A Jersey Kiss (Jersey Romance Series) (23 page)

Shani’s mouth dropped open, then her face slowly reddened.
“How do you know?”

“
Seriously?” Bea stared at her friend’s rounded stomach. How had she not noticed it before now, it was hardly a molehill? “Harry?” Shani nodded. “How far along are you?” Shani didn’t answer, but sat down with her head in her hands. “Shani, when’s the baby due?”

The doorbell rang as they stared at each other in silence.
“Bloody hell, what’s going on in here?” Paul laughed. “You two look like crap.”

“
I thought you were going straight to meet Guy?” Bea said, wishing she’d been left alone with Shani at least until she’d found out all about the baby.

“
I was, but I wanted to bring you these,” he said holding out a brown paper bag. “And tell you that I’d just bumped into one of trainers from the gym.” He looked from Bea to Shani, eyes shining with excitement. “You’ll never guess what’s happened.” He shrugged when neither of them spoke. “The vice squad came to the studio this early this morning.” He waved his hands in the air. “I must have had my phone switched off, which won’t go down well with the owners, but it was my day off. Anyway, they got the receptionist to let them in so they could search the lockers and everything. I wonder what they were looking for?”

“
Did they find anything?” Shani asked quietly.

“
No, thankfully, but it’s a little odd don’t you think?” He sighed deeply, his arms outstretched. “Hey,” he said, his immaculate eyebrows knitting together in curiosity. “Have I missed something?”

Bea looked at Shani and then back at him.
“She’s pregnant.”

Paul dropped the bag onto the table before pulling out a chair and sitting down in silence.
“And she didn’t tell us?”

Bea squeezed Paul’s shoulder. If she was upset at Shani for not confiding in them, how bad must he feel?
“How did I not notice this?” He shook his head slowly. “Shan?”

“
So, was that business about Harry needing a scan all crap?”

Shani nodded and pulled something from the depths of her bag.
“Here, I can see you're both practically holding your breaths,” she said, holding out a piece of paper towards them. “It’s a copy of the scan of the baby.” She pointed to the black and white image.

“
I can’t believe it.” Paul murmured, snatching the picture from her fingers and studying it for a moment.

“
Do you hate me, Bea?” Shani looked at Bea for the first time.

The pleading in her eyes made Bea well up. She walked round the table and gave her a hug from behind.
“Don’t be stupid, of course I don’t hate you.” She hesitated, then couldn’t stop herself from adding. “I am disappointed, though.”

“
I was dreading that,” Shani said, wiping her eyes with a tissue. “I’m pregnant with a baby I didn’t plan, or originally want and you lost the one you wanted so badly.”

Bea shook her head angrily.
“That’s not why I’m disappointed. I can’t believe you kept this from me.” She noticed Paul’s confused expression. “Us,” she said, correcting herself. “Why did you keep something this important to yourself and why didn’t you tell us what was going on when be asked you about this before?”

Shani shrugged.
“You have all the crap going on with the man who left you soon after your miscarriage and he,” she said pointing at Paul, “is in love with someone for the first time since being heartbroken. I thought you both had enough happening.”

“
And?” Paul didn’t sound convinced. Neither am I, decided Bea.

“
I discovered Harry was married and then I really didn’t know how to tell you.”

“
Idiot,” said Paul, squeezing her hand for a moment before squinting at the picture of the scan. “I’m sorry, but I can’t make this out. Will one of you please explain what exactly I’m looking at?”

Bea sat down and took Shani’s hands in hers. She couldn’t stand seeing her friend in such turmoil. Shani was always so open with them both, or so Bea had always believed. She must have been very worried about upsetting them if she managed to keep something this monumental to herself.
“It was devastating when I lost my baby,” she said quietly. “And I admit that I do find it difficult to come to terms with my miscarriage and dealing with the date when my baby was due, but that doesn’t stop me being thrilled for you.” She touched Shani’s arm. “You’re going to be a lovely mum; you know that, don’t you?” Bea smiled at her, attempting to reassure her. “I’ll be fine, whatever you choose to do. You having a baby will be something we can all look forward to. Something good we can enjoy. I can’t believe you’ve gone through this by yourself.” She took a deep breath. What must Shani have been going through these past few months?

