A Heart Once Broken (4 page)

Sandra hurried past the married men's table on her way back to the kitchen, but a low whisper stopped her. Sandra turned to see her
daett
motioning for her to come closer. As she approached and bent over with a warm smile, he whispered, “Get your
mamm.
Tell her I have to leave for home right now.”

Sandra stood up and stared at
daett
. His face appeared pale under his lengthy beard and his hands were shaking. “
Daett
, what's wrong?” Sandra reached down to hold his arm.

He attempted to smile. “I'd best be going home. I don't feel well.”

But this is unthinkable,
Sandra almost said, but caught herself.

Daett
must have read her thoughts. “I know,” he said. He dropped his fork and groaned. “The meal isn't done, but I must go home.”

Several other men must have overheard the conversation and now turned toward
Daett
with concerned looks.
Daett
groaned again and held onto the edge of the table with both hands. Sandra left them to hurry over to the women's table.
Mamm
was in the middle of a conversation with Lena, Bishop Henry's
frau.

Sandra interrupted. “
Mamm
, you must come.
Daett
is ill.”

Alarm filled
Mamm
's face. “
Acht!
” she exclaimed. “We should have stayed home today. Emil hasn't been feeling well all morning.”

“Is it something serious?” Lena glanced back across the room toward the men's table, where at least five men had gathered around
Daett
. “You had best go, Edna.” Lena prodded
Mamm
with her hand.

Mamm
stood and hurried toward
Daett
with Sandra following, but
Mamm
was quickly swallowed from sight amongst the gathered circle of men. As Sandra waited a hand came around her shoulder, and Lydia's voice whispered in Sandra's ear. “What's going on?”

“
Daett
is sick. We need to go home,” Sandra said.

“We should pray,” Lydia said firmly.

Sandra lowered her head and listened to Lydia's whispered prayer. She couldn't understand the words, but thankfulness and peace crept over her. They might be rivals in everything from schoolwork to boyfriends, but when trouble showed up, they were still cousins who lived on the same road and stood by each other.

Sandra slipped her hand around Lydia's shoulder and pulled her close. Lydia finished her prayer and met Sandra's glance with a soft smile. “My
daett
has some problems too. The deacon stopped by to talk with him last night about financial things, but they wouldn't tell me the details.”

Sandra nodded. They understood each other well. This was how it always had been. She leaned over to whisper, “You have a nice dress on this morning. It looks
goot
.”

“And so do you,” Lydia whispered back.

Sandra smiled but the smile faded seconds later. The circle of men around
Daett
had parted to reveal his form lying on the bench, supported on each side by three of the men.
Mamm
was on her knees in front of him, with
Daett
's head cupped in both of her hands.

“Move back, everyone,” someone ordered. “Emil needs air.”

Bishop Henry hurried to the front door and swung it open. He grabbed a hat off the floor and fanned the room. The other men lifted
Daett
, and the bench was pulled out from under him.

“Someone bring a blanket,” the same voice ordered. A blanket appeared at once from the bedroom and was slid under
Daett
. The men lowered him to the floor.

Sandra stared.
Daett
was more than a little ill. This was serious. Lydia's hand tightened on Sandra's arm, which only made things worse. Lydia had come to the same conclusion.

“Someone should call for the
Englisha
doctor,” the authoritative man's voice spoke again.

Bishop Henry hesitated only a moment before he motioned to one of the younger men. Mose Graber hurried out the open front door and ran once he was in the yard.

Sandra tried to move closer, but Lydia held her back. “You can't do anything.”

“But I want to see,” Sandra protested.

Lydia hesitated, before they both moved closer.
Daett
lay still on the blanket with
Mamm
weeping beside him. Sandra and Lydia knelt down to join them. Tears stung Sandra's eyes as she clung to
Mamm
's arm.

“I'm afraid he's gone,”
Mamm
sobbed.

“Gone!” Sandra tried to get her mind around the thought.
Daett
was dead? But how could that be? He had been alive this morning. She had spoken with him only moments ago.

“Move back,” the man's voice ordered again, and several men retreated to allow Lena and several other women through. They stood beside
Mamm
, praying silently.

Sandra felt a numbness creep over her. This was so strange and so sudden. Surely this wasn't true. She looked up to see Ezra's face among the gathered men. His features were drawn with concern. Only moments before they had laughed together and joked while
Daett
had been near death's door. The meal wasn't over, but no one would have any appetite after this. Not if one of their own had died in front of their eyes. The tears trickled down Sandra's face, and she made no attempt to wipe them away.

Bishop Henry spoke now. “We had best move him outside. Maybe that will help.” But the effort was useless, Sandra knew—as did all the others. Still, the men obeyed and gathered up the blanket.
Sandra followed
Mamm
with Lydia beside her. Once outside, the men laid down the blanket and they all knelt to pray and wait.

The usual Sunday afternoon noises had begun in the house behind them. The children had to be fed. Life had to go on. But would life ever be the same again for Sandra's family? She tried not to think as flashing lights filled the driveway, and the paramedics took over.
Mamm
left with the ambulance, and Sandra stood unmoving as she watched the lights drive away. Could
Daett
be resuscitated? Sandra seemed to remember stories of men and women who had been dead, but had been brought back by paramedics. Maybe that could happen with
Daett.

