A Husband for the Holidays (Made For Matrimony 1) (17 page)

“It was an accident, Darce. You didn’t do anything.”

She lifted her chin. It was time he knew. “I did. I turned left instead of right because I was delaying coming home.” At his confused look she faltered, her stomach twisting in knots, then forced herself to continue. He deserved to know the truth. “I can’t stress this enough. You were so sure, Mack. So sure of us, of the baby, of our future. Everything. But I wasn’t. We got married because of the baby. And then it was gone and with it, the whole reason for our marriage.”

He sat there, stunned, and stared at her tearstained face. “What do you mean, the whole reason for our marriage?”

“I wasn’t ready to get married, much less be a parent. I thought maybe it’d get better. I knew I was going to have to figure out parenting. But the marriage...” She trailed off, looking lost.

“But the marriage, what?” His voice didn’t sound like his own. It seemed to come from far away.

She swallowed hard. “I was going to see if we could separate.”

Her words couldn’t have hit him any harder if she’d shot him. He gaped at her. “Separate? You wanted to leave me? While you were pregnant?” What the hell was this? How had he missed it?

Her face was ghostly pale and her eyes were full of pain. And guilt. “Yes. I wasn’t thinking straight and it was an impulsive decision. So I turned left and—” Her voice caught, and then she continued, “And the other car was there. I didn’t see it because I was trying to make the light.”

Which had been yellow and she’d broken no laws. The other car had run the light and hit her broadside. He wasn’t fully tracking here. She’d wanted to leave him. That had been her plan all along.

Then it hit him. “You had no intention of ever staying,” he said slowly. “Not then. Not now. All this was just for, what? Show? Pity?” Anger filled him, white hot, and that was better than the equally strong pain that was trying to push through.

She touched his leg and he pulled back. He couldn’t have her touch him. She affected him in ways—still—that wouldn’t help him get over her. “Mack. Please understand. We were so young and I was scared and confused.” There was a plea in her voice. He couldn’t understand.

He looked away. She couldn’t have talked to him about it? Was he that awful? Had he been that bad a husband? He didn’t remember their marriage being awful. Yeah, she’d been a little nervous, but weren’t all new parents-to-be? Clearly, he hadn’t known her as well as he’d thought.

“And now?” He waited for her answer, knowing he wouldn’t like it.

There was a long pause and he heard her breathing, which seemed so loud in the quiet room, almost as loud as the blood rushing in his ears. “Now I know better,” she said finally, her voice sad and low.

He couldn’t move. She’d left him once, and it had nearly killed him. And here she was, leaving again, without giving their future any thought.

He hadn’t learned. All these years, and he hadn’t freaking
learned
.

After a moment, she stood up and left the room without a word. He was pretty sure there was nothing left to say. He heard the front door close shortly after that. It was pretty clear—she’d never felt for him what he had for her. He remembered his mother’s words—she hadn’t been ready. He’d waved her off, but it seemed she’d been right after all. Darcy would never be ready. Not for what he had to offer.

He got up off the floor and left the room and pulled the door shut, not bothering to close the boxes that were open and all over the floor. They didn’t matter now. They were part of a life that hadn’t ever really existed, apparently.

What a fool he’d been.

Chapter Seventeen

M
ack moved through the next day in a fog. Jenn gave him worried looks, but didn’t ask any questions. He didn’t go out to the tree farm. He wasn’t sure he had it in him to act as if everything was okay. So when his brother showed up to take him to grab a beer, he didn’t have the energy to turn him down.

Chase booted up his laptop once they were seated. “Been making plans for the new sub. Want to see?”

He really didn’t want to see it, or have anything to do with anything Darcy related right now. Mack stared at the screen when Chase turned it to face him. “This is Darcy’s farm?”

“No,” Chase said slowly. “Darcy left. This is Joe and Marla’s farm. That they are going to sell to us after the holidays. Remember?” He looked at Mack. “Ah, shoot. You did it, didn’t you?” He swore.

