A Lesser Evil (7 page)

‘Husband’: that word seemed so strange to Fifi. It was one she associated with older people in cardigans, with thinning hair, mowing the lawn. Dan looked like a film star today, his dark hair neat from a recent hair-cut, his cheeks as smooth as silk, and he smelled of Old Spice. She didn’t think he’d ever succumb to slippers or cardigans.

‘Put me down,’ Fifi pleaded as Dan continued to carry her up the second flight of stairs. He was panting from the effort and she was afraid he was going to drop her.

‘I’ll carry you over both thresholds,’ he insisted. ‘Just be glad I’m not doing it caveman-style, dragging you by the hair.’

Fifi unlocked the door, and Dan turned sideways to get her in without banging her head or legs. Kicking the door shut behind him, he carried her across the room and dropped her on the bed.

‘There you are, Mrs Reynolds, and there you will stay till Monday morning.’

Fifi laughed. ‘I can’t cook meals from here,’ she said.

‘I shall be waiting on you hand and foot,’ he said, taking off his suit jacket and opening the fridge to get out the champagne. ‘By Monday morning you will realize you have married a man of many talents.’

‘You are extremely talented,’ Fifi murmured sleepily a couple of hours later as she snuggled into his shoulder. It seemed ridiculous now that just this morning she’d been scared of making love. It had been wonderful, the best feeling in the whole world. She could happily stay in bed the whole three days till Monday.

They had drunk the champagne with Dan’s radio playing softly in the background, and then he’d begun kissing her, peeling off her clothes bit by bit. She’d had many dreams since she met him of sensitive and gentle fingers stroking and probing her, and she’d wake to find she was touching herself. But Dan’s touch was far more thrilling, just as sensitive and gentle, but confident, loving and so sensual that she found herself moaning with pleasure. There was a moment when she felt a stab of jealousy, for she knew he must have learned this skill from another woman. But that moment passed, for how could she be angry about how he gained his experience when he was transporting her to heaven?

By the time he moved on top of her to enter her, she wanted it as much as he did. It hurt a little, but not enough to put her off, and she wanted the glorious sensations to go on for ever.

‘It takes a little practice for women to come,’ he murmured lovingly afterwards. ‘Please don’t ever pretend it’s happened to try and please me. We have to work at that together.’

Until he said that Fifi imagined that was as good as it got, but clearly he knew better. ‘How would I know if it happened?’ she whispered back.

‘You’ll know, I promise you,’ he said with a low chuckle.

Fifi woke a little later, to see it was dark outside. They hadn’t drawn the curtains earlier, but as the flat was high on a hill overlooking the centre of Bristol, there was plenty of golden light coming in from street lamps.

She looked at her watch and saw it was eight o’clock, and suddenly she thought of her parents waiting for her at home. She could just imagine her mother’s face tight with irritation that she hadn’t come straight home from work.

Reluctantly she crept out of bed, leaving Dan sleeping peacefully. If she didn’t phone them now and get it over with, she’d never be able to relax tonight.

There was a pay-phone in the hall downstairs. She fumbled for her housecoat which she’d left on the floor, found some change and went barefoot down the stairs.

Patty answered the phone. ‘You’d better have a good excuse for missing dinner, Mum’s savage,’ she warned Fifi.

She was tempted to ring off as Patty called her mother, but there was a mirror by the phone and her reflection gave her more confidence. Her hair, so neat earlier today, was all tousled, but there was a glow to her; she reminded herself her new name was Felicity Reynolds and resolved not to be intimidated.

‘So where are you?’ her mother said, without any preliminaries. ‘I told you to come straight home.’

‘Dan and I got married today, Mum,’ Fifi said. ‘We’ve got a new flat in Kingsdown.’

There was a sharp intake of breath, then silence.

‘You married him?’ her mother said eventually, as if she didn’t believe what she’d heard.

‘Yes, at quarter past two at Quaker Friars. I’m sorry if it’s a shock. But it’s what we wanted.’

‘How could you throw your life away on him?’ her mother exclaimed, her voice rising with agitation. ‘He’ll pull you down to his level.’

‘Don’t speak about Dan like that,’ Fifi said, a flush of anger rising up within her. ‘You don’t know him, but I do, he’s wonderful and I love him.’