“
What about Harry?” Paul asked. “What did he have to say about the baby?”

“
When I told him I was pregnant, when we went for that scan, it was after the appointment that Harry told me he was back with his wife.”

Paul groaned.
“Bastard.”

“
I still hadn’t quite believed his partner about him being married until that point, so to hear Harry calmly tell me about her was a bit much to take in.”

“
I’m not surprised,” Bea said, wishing she could confront Harry and give him hell for what he’d done to her friend. “We’re here for you, whatever happens though, Shani.”

Paul glanced at the kitchen clock.
“Damn, I only popped in on my way to see Guy. You don’t mind if I race off, do you? He starts work soon and I need to see him about something before then.” He bent down and kissed Shani on the cheek. “Don’t fret about this. Sod Harry, you’ve got us two and we’ll be all the support you need.”

“
We’ll catch up with you later,” Bea said. “Shani and I can carry on chatting.” She waited for him to give Shani a quick hug and reassure her once again. Bea had an idea, but waited for Paul to close the door behind him before speaking. “Can you stay at the flat with a baby, do you know?”

“
I don’t think so. That was another thing I knew I’d have to discuss with Paul.”

“
You have already offered to do this and the baby doesn’t make any difference.

“
Really?” Shani narrowed her eyes. “Are you sure it wouldn’t be too much? I did love it when I stayed here. Too much, probably.”

“
I can’t have you going to some tiny bed-sit when I’m rattling around by myself here. Let’s face it, Shan, I have six bedrooms and only use one for me, and another as an office, which I only use to keep track of the work on the house. It’s the perfect solution, surely?”

“
But I wouldn’t be able to pay you much as I won’t be working for a few months.” Shani moved a cushion behind her in an effort to try and get more comfortable.

“
I’ve thought about that and to be honest every little will help. It’ll also be company. I didn’t realise how lonely I would get living in this place all by myself with just Flea to talk to. The only problem I can see us having is with Paul. He’s going to be upset to be losing you as a flatmate. It’s going to be bad enough for him not having you every day at work, without you moving out, too.”

“
I know,” Shani said, thoughtfully stroking her round bump. “How on earth am I going to tell him?”

“
I’m not sure. Maybe I could ask him to move in here, too?” she said. They all got along well together and another person helping towards the mortgage would be a great help. “I do think moving in here will be the best way forward for you and the baby, though.”

“
Yes, but what if it’s one of those ones that cries all night long?” Shani asked.

“
Then you’ll just have to have one of the rooms at the back of the house,” Bea teased. “I’m joking,” she said, patting Shani’s bony knee when she looked concerned.

“
I’d love to live here. I can’t think of anywhere else I would rather be. I’m not sure if Paul will move here too, but there’s no harm in asking him. What about finances? How are we going to sort out paying for things?” She held a hand up to stop Bea interrupting. “I’m not moving in here without paying my way. You can’t afford it, and it’s against my principles.”

“
Fine, at least we’ve agreed you should move in here. That’s a start.”

It mattered to her that Paul didn’t feel excluded, so to ask him too would be perfect. She could tell Shani didn’t want to pass up her offer, and Shani had already raved about living here in the countryside with the lawns, orchard and areas of the garden, so pretty and private. Bea suspected her friend would love the idea of parking her baby’s pram in the fresh air in her garden, especially knowing it would be safe there.

“Do you know,” Shani said eventually, “even Harry’s lack of interest in our baby can’t dampen my mood now I know I don’t have to start traipsing the streets finding somewhere suitable to live.”

