A Little Bit of Trouble (21 page)

I can’t blame her for ending it. Sure, I don’t want her to but she’s right. She deserves more than… than whatever it is I can give her.

     “I shouldn’t have said that,”
I repeat softly as she zips her bags up. Fuck. “Loryn. Don’t go now.”

     She stops, turns and lifts the bags.

     “Loryn, come on.”

     “I don’t need you Lucas.” What the fuck is that even supposed to
mean? “Move.”

    
“I’m not letting you leave this fucking late. It’s not safe.” And I can’t go anywhere, I have Amelia.

    
She rolls her eyes, “Don’t pretend to give a shit.”

     “Loryn,” I argue and pinch the bridge of my nose. “Stop this shit right now. You aren’t leaving.”

     She runs her fingers through her hair and shakes her head in disbelief, “Do you know how it feels? Sleeping next to that every night?” She points to the photo of my wife and kids. “Knowing I’ll never mean that much to you. Maya told me to give it a chance, to see it out. I can’t. I can’t see it out. Not while you’re still in love with her.”

     “Loryn, don’t…”

     “I get it, she’s the love of your life but why? Why the fuck would you mess me around knowing you’ll never love me? That you’ll never move on.”

     “Loryn,” I warn
, feeling my anger rise. “No one will ever replace her. No one. Just like having another child wouldn’t replace Annie!”

     She rolls her eyes
and hides her face when a tear falls down her cheek, “You know what I mean!”

     “No, I actually fucking don’t. You’re acting like a brat!”

     “Stop insulting me!”

     My fists clench, “Then stop talking about my fucking wife.”

     “Dead wife Lucas! Say it! Dead wife!” she shouts, almost as angry as I am. “Is it her you picture? When you’re with me. Is it?”

     SMASH!

     I lost it, I just lost it. Shit.

     We both stare at the shattered lamp, sharp shards of glass and ceramic are scattered all over the floor. I lost it, I threw it at the wall. My chest is heaving, my breathing is ragged. Loryn gasps and looks at me with frightened eyes. She swiftly picks up her bags and walks out. And I let her.

What a Mess

     As soon as the door closes Amelia walks into my room looking sleepy with a purring Velcro in her arms, “Daddy, what happened?”

     “Daddy knocked the lamp off baby,” I run my hand over her head. “Come on, it’s dangerous here. Let’s get you to bed.”

     “Where’s Loryn?” she asks around a yawn as I lead her to her bed. I lift her in and
pull the blanket to her shoulders. “Where’s Loryn?”

     “She had to go back to the store.”

     She looks at her window and frowns, “But it’s dark.”

     “I know.”

     “You told me, never go out in the dark.”

     “I know.”

     She frowns even further, “Loryn’s naughty.”

     “No baby, Loryn’s a big girl.
She knows what she’s doing.”

     “Okay,” she yawns again. “Goodnight daddy.”

     I kiss her forehead and turn off the lamp by her bed.

     After a few seconds deliberating I pick up my phone.

Lucas
: Get your fucking ass back here now.

Loryn
: Fuck you.

Lucas
: If I have to drag my daughter out of bed to chase you down I swear you’ll regret it.

Loryn
: Fuck… YOU

Lucas
: I’m getting Amelia out of bed and I’m coming to find you.

Loryn
: That’s emotional blackmail.

Lucas
: That I will go through with.

Loryn
: Is violence a common occurrence? Will it happen again?

Lucas
: NO! Get back here now! Or I swear to god Loryn I will come and get you.

Loryn
: Fine. But I’m not sleeping with you.

Lucas
: Don’t tell lies.

     There’s a knock at the door only five minutes later, she fortunately didn’t get far. I open it and head back into the bedroom so I can finish cleaning up the mess. I’ll leave a note for the cleaner, letting her know to vacuum twice in here just in case my shit sweeping skills miss any sharp bits.

     “I’m leaving in the morning,” Loryn says and dumps her bags on the floor. “The only r
eason I came back is because my mom has my key.” That’s bullshit.

     “Whatever,” I snap and stomp into the closet.
Grabbing a blanket from the top shelf, I wrap it around my arm, steal a pillow from the bed and walk into the living room. Loryn heads to the kitchen, I hear the fridge open as I slide onto the sofa and turn the TV on.