‘How could you do this to us?’ her mother asked, her voice cracking. ‘After all you put us through when you were a child! People said I should put you in an institution, but I didn’t, and this is how you repay me for all my patience and care.’

The claim about an institution was something Fifi hadn’t heard before and she wanted to challenge it and find out if it was just an hysterical exaggeration or the truth. But her wedding night wasn’t the time for such things, and a draughty hallway wasn’t the right place either. ‘I couldn’t help how I was as a small child,’ Fifi retorted. ‘Any more than I could help falling in love with Dan.’

‘Rubbish!’ Clara snapped. ‘It’s not love. It’s just animal sex! I know it is. I could see that written all over him.’

It was tempting to say the sex had been pretty good so far, but Fifi was suddenly too upset to make any clever retorts. ‘You don’t know what you are talking about, Mother,’ she said sharply. ‘Please don’t try to make something grubby out of this. I told you I loved Dan months ago. He was the man I wanted to marry, and I’ve done it. I would’ve preferred to have had a blessing from you and Dad, but I can live without it.’

‘You’ve made your bed, now you can lie in it,’ her mother snapped. ‘Don’t come crying to us when he gets in trouble or he deserts you for some common tart more suitable for him. I’m finished with you.’

Fifi could only stare at the receiver as her mother slammed the phone down.

‘Come back to bed, sweetheart.’

Fifi looked up and saw Dan above her on the stairs. He was wearing only his jeans and his deeply tanned, muscular chest looked powerful and reassuring. But the sad expression on his face told her he’d been there for long enough to get the gist of what had been said. Tears filled her eyes and she ran to his arms.

‘She will come round, she’s just shocked, that’s all,’ he said comfortingly as he hugged her tightly.

‘I didn’t do anything wrong, I just married the man I love,’ she wept. ‘Why is she so horrible about that?’

‘Maybe she wasn’t lucky enough to ever feel the way we do,’ Dan suggested. ’But don’t let her spoil what we’ve got, it’s our honeymoon, remember.’

That night as Fifi lay in Dan’s arms she told herself she didn’t care about her parents. They were stupid snobs, and she could do perfectly well without them. She was glad she hadn’t got to go home any more, she had her own one now and she was blissfully happy. She and Dan would prove to them that they were wrong.

Six weeks later, Patty sat back on the couch in the Kings-down flat and grinned broadly at Fifi. ‘Stop worrying about Mum’s feelings,’ she said in answer to her sister’s question about how things were at home. ‘Just think how happy you’ve made me by letting me have the bedroom all to myself.’

Fifi felt a surge of affection for her sister. If Patty was hurt she wasn’t told about the wedding, she’d never showed it. On the Monday following, despite all hell having broken out at home following Fifi’s phone call, and orders that no one was to break rank and speak to their sister, Patty turned up at Fifi’s office, bringing her a canteen of cutlery for a present.

She hugged Fifi and wished her happiness, and said she had liked Dan right from the start. Then she’d asked what Fifi had worn, who was there and if they’d had any other presents. When Fifi admitted there were only two guests and all they’d had was an electric kettle from Dan’s workmates, Patty hugged her again and said maybe they could have a blessing in church one day when Dan had proved he wasn’t such a bad choice.

Since then Patty often popped in on her way home from work, diplomatically skirting round what was being said at home, admiring everything they had done to their flat, and being happy for them.

Dan liked Patty a great deal, and it had pleased them both when she found a boyfriend herself. In just three weeks, she had begun to lose weight and her acne was getting better. Dan said he couldn’t wait to meet the man responsible for it, but as yet Patty was too nervous to introduce him to anyone.

‘Especially not Mum,’ she laughed. ‘I’m afraid she’ll jinx it for me.’

‘Make him carry garlic and a crucifix when he gets invited to tea,’ Dan suggested. ‘And maybe a couple of pints of holy water too.’

Fifi tried very hard to treat her mother’s attitude in the same light-hearted way as Dan did, but she often shed a few tears about it in private. She felt so angry and indignant that he’d never been given a chance to show everyone what a wonderful person he was. Every time Patty came round she remarked on how homely the flat was, and much of that was down to Dan’s efforts.

He was always bringing home things he’d found in junk shops. He liked a bargain, so he was always attracted to the damaged or ugly things that were cheap, and he did his magic eyes thing, believing he could transform them into something beautiful.