“
I think we both need a cup of tea,” laughed Bea. She picked up the brown paper bag Paul had left behind. “Here, we'll need plates, too.”

Shani opened the bag to reveal the spongy cakes.
“Jersey Wonders, perfect.”

“
Yes, I thought you'd say that,” Bea said, concentrating on keeping the tone of her voice cheerful. “Full of fat and sugar, and perfect for celebrating baby news, not that he knew that when he bought them. Mmm, these are still warm.”

NINETEEN

March - Darkest Days

Bea struggled to decipher her aunt’s handwriting in the notebook. Why had she ever thought she could stand a chance of keeping up with her aunt’s good work? She was already finding it impossible to manage it.

She picked up a brown bag of snapdragon seeds and carefully opened the twisted top, trying not to lose the precious seeds her aunt had collected from her garden the previous year. Taking a small container, Bea dipped it into the tub of peat she’d collected from bins outside and went to pour it into the little pots, accidentally knocking over the brown bag and scattering the seeds all over the shed floor. She threw down the pot and burst into tears of frustration.

Why was she bothering with all this? Simon was right, Aunt Annabel wouldn’t be here to see any of it and no one else was interested in the damn garden. She sat down on the old wooden stool and sobbed.

“This bloody house,” she groaned. Maybe Simon was right and she should simply sell it and move on. She didn’t have any fight left in her. But, even though she was currently overwhelmed by everything she’d lost – her aunt, her marriage and her baby – she knew she couldn’t lose this house, too. And anyway, where would Shani and her baby go if she actually did sell up? How could she have got things so wrong?

When had her happy marriage become a sham? She’d always thought Simon so perfect, now she was hard pushed to even try and recall why she’d fallen for him in the first place. Had she ever been in love with the real Simon, or had she imagined he’d possessed those qualities she thought she saw in him? Mel had once accused her of marrying Simon so quickly because she was too desperate to create the happy family she’d been excluded from when her mum had died when she was four. She’d laughed at Mel then, but maybe, Bea mused, her half-sister had actually been right.

She blew her nose on a crumpled tissue and went back into the house. Though it was early, she opened a bottle of rosé and lit a fire, then sat back into the huge overstuffed sofa in the darkness of the drawing room with only Flea and a box of tissues for comfort. The soothing golden glow of the fire for once did nothing to improve her mood. She started on her way to get hideously drunk. She was in love with a completely unsuitable man who could end up causing her to lose her job and if she wasn’t extremely careful, her freedom, too. What the hell was she playing at, and why was everything so complicated?

Bea went to pour herself another glass and finding the bottle empty, decided to get another from the fridge. The lights in the house flicked once and then went off completely. Bea carefully made her way in the darkness to the window. She looked out, but couldn’t see any other lights nearby.
“Bloody power cuts,” she said, sick of the occasional lack of power the island was experiencing lately.

Turning too quickly, she caught her temple on a corner of an open cupboard door she must have forgotten to close properly earlier. Bea winced in pain. Tentatively, she put her fingers up to her head to rub it better, but instead felt the warm stickiness of blood.
“Hell, that hurts,” she moaned. Stunned and a little wobbly, she quickly padded in her slippers over to the sink to soak a wedge of kitchen roll in cool water.

Bea held the wet mass up to her head. She returned to the drawing room, thankful for the screw cap on the bottle of wine, and poured some into a glass. Her head was pounding. Maybe it was time to go to bed. No more melancholy for her. Enough now. She got up slowly, surprised at how dizzy she felt.

The phone rang on the table next to her. “Hello?”

“
Bea? Is that you?”

“
Who is this?” she asked, cupping the phone in between her ear and chin. Hearing Luke’s voice, she settled back down onto the couch.

“
It’s Luke. I wanted to phone and thank you for getting me to the boat in time for the launch the other day. I think I could have been a little snappy with you and I wanted to apologise in case I had been.” He was silent for a moment. “Bea, are you all right?”