“Did what?” Mack asked, his gaze back on the computer screen. Chase had left a lot of trees and had carved out large home sites. It’d be gorgeous. Darcy would hate it. The thought gave him no pleasure.

“You fell in love with her.”

His gaze flew to Chase’s. Actually, it was more accurate to say he’d never stopped loving her. “She’s out of here in a few days.” She’d been crystal clear there was no hope of a future. She hadn’t wanted one back then. She didn’t want one now. Then again, he hadn’t asked her, had he? He’d been more than happy to have her company, both in bed and out of it. He’d been afraid if he’d asked for more, she’d bolt.

Of course, as it turned out, she was going to bolt anyway, so it wasn’t as if he’d saved himself any grief, now, had he?

“Clearly, that doesn’t matter.” Chase took the laptop back and closed it, slipping it into his bag. “I noticed you didn’t deny it. So. What are you going to do now?”

“Nothing. Like I said, she’s leaving.” The words were bitter in his mouth. He took a deep draw of his beer to try to erase the picture of her tearstained face.

“You’re a coward,” Chase said flatly.

Mack’s head snapped up and he barked out a laugh. “What? Why? You’ve been telling me all along to let her go. To not get involved.” He could not win.

“And you did neither of those things,” Chase pointed out. “You
can’t
let her go and you
are
involved and not in the kind of way that will allow her to walk away from you without ripping out your heart. So.” He leaned on the table, looked Mack in the eye and threw down the gauntlet. “I repeat. You’re a coward. What the hell are you gonna do about it?”

Mack opened his mouth, then shut it again. “You’re an ass. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, thanks. But it doesn’t solve your problem.”

Chase was right. Mack didn’t really want to acknowledge it to his brother, much less himself. Still, denial hadn’t served him so well. He let out a breath. “I’m not being a coward if I let her go. She wants to go. Why would I fight that?”

“But you want her to stay,” Chase pointed out quietly. “And you’re going to let her walk. That’s gonna suck for you. So why not try? At this point, what do you have to lose?”

A lot, actually. If he took a stand and she left anyway, it’d be too damn hard. Chase was right. He wasn’t willing to risk the pain. “She’s going to leave anyway.”

Chase shook his head. “How do you know? Have you given her a reason to stay? No,” he answered himself. “You haven’t. I don’t get this. I understand not wanting to get hurt, because that sucks. But you’ve got a second chance with the woman you love and you are letting her go without a fight.”

Mack hadn’t been enough the first time around. Why would now be any different?

He rubbed his hand over his face. “I can’t explain it, okay? She hasn’t given me any hint she’s willing to give it another shot.”

“No? She’s in your bed, am I right? You rearranged your whole schedule to be out at the farm more. She looks at you the same way you look at her, with that sappiness couples in love have. It’s all there, Mack. If I can see it, you damn well should be able to.” Chase leaned forward. “Go. Talk to her. Fix this, Mack. For both of your sakes.”

Mack just stared at his brother. He wasn’t sure what to say. Chase had been so adamant that he stay away from Darcy. Not that Chase had any control over Mack’s life, but he knew how bad it had been for Mack in the aftermath and had been trying to keep that from happening again. “Why are you doing this?”

Chase rose from the table and picked up his laptop bag. He put money on the table to cover his bill. “Because you should be happy. Think about it,” he said, and slapped Mack on the shoulder as he went past him.

Happy. Darcy had made him very happy, until she’d left him. But he hadn’t made her happy. Was Chase right? He hadn’t tried hard enough to see what she was feeling? She’d lost so much—they both had. He didn’t even care if she was infertile. There were lots of ways to make a family. In retrospect he could see that he hadn’t handled everything so well. All he’d wanted was for them to be happy. In trying to give her space, he’d pushed her away.

They’d both made mistakes. But the question was—was it too late to fix them?

* * *

Marla called up the stairs, “There’s someone here to see you, Darcy.”

