A Heart Renewed (34 page)

“Might I ask you a question,” she asked as she stood.  When he nodded, she continued, “Mrs. Lancaster mentioned to me that Sunday services are being held at the boardinghouse in the dining hall.  I was wondering if I might be permitted to attend.”

Mr. Hamilton smiled.  “Of course.  We can adjust your schedule so you may take Sunday mornings off.  Be back here by one.”

Julia offered her thanks before she returned to the front desk.

On Sunday morning, she donned her navy blue dress and wool coat.  The weather turned cold and the skies hinted at a coming storm.  Grabbing her Bible, she walked the short distance across the town square to Lancaster’s.  When Betty first suggested Julia attend the service, she almost said no immediately.  But something held back the outright rejection.

Perhaps it was because she remembered what Sunday mornings used to mean to her.  Prior to her father’s passing, the morning service was a place to worship her Lord.  After his passing, it was a place of comfort.  Since leaving Texas, she had not been to a service.  In fact the last service she attended was the one where she broke off her farce of an engagement.  The beating she suffered under Reuben’s hand left her too bruised to appear in public.  By the time she healed from those bruises, he inflicted… Well, she had to leave.  Then, while living on Colter Ranch, they never made the trip to town, although the services started sometime last fall.

Pushing the more painful thoughts aside, Julia hoped the experience would be one of renewal.  Most days, while working at the hotel, she was able to completely forget the incident with Reuben though, there were times his face still haunted her dreams.  She wanted to be free from it.

Opening the door to the dining hall, the warmth, not only from the stove, but from Betty’s heart-felt smile, engulfed Julia.

Betty took her coat.  “So good to see you this morning.  Might you have time to join me for tea after the service?”

“It depends on how long the reverend preaches.  I must resume my duties at the hotel by one.”

“Well,” a young man stated, “I’ll keep my message brief then.”

“Julia, this is Reverend Joseph Page,” Betty said motioning to the young man and a young woman standing next to him, “and his wife Rachel.  This is Miss Julia Colter.”

“Pleased to meet you Reverend and Mrs. Page.”

Betty led Julia to a seat next to her.  There were no more than twenty or so people in the room.  One group of five all looked similar in appearance, perhaps one of the newer families from California.

Mrs. Page led by singing some familiar hymns.  Her lovely voice carried the words lightly across the air with such emotion that Julia could not help but be affected.  Moisture gathered in the corner of her eyes as they concluded singing.  Taking a deep breath, she willed her emotions under control.

Reverend Page stood and read several verses from the gospel of John.  When he concluded the scripture reading, he expounded on the meaning.

“Jesus told his disciples they would face trouble.  Do you think he was only speaking to them?  Or was he speaking to us as well?

“One only has to look around this room to see he was speaking to us.  Consider the circumstances that brought many of us here to this territory.  One leaves after the death of child, another to escape the war, yet another flees for their life.”

Julia swallowed. 
Could he know about why I left?  That’s impossible.

“Yet, each of these situations that brought us here, to this exact place at this precise time, need not overwhelm us.  Jesus told his disciples that he overcame the world and that he came to bring peace.  His very presence on earth all those years ago was, in part, to bring us comfort and peace.  When we rest in the knowledge that he has overcome the world and all the evil that is within it, we should be encouraged.

“What would happen to us if we let ourselves be encouraged by his peace?  What kind of people would we be?  How would our lives change?”

Julia did not hear anything further.  Her mind spun with many questions.  Could Jesus really overcome the evil that was done to her?  Could he really bring her peace about that?  As the reverend asked, how would her life change if she really felt that peace?  Was there really hope she might one day marry?  If Jesus overcame the world, could He bring her a husband who would not see her as ruined?

She looked down and studied her hands.  She wanted to believe there was hope for her. 
How do I let his peace encourage me?

“All you have to do,” the reverend continued almost as if he could read her thoughts.  “Is ask him to give you his peace.  Pray and keep on praying until you are bolstered by the knowledge that he has overcome the world.”

The reverend concluded his remarks and led the small congregation in prayer.  Julia bowed her head and spoke to God in her heart. 
Lord, I want to know without a doubt that you have overcome the evil in my life.  Please help me have the peace that I crave.  Please forgive me for blaming you for what happened.

When she lifted her head, many of the people were standing and gathering their coats.  Since she agreed to have tea with Betty following the service, she stayed near the kitchen.

“Miss Colter.”  The reverend approached.  “We are so glad that you were able to join us this morning.  We do hope you will join us again.”

“I would like that,” she said, trying to keep the flood of emotions churning inside from becoming visible.

The reverend and his wife finally left and Betty pointed Julia toward the kitchen.  Grabbing two mugs of tea, Betty led Julia into her private quarters to a small sitting area.

“I thought this might give us a little more privacy.  Liang and Yu will be preparing dinner for our boarders and it is bound to be noisy in the kitchen.”

“So, dear, tell me how have you been?”

The sincerity in Betty’s voice undid Julia.  All the emotions she felt during the service, all her fears, her pain, her hope, came gushing forth in the form of tears.  She sobbed several minutes, feeling a bit self-conscious.

“There, there, dear,” Betty said patting her hand.  “You just let it all out.”

Something about this woman put her at ease.  Before she gave it any thought, she told Betty all that happened to bring her to the Arizona Territory.  She held nothing back.  When she told Betty of the night that haunted her and what Reuben did, she saw only compassion in the older woman’s eyes.  There was no condemnation, no blame, just compassion and love.  Is this how God looked upon her?

Julia concluded, “Now that I am ruined, I fear being alone for the rest of my life, and that no man will want me when he learns the truth.”

