A Life Unplanned (14 page)

Chapter 17 – Juggling Act

Tyler wouldn't let Trent put him down, and the sweet man he was, he indulged his son. There were a lot of changes going on in Tyler's life. A new baby had been stealing the focus. I worried about how he would adjust to having a new baby in the house, but I was sure with Trent around, he'd help us all get settled.

They arrived early the next morning to visit with me and to see the baby. I wouldn't be going home until a little after dinnertime. Tyler was holding a new book called
My New Baby
. Trent set him next to me on the bed and gave me a quick chaste kiss. Katie was asleep in her clear bassinet, and Trent was quickly drawn to her.

I watched as he hovered over her, intent on watching her sleep. Tyler pushed his book in my face, so I opened it and started to read it. We were halfway through it, when Trent announced, "She moved, she's awake!" He pointed to where her little arm had shifted. He was looking to me, I guess for permission.

"She's your daughter, Trent, you can hold her if you want. I doubt she's really awake, though."

He looked anxious. "But my mom said not to wake a baby, ever."

"As long as you're willing to help deal with the consequences, I'm okay with you picking her up."

His smile was huge, and he dove right in, gently cradling his daughter in his arms. Tyler was quick to pull my attention back to him. I'd have to watch myself. Between my new feelings for Trent and my instinct to care for my baby, I didn't want Tyler to feel neglected. I refocused on cuddling with him while I read, doing my best to ignore the gorgeous man in the corner nuzzling and kissing my baby's head. I did make it through Tyler's book and read it twice more, before Katie woke up for real and wanted to eat.

Trent brought her over to me and traded me kids. I was relieved that Tyler was happy to go to Trent. I wasn't sure how Trent felt about staying in the room while I breastfed, but that was the only way I was feeding Katie at the moment. I was glad Tyler's book covered it, so he didn't look too confused, when I tucked his sister under a blanket to feed her. Of course, this was the first time I had tried to feed her under a blanket, and it was making it difficult.

Trent saw me struggling and came over to help. "Let me give you a hand," he said, taking the blanket and holding it away from me, but blocking Tyler's view still. Trent looked down at our little milk monster, who I was finally able to get to latch on, once I could see what I was doing. "Are you doing alright?" he asked when I cringed.

"Yeah, it just takes a while to get the hang of things. It'll stop hurting in a week or so."

He frowned, looking down at our daughter. "I wish there was a way I could help."

"You are. Just make sure Tyler doesn't feel left out. I'm worried about him."

We looked over at our son, who had his book out and opened to the page with a picture of a mommy holding a baby under a blanket, feeding it. "I'll make sure he knows he’s still loved. We've both been really enjoying my new daddy status."

Trent said it with a big genuine smile, but it gutted me. I held back tears. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

He looked slightly panicked.

I cut him off before he could assume the worst. "I'm sorry I kept him from you for so long."

"Hey, don't worry about that. Right now, all that matters is that I'm here, where I'm supposed to be."

I nodded in agreement, and he wiped my tears away.

That night, Tyler insisted that Trent put him to bed, and I settled Katie in her bassinet for her first night home. I took a quick shower and readied for bed. I stepped into the hallway and looked into Tyler's room. Trent was stretched out on the twin bed, looking at the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. "Are you coming to bed?" I asked.

He looked over to where Tyler was sleeping in his toddler bed and followed me out into the hallway. "I wasn't sure…"

I took his hand and pulled him to bed. Then I realized he might have wanted to stay with Tyler. "Did you want to stay in his room? I'm sorry I…"

"No, Clara, it's fine." He was so sweet, and my hormones were still a mess.

I burst into tears. "I'm so sorry I kept him from you. You're such a great daddy."

