A Man of His Word (15 page)

She gaped at Gabe, then looked at Levi. “You never told me.”

“The subject never came up.”

Gabe cringed inside. “I need to talk to you. Alone.” He spoke in Pennsylvania Dutch and gave the woman a pointed look. Clearly she had a major part to play in his brother leaving his wife.

“Excuse me?” The woman turned to Levi. “What did he say?”

Levi scowled. “He wants to speak to me. Alone.”

She lifted the corner of her upper lip in an indignant smirk. “Does he know who he’s talking to?”

Just as Gabe was opening his mouth to say that he knew exactly who he was talking to, Levi intervened. He pressed his cheek against her forehead and said, “Go on in the house, honey. I’ll be there in a bit.”

“But—”

“It’s fine. Let me talk to him.”

She looked at Gabe again, her green eyes assessing him coolly. “Okay.” Even though they stood in the cold, she didn’t suggest that Levi and Gabe go inside the barn, or even in the house, to have their conversation. Instead she turned, tilted up her head, and kissed Levi fully on the lips.

The sickening lump in Gabe’s belly expanded as he witnessed his still-married brother kiss her back with enthusiasm. When they were done, the woman walked past Gabe, tossed him a look of conquest, then headed back into the expansive house, her helmet tucked underneath one arm.

Levi looked directly at Gabe. His face suddenly flushed, and he stepped back and looked away, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he did.

At least his brother had the decency to appear embarrassed. “Who is she?” Gabe asked, fighting to keep his tone even.

“A friend,” Levi said after a long pause.

“You looked more than friendly to me.”

Levi turned his gaze back on his brother. “I know why you’re here, Gabriel, and it won’t do any good. I’m not coming back.”

Gabe stepped toward him, shoving his hands into the pockets of his coat to keep from clocking Levi across the face. “You have to.”

“
Nee
, I don’t. You can’t make me. No one can. Not you, not the bishop or ministers. When you go back, you tell them not to bother visiting here, because nothing they say will make me change my mind.” Levi walked over to the four-wheeler and set the helmet on the seat. Then he turned around, his expression determined. “This is my home now.”

“This?” Gabe yanked his hands out of his pocket and thrust out his arms wide. “This is where you
work
, Levi. You are an employee here, nothing more.”

“That,
bruder
, is where you are mistaken.”

“Your home is in Middlefield. With your
wife
. Remember her?”

“Of course I do,” Levi said hotly. “But I took care of it when I wrote her that letter.”

“A letter? You think a letter will absolve you from everything? Your marriage vows, your church vows?” His breath hung in frosty clouds as he paused, still struggling to remain calm but finding it harder with each passing minute.

Levi stormed toward him, anger sparking in his eyes. “
That
is why I’m not going back.”

“What? You don’t want to hear the truth?”

“I don’t want to hear
your
version of the truth. You don’t get it, Gabe. You’ve been sheltered—we all have. All we do is follow rules. Don’t wear this. Don’t talk like that. No electricity. No music. No
life
.” He took a step back. “I can’t do it anymore. I want to live. I want to be free to be myself, my real self. I can’t do that and be Amish too.”

“And what are you free to do, Levi? Get your hair cut? Wear Yankee clothes? Cheat on your wife?”

Levi turned his head. “It’s not like that.”

“That’s what it looked like to me.”

Whipping his head around, Levi said, “There you go again, judging me. My perfect brother. Never commits a sin.” Levi’s eyes narrowed. “Except in his heart.”

Gabe froze. Surely his brother didn’t suspect . . .

“You have no right to say anything to me, not when you’ve been lusting after Moriah for years. You thought I didn’t know, but you weren’t very good at hiding it.” He crossed his arms. “I thought you’d be glad I was gone. Then you could have her for yourself. In fact, why don’t you? This is what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it? It just kills you that she chose me over you.”

Years of resentment and bottled anger suddenly burst. With one hand, he grabbed Levi by the collar of his new, slick jacket and made a fist with the other, ready to plow it into his brother’s face.

But Levi didn’t cower. He didn’t flinch. He stared Gabe straight in the eye and said, “Go ahead. Hit me. Show me what I’ve known all along—you’re no better than I am.”

Gabe paused, his fist raised in midair. If he hit his brother now—and Lord knew he wanted to more than anything in the world—he would prove Levi right. Violence of any kind was not permitted by the
Ordnung.
How could he hit his brother, then turn around and tell him what to do afterward?

Slowly he lowered his fist and released Levi’s jacket. His brother stepped back and adjusted his collar, his gaze not leaving Gabe’s. Finally, Gabe looked away, the anger and energy flowing out of him.

“You’re not denying you love her,” Levi said.

Gabe let out a long breath. Why bother admitting what his brother already knew? “Moriah’s pregnant,” he said flatly. “She told me yesterday.”

Levi suddenly paled. “I . . . I had no idea.”

“No one did. She was going to tell you last night. Instead, she got your letter.”

Running a hand through his newly short hair, Levi began to pace. “What am I gonna do?” Over and over he mumbled as he stalked back and forth, arguing with himself in low tones.

In Gabe’s mind, there was only one answer, and he didn’t understand his brother’s struggle. “It’s an easy decision, Levi. Come home. If not for your own sake, then for your child’s.”

“You don’t understand.” Levi stopped and gave Gabe a haunted look. “Taylor’s pregnant too.”