“Dear, you are not ruined.  First, you did not choose for this to happen.  Any man of God would surely understand that.”  Betty patted Julia’s cheek, as a mother might to comfort her child.

“Second, God loves you, dear.  His heart is breaking that you have suffered so terribly.  He wants to give you his peace, just as Reverend Page said.  He has not left you.  He is right here waiting to wrap you in his arms.”

Julia sniffed.  “I asked him to bring me his peace this morning.  I want to forget this pain.  I want to live my life without always being reminded of this.”

Betty wrapped her in a warm embrace and she wondered if it wasn’t God himself wrapping his arms around her.  She felt the beginning of something settling over her heart.

“Well, then dear, we will continue to pray that God will bring you his peace.”

Julia dabbed the last of her tears with her handkerchief.  She felt embarrassed for having poured out all of her troubles to Betty.  “I’m sorry I am so…”

“Dear, there is nothing to be sorry for.  We each have our deep secrets and hurt.  God puts us with friends so he can help us.  I was glad to be here for you today.”  Betty smiled compassionately and patted her hand one more time.

“Oh, look at the time.  You need to be going.  Here, wash up,” she said handing her a damp cloth from the water on her dresser.

Julia did as instructed then grabbed her things. Rushing across the street, she slowed right before opening the door.  A line of men stood at the front desk and another line stretched from the dining hall entrance.

“Oh, Miss Colter, there you are!” a relieved Mr. Hamilton said.  “They need your help in the dining room seating guests.”

“What happened?” she asked.

“A stage just arrived.  I’ll take care of checking in the guests.  Please, hurry to the dining room.”

She did as he asked, glad that she had freshened up at Betty’s.  Hopefully her eyes were no longer red.

“How many?” she asked, turning towards the first group of men in line.

“Four,” Mr. Hobbs replied, lips stretching into a broad smile.

“Right this way,” she said, leading them to an open table.

As she turned to leave, Mr. Hobbs touched her arm lightly.  In a low voice, he asked, “Are you alright, Miss Colter?”

Forcing a brighter smile and hoping to lighten her tone, she replied, “I’m well.  Thank you.”  Raising her voice, she added, “Someone will be around to take your order shortly.”

Without waiting for a response, she returned to the line of patrons waiting to be seated.  As quickly as possible she got everyone to tables then made the rounds to take orders.  She wondered what happened to the young lady who normally worked the dining room.  It seemed Julia was the only one there to serve.

The next hour passed in a blur as she moved from table to table.  At one point, Mr. Hamilton even came back to the dining room to help serve, after he finished checking in all the guests.  As the guests finished their meals, most left to explore the town or retire to their rooms.  Only Mr. Hobbs, Mr. Franklin, Mr. Hardy, and Mr. Brighton remained.

Breathing a sigh of relief, she grabbed a coffee pot to refill their cups.  “Can I get you gentlemen anything else?”

Mr. Hobbs stood.  “Miss Colter, might I have a word with you?”

“Certainly.”

He led her to an unoccupied area of the dining room.  “I was wondering if you were free this evening—if you might like to have supper with me.”

“I don’t dine with guests, Mr. Hobbs,” she answered without hesitation.

“I understand you wouldn’t be able to eat here.  I thought we could visit the Osborn’s restaurant.”

Weary from the long day, Julia wanted to make sure Mr. Hobbs clearly understood her position.  “I won’t be dining with you, sir.  Not here.  Not at the Osborn’s.  My duties at the hotel keep me quite busy and I prefer my evenings of solitude.”

Before the words finished leaving her tongue, she realized how false they were.  She hated the lonely evenings.  She wished she had a friend to talk with.  But, Mr. Hobbs would not be that friend.  She had to keep some distance from the guests.

“I see,” he said stiffly, shoulders slumping ever so slightly.  “This evening is my last in Prescott for a while.  Perhaps on my next visit—”

“Thank you for the offer, Mr. Hobbs.  If you’ll excuse me, I believe Mr. Hamilton is looking for me.”

Darting away before he had a chance to respond, she walked past the front desk and down the hall to her private room.  Shutting the door, she sagged against it.  Though she wished she could take a nap to recover from the last few hectic hours, six o’clock was still a few hours away.

Letting out a long sigh, she left the solace of her small room to resume her duties at the front desk, hoping Mr. Hobbs would not press the issue further.  She could not deal with a handsome young man pursuing her right now, regardless of the new hope she felt from this morning’s service.

Well, maybe she could, if it was a certain handsome young horse trainer.

Chapter 27

Prescott

January 12, 1865

As Will helped Hannah down from the wagon, she tried not to sigh.  Early this morning he asked her to visit the doctor to make sure the baby was doing well.  Ever since Thanksgiving, any time she felt unwell or tired, he became protective.  She assured him she was fine, but he insisted.

“Mrs. Colter, how are you feeling?” Dr. Armstrong asked as he led her into the examination room.  Will followed.

Will answered for her, his anxiety obvious.  “She’s been unusually tired and keeps rubbing her back.”

Hannah smiled.  While she appreciated her husband’s concern, his over-protectiveness wore on her.  Dr. Armstrong must have sensed her frustration, for he instructed her to change while he showed Will to the waiting area.

A few minutes later, Dr. Armstrong knocked on the door, making sure Hannah was ready.  She acknowledged him before he entered the room.

“So, other than an anxious husband,” he teased, “how are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling quite well.  I’ve had no further bleeding and I am now several weeks past the time where I lost my first child.  Other than feeling a little more tired than normal, I am fine.”

“Good.  Feeling tired is normal and nothing to be concerned about.”

“Tell that to Will.”

Dr. Armstrong smiled as he helped her lie down so he could complete the examination.  “I will be happy to discuss your husband’s concerns once we are done here.”