"Hey, hey, settle down. It's okay. I know why you kept him from me, and I wouldn't have always been a great dad. You were trying to protect your son, and as much as I hate to admit it, I'm glad you did keep him from me. God, Clara, if you'd come to me and I'd…after what I did to Tiffany…I'm so sorry I treated you horribly, but I'm so thankful it kept you away from me. I'm so thankful you had Tyler. Please, don't be upset with yourself. You did what was best for him and protected him, and once you saw that I could be trusted with him, you let me back in his life. You're a great mom. Tyler missing out on any daddy stuff is not on you. That's my fault. I'm just glad he's here, so I can make it up to him."

I looked up at him baffled. I guess he was sure he would've been able to convince me to get an abortion like he had done with Tiffany, but that wouldn’t have happened. "I wouldn't have ever aborted Tyler, no matter what you'd said to me."

He grimaced and nodded in agreement. "But I might've given you several more reasons to hate me and keep him away from me. There would've been a good chance that I'd have signed away my parental rights. I'm so thankful that didn't happen. I know I would've regretted it horribly. I'm so sorry I wasn't a better person, Clara. Will you ever forgive me?"

I leaned up and kissed his lips lightly. "You've forgiven me, so I'd say we're even."

"Not even close. I've definitely come out on top here, with a hot girlfriend and two amazing kids. I have a feeling we're never gonna be even. I just hope you'll keep me, anyways."

His words were so sweet. I pulled him to my lips again, and he cuddled me closer. "You're definitely a keeper."

He proved it that night, too. As soon as Katie started to fuss, he was picking her up and bringing her to me to feed. He snuggled next to us on the bed while I fed her, and then he took her from me so he could burp and change her before he put her down. He was a regular Mr. Mom. I was sure if he could breastfeed, he wouldn't have woken me up at all.

When Tyler came in the next morning, I was ready to get up with him so Trent could sleep. He'd been up with Katie and me three times last night.

"No, Clara, baby, you need your rest. Your body is still healing and trying to feed another person at the same time. Get some sleep while you can. Tyler and I can get breakfast together. We're big boys, right, Tyler?" he asked him.

Tyler flexed his little muscles. "I strong, like daddy." He sounded so proud. Trent scooped him up, beaming with joy at his new name. "That's right, bud. Just like daddy." My son was in good hands, and I was so happy Trent was with us. I must have been more exhausted than I realized, because I fell back asleep rather quickly.

I woke to Tyler's whispers. "Shush, mommy and daddy sleeping," he said quietly but sternly. I opened my eyes to see him standing on a diaper box, looking down at his sister in her bassinet.

"It's okay, Tyler, the baby only cries if something is wrong. She needs me or dad to fix something for her. When she cries, it's important for us to help her."

He looked confused, but let me take her from her little bed. She settled down right away, and I checked her diaper. She was wet, and I was sure, hungry. I looked at the time and saw I'd slept for another two hours. Trent was stretched out on the bed, still in his pj’s and fast asleep.

"What are you doing awake all by yourself?" I was surprised Trent decided to nap with Tyler roaming the house awake.

He shrugged. "I waked up. I no need a nap."

"Did daddy put you down for a nap?" I asked him.

He shrugged his little shoulders and looked at the floor. That was Tyler for y
es, but I'm not telling you that.
 "Did you nap at all?" I asked.

He shrugged again and then looked up at me. "I not big tired, just a little tired, so I only sleeped a little bit."

Katie was starting to fuss, and I was worried we were going to wake up Trent, so I took the pair of them into the front room to watch TV. I had Tyler curled up in my side while I fed Katie. The three of us were all squished together in the recliner. Once I was able to get Katie back to sleep, I decided it was time for just Tyler and mom to be together. I put her down in the bedroom, sure Trent would hear her if she woke, and met Tyler in the kitchen for a snack.

We ate and talked about the TV shows he liked. He talked about Trent and what they played, and then he asked me, "Is daddy gonna stay with us forever?"

The answer was no, but I wanted it to be yes. I could see in Tyler's little face that he wanted it to be yes, too. "He's staying with us for right now, and he's always going to be in your life."

