A Matter of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 1) (18 page)

Persephone

~kick, stab, slash, kick~
“Don’t give up, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am, keep fightin’!”

“I say, no one wishes to be eaten, Mr. Temperance. We shall fight to the bitter end.”

{{{B
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“That crushing sonic concussion was accompanied by a blinding flash of red light! Happy days, it has completely stolen the focus of these nasty sea monsters.”

“Yes, citizen Johnson, and what’s more, I smell smoke.”

“Aye, Keefer, t’is the same smell of smoke as our Abby produced at the Emporium last night.”

“The squiddleys don’t like it none, y’all. They’re a looking where the smoky red explosion happened. They started up with their clickety chitter chatter and suck/squop talk ninety to nothing and ain’t stopped since.”

“What is happening? Why have you stopped? Slay them! Slay them! Do not retreat back down the street in defeat; kill the humans!”

“Hey, look y’all, it’s Miss Abigail Goldenbear.”

“The Sorceress! Begone, woman, this is no concern of yours!”

“I think, Monsieur, that this is a concern of mine.”

The American Indian holds a crystal high above her head and chants in a deep tone. A spark of red light ignites within the jewel. Several crimson beams momentarily leap from the gem. Suddenly, thousands of beams shoot out from the magic rock in one glorious burst. When the light subsides, we are dismayed to see that our adversaries yet remain.

“Ha, ha, your magic has failed you, woman! I shall triumph yet!”

“That was not a strike, Monsieur, that was a signal.”

A big cat walks out into the city street. A large mountain lion walks up beside the lovely shaman.

It is quickly joined by many more cats. They are not small, domesticated felines, but great two hundred pound big cats from out of the wild.

The undersea denizens get very agitated.

More and more big cats come up behind Miss GoldenBear, and gather around her. Pumas, panthers, mountain lions, and cougars impossibly fill the urban scene.

Miss GoldenBear has cast a powerful spell, that has acted to summon hordes of heavy felines.

“Our unwanted guests from unfriendly dimensions are most excited about the arrival of the feline herd, Mr. Temperance.”

“Yes, Ma’am, these here monsters ain’t too happy about the sight of these overgrown kitties.”

“Aye, the seafood smörgåsbord sees themselves as cat food chowder for the approaching clowder.”

First at a walking pace, but steadily gathering speed, scores of big cats start racing down the street. Perhaps there are hundreds, for there is no way to know the numbers of the slinky torrent flowing like a feline river down this broad, commercial street. From each side street they pass, these cats are joined by even more big cats. In a sign that the creatures are indeed visible to the cats, they race right past us and pursue a more tempting, and scrumptious prey.

“Pardon me, Ma’am!”

“My word!” I gasp as Mr. Temperance pulls me to the ground. He shelters me as a stampede of giant cats, of all descriptions, glide over us. We all lie flat as the feline river of perhaps a hundred cats flows over our heads in a flood of fury.

The cats tear into the fearsome crustaceans in a terrible onslaught. The poor monsters are no match for these ferocious felines.

“Ooh, ... oh, ... my...”

Mr. Temperance shields me from the gruesome scenes of carnage, protecting my delicate senses from this horrific sight.

Soon, the cats have slain or devoured all but Monsieur Bhauh-Buuhm. His wretched features are a twisted rictus, as he searches desperately for an avenue of escape.

“Leave me alone! Leave me alone!”

The cats have no intention of losing their prize.

As the circle of cats closes upon him, Jean-Jacques Bhauh-Bhuum is unmanned, releasing his tentacles in a strangely incontinent fashion.

Ichabod.

     “Are you not well, Mr. Temperance? Perhaps travel upon the ocean disagrees with you, eh hem?”

“Oh, no Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am, it ain’t that. Truth is, I could not imagine anything finer than to be flying across the ocean on this beautiful clipper ship. To be in the sun, with the wind racing us along like this is a dream come true. Even more so alongside a gal, I mean, a lady like you, Ma’am. I was just missing our pals from back in Los Angelos, is all.”

“I too, miss the companionship of our brave allies.”

“Here comes Captain Oullphameille, Miss Plumtartt.”

“Persephone, dear, I hope you are enjoying your time aboard my ship, the
‘Maiden’s Dream’
?”

“Yes, Captain, thank you so much.”

“Ah, yes, that’s just fine, then, er, I see your parasol has an unusual feature, my pretty girl.”

“Indeed, Captain, the addition affixed to the end of my parasol is as a proven, deadly weapon.”

“Persephone, my precious child, do you mean to say that you have actually used this device in mortal combat?”

“Oh, yes, it does more than just protect me from the Sun’s indelicate emanations; it dispatches my enemies.”

“What is the emerald ball, of layered petals?”

“The mace? We call it the ‘R.O.S.E.’”

Resinated

Offensive

Striking

Ectoplasm

“And the dangerous looking spike that protrudes from the center of the bud?”