Darcy frowned at the laundry she was folding. “Be right down,” she called back. If it’d been Mack, Marla would have said so. But it wouldn’t be him, not now. Not since she’d told him the ugly truth. She’d handled it poorly, to be sure. She’d run when she should have tried to make him see. The look on his face when he’d shut down—she shivered at the memory. He’d never looked at her like that. As if she were a stranger.

She came downstairs and stared at the man in the kitchen. Chase. She hadn’t been expecting to see him, either.

Marla folded the dish towel and hung it over the stove handle. “Nice to see you again, Chase.” She gave Darcy’s arm a little squeeze as she left the room.

“Um, hi,” she managed. Chase had been decidedly unfriendly to her over the past weeks, clear in his anger over her treatment of Mack all those years ago. She’d never blamed him, had accepted it as her due. “Have a seat,” she suggested, and started toward the table. Chase shook his head.

“No, thanks. This will only take a minute.” He looked at her, and she could see his mistrust of her hadn’t abated, but there was resignation in there, too.

“Okay,” she said slowly, curiosity almost getting the better of her. But she waited for him to speak.

“Are you leaving?”

“Yes,” she said slowly.

He nodded. “Mack is in love with you. Still. Hell, he’d kill me if he knew I was here. I don’t know what you feel for him, if you ever loved him. You left him behind awfully easily.”

“It wasn’t easy,” she shot back. It’d been so hard. So. Hard.

“You left him,” Chase repeated. “Is this time going to be different?”

“What do you mean?” His words were starting to sink in.
Mack is in love with you.
Chase would probably know that. More than anyone else. He and Mack had always been close. Her heart gave a little flutter.

He looked her in the eye. “You know what I mean,” he said quietly.

She lifted her chin. “That’s my business.”

“I disagree. It’s Mack’s, too. Fix this for both of you or he’ll be the wreck he was when you left the first time.”

“Wreck?” He hadn’t tried to contact her after the divorce. They’d communicated only through lawyers. It had only served, at the time, to reinforce she’d done the right thing.

“Yes. A wreck. Now you’re going to walk away. Again. And leave him to pick up all the pieces. Why?” He turned to go. “I’m not the one who needs the answer to that question. But if you love my brother, you’d better figure this out quick. I don’t think you’ll get a third chance.”

She didn’t want a third chance. She hadn’t been sure she should have a second chance. She stood for a moment, heard the door close, then an engine start.

Chase was right. She had to do something, something to fix this.

She hurried out into the living room, where her aunt and uncle were watching a Christmas movie on TV and Marla was knitting. “I’m going into town.”

Marla frowned in concern. “Now? It’s so late.”

“I know. It’s important.” More important than anything.

“All right,” Marla said. “Are you going to see Mack?”

She didn’t hesitate. “Yes. Yes, I am.”

Her aunt and uncle exchanged smiles. “Good for you,” Marla said at the same time Joe said, “’Bout time.”

Darcy took the stairs two at a time, grabbing her purse and keys and running back down. She didn’t know what kind of reception she’d get. Or if he’d even be home, actually.

She knew exactly what she was going to do. It was all so clear, and felt completely right.

* * *

She drove as fast as the conditions allowed, but once she got there and parked in front of the house, she sat for a moment. She’d been trying to rehearse what to say to him, but nothing really stuck. Now, in front of the house, seeing the dark shape of the tree they’d picked out and decorated, her heart squeezed.

She’d been so wrong. So afraid. And she’d taken it out on him.

She got out of her car and took a deep lungful of the cold, still air. All around were houses all decked out for the holidays—trees in windows, twinkle lights on trees and houses and bushes. But this one—this one was dark.

She walked up the drive to the front door and knocked.

After a moment the door opened. Mack stood there, silhouetted against the frame. She linked her fingers to keep them from shaking. “Can I come in?”

In answer, he stepped out of the way and she came in, closing the door behind her. He went and sat back on the couch, arms crossed. So he wasn’t going to make this easy. That was okay. It shouldn’t be easy.