His little brow furrowed. "Is daddy staying?" he asked again.

"He has a job in Livingston, remember? We went there. He has a house there, close to his mommy, Maymay."

He didn't look happy, so I tried to appease him. "We're going to go stay with him for a couple of weeks. He's going to stay here with us for as long as he can, and then we're going to go stay there with him for a little while."

"We gonna lived with him?" he asked too excited.

"Yes, for a little while. He has to work, but he wants us close. He loves you."

"We gonna live with my daddy?" he asked again, and I was worried that he didn’t understand what I was saying. "Is Nana and Grandpa Joe coming, too?" he asked.

"No, it's just going to be me, you and Katie going to stay at daddy's house. Are you going to be okay with that? Are you going to miss Nana and Grandpa Joe?" I asked.

"Are you going to work?" he asked eyeing me.

"No, I need to stay home and take care of my body and baby Katie for a while, before I can leave her with Nana and go back to work."

"You stay at daddy's house with me, all day?" he clarified.

"Yeah, I'll be there all day with you and your sister."

"Okay," he said and went back to munching his crackers. I was just glad he wasn't pushing me for an answer about living with Trent or Trent living with us anymore. In truth, I didn't want Trent to leave, but I knew he had a life and a career he'd worked hard for. He had to go back to Livingston. I knew he wanted to move to Waco, and I hoped I'd have the courage to ask him to stay with us permanently when the time came. I didn't want him to move into some apartment across town. I wanted him to live with us, with Tyler and Katie. They needed their daddy, and I needed him, too. I just hoped I'd find a way to tell him that before it was too late.

Chapter 18 - Cannibal

It was time for Katie's first newborn checkup. Dr. Coust was eagerly awaiting our arrival. Trent carried Tyler on one hip and had Katie in the baby car seat in his other hand. I had the diaper bag. Apparently, that was the only thing that wasn't over the weight limit of what I should be lifting, and even that was questionable according to Trent.

"Clara, how are you feeling?" she asked hugging me.

"I'm doing great. Trent has been a huge help."

"It sure looks like it," Dr. Coust said, smiling at Trent's child-laden form. "Trent, I'd like to speak to you after little Katie's examination about our formal complaint against Dr. Harding."

"Of course, I'd be happy to."

The examination went great. Our daughter had gained four ounces since leaving the hospital, and I blushed madly when Trent bragged about how great my milk supply was. Of course, it was worth the embarrassment when he realized what it might imply, and he backtracked like a stuttering goof.

"Not that I'm personally feeding, but I've been there while she's nursing, but not there, because the baby is there, and I don't want her breasts, they're great, but not to eat, because I'm not into breastmilk or cannibalism…"

Dr. Coust and I burst out laughing at his rambling and his need to clarify that he wasn't a cannibal. We let the poor flustered man off the hook.

Once the examination was finished, we met in her office.

"I've filed my report and spoke with the two nurses who were on duty that night. They're filing along with us. They'd reported to Dr. Harding that the baby's heartbeat was dropping, but he told them it was inconsequential and to leave it be. When they tried to push it again with him, he yelled profanities at them and demeaned their intelligence. Apparently, he doesn't work at the hospital that often, so they haven't dealt with him much personally. Needless to say, they were happy to write up a report against him."

"Well, I'm happy to hear the whole hospital staff isn't incompetent."

"Trent, I thought I should let you know, when I filed, the intake reviewer read it and saw your name, and they asked about you. Apparently, there are people filing charges against you. I don't know who exactly or over what, but I let them know that I saw you in action, and you did very well."

"I think I know who it is filing."

"Do you think Dr. Harding is coming after you?"

"No, I believe it's another group. I've already discussed the possibility with my lawyer and have a strategy to get it all dismissed."

"Do you mind if I ask who and what it's about? I know it's not my business, but I consider Clara more than an employee, she's a friend as well."