“T.H.O.R.N.

Tactical

Handheld

Offensive

Resin

Necrotizer.”

“What a fascinating woman you are, Persephone. I had no idea, the depths to which your adventurous passions run. I believe I should like to extend you an invitation to dinner tonight, my dear.”

“Oh, dinner, you say! How delightful! We will be thrilled to share your table.”

“We?”

“Why, Mr. Temperance and myself, of course.”

“Oh, yes, I forgot. The boy that accompanies you is a traveling companion, and not a servant.”

“Howdy, Captain Oullphameille, I had me an ideer I wanted to run past you. To keep your plates from sliding around in foul weather, what do you think about magnetic dinnerware? Did you ever consider equipping the ship with water filled balloon mattresses to counteract the motion of the waves when you sleep at night? Have you ever seen a whale? Why can’t we have subsurface portholes? I sure would like to watch the fishies! What if...”

“Excuse me, but suddenly, I have duties elsewhere on board.”

“See ya later, Skipper!”

“He sure is a nice feller, ain’t he, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am?”

“Charming.”

“What’s our next stop, Miss Plumtartt?”

“There is an island kingdom in the middle of the Pacific expanses. A chain of islands known as ‘Hawaii’. After that, Manila, in the Philippine Island group.”

“It’s nice to have a break from constantly fighting horrible monsters, ain’t it Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am?”

“Oh, I quite agree, Mr. Temperance. Indeed, I savour this respite from adversity during our tempestuous association.”

“May I speak of something of a personal nature, Miss Plumtartt?”

“Of course, Mr. Temperance. You may fully trust in me, sir.”

“Gee whiz, thanks, Ma’am, I just wanted to say that this is the best moment of my life. I ain’t known too many young ladies as my friend. To have the prettiest, smartest, finest girl in the world as a friend is more than I could ever hope for.”

“I cannot say that I have known a finer man than yourself, Mr. Temperance.”

“Gosh! Really? Gee, that’s swell, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am.”

- - -

“It’s good to be standing on dry land again, ain’t it, Miss Plumtartt? Um, Miss Plumtartt?”

“Hmm?”

“Here we are in Hawaii. The
‘Maiden’s Dream’
will be ready to sail again tomorrow. I said it was good to be standing on dry land, again.”

“Hmm.”

“Are you feeling all right, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am? You look a little piqued.”

“Hmm? Oh, yes, perhaps I could sit for a moment?”

“Yes, Ma’am, you just sit right down here and relax. I’ll run fetch you something to drink.”

“Hmm. Hmm? Oh, yes, something to drink. Something, yes, I want something?...”

“You do? What do you want, Ma’am?”

“I don’t know...”

“You sit tight and I’ll run fetch you a nice, refreshing fruity drink, okay?”

“Hmm...”

“Okay, you just sit there, and I’ll be right back. Hey, where are you going?”

“I don’t know.”

“Miss Plumtartt, you can’t just go walking off into the ocean, Ma’am!”

“Hmm? Oh, yes, of course. I’m sorry, Mr. Temperance, I believe I experienced a faint moment.”

“Yes Ma’am. I think I better get you back into the hotel so you can go lie down.”

“Hmm.”

- - -

“Miss Plumtartt? Oh, Goodness, Miss Plumtartt! Come on, Ma’am, please, the
‘Maiden’s Dream’
is gonna leave without us!”

“Hmm.”

“It’s time to go, Ma’am.”

“Go? Oh, no, I can’t leave. I want something.”

“What do you want?”

“I don’t know.”

“Where is it?”

“It is here.”

“Where, here?”

“I don’t know.”

- - -

“Miss Plumtartt?”

“Oh, Mr. Temperance. I seem to have wandered to the beach.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“I have been sleepwalking again, in the middle of the day, haven’t I? Time after time, I find myself in a trance, walking into the ocean. This, combined with my disparate moods, leaves me at sixes and sevens. In a sense, I feel elation at being near to something I want. I fear, though, that this thing wants me, in return.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

Miss Plumtartt’s blue eyes, normally so bright and clear, are now dull and unfocused. They stare out over the ocean without seeing.

“My mind is as a cottony cloud. I am unable to see through. No, more like a thick tangle of cobwebs, clinging, trapping, preventing me from being able to see or think.”

“I want to help you, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am. You need to eat something. Please?”

“Despair engulfs me, Mr. Temperance.”

- - -

“Miss Plumtartt?”

“...?...”

“Miss Plumtartt?”

“ ..Hmm?... ”

“Let’s stay on land, until such time as we have a ship, please, Ma’am.”

Miss Plumtartt has one foot on the dock, and one foot over twenty feet of open air, above the water.

“Oh! My word! I beg your pardon, Mr. Temperance, I seem to have done it again, haven’t I?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

Miss Plumtartt puts up a brave facade, but I know she is worried. She does not understand what is controlling her actions.