She perched opposite him on a chair, her back to the tree and the window. She unzipped her coat but didn’t take it off. He muted the TV and gave her his full attention, but she couldn’t read his expression. She took a deep breath. “Mack. I’m so sorry. I really handled this wrong.” It was an understatement and didn’t really cover the depth of her feelings.

He leaned forward and rested his forearms on his knees. He was wearing gym shorts despite the cold temperature outside. “Me, too.”

That stopped her in her tracks. She frowned. “You? How did you?”

“I didn’t pay close enough attention, then or now. You weren’t wrong. I was pretty sure of myself. Of us. Too sure.” He gave her a pained grin. “I didn’t mean to be overbearing, Darce. I just thought—I just thought it’d all kind of work out on its own.”

That little flutter of hope grew into a flare. She took a chance and moved next to him on the couch. He didn’t move away. “I should have talked to you, told you what I was feeling, instead of hiding it from you. And I should have come home long before now to apologize.” Of all of it, that was what she regretted the most. She’d let so much go—not just Mack, but her friendships here in town, and let her aunt and uncle down, too. All because she’d been unable to face her feelings.

“Darce.” There was a tenderness in his voice now that made her eyes burn. He ran his hand along her jaw and she turned her face into his palm. The heat of his touch made her want to burrow into him and never let go. Ever. “No apologies. We both screwed up. If I could go back, I’d ask you what was wrong and pester you until you told me. I won’t make that mistake again.”

She opened her eyes and looked at him, almost afraid to breathe. “What are you saying?”

“I love you. That’s what I’m saying. I never stopped. I was going to ask you to stay, but I realized that’s not fair. Jenn can run this practice with one hand tied behind her back. I can find a place in Chicago—”

“Wait.” Her heart leaped with joy. In all that was one important point she needed to hear again. “You love me? Really?”

“Really.” He pressed a kiss to her mouth.

“I love you, too,” she whispered, and kissed him back, trying to pour all she felt into the kiss so he would know she’d never leave again. Just as his hands came up under her shirt, she eased back. “But. There’s one thing you should know.”

He eased back but kept his arms around her. “What’s that?”

She took a deep breath. “I’m not leaving. I’m not going back to Chicago. Well, not for long anyway. I’m going to quit my job and move up here to run the tree farm.”

Mack stared at her. “You what? You are?”

She nodded. “I haven’t been happy there since I left here. Coming back here was coming home. You’re here. My roots are here. And I want to make all that work.” It had taken losing him—again—to make her see it and realize it.

He sat back. “Wow. Do your aunt and uncle know?”

She shook her head. “No. Not yet. I just decided. I know you guys wanted to buy it—”

“I think your aunt and uncle will be thrilled to sell it to you. I think that’s part of why they wouldn’t finalize the sale until after you left. They were hoping you’d take it over.”

Sneaky of them, too. “I don’t know how it all will work. You’ve got this adorable little house. I’d hate to move you out to the farm—I mean, if this is going anywhere...” She faltered. Was she getting ahead of herself? He pulled her in for another kiss.

“Oh, it’s going, sweetheart. As soon as you’re willing, I’m ready. I bought this house for us. Well, I found it and before I could tell you about it, the accident happened. But this is where I wanted to raise our son, and any brothers and sisters he might have had. After you left, I went ahead and finalized the sale and remodeled it. It’s what saved my sanity.”

Darcy stared at him, her jaw on the floor. She hadn’t known he’d bought a house at that time. Or even that he’d been looking. She’d shut down at any mention of Mack and her aunt had eventually stopped bringing him up. It had been too hard.

“I— Wow. Mack. You bought this house for us?” Was that why it’d felt so homey to her? Tears gathered in her eyes, but this time they were happy tears. “Then, let’s stay here.”

“No rush to figure it out,” he whispered against her neck. She laid a hand on his chest. He stopped and looked up at her, heat and exasperation in his gaze. “We’re still talking?”

She had to laugh. “Yes. We are still talking. There’s one more thing.”