A Lifetime to Find Love (13 page)

“You are incredible.  The things you see that others don’t,” he told her after she’d shown him one of the shots.

“I’m nothing special, Cade.  People take shots like this all the time.”  Tessa tried to brush off his compliment.

“Yes, Tess, people take pictures of areas like this all the time, but very few people enjoy it the way you do, or capture the true beauty of it.  You really have a gift for this.”

“Well, thank you.  I do really enjoy it.  I feel lost without my camera.  I guess that’s why it’s like an extra appendage.”

“What made you get into photography?”

Tessa looked away from him, hesitant to answer.  She had never shared with anyone, other than Rowan, her reasoning for picking up her first camera.  Her desire for Cade to know the intimate, secret details about her were quickly becoming evident as she decided to share such a private thing with him.  It really scared the hell out of her since she’d never let anyone get close to her, but she wanted Cade to be the one she let in to her world.  She knew it would bring them a little closer if she shared it, but where to start.   Would he think differently of her if he knew the true reasoning behind her obsession with this small box that held life within it?  She stayed quiet for so long, he most likely thought she wouldn’t answer him.

“Remember when we were kids and my mom used to always make us pose for pictures?  I hated it so much. I hated having my picture taken.  I never understood why she always had that camera with her.  Every night I’d pray that she would stop taking so many pictures.”

Tessa paused, her throat felt raw from the memory of her mother.  Other than Rowan, she hadn’t talked to anyone about her since she died.  It hurt too much most days just for Tessa to think about her much less speak of her.  She pushed through the pain because she wanted Cade to know this part of her, to understand as much about her as possible.  This is what made her who she is today and why she led the life she did and he needed to know if their relationship was going to work.  “When she died, I used to lay awake at night thinking it was my fault.  I told myself too many times over the years that if I had never prayed that prayer over and over, she’d still be alive.”

Cade, leaning against the car, wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into the shelter of his arms.  He’d known how hard it was on Rowan when their mother passed away, but Tessa was so young and he never thought it would have such an impact on her.  Hearing the words spill from her now caused his chest to clench and an ache to well up inside him for her.  She had to learn to be a woman on her own without a mother to teach her and he never took the time to think of what that would do to a person.  As she spoke he heard in her words the hurt she felt through the years.

“Tess, your mom was sick for a long time, even before I met you and Rowan.  The doctors said the cancer was too far along for them to do anything for her.  It had nothing to do with you.”

“I know that now, but my five year old mind didn’t comprehend that.  Anyway, it was about a year after her death, I found that damn camera.  I know this is going to sound like I’m crazy, but as soon as I touched it, I felt connected to her.  I thought that if I held on to it, she would always be with me.  I carried it with me all the time.  I never used it until one day while playing outside by myself. I saw some daises.  Remember how much she loved daises?  I just felt an urge to pull out the camera, so I did and I started shooting nothing but those stupid flowers.  I was so excited to see how the pictures came out, but my dad wouldn’t get them developed.  He was so angry that I even had the camera, but at least he let me keep it.  I was in my room crying when Rowan came in.  After he found out what happened, he took the film to develop it right away.”

Cade held her a little tighter and lifted her chin to meet his gaze.  “I remember that, I was there that day, but I didn’t know what was going on.  He was so frantic to leave the house, I thought he’d gotten in to it with your dad again.”

“When he brought me back the pictures, he told me they reminded him of mom.  Not just because of the daises, but because I saw something others didn’t see, just like she used to.  I’ve never been without a camera since.  I even still have hers tucked away safe.”

“I know she’s proud of you.”  He placed a kiss on her forehead.

Tessa wiped at her eyes, not wanting any tears to spill.  She never cried in front of anyone, she sure as hell wasn’t going to cry in front of him.  Her mom being proud of her was something she wished for everyday.  She missed her just as much today as she did the day she died.  Some days she felt like the memory of her mom was slipping away and that hurt more than the loss of her. 

Cade relished the fact that Tessa had just given him a part of her that no one other than Rowan knew about.  Although he had been a part of her and Rowan’s life for so long, this was something she kept hidden from the rest of the world. Something he knew wasn’t easy to share.  Overwhelmed by the emotions of the moment, he held her tight against him not wanting to let her go.  What he wouldn’t give to be able to take her pain away at this moment.    He turned her in his arms so that she faced the ocean, keeping her tight to his body.

“Thank you for coming up here with me and for sharing something so private.  It means more to me than you know.”  He placed kisses on the nape of her neck.  He hesitated just a moment.  “Are you getting hungry?” he whispered in her ear. 

She turned back to face him.  “Are you really asking me if I’m hungry?  Cade, you should know by now, I’m almost always hungry.”  She couldn’t help but laugh even though the situation was so somber.  She stretched on her toes to reach his mouth and gave him a heat searing kiss.

He let out a small laugh. “Let’s get going then.  It’s not much further until we reach the restaurant.”

He grabbed her hand, intertwined his fingers with hers, and brought it to his mouth to place kisses on it.  He couldn’t find the strength of will to break any contact with her as he led her to the car, and held on to her as long as he could.