     “You’re really sleeping on the sofa?”
she looks at me in disbelief.

     “You really ending this between us?”

     Her brows come together, “Yeah. I am.”

     “Then I’m sleeping on the sofa.”

     “And what happens after tomorrow?”

     I shrug, “You seem to be making all of the fucking decisions Loryn. Why don’t you tell me?”

     “Is there any point in me saying we should be friends?”

     I don’t answer. I don’t want to be her fucking friend. Why is she acting so… so… fucking stupid? You know what? I’m going to ask her. “Wh
y are you acting like this?”

    Her eyes go wide, “Haven’t I told you already?”

    “No, you actually fucking haven’t told me already. All I’ve heard is bullshit. Why are you ending what we have? Why? I don’t understand what the fuck I did to deserve this bullshit from you.”

    
“I’m tired,” she begins to walk back to the bedroom so I grab her around the waist and hold her to me. Using my chin to brush her hair away from her neck I whisper in her ear, “Tell me why you’re so worked up. What have I done?”

     “I… I don’t know,” she shudders and relaxes back against me. “You drive me crazy. I… I… I’m
going to fall in love with you Lucas and I want you to fall with me.” Wait… what? She’s what?

     “Loryn, it’s been…”

     “Like three weeks, I know!” Her hands pull mine from around her, I take a step back. “You’re so… nice, Lucas. How can I not feel this way? You’re the guy every girl wants.”

      How wrong she is. “You barely know me.”

     “I haven’t known you a long time. But I do know you. As a person.”

     “I don’
t know what to say.” This is so fucked up. Why now? Why can’t she just leave it be and enjoy it while it lasts?  “There’s nothing I can say. I’m sorry.”

     She sniffs. “You really don’t feel the same do you…?” I watch her inhale a shuddering breath. “What shall I do? Tell me what to do!”

     “Tell you what?” what exactly am I supposed to say to that?

     “Tell me to stay! Tell me not to leave you! Tell me something!”

     “Do you want to leave?” This is so fucking confusing. My head hurts.

     “Do you want me to?”

     I grip my hair in both hands, “This is fucking stupid. I’m going to sleep.”

     “With me or on the sofa?”

     “I don’t fucking know! Why don’t you tell me your decision where our fucked up relationship is concerned? And then I can make a decision on where I’m supposed to be fucking sleeping!” This is stupid! Crazy fucking woman.

     She sighs… just answer the d
amn question. Please. So damn tired. “Okay. Come to bed?”

     “So we’re okay?” my heart slows to normal speed. I didn’t even notice it speed up in the first place.

     She smiles sheepishly, “Yeah. We’re okay.”

     “Finally,” I walk straight past her and hop into bed. She stands in the doorway for a moment before finally joining me. “Don’t start that shit
ever again. My fucking head is killing me.”

     She doesn’t respond, I don’t say anything else. I’m worried she’ll change her mind and the fact I feel so much relief
at her most recent decision scares me a little.

     So I lay
next to her, not touching her, she doesn’t curl into me like she always does which is annoying because right now I’m unsure on what to do. Do I touch her? Will she want me to or will it make this stupid ass situation worse?

    
She seems to react via a trigger. Crystal was like that, she’d suddenly flip at nothing, and all of her bottled up crap would spill out and leave me in a fucking daze.

     “Loryn?”
I murmur softly and place my hand on her shoulder. “Are you asleep?” She doesn’t respond so with a sigh I turn over and leave her to dream.

     When I wake up, the bed is empty and Amelia’s also gone. There’s a note on the kitchen counter that reads:
Taken Amelia to school xx Sorry about last night.

     Well, that’s a good sign right? Hopefully we’ll make up properly before she goes home today. It has been nice having her here.

Although I still can’t believe I smashed that damn lamp. I must be fucking crazy. She just pushed all of the wrong buttons. It’s been a long time since I had a reaction like that. My palms were sweaty, my heart hammering, my breathing heavy and erratic, my anger shattered barriers I forgot I’d put up in my mind. This girl really knows how to get on my damn nerves. The worst part is, I love it. I love feeling so alive even if it is confusing.

     “Hey,” Loryn announces as she walks through the door. “I’ll get my stuff ready. Can you sort out the cat’s bowls and litter tray for me?” Yay, I get the good job… not.

