was being with Joshua, er, Mr. Landsverk too, but he went stomping off, and I heard he tried to resign but Thorliff wouldn’t let him. Why would he feel he has to leave town? I’m not mad at him or anything.”

Inga wandered into the room in her nightdress, yawning. “You say my prayers?”

“Which of us?”

“Grandma.”

“I’m coming. You go on up and get into bed.”

“You coming now?”

Ingeborg put her glasses on top of her Bible on the whatnot table beside her rocking chair. When she stood up, Inga headed up the stairs. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go away or lose those thoughts.”

Astrid heard the two of them upstairs, seeing herself in Inga. All those years her mother tucked her in and said prayers with her. If only all her fears and worries could be wiped away as easily now as then. She leaned her head against the back of the sofa.
Lord, how
come I can feel you closer here than on the road out from town? Prince
of Peace, you fill this room, this house. No wonder I wanted, no, needed
to come home.
She stared at her mother’s Bible lying open in the pool of lamplight. Her own lay closed by her bed. Seldom did she leave it open. Why was that? She remembered her mother saying one time that she left her Bible open so that when she passed by, she could stop and see what God was trying to tell her at that moment. She said that sometimes words seemed to leap off the page and yell, “Here, here, listen to me.”

Astrid sat and listened. The whisper seemed to come from the corner.
Be still and know that I am God.
Be still. “I haven’t been still much lately, have I?” She waited for an answer, but all she heard was the sigh of the curtains on the evening breeze.
Be still. Be still.

The cricket chorus tuned up outside the window. She heard her mother’s soft steps on a creaky stair, the curtain fluttering at the window.
Be still.

“Where is Freda?” she asked in the dimness after her mother settled back in her rocker.

“Over at Kaaren’s. She wanted to spend some time with Anna now that Solem is off with the threshing crew. We need to find housing for them once the deaf school starts again. Between Anna helping Kaaren and Solem farming with Haakan and Lars, they have been such a help.”

“So tonight it is just you and me?”

“Ja, it is.”

“What are you reading?”

“Matthew. I decided to read the gospels through again. I finished Isaiah a couple of nights ago.”

“I’ve not been in the Word much lately.”

“Why?”

“I get busy. I know that’s no excuse, but maybe that is what this thing is all about. For me to take time to listen more. I needed to listen, not let Thorliff’s pressure become my pressure. When he flared, I should have spoken softly like Proverbs says about words of gold. ‘A soft answer turneth away wrath.’ And ‘slow to speak, slow to wrath.’ ”

“You heard all that while I went upstairs?”

“No, mostly I heard ‘Be still, be still.’ And then the others had a chance to come slipping into my mind.”

“So what are you going to do about it?”

“Be still. And make sure I am still more often. Isn’t it strange that the faster you go, the less you hear the Spirit and the Word?”

“Ah, but it is so true. I let myself get really sad when Emmy was taken away. Inga said my eyes didn’t smile anymore. So I’ve spent more time reading my Bible again, listening to what God wants to tell me.”

“And He said don’t be sad?”

“Pretty much. He said to sing praises, to rejoice, to know that He loves each of us. He loves Emmy more than I can, and I pray that He brings her back here. But I have to trust Him with those I love.” A gentle pause lasted on the cricket song. “Like you on Rosebud Reservation. Your far there too. Now him on the threshing crew. Emmy with her uncle. Carl and Inga. All of you. I cannot keep you safe, but God can. And does.”

“No worry, nor fear.”

“Fear not. Two such simple words, but sometimes not easy. Not easy at all.”

Astrid stood and crossed to her mother, kneeling beside her to put her head in her mother’s lap. Ingeborg stroked her daughter’s hair, like she had so many times through the years. They stayed that way a long while before Astrid stood. “Thank you, Mor. Mange tusen takk. I’ll sleep here, but in the morning, if I’m not back by the time Inga wakes up, tell her I’ll be back soon.”