“Something is calling to me, Mr. Temperance.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

- - -

Too much idle time on my hands makes me itchy.

All that weapon design work back at Mr. Johnson’s got the gears turning in my head.

I think I’ll jot down some ideas.

Maybe a one-man Gattling Gun, but pneumatically powered, and plasmogasmotized for monster extermination. If I could work out a harnessed platform to provide a pivot point before the operator, it would make the device more portable.

I wish I could tinker up something to help Miss Plumtartt.

Miss Plumtartt keeps having these spells where she goes walking out towards the water, like she wanted to go walking out into the desert. If I ain’t careful, she is gonna drown herself. If what she wants is out in the ocean, then I reckon it’s up to me to get it. It’s too bad I ain’t a fish, or I could just swim around and find it for her. I wish I could breathe underwater like the fishies. They are able to draw the necessary nutrients right out of the water through their gills.

- * -

-  *  -

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*
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- (
! plinck !
) -

- - -

“Miss Plumtartt!”

The poor woman sits on the hotel’s veranda, but I fear she is almost in a trance.

She slowly shows a light of consciousness in her laudanum-like delirium. Miss Plumtartt is usually so bright and vibrant. It scares me to see her have to struggle to bring my presence into focus.

“Hmm? What? Oh. Oh, yes, Mr. Temperance. I seem to have drifted off again there, haven’t I?”

“Yes, Ma’am, but don’t you worry none, I think I got us a possible solution to our present dilemma.”

“My word, Mr. Temperance. You are absolutely beaming, sir.”

“Yes, Ma’am. I have a new goggle design that you may be interested in. Here you go, what do you think?”

“Hmm. Hmm? Hmm! I say!”

Layers of gauzy curtains lift from Miss Plumtartt’s slack expression as she ascertains the purpose of my new invention.

I can almost see a bright electric carbide lamp burst into ignition above her head.

She snaps into an alertness I have not seen in days. Her brilliant intelligence blooms to the surface of her consciousness like the sun rising over the sea’s horizon.

“Mr. Temperance! You have quite hit upon a solution to our troubles! These goggles shall be our salvation! My despair is dispelled, like water from the back of a swan! Ha, ha, my spirits soar!”

“Gee, I sure am glad to hear that, Ma’am.”

“Tell me of your latest invention, sir.”

“Yes Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am. They are an inter-oxygenating lung liaison, goggled. I think I’m gonna call 'em...”

“Stop there, Mr. Temperance.” Miss Plumtartt’s customary sparkle has returned and she resumes her normal bubbly intellectual sensibilities. “I believe I am getting the hang of how these things go. You refer to them as:”

“Goggled”

“Inter-oxygenating”

“Lung”

“Liaisons”

or, ‘G.I.L.L.s’, do you not, eh hem?”

“Yes, Ma’am, I sure do. Am I becoming predictable, Miss Plumtartt?”

“Hardly, Mr. Temperance.”

- - -

“Do you still think we are on the right heading, Miss Plumtartt? Our schooner, the ‘
Scarlett Queen,’
has been traveling almost due South from the Mid-Pacific island chain for some distance.”

“Emphatically, Mr. Temperance, but have the crew slow the vessel; I feel as if we are going to pass by our destination.”

“Yes, Ma’am. Howdy there, Skipper, how about slowing down this speedy boat?”

“This is the spot!”

Miss Plumtartt is awfully excited.

“I cannot fathom why, Mr. Temperance, but I am certain we have found our destination. Our quest is here, in the middle of the greatest expanse of nothingness on Earth.”

“Are you sure, Miss Plumtartt?”

“Oh, yes, quite sure, Mr. Temperance.”

“All right, Captain, let’s bring her to a stop.”

“The crew are pulling the sails up under the yardarms, to lose our propulsion. Now the mushroom shaped sea anchors are being dropped. The pointy kind of anchor one would use in a harbour won’t do no good out here, since the bottom is so far away. Hopefully the
‘Queen’
will tread water in this location until I get back.”

I climb down a rope ladder into the clear, blue waters. I look up to Miss Plumtartt who anxiously watches me from the rail.

“Wooh! This water is cold!”

“Please test your ‘G.I.L.L.s,’ Mr. Temperance.”

“Yes, Ma’am, I reckon they’re working just fine.”

“It is there, Mr. Temperance. Somehow, I know that what we require is down there. Though we don’t know what we seek, you must find it and return with it. This is imperative if our world is to have any future.”

“Don’t you worry none now, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am, I do this kind of thing every day.”

- - -

Ohhh! Interesting!

Ohhh! Pretty!

Ohhh! Dangerous!

It is another world down here.

I don’t want to end up some fishie’s dinner, but the sights are marvelous!

Schools of silvery fish dance about faster than I can keep up with.

Dangerous predatory types view me with suspicion.

Crawly, swimmy, and scuttly, there is no end of the amazing life that thrives beneath the waves.

How does one describe an octopus’s travels? Squirty?