Sometimes he succeeded. A hideous old bookcase had been transformed with a coat of pale blue paint; a coffee table with a new tile top looked fabulously expensive, yet had cost him only three shillings. But Fifi was hoping he might accidentally break the china shepherdess ornament he was trying to mend, and that he’d decide the cuckoo clock was too irritating to keep.

She bought fresh flowers every Friday night to put on their little dining table, hand-sewed pretty curtains for the bathroom, and painted red spots on some white enamel storage jars to hold their coffee, tea and sugar. They’d bought a lovely picture of a bluebell wood, two table lamps, and bright cushions to put on the bed. Fifi often thought that if her parents were to unbend enough to visit, they’d get a pleasant surprise.

It was Patty who bit by bit brought Fifi’s belongings to the flat, her record-player, clothes, shoes and books, each time making a joke about how it left more room for her in their old room. While Fifi was delighted to have all her old belongings back with her, it saddened her too. It was as though the memories of her were being permanently erased from her family home.

Patty had only just left one evening when Dan arrived home, and right away Fifi knew something was wrong because he seemed distracted. While he had a bath, she warmed up the stew she’d made for him, and once he was eating it, she tackled him.

‘You know this estate in Horfield will be finished by Christmas?’ he finally blurted out. ‘Well, I thought we’d be moving straight on to the site in Kingswood. But there’s been a setback there, some problem with the planning department and an access road, so now we’ve got to go down to Plymouth.’

‘You mean move there?’ Fifi exclaimed. ‘You can’t, we’ve only just got this place, and there’s my job.’

‘I know,’ Dan sighed. ‘I suppose I’ll have to get digs and just come home at weekends.’

‘Oh no. I couldn’t bear that,’ Fifi said.

‘Nor me,’ Dan agreed. ‘I told the boss how it was, but he said that’s all he’s got, the one job in Plymouth, take it or leave it.’

‘You mean you get the sack if you won’t go?’

Dan shrugged. ‘I took the job with Jackson’s on the understanding we worked all over the place. If I want to stay here, I’ll have to find a local firm willing to take me on.’

‘How hard will that be?’

‘Easy, I should think. There’s loads of new developments in Bristol.’

‘Then there’s no problem.’ Fifi beamed. ‘I get to keep you here.’

‘Happy Christmas, sweetheart!’

Fifi forced her eyelids to open. Dan was standing by the bed with just a towel around his waist, and he had a tray in his hands. ‘Come on, look joyful, it’s breakfast-time!’ he said with laughter in his voice. ‘Don’t panic, I haven’t got you anything unsuitable for a princess with a hangover.’

Reluctantly Fifi sat up and Dan put the tray across her knees. It was just grapefruit segments in a little glass dish with a glacé cherry on top, toast and a pot of tea.

She had been on top of the world and slightly drunk when she got home yesterday after the office party. She had tinsel in her hair and a bag of small presents from the other girls. Dan had arrived home soon after, also a little tight as it was his last day with Jackson’s, and they decided to go out for the remainder of the evening to the Cotham Porter’s Stores, a pub just around the corner from their flat.

The Porter’s Stores was a cider house, and a bit run down, but it always had a good atmosphere because of the wide range of people who drank there, from serious cider drinkers with red noses to hard-up students and the immediate locals. Maybe drinking rough cider wasn’t such a good idea after drinking spirits at work, but Fifi was fine until Robin, her younger brother, came in with a group of friends.

Overjoyed to see him, she left Dan and rushed over to Robin, and because she was a bit drunk and assumed he’d come looking for her, she flung her arms round him.

‘Don’t embarrass me in front of my friends,’ he said coldly, nudging her away.

Fifi was so deeply hurt she couldn’t think of a clever or cutting remark. Instead she said something about how she was only pleased to see him, and it was Christmas after all. Robin retorted that he wasn’t pleased to see her drunk, and obviously she was going downhill fast since she married Dan.

Robin had always been a bit of a prig. If Fifi had been sober she would have given as good as she got. But Robin turned on his heel and left the pub without having even one drink. Fifi returned to Dan’s side and ordered another cider.

She didn’t tell Dan what had been said, but her good humour vanished and she drank quickly and silently, not even talking to Dan.

Later, she vaguely remembered being carried up the stairs over Dan’s shoulder, and the next thing she knew was she was kneeling on the bathroom floor, head over the toilet, vomiting and telling him to go away.