Once they arrived at the restaurant they were seated almost immediately.  It helped that Cade knew the manager and was able to get a reservation on such short notice.  He had told her on the drive up how much he enjoyed this particular restaurant and how he would come up as often as he could, even though it was more than an hour’s drive away.  The restaurant itself had a beauty all its own with a wood deck that wrapped around the entire building.  The view even more spectacular here than on the drive up.   The place sat atop a hill that overlooked the ocean.  The full moon hung in the dark sky as it danced on the water.  All of it took her breath away. Throughout their dinner, Tessa found it hard to pull her gaze from the view.  She would have loved to pull out her camera and start snapping off photos, but she didn’t feel it was proper etiquette to do, so she settled for sitting and enjoying the view of both the ocean scene and the gorgeous man sitting across from her. 

“So, what do you think?  You’ve been awful quiet.”  Cade’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

“It’s amazing, Cade.  I’m finding that everything you have your hand in is amazing though.”

Cade smiled that sexy smile she loved so much as he reached across the table and gently stroked the back of her hand with his thumb.  Tessa found herself getting caught up in his beautiful blue eyes.  They reminded her of the deep blue sky from this afternoon and she lost herself in them.  She could sit and stare at him for hours never tiring of it.

“You want to take a walk out to the balcony?  The weather is perfect,” Cade asked her.

“Absolutely.”  Tessa was ready to get up and get some fresh air.  After the drive in the car and then the time they spent eating, she needed to stretch her legs.

Cade waved for the waiter.  He ordered two glasses of wine, paid the bill then stood next to the table.  He held out his hand for Tessa’s as he grabbed both glasses.  Amazed at how right everything felt with him, she placed her hand in his while they walked out to the balcony.  The view was even more spectacular in the night air.  She inhaled the scent of the ocean. She absolutely loved the smell of salt water in the air.  Facing out toward the water, she lifted her face to feel the breeze blow against her skin. The temperature felt just right. The breeze cooled off the summer heat that still lingered into the night.  Cade brushed up behind her, slipping an arm around her waist and handing her a wine glass.

“I told you it was beautiful up here,” he whispered as he nibbled on her ear.

“It really is, Cade.  I can’t even put into words how incredible this is.”

“I’m glad you like it.  You know, I’ve never brought anyone else up here.”

Tessa turned in his arms, taking a sip of her wine.   She tilted her head to look into his eyes.

“Not anyone?  I find that hard to believe, with all the women you’ve been with Cade?  Surely at least one woman was worthy of a trip here.”

“Just one,” he whispered as if the breeze would steal his words, “and, she’s standing in front of me.”  He pulled back taking Tessa’s chin between his thumb and finger. “And, just for the record, I haven’t been with that many women.” 

As long as they had known each other, of course she had seen him with several women, that he couldn’t deny.  He had dated his share, but only because he’d been looking for so long for the right one.  After years of dating and not finding that woman, he’d pretty much resigned himself to never give his heart away.  At least not until he realized that Tessa was the one person he could give himself to completely and that she’d been standing right in front of him the whole time.  It was no wonder she would think he brought other women here.  But he hadn’t, and he really had never wanted to.  He did want her to understand the implication of what he had done today by bringing her to this place though. 

During medical school, he’d hit a very low point in his life.  After years of volunteering at the hospital on the children’s ward he’d experienced his first loss, a little girl named Anabelle.  She had leukemia and they knew she wouldn’t live very long, but when she finally passed it was as if he’d lost his own child.  He completely shut down emotionally.  He found this place after too many calls from Rowan caused him to take a drive up the coast to get away from everything.  When he’d finally pulled his car to the side of the road it was at this secluded beach.  Without thought, he made his way down to the beach and it was in a small alcove that he heard Anabelle’s voice, an eight year old voice of reason that showed him what was important in life.  When he’d thought of walking away from the medical field, it was that little girl that spoke to his heart and reminded him of why he decided to go into medicine.  He came to this beach to hear her voice when he let life get him down.  Tessa needed to know just how much she affected him.  Although they had been intimate last night, he knew a part of her still saw him as just her brother’s best friend.  He had even had a hard time initially not seeing her as the pesky little brat that used to follow them around as kids.  He quickly got over that after the night she decided to express her womanly desires and straddled his lap.  He knew they had a long road ahead for either of them to get to the point where they drew on the friendship they already had.  Their past would only strengthen the relationship they were experiencing now, but this new aspect needed to blossom at this point. 

Tessa tried not to spit her wine all over him.  She gently slugged Cade in the chest.  “You honestly expect me to believe that you haven’t tried to seduce more than one woman up here?”  Her laughter filled the air, Cade, loving the sound, reached out and stroked her cheek..  In all the time he’d known her he couldn’t believe he’d never really listened to that sound.  Surely, he must have heard it numerous times throughout their lives, but he was just realizing how her laughter not only lightened the mood but that her beauty shone so much brighter, sent his head reeling.    Her eyes lit up, her shoulders shook slightly, and the joy that filled her voice floated through the air to Cade.  It was as if the air around them engulfed the sound and it was enough to send his head reeling.

“Are you calling me a man-whore?” he said with a gleam in his eye

“I wouldn’t say man-whore.  I’d say more along the lines of man tramp.”  Now she was really laughing.

“You know those words could get you into some serious trouble if you aren’t careful.”

“Are you threatening me, or making me a promise?”