“Taylor? Who’s Taylor?”

“The woman you just met. Taylor Johnston.”

Gabe’s heart fell to his knees. “You didn’t.”

“I couldn’t help it. She’s special—”

“So is your wife,” Gabe gritted out.

He stared at the snowy ground. “Look, I love Taylor.”

“Seems to me you love what she can give you.” Gabe gestured to Levi’s clothes. “Did she buy those for you? Did she tell you to cut your hair, shave your beard?”

“So what if she did? She didn’t make me do anything I wasn’t ready to do.” Levi looked directly at him. “I love her, Gabe. More than I ever loved Moriah.”

Shaking his head, Gabe asked, “How is that possible? You’ve known her for a couple months. You’ve known Moriah for years.”

“But I never loved her. Not like this. I should have never married Moriah. I should have known it wouldn’t work when . . .” He stared off into the distance.

“When what?”

Levi leveled his gaze at his brother. “You remember when I went to Indiana last spring?”

“
Ya
.”

“I never told anyone this, but I . . . met someone else.”

“A Yankee?”

“
Nee
, she was Amish. I had planned to stop courting Moriah, but when this girl found out about her, she didn’t want anything more to do with me.”

“Sounds like a smart
maedel
.”

Levi leaned against the seat of the four-wheeler. “She is.”

“I suppose Moriah didn’t know anything about this other
maedel
.”

He gazed down at the ground. “
Nee
. She didn’t. But it didn’t matter, because I came back home and proposed. I thought if I married her, when I was fully committed, I would never look at another woman again. I really wanted things to work out with her.”

“Levi, I don’t understand why they can’t.”

“Don’t you see? It isn’t Moriah; it’s me. Ever since we got married I’ve been feeling smothered.”

“But you said you loved her—”

“That was before I knew what love really was!” He jammed his hands into his pockets and looked down on the ground. “Moriah was convenient, Gabe. She was always there, always available. She’s a nice girl, a
wunderbaar
woman, but she’s suffocating me. The only time I can breathe is when I’m here with Taylor.” He looked up.

“Taylor has given me everything I’ve dreamed of, things I didn’t even know I wanted. All this?” He gestured to the barn, the house, the land. “It will be mine someday. That’s more than I’ll ever have working my fingers to the bone in the shop.”

“Do you really love all this excess, Levi? Is this all about money?”

Levi shook his head. “
Nee
. It’s not about the money. Like I said, I love Taylor.”

“But Moriah is pregnant! How can you abandon her like this?” Gabe walked up to him. “Levi . . . I don’t understand. How can you leave your child behind?”

Suddenly Levi’s shoulders slumped. His tortured eyes met Gabe’s. “I have to, Gabe. I can’t go back. Not ever. My life is here now. And that’s how I want it to be.” He nodded, as if trying to convince himself that his words were true. “Her family and the rest of the community will take care of her and the baby.”

Shock coursed through Gabe. He barely recognized his brother any more. “You’d let someone else raise your baby?”

Levi swallowed, hesitating before he responded. “In this case,
ya
.
Ya,
I would.”

“You have a responsibility to Moriah first, Levi. If you’re willing to give up one of your children, then let Taylor find someone else.”

“Her father would tear me apart.”

“We could protect you. If you confess your sin, the whole community will stand behind you.”

Levi let out a bitter laugh. “There you go again, branding me with your righteousness. I won’t confess anything, because I have nothing to confess. Even if her father had nothing to do with it, I’d still want Taylor. It’s best for everyone.”

“Except Moriah. You know the
Ordnung
doesn’t permit divorce, under any circumstances. She’ll never be able to remarry.”

“You think she’d be better off trapped in a loveless marriage?”

“I want her happy. She’d be happy to have her husband back.”

“I doubt it.”

Gabe was getting nowhere with his hardheaded twin. His brother was rationalizing his choices, twisting everything to satisfy his own selfishness.

Stepping toward Gabe, Levi said, “You could take care of her. I know you love her, Gabriel. You can have her now, if you want to.”

Gabe couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Levi, she is married to you! She will always be married to you. I’m not an adulterer.”

“Except in your heart.”

His nostrils flared. “You have no right to accuse me of anything.”

Levi paused. “You’re right. But you would be a better friend to her than I would be a husband. We both know that.”

“What about
Daed
? Have you thought about him? How he will feel once he knows you’ve left us?”

His brother looked out over the snowy landscape. “He’ll understand,” he said in a low voice.

“You know he won’t.”

“He’ll have to. And he’ll move on, just like he did after our
mami
died.”

“Levi, what if—”

“Are you even listening to me?” Levi sprang up from the seat of the four-wheeler, getting directly into Gabe’s face. “I’m not. Coming. Back. Not ever. The sooner you and everyone else understand that, the faster we can all move on.” He snatched his helmet off the four-wheeler, his expression dark and angry. “We’ve got nothing more to talk about, Gabe.” Stalking past his brother, he headed for the house, never once looking back.

A wave of frustration flowed over Gabe as he stared at Levi’s back, threatening to pull him under. Nothing he said made any impact on his brother. Then his anger diminished, replaced by deep sadness as he realized that Levi fully intended to leave the Amish, and nothing would change his mind. Levi hadn’t even asked about the state of their
daed
’s health. He’d already written off his family, fully embracing a woman and a life he barely knew.