"No, I don't mind. When I was in college, I was less than honorable. I never forced a woman, but there were many, and they weren't pleased with their treatment afterwards."

Dr. Coust's eyes settled on me. I just shrugged my shoulders. "He was a player and an ass. Thankfully, he's not anymore, but yeah, he was a grade 'A' jackass, and that was why he wasn't involved in Tyler's life until recently."

"It's not the first time they've come after me. I'll be alright," Trent reassured Dr. Coust.

I truly hoped he would. I still felt guilty about starting the whole mess when I joined that website. Trent tried to tell me that it was nice to know what tactics they were using a bit in advance, so he could have a plan ready. He liked not being blindsided by the mess. I just wished the crazy bitches would get a life and leave my man alone.

The next few weeks were quiet. Trent played the perfect father and boyfriend, helping me take care of the kids and myself. Our time together was coming to an end, though, and I wasn't sure how we were going to adjust to him being gone. We hadn't really decided when I'd come down with the kids. He hadn't brought it up, and neither had I. I was worried he hadn't said anything, because he needed a break from me and the kids. I couldn't blame him. We were a lot of work. I tried to make sure he had naps and food, too, but he was the one who did most of the cooking and bringing of drinks and snacks to me, since I was always stuck nursing the baby.

He still kissed me, and we snuggled at night, but I was worried it wasn't enough for him. I was really feeling like a burden.

It was the night before he was supposed to leave. He put Tyler to bed, and I had just gotten Katie to sleep. I readied for bed and went to brush my teeth. Trent was in the bathroom taking a shower, but I didn't think he'd mind me brushing my teeth while he was in there. I had seen him naked before. He had absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Of course, when I stepped inside, I saw what he was doing in the shower. I suspected he didn't really want to be observed, and then I got an idea. I could always assist. I had to do something to thank him for taking such good care of me, and my cooch was still out of commission.

I stripped down to nothing and slipped into the shower. He felt the cold air hit him, and he opened his eyes shocked. He looked at me and then to his hand a couple of times and then promptly removed it from himself and held it up as if I had him at gunpoint. He was such a silly goof. I didn't say anything, as he tried to stutter out an excuse. I just dropped to my knees and shut him up.

The shower ended in an impromptu make-out session and body washing. I was dying for him. Of course, being an OB/GYN, he was very strict on following the six-week rule, and I had another week and three days. The problem was that I didn't know if we'd be seeing each other in a week and three days.

I lay next to him on the bed, curled on my side. I had gotten used to him being there and wasn't sure how I was going to deal with being alone in bed. "I'm going to miss you," I confessed.

He kissed the top of my head. "Hopefully not for long. Have you given any thought about when you'll come down to Livingston? You still want to come, right?" he asked worried.

"Yeah, I plan on coming. I just don't know when. We hadn't discussed when you'd be ready for us."

He smiled down at me and kissed my lips. "I'm ready when you are. I'd like you to see one of the doctors at my clinic in Livingston for your six-week checkup. There's no way I'm letting you see Mathias again."

"Sounds good. You could always examine me yourself," I suggested.

"Nope, because that'd make you my patient, and I can't date patients, it's just not ethical."

"Okay, then who do you suggest?"

"Do you want a man or a woman doctor?"

"I guess a woman, if you've got one. It'd be weird to have one of your friends checking out my cooch."

"Good call," he said seriously. "McKenna is a great doctor. I think you'll like her. As soon as you know when you're coming down, I'll set up a time for you to meet her."

I didn't want to sound needy, but I wondered if it would be considered too soon to go down to Livingston now. Would he let us just hitch a ride with him? I couldn't understand my need to be near him. It was foreign to me, and I wasn't sure I liked it. In the end, I decided that I'd try and distance myself from him. I was a grown woman and had been a single mother before Trent, and I didn't want to become emotionally dependent on anyone.

