A Mother's Gift (40 page)

He was waiting there, just as he had been the time before. Leaning against her car, his long legs crossed one over the other. She was vividly reminded of that other time she had met him like this and of what happened that night. She blushed like a young girl.

‘Hello, Kate.’

He straightened as she walked towards him. He looked just the same, she thought, until she got close and saw the strain in his eyes. He looked tired too but as he looked down at her his face lit up for a moment.

‘Hello, Robert,’ she said formally. ‘How are you?’ But she wanted to reach out to him, hold him.

‘I’m fine,’ he replied. ‘You look well. Blooming in fact. We’ll take my car, shall we? I’ll bring you back in plenty of time.’

They went to The Eden Arms!at Rushyford. The hotel was quiet; there were only a few people in the dining-room. Robert had booked a secluded corner table in any case.

‘What is this all about, Robert?’ she asked after the waiter had taken their order. For surely after all these months he must have a compelling reason for seeking her out. She had hurt him that morning in Four Winds, she knew. And he was a proud man; she didn’t think he would put himself forward only to be rejected again. In fact, she
told
herself, he probably had a girlfriend already. Probably he was even planning to get married and thought he should tell her. Oh God, was that it? Please don’t let it be that, please, God.

‘Let’s eat first, it’s a shame to let the food get cold.’ The waiter had brought lemon sole in a delicious sauce but somehow, for all her busy morning, Kate didn’t feel like eating. Nevertheless, she made herself swallow most of it. Neither of them wanted desert so they went straight on to the coffee.

‘I’m sorry to bring this up, I know it’s painful for you,’ he began. Kate’s dread deepened but for some reason she had no inkling of what it was he was going to tell her.

‘It’s about the accident.’

When she looked blankly at him he went on. ‘The accident when Georgina was killed.’

‘What? Why are you talking about it now, after all this time?’

‘Something has come to light and I think you should know about it.’

Robert paused for a moment and drew in a long breath. He had gone over in his mind often enough how he was going to tell her but now she was sitting across the table from him and looking at him with her eyes wide he couldn’t remember how he had been going to put it to her.

‘New evidence? But it’s been years!’ she said.

‘Yes. But I know who the driver of the other car was.’

He told her about Bertram, of going to see him in Middlesbrough, of the state he was in, everything. And what he had said about the night of the accident.

‘He meant to force you off the road, and he managed it,’ he said. Kate said nothing, simply gazed at him, her face white beneath her nurse’s cap.

‘I … Nothing will come of it,’ Robert said. ‘Nothing can. Bertram won’t live long, his liver is failing.’

It was Bertram, she thought. In the back of her mind she had known it. Or suspected it rather and refused to believe it. There had been no accident, it was deliberate. Oh, Georgina, her lovely, lovely Georgina.

‘KATE,’ SAID ROBERT
. ‘Kate, say something.’

They had come away from the hotel and out into the bright sunshine. ‘Shall I take you home for a while?’ Robert had asked. ‘I know what a shock this has been to you. I could call Matron and say you were sick. You don’t have to go into work, Kate.’

Kate had looked at him as though he was mad. ‘I do have to go in,’ she said. ‘Of course I do. There will only be first-and second-year student on the ward if I don’t.’

Robert looked at his watch. It was only half past two. ‘Well, we can go somewhere else for an hour or so at least. Then I’ll take you back.’

In the end they decided to walk in the bishop’s park for a while. The gravel crunched beneath their feet as they walked through the arched gateway and along by the side of the castle to the entrance to the park. As Robert held the cattle-catcher gate open for her he made his appeal. She had been silent on the journey and he respected that, she had a lot to think about. His heart ached for her.
Perhaps
he had not had the right to tell her and open the old wound. What good had he done? None at all, only harm, he thought.

She was doing so well now. She had achieved her ambition to train as a nurse, and he would bet his last penny she was a damn good one too. But he had to know what she was thinking.