     “Sure,” I respond and go to walk past it but her arm comes out to stop me.

     Before I can ask what’s wrong her lips find mine, soft, sweet and delicate. My hands go to her waist, I grip her tight to me as we kiss.

     When she slowly pulls away our gazes lock, I smile at her softly and touch her cheek tenderly. She turns her face into my palm. “I’m sorry,” she says on a breath and closes her eyes. “I was really out of order last night. I don’t know what came over me.”

     I don’t say anything, what can I say? So instead, I press my lips to hers and let them linger for a few moments before
pulling away and heading into the hall.

     I’m going to miss having her here, it’s been great waking up with someone in my arms, laughing with someone, having decent meals every night. And I don’t mean that in a sexist way, I can’t cook, Loryn can. It’s that simple.

   
This whole situation feels stupid. We agreed on a couple of weeks, her mom is established and her apartment is ready. I guess part of me wished that her mom would take longer to find a job and a place.

     Half an hour later, all of her stuff is packed and I’m staring at it in the hall whilst she has a quick shower. It feels so daunting, so final. Now I can understand why she asked me all of that shit last night because part of me wants to go in there and demand her to stay.
I also think we need a break, it’s too soon in the relationship for us to be spending so much time together, and this is why I think we have argued so damn much. Not anymore, not after last night, I refuse to argue with her now. She’s got a lot on and doesn’t need the stress.

     “Ready?” Loryn asks as she leaves my bedroom, her hair still a bit damp. I nod and lift the bags. “I’m going to miss having all of this floor space.” I’m going to miss you having all of this floor space. “Are you okay?”

     “Just tired,” I respond automatically and shift the bags over to one hand so I can hold hers. “Do you want to do something? Before we go back to yours?” She takes the cat carrier in her free hand.

     “Like what?”

     “Well, it’s a nice day. Let’s go for a walk through the park, go get hotdogs. There should be some sort of band playing, we could go and listen.”

     She smiles, it’s fucking beautiful, “Yeah but let’s take Velcro back first. I’d like that.”

    
We walk hand in hand under the warm sun, I was right about the band playing, some kind of Jazz band. They’re actually pretty good. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and kiss the top of her head. We don’t get hotdogs, we do get an ice cream cone each though and laze around under the same tree as the last time we came.

     “I can’t wait for the store to be finished,” Loryn says into the silence. “
Your phone’s vibrating against my back.” I shift her forward and pull it out of my pocket.

     “It’s Summer,” I open the text.

Summer
: Check your three o’clock.

     Turning my head to the right I instantly spot the petite female with her partner Chris. I smile and wave them over.

     “Hey you,” I say to Summer and tug on a lock of her hair as she sits beside us. Chris reaches over to shake my hand. “What are you doing here?”

     “The same as you I imagine,” Summer responds with a smile and pulls Chris to sit behind her.

     “We’ve just been house hunting. We’ve finally found the perfect one,” Chris declares proudly and Summer nods excitedly in agreement. “Oh my god, Lucas it’s absolutely stunning. And in a nice suburban area with low crime rates. The garden is huge and even has a tire swing.”

     “Congratulations,” Loryn beams. “Let me know if you need any help moving. We’ll give you a hand. Won’t we Lucas?”

     “Sure,” Who you gonna call?

     “That would be awesome, we move in two weeks so I’ll let you know. Mostly the removal guys are sorting it but…” Summer trails off and nudges Chris.

     He rolls his eyes, “There’s a couple of things that need doing. A couple of doors that need fixing and shelves. If you wouldn’t mind giving me a hand. I’m useless unless it has a remote control.” Call Lucas!

     We all laugh at his grumbling. It’s no secret that Chris is obsessed with expensive electrical gadgets. He and Summer are complete opposites, I know they met when they were in college. Chris was into Graphic Design and Summer was into business. Chris is flaky, funny and not very reliable due to a bad memory and as Summer would say, horrendous organization skills. Summer is extremely reliable and unfortunately remembers everything.

     “Yeah, sure bud. I’ve got no problem with that. I’m not doing much of anything else.” Which is unfortunately true since James took away my job.

     A shadow spills over us, we all look up, “Well, fancy meeting you guys here.” Maya says
. She’s here too? How exactly did this happen? The world isn’t that small.