"Baby," he whispered in my ear. I wasn't sure how long I'd been asleep, but it felt like we had just gone to bed minutes ago. I felt him nudge me over a little, and Katie's warm little body squirmed next to me as she started to fuss. It was feeding time again. I shifted my clothes and cuddled her into place. "I have to leave in a few minutes."

I suddenly felt very awake. "Already?" I pouted.

He leaned down and kissed me. "I'll help get Katie back to bed, but I have to get on the road soon, if I'm going to make it to my morning appointments."

I frowned at the clock. It was almost five. True to his word, Trent burped Katie and rocked her back to sleep, before he gave me one last kiss goodbye. I didn't know why I felt like crying. I just did, and I hated it the moment he walked out the door. I knew it was going to be a hard day, when Tyler came in looking for Trent and cried when he realized his daddy was gone. I sent a text to Trent, so he could call between patients and talk to Tyler.

Tyler wasn't happy about Trent being gone and decided to pack up his stuff, so he could go live with his daddy. I was inclined to agree with him. Katie seemed to feel his loss as well. Trent had spoiled her by always rocking her to sleep after a feeding. I wasn't cutting it. It made for a very hard week.

I did my best to sound cheerful and happy, when I spoke to Trent on the phone. I didn't want to be a whiny girlfriend, so I tried to make it sound like we were fine, when really, I felt like the kids were on the verge of staging a revolt against me. I was a disaster, and so was the house and kids. My sweet boy had become moody and withdrawn. He didn't know why we weren't at his daddy's house. He didn't understand mommy's need to be independent. It was getting hard for me to understand it as well.

I was looking for my phone and trying to calm a fussy Katie. I needed to talk to Trent. Just hearing his voice could be soothing for both Katie and me, but I couldn't find it anywhere. I called for Tyler, wanting him to help me find it, but he didn't answer me. I was starting to worry and quickly changed my search for my phone to my search for my son. I found him in his closet with my phone, talking to his daddy. I was a crying mess and finally admitted it to myself and Trent. "I need you."

"Tomorrow's Friday, I'll come help you pack some things and bring you to my house as soon as I can get off work. I'm sure McKenna won't mind taking my afternoon appointments."

"I'm sorry. You don't have to do that. Don't make McKenna take your appointments. I don't want her thinking I'm bad for you and messing up your life."

"She’d never think that."

"Just come on Saturday, so she doesn't think I'm a needy loser."

"Clara, she's not going to think you're a needy loser. I'll be there tomorrow evening. I'll ask the receptionist to reschedule my last two appointments. Will that make you feel better?"

"Can you not tell her it's because I'm a mess?"

"Sweetheart, you're not a mess. I wish I was there right now. I hate living so far apart. I need to get the complaints against me handled, so I can find a job in Waco. No one will hire me while they're pending."

"I'm sorry," I whimpered and started crying. My hormones were a mess. He calmed me down and promised to come as soon as he could. I was surprised when my mother knocked on my door. She'd popped in every once in a while, but usually just asked me to come visit her house.

"Hey, honey, I heard you were having a hard time," she said pulling me into a hug.

"Heard?"

"Trent called. He asked me to give you and the kids a hug from him. He wishes he could come help you out, but asked me to step in and make sure you were getting enough to eat." She pulled me over to the couch and held me in her arms, squishing a fussy Katie between us.

"It's just been a really crappy day. I miss him."

"He is a pretty great guy. I know he misses you guys, too. Didn't you say you were going to go down there after the baby was born?"

"Yeah, I think I'm going to leave this weekend."

"Well, it's a good thing I came over to get my baby snuggles in before you go. Why don't I watch these two, and you go have yourself a snack and a shower."

I was in dire need of both and took her up on her offer. I did my best to shave and scrub myself. I wanted to look and smell halfway decent when Trent came back. For once, I actually was looking forward to going to Livingston.