Kate went through the gate and set off down the path leading to the Gaunless. It was shaded by tall trees and at the bottom the Gaunless tinkled along lazily, low at this time of year. They were halfway down before Kate stopped and turned to him.

‘I just don’t know what to say to you, Robert,’ she said and her eyes were full of pain. ‘My poor girl, my poor Georgina, she had her life ahead of her. She never had a chance. She was so clever, so talented. There was so much potential. Oh I’m still working things out in my mind.’ She saw how troubled he looked, how concerned for her and despite her own pain she put a hand on his arm.

‘I’m all right, really I am,’ she said and turned and walked on. A great oak tree stood near the bottom, over-looking the river.

‘Let’s sit a while, shall we?’ she said and they sat on the grass and leaned against the trunk of the tree. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to think of her lovely daughter.

Robert watched her, her face was still pale but composed, even her voice sounded composed. Yet he knew there was a lot going on behind the closed lids. He looked towards the water, not wanting to intrude on her thoughts.
Further
along the bank there was a group of children paddling where there had once been a ford and the bottom of the stream was paved. Two mothers sat on the bank watching them and talking together! They could hear the children laughing and playing, happy and excited. The leaves of the tree above them rustled with a slight breeze. It seemed so peaceful, just as Kate’s expression did. Were there traumas in their lives too? Of course there must be to some extent. He looked back at Kate and his heart melted with love for her.

‘Kate,’ Robert said suddenly, as though the words were forced out of him. They were, he hadn’t meant to say them, not yet. ‘Kate, I still love you. I know I haven’t the right to say it. I know you have suffered enough from my family. I know—’

‘Hush, Robert,’ said Kate. ‘Hush.’ She put up a finger and put it over his mouth, tracing the outline of his lips. ‘None of it was your fault, Robert. None of it, though some of it was mine.’ She sighed. ‘I have tried to get on with my life without you,’ she went on. ‘I was so determined not to get involved again, not with any man. After Matthew—’

‘Forget him,’ said Robert, taking hold of her hand. ‘He has nothing to do with us. He can’t rule your life, not now. He’s dead, Kate. Put him out of your mind.’

‘I know he’s nothing to me now. But he was Georgina’s father.’

‘He’s gone now, Kate,’ Robert reiterated. ‘He took advantage of you at a time when you were vulnerable.’

‘I let him do it, though Robert. I think I needed
someone
as strong as he was at the time.’ Sadly she thought of that long ago sorrow, the deaths of Grandda and Billy. Now overlaid by that of Georgina.

They sat in silence for a while as the sun dipped behind the tall trees on the bank on the opposite side of the river. Mothers were taking their children from the water and drying them off, putting on socks and shoes and trailing them up the bank to the path out of the park. In the distance a clock chimed. It was four o’clock.

‘I must get back,’ she said and he stood and held out a hand to her to pull her up after him. He held on to her hand as they walked up the bank and along the path to the cow-catcher gate and she was content to let it lie. His hand felt firm and strong, and she looked up at him as they got to the gate where they had perforce to go round singly.

‘There are so many things against us,’ she said. ‘What will people say? I was your stepfather’s fancy woman and people know that.’

‘Who cares? Do you?’

‘No.’

But perhaps in her heart she did. Kate thought of how the gossip in Winton Colliery had hurt her. They were through the gate now and walking to the car.

‘But Mary Anne, what about her? She was Matthew’s wife. We are friends now which shows what a big heart she has. But will she not hate it, me marrying her son?’

‘She’ll be happy for me, for both of us. You must have realised she never loved Matthew Hamilton. She is fond of you, Kate, you know that. Don’t worry, Kate. Everything will be all right.’ They were silent for a while.

‘I’ll have to get back to the ward,’ said Kate. What she really felt she had to do was put off the moment. They walked up the path and along the gravel drive to the entrance and his car beyond.