“I'm coming over this afternoon and staying with you this evening,” Lydia whispered in Sandra's ear.

Sandra didn't protest, and the two hugged each other. She could use Lydia's presence in the house as they mourned this awful tragedy—if indeed
Daett
had passed from this life.

Sandra had known something would happen today, but not this! Not
Daett
's death!

Chapter Four

T
hree days later, Sandra stood beside the open grave as
Daett
's casket was lowered slowly into the ground.
Mamm
wept silently with Lydia's
mamm
, Mary, a step behind her. Sandra's married brothers and sisters, along with their spouses, huddled on either side of them. Lydia had come up to slip her arm around
Mamm
's shoulder during the short graveside service, but
Mamm
had now moved forward to stand alone, so Lydia moved up to stand beside Sandra.

With bowed heads they all waited as the last song was sung. Bishop Henry led the prayer with a tremble in his voice. “Now unto the most High God, the maker of heaven and earth, we lift our hearts today in sorrow and beseech His mercy and grace upon the soul of our departed brother. Be with us as we mourn our great loss, and surrender our own hearts to Your will. Bless the families who are left behind. Comfort them with Your presence. Let us all find peace in the perfection of Your will. Let no bitterness arise in our hearts as we ache and weep. Give us…”

Sandra grasped Lydia's hand as Bishop Henry's prayer continued. She didn't let go even after Bishop Henry said, “Amen,” or when the dirt was being thrown on the casket. Not until the mound reached
the level of the ground did
Mamm
move back to Sandra, who met her with a long embrace. Sandra's brother, Mark, still stood at the gravesite with his head bowed. He would grieve for a long time, Sandra knew. As the last son in the Troyer household still at home, Mark had been close to
Daett
.

“We must go on with the Lord's help,”
Mamm
whispered. “We all must be strong for what lies ahead.”

“
Yah
,” Sandra agreed. But there seemed to be more to
Mamm
's words than was readily apparent. Since
Daett
had passed on Sunday, there had been little time for private conversations. The whole extended family ached with sorrow.

“Come.” Lydia pulled on Sandra's arm and led her back to the buggies parked along the graveyard fence.
Mamm
followed and passed them silently to climb in the front of the Troyers' surrey. “Do you want me to ride with you?” Lydia offered.

Sandra shook her head. “Mark will take us home. I'll see you back at the house for the meal.”

“Okay.” Lydia let go of Sandra's arm.

Sandra climbed in the buggy and Mark joined them moments later, taking the reins with both hands, his face grim.
I should have taken Lydia up on her offer,
Sandra told herself. Lydia's presence would have been a comfort at least. But she needed to move on. Helping hands were there for a short time, but what about later?
Mamm
was Sandra's biggest concern.

Sandra leaned forward on the buggy seat to touch
Mamm
's shoulder and asked, “Are you okay?”

“The Lord will be with us,”
Mamm
responded.

Sandra sighed and settled back into the seat.
Mamm
was putting on a
goot
front, but the pain still cut deep. This wasn't the time to ask, but she wondered what
Mamm
saw in their future. But as she hesitated, Mark beat her to the question. “Jonas and Noah said there's
a family meeting right after the meal. What is that about,
Mamm
? Do you know something we don't?”

Mamm
's lips pressed themselves into a straight line. “We'd best wait until there's plenty of time to speak of this.”

“I want to know.” Mark was insistent. “There's something been bothering you these last days—more than
Daett
's passing.”

“I'm still grieving for your
daett
, dear,”
Mamm
said in a quiet voice. “Let me have a few more hours before we speak of the future.”

Mark fell silent, but he didn't appear happy.
What could be the problem?
Sandra wondered. Surely there wasn't another sorrow that lay ahead for them?

Mark turned around to look at Sandra. “Do you know?”

“Of course not,” Sandra said. “
Mamm
wouldn't tell me what she hasn't told you.”

Mark nodded and appeared satisfied.

Silence fell in the buggy, broken only by the steady beat of horses' hooves as the long line of buggies made their way back to the Troyers' home. The community women would have a large supper prepared once they arrived. Sandra didn't have an appetite, but most everyone else would be hungry. As supper was served, visitors and family would have a chance for one last conversation. Afterwards they would express their condolences again. The locals would drive home tonight, while the visitors from Holmes County would set out on the long drive home tomorrow. Some of them wouldn't arrive until the late evening hours, but they would all awaken the next morning to a whole new world.

For the Troyer family,
Daett
would be gone, and Mark would be in charge of the farm. He was a year older than Sandra, and should already have found a girlfriend, but he hadn't. Would this change things? Now Mark might be more intent on finding a girl and settling down. No
dawdy haus
had been built yet, and now
there wouldn't be one—unless she missed her guess.
Daett
had never been well-off financially, and Mark certainly couldn't afford the expense with
Daett
gone. So what was to become of
Mamm
and her if Mark married? Sandra ran through the options, as the horses' hooves beat the pavement. Maybe Mark would have mercy on them, and they could live in the basement for a few years. That wasn't ideal, of course, and the situation wouldn't be tolerated long by Mark's future
frau
. All Amish women wanted to have a home they could call their own, and raise their
kinner
in peace without in-laws underfoot.