Why had she answered the phone, she wondered. She knew she was in no state to talk to anyone about anything, especially him. She’d had too much to drink to allow herself to talk to him without saying the wrong thing.

“I’m fine, thanks.” Bea wiped away a random tear from her puffy eyes with a handful of damp, disintegrating tissues. “’Night,” she put the phone down. She would sleep in here tonight. It was cosy and the fire should keep going for the next few hours.

Sometime later she became vaguely aware of a banging noise. Bea dragged a fresh tissue from the near empty box and blew her nose. Flea barked and ran to the front door. The banging was repeated. She pushed the blanket off and ambled blearily over to follow the dog, opening the door tentatively and peering around it to see who was making all the noise. Her eyes focused on Luke staring back at her, his face unsmiling. She pulled back the heavy door.
“What’s the matter?” she asked blearily, her voice sounding odd even in her drunken state.

****

Luke couldn’t believe his eyes. The moon shone into the doorway lighting up someone standing with one hand on the door and the other holding what looked like a mass of tissues with drying blood down the side of her face. The person vaguely resembled Bea. Only this person had a pale face, eyes so puffy they were almost closed, and hair that had once been held back in a band that was now sticking up at angles and mussed up all around her blotchy face.

“
Luke, can this wait until tomorrow?” Bea asked, pushing her hands through her untidy hair and beginning to push the door closed. She stepped back from the door and turned away from him.

Luke couldn’t imagine what could have happened to her. Dread filtered through the pit of his stomach. He put his hand out and caught the door before it slammed shut and followed her silently inside. There were no lights on in the house and the only light seemed to come from the full moon outside. Without saying a word he followed her, sitting down opposite as she settled back down and made herself comfortable again. She seemed unaware that he was still in the room.

“Bea,” he said, keeping his voice as gently as he could and glad of the light from the flames in the fireplace. “How did you hurt your head?”

He watched as she slowly raised her hand and lightly touched the cut.
“Ouch,” she said, flinching, her gaze troubled. “I think it was on a cupboard door. Stupid really.”

Luke forced what he hoped was a reassuring smile.
“Is there anything I can do?” he asked.

Bea looked up at him. He felt a pang of sadness at the pain in her eyes. Something had happened between her dropping him off at the Lifeboat Station and now. He couldn’t imagine what it was.
“Is it Simon?” he asked, his intuition kicking in.

She thought for a moment and then nodded slowly.
“I’m such an idiot,” she murmured sleepily, touching her head once more.

“
Of course you’re not,” he soothed, not sure if she was telling him the truth. “We can talk about this in the morning.” Gently pulling her hand away from her head, he leant forward and checked her cut. It was difficult to see it clearly, but he didn’t think it was still bleeding.

“
I don’t think it’s that deep, but we can get it looked at properly tomorrow. Why don’t you get some sleep now?” Amazed at her complying so readily with his suggestion, he watched her lie back and close her eyes. He pulled a chenille blanket from the back of the settee to cover her and sat back down, watching her silently, the flickering shadows from the fire taking him back to that memorable evening they’d slept together.

He added several logs to boost the fire and tried to make sense of his feelings for her. He knew he was attracted to her, wanted to take care of her somehow, but she seemed to have more than enough to deal with at the moment. How attached was she to Tom? Damn him. It was one thing knowing Tom was good at his job, but another having to watch him spend time with Bea. Luke shook his head. How did Tom manage to get so close to her, when all she seemed to do with him was find reasons to push him away? Why was she holding back from him? He was sure there was something, but what? He didn’t get it. She couldn’t really believe there was something between him and Leilani, surely? He was sure that must be some sort of excuse.

While preparing coffees in the kitchen the next morning, Luke answered the phone hanging on the wall by the fridge on its first ring.
“Hello?” he said absent-mindedly, stirring sugar into the steaming black liquid.

