A New Dream [Dreams: 1] (12 page)

“Okay, she’s gone. I’m listening.”

David sighed, the knot in his stomach almost asphyxiating. He fumbled on the words. “It’s not something easy to say. I…I’ve met someone. I…I’ve fallen in love. It happened a bit by accident and we haven’t planned it, but yeah well…it happened anyway. It’s someone I see every day and we…sort of…well…our feelings have changed in a way…” David was sweating profusely now and he felt increasingly dizzy. His lips were numb and he was probably paler than usual.
Don’t faint. Keep it together. You can do it.
He swallowed past the lump in his throat. “I’m sorry, I’m babbling but it’s so difficult. I’m sorry.” He repeated.

Silence greeted his stuttered explanation. When Jules talked, David thought he had crossed over into another dimension.

“It’s James, isn’t it?”

“What?! But… how…how did you…guess?!” David sobbed his emotions. He was so lost. Was he so transparent even his son from so far away was seeing his love for the man?

“
Papa
…” Jules began, concern thick in his voice. “You know, between the texts and Skype, all you’re talking about is him. You look and sound exactly like Jen on a first date.” David heard his smile through the phone. “We thought there was something fishy going on.”

“Seriously, I thought I was less obvious.”

“Dad, you’re our father. We’ve known you since we were kids, right?” Again, the humor in his voice was loud and clear. “So, I guess it’s easier for us to point out when you’re in love.”

“But you’re not angry with me?” David was shaking by now.

“You’re still our daddy. We love you and we don’t care who you love as long as you don’t forget us and that you’re happy.”

His son’s voice cracked at the exact moment when David’s tears started to flow. David sobbed hearing his son’s words. He was astonished by the maturity of his little boy. He remembered their birth as if it was yesterday and now his eighteen-year old son was a full grown-up. They remained quiet for a few minutes. After David blew his nose and wiped his tears away, he dared speak again, his voice aquiver with the heavy emotions.

“And Jen? What does she think?” He had to say it. “Does she mind that I’m…gay?”
Yes, I did it!
Small win.

“Well, you know her. When we first thought there was something going on between you and James, we talked about it. I asked her what she thought about it. She said that she doesn’t care because James is the one who brought you back to us. You’re the former you with him. You hadn’t been yourself ever since
maman
passed away. And now you’re back, with your smile and humor. We can’t resent him for that. There is just one thing that bothers us.”

“Anything, just ask.”

“That’s…have you ever liked men? I mean, did you know it before you married mum?”

“Ha,” David sighed. “It’s something I discovered when I was a teen but that I denied myself at the time. It wasn’t easy to be gay when I was young and you know how they are, over there. I let the social pressure get the best of me, I guess. So I buried my feelings deep down and I met your mom. She was the sun of my life, you know that.” He thanked God to be able to talk about her without crying more. “I married her because I loved her dearly, son. I’ve been with girls because it was socially acceptable but I loved her, don’t ever doubt that. And I didn’t allow myself to think about men until I met James.” Something crossed his mind. “Do I need to talk to your sister?”

“Nah, not now. She’ll jump me as soon as I’ll tell her you
opened your heart.
” David felt the air quotes in his son’s tone.
Damn kid.
He smiled.

“Ha-ah!” he deadpanned. “I’m so relieved, Jules. Thank you for being so open-minded and smart and fun and…”

“Hey, we’ve been raised by proper parents. I think it helps.” David could all too well imagine his son wink as he said it.

“I’d love to give you a hug you right now.”

“Yeah well, don’t worry; you’ll see us in a few. We’re gonna squat with you for the summer holidays I think.”

“When you want, darling, when you want.” He hesitated but needed to make things very clear. “Jules, you know I won’t change now, right? Now that I’ve accepted who I am, I won’t go back in the closet.”

“Dad, just…don’t worry about us or what people might think. You are who you are.”

Love and pride for having such a sensitive kid overcame him. “You’re awe-inspiring. I’m so proud of you. I’m proud of being your father. I love you.”

“You too,
papa,
I love you. Take care of you and…don’t forget the condoms!” He added, a hint of mischief in his voice.

“Juuuuules!! Hey, who’s the father here?” David answered playfully. “Yeah well, be smart, wear a condom! Tit for tat, I guess, since I told you that a lot! Don’t worry about me, we use plenty!”

“
Papaaaa
!” Jules exclaimed, half laughing half outraged. “TMI, man. TMI!!”

They burst into laughter and David couldn’t have been happier at the moment. He felt the weight lift off of his chest and shoulders. It was an exhilarating emotion. He was free to love the man he wanted. He wouldn’t be forced to choose between his family and his lover. It was the most invigorating feeling of his entire life. Well, except maybe his kids’ births.

They chatted some more and when they rang off David had a bright smile on his face. He knew they would have to face other problems and different questions in the future but they were good for now. He was exhausted and the only thing he could do was lie down on the sofa. He had some time before the night shift, time he would use for a quick nap. He stretched out on the comfortable cushions and put an arm over his eyes. He fell asleep almost instantaneously.

James entered the room, worried when he hadn’t seen him come down at 6:30 for the night shift, to find David still lying on his back in the same position, more relaxed than he had ever seen him.

C
hapter 18 –
J
ames:
Revelation

“H
ey, hun, wake up, baby!”

A grumble was his only answer. As his soft voice didn’t seem to work, his ran a finger over David’s arm.

“
Quoi
!?” groaned David, shifting in place. “I don’t need to wake up. And what’s ’hun’ anyway?” James snorted. David was so cute when he was in grumpy mode.

“Hun is short for honey.” He explained calmly.

David stayed still and lowered his arm. “Oh. That’s a nice wake up then.” He moved to lie on his left side and James sat down next to him as David raised a hand to gently brush James’ jaw. He sighed contentedly, his eyes pensive.

“You’ve heard this before, right?
Coeur qui soupire n’a pas ce qu’il désire
, or, as we say it, the heart that sighs has yet desires.” James tilted his head, leaning in to the touch.

“Yes, I know. But actually, I’ve got everything my heart desires. I’ve got a nice job. I live in a city I love. I have a very understanding and loving family…” James was about to intervene but David cut him off. “…and a man I love.” David blushed, a shy smile on his beautiful, pale face.

To James, it was as if he’d been struck by lightning. His heart stopped for a moment, starting again with a rush of blood to his brain. He couldn’t hear over the loud rumbling of panic in his head. He managed a smart “Oh” before witnessing David’s smile falter, making his heart drop like a lead balloon.

“It’s okay, don’t panic. I’m not waiting for an answer.” David said neutrally. He sat up, ready to get out of there, eyes locked on a piece of imaginary fluff on the floor.

“No, wait!” James pushed him back on the sofa and straddled him. He put his hands on the back of the sofa, one on either side of David’s head, and leaned forward. They were facing each other, almost nose to nose. James bent over until their foreheads touched. He closed his eyes and his murmur filled the heavy silence.

“You can’t drop a bomb like that and leave. You can’t…shake my foundations like that and just go. Not before…” He hid his face in the crook of David’s neck and slid his arms down to wrap them around David’s back. He held him tight, hoping David would do the same. Relief washed his concerns away as David returned the gesture. He wished for this feeling to last forever, even if he was afraid of what
forever
might involve.

“You know that I’ve seen horrendous events in my life, events that kept me from being involved with