“You’ll go see Thorliff?”

“Ja.” She kissed her mother’s soft cheek. “’Night. I love you, Mor.”

Up in bed Inga was breathing softly. Astrid blew out the kerosene lamp and knelt by the window, the billowing curtains kissing her cheeks. “Thank you, heavenly Father.” A line of pale gold marked the western horizon, and above that the evening star twinkled at her. “Amen.”

The rooster’s crowing woke her up, reminding her of the years that the chickens were her responsibility. As she dressed, memories of the evening before brought her peace again. Carrying her shoes down the stairs, she sat on the top step of the porch, put her shoes on, then took off for town. Andrew waved at her on his way to the barn to start the milking. She waved back but kept on going. When she got to town, Thorliff wasn’t at the office yet, so she headed for the house and met him coming out the back door.

“I was coming to see you.”

“Good. Then I got here first.” She smiled up at her brother. “I’m sorry. I did indeed act like a child, and I don’t want to be like that. Please forgive me.”

He laid a finger on her lips. “I say the same. Please forgive me.”

She wrapped her arms around his waist and, laying her cheek against his chest, hugged him hard. His arms around her were doing the same.

“We’ll make it, Astrid. God willing, we will make it.”

“Those are the best words,
God willing
. I was sure I heard Him speaking in the parlor at home last night.”

“That’s not surprising, you know. Not with all the prayer and talk and Bible reading that has gone on in that room.”

“I know. I need to get back before Inga wakes up, but I had to tell you this.”

“I was on my way out there, so how about we go together and have breakfast at Mor’s with Inga.”

“Good.” The two locked arms and strode out the road she had just traveled.

“I think I know what this was all about,” she said after a bit.

“What?”

“To make me realize how much I need to be like Mor. To read the Word for pleasure, not just because I should.”

Thorliff nodded. “How to find time. I know I have to make time, because I will never find it. But the knowing and the doing are two different things. By the way, I got Joshua to give me another month before we talk about his leaving again. Are you all right with that?”

“I don’t want him to leave Blessing. He belongs here. And now his brother is here too. This is his home. I don’t bear him any ill will, and I hope he can come to that with me. We are just not suited for each other. God revealed that very clearly. I pray he will come to see that too and find the woman that God wants for him.”

“That sounds really good, but if it is someone from Blessing, will you be jealous?”

“Please, Lord, I hope not. I wish Joshua Landsverk all the happiness he can have.” She heaved a breath.

“What was that for?”

“I do want a husband some day, a fine man like you and Far. I want a home and children. What if I missed out?”

“Astrid, you have plenty of time to find a man. Or have a fine man find you.”

“I hope you are right.” She hugged his arm close. “Oh, I forgot to tell you. I found out Mr. Sidorov has a wife and son in New York City. One of the Norwegian immigrants figured out what he was trying to say, using a combination of motions and drawing pictures.”

“They were all supposed to be single men,” Thorliff said.

“Desperation causes one to do something he normally wouldn’t, like lie to get a job. Maybe I would too.”

Thorliff heaved a sigh. “We need to ask each of them directly if they came from the old country with a wife and children. It doesn’t matter if they left their family in their homeland. They can bring them over later themselves.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“Find the families, of course.”

She smiled up at him. “As I said, I want an honorable man like my brother.”
But no matter what you say, Thorliff Bjorklund, I might
indeed have missed my chance.

23

“I’ll be leaving, then, in a couple hours.”

“All right, Daniel. Thanks for putting off this trip until we got through the onslaught. We’ll handle things here.” Thorliff straightened a stack of papers on his desk. “Hjelmer will be back in a couple weeks, and that will help.”

“You might suggest he is needed more here now than off selling wells and windmills. The real money is in these buildings.” Daniel motioned to the drawings of the hospital and the seeder plant that they had tacked to the walls. “You’re doing all you can with the hospital and housing construction, along with the newspaper.”