“
Who’s that?”

“
Who’s this?”

“
I asked first, oh sod it, it’s Shani.”

“
Luke,” he volunteered, trying not to sound too amused at her obvious surprise.

Silence.
“Er, morning, Luke. Um, is the lady of the house there please?” Shani asked, excitement emanating from her voice. He suspected she was thinking he and Bea must have slept together to find him here so early in the morning.

Luke placed the coffees and two plates of buttered toast on a tray.
“She is, but she’s a little caught up at the moment. Can I ask her to give you a call when she comes round?”

“
Comes round? Is she okay?”

Damn, thought Luke. Why had he chosen those particular words? He thought for a moment and remembering what close friends the two women were, knew he had to fill her in on the previous evening.
“Shani, she’s not all right as it happens.”

“
What do you mean?” Luke could hear the concern in her voice.

“
I phoned her last night to thank her for the lift to the call out, but she didn’t seem to be her usual self. So, I came round here and although she wasn’t particularly happy to see me, I couldn’t in all conscience leave her.”

“
You’ve been there all night?”

“
Yes, but it’s not what you’re probably thinking I’m about to wake her now.”

“
Do you know what’s wrong?”

He would love to, he thought, but didn’t say so.
“’Fraid not. She does have a nasty cut to her temple though, and will no doubt have one hell of a headache this morning. I don’t envy her.” He hoped he hadn’t said too much, but felt pretty sure Shani needed to know exactly what happened in case Bea tried to make light of everything. She needed help sorting whatever it was out, and her best friend was the perfect person to do so.

“
She’s got rather a lot on her plate at the moment, and to be honest I haven’t helped.” Shani groaned. “Unfortunately none of her problems are things anyone else can help with, only she can deal with them. Simon is so controlling, and she’s going to have to find a way to sort him out once and for all. Although I’ve got a niggling feeling there’s something else wrong, but she hasn’t confided in me about it. Look, I’m going to ring off now, so I can come right over.”

“
Thanks,” he said, relieved Shani was on her way. He knew Bea wouldn’t be happy to see him here when she woke up. Hell, he thought, he’d be horrified to come round after a heavy night to find her sitting watching him. He couldn’t help having feelings for Bea and had suspected from the first time he met her she could be different to any other woman he’d ever known before now. Up until now, though she’d always seemed so strong and in charge of everything, but seeing her in such a state last night had concerned him. Seeing Bea so fragile, he wondered what could be worrying her so badly. He knew she loved the house and was worried about losing it, but he had to agree with Shani, there must be more to it than anything they were aware of, but what?

Shani arrived and thanked Luke for sitting with Bea for the night.
“Let me know how she is, will you?” he asked, making a quick note of his mobile number for her on the notepad by the door.

“
Will do,” said Shani, concern for her friend written all over her face.

As he opened the front door, she called to him.
“Luke?”

“
Yes?”

“
How will you explain to your girlfriend where you’ve been all night?”

“
She’s not my girlfriend.” Then again, he thought, aware that Leilani had a habit of pitching up at his boat on odd occasions and usually when he least wanted to see her. She was going to be impossible and surely throw a tantrum over him staying out all night, especially when she discovered that he was at Bea’s, which she no doubt would.

****

Bea heard the front door close and stretched. She recognised Shani’s voice and watched through blurry eyes as her friend entered the room. “Ooh, my head,” Bea groaned, pushing herself up slowly, holding the side of her head with one hand. “Hey, how did you get in?”

Shani stared at her thoughtfully.
“Luke let me in.”

Bea frowned and tried to process Shani’s words.
“Luke? Here? I don’t understand. Ouch.”

“
He told me he’d found you in a really bad way and didn’t like to leave you alone.”

Realisation dawned on Bea like a slowly dripping tap.
“Oh no, I think I vaguely remember.” She looked up at Shani, another movement that hurt like hell. “Even my eyes hurt.”