He drove up Newgate Street and turned right into Escomb Road, drawing to a halt behind Kate’s car. He didn’t get out straight away, instead he turned to her again.

‘Kate?’

‘I have to run,’ she said and opened the door. He put a restraining hand on her arm.

‘What time do you finish? I’ll wait,’ he said. He felt that if he left her now without resolving the issue they never would.

‘Robert, it’s hours yet. Eight o’clock.’

He’s persistent, I’ll give him that, she thought as she walked up the ramp and pushed open the double doors. The ward looked peaceful in the evening sunlight that streamed in through the high windows. Round a table in the middle, a group of patients in dressing-gowns sat talking quietly.

She got out the box of thermometers and the temperature book and went round the beds, tafing temperatures. There was nothing to be alarmed about. Mrs Hall, the woman who had been to theatre that morning, needed her drip changed.

‘Can I have something for the pain, Staff?’ Mrs James in the second bed asked. She was waiting to hear the verdict of the cancer specialist who was going to look in this evening and talk to her.

‘I’ll ring the doctor, see if you can have something
stronger
,’ Kate promised and went to the telephone immediately.

She helped the students to serve the evening meal then went into the office to write the report for the night staff during the visiting hours. She gave out the medicines while the students turned down the counterpanes ready for the night.

The thought of Robert was at the back of her mind all evening though she was too good a nurse to let it take over while she was in charge of patients. At eight o’clock she handed the report over to Night Sister and her responsibility ended.

In the cloakroom she gazed at her reflection in the mirror as she pulled on her outdoor cap. If she agreed to marry him, would he regret the fact that she was older than he was in the years to come? If she didn’t, what then? Could she do without him? She was so confused, all her previous convictions were going for nothing in the face of her love for Robert. There was Georgina but Georgina would want her to be happy. She tried to think rationally but somehow it was impossible. She fastened her coat and picked up her bag. It might all be for nothing, she thought in sudden panic. He might, just might have changed his mind and gone while he had the chance.

Kate turned for the door almost bumping into Sister as she went past to the sluice.

‘Still here, Staff?’ Sister raised her eyebrows.

‘Just going, Sister,’ she replied. ‘Goodnight, then.’

Coming through the gate on to Escomb Road she saw him immediately. Again he was half-sitting on the car
bonnet
, looking towards her, his expression unreadable.

‘I would want to continue nursing,’ she said as she reached him. She looked up at him anxiously.

‘There are hospitals in the east of the county,’ he answered. He returned her gaze and what he wanted to see in her eyes and relaxed tangibly. His smile bathed her in warmth and love.

‘Well then, that’s all right,’ said Kate and he took her in his arms and kissed her.

A group of porters walked past, going off duty and they grinned and whistled; long low wolf whistles. ‘Go on, there, Staff!’ one of them called to her but she hardly heard, aware of nobody but him.

Robert had been sitting in the Wear Valley Hotel, watching the clock. The evening had been interminable for him but it had been worth it.

‘Are you sure, Kate?’ he asked. He couldn’t bear it if she was not.

‘I’m sure,’ said Kate. She looked up into his face and smiled and his arms tightened round her.

‘Good evening, Staff Nurse Benfield.’ The voice sounded disapproving and she started but Robert still held her close.

‘I will see you in the morning, Staff Nurse,’ Matron continued. ‘Perhaps now you should be on your way?’

‘Come on,’ Kate whispered in Robert’s ear. ‘Let me go. As it is I’ll be hauled on to the carpet tomorrow morning. Acting in an indecorous way so as to bring the hospital into disrepute, it’s called.’ She giggled.

‘Staff Nurse!’

‘Yes Matron. Sorry Matron,’ said Kate and pulled out of Robert’s arms.

‘Good evening, Matron,’ said Robert with his most charming smile. ‘I’m glad to say you are the first to know. Nurse Benfield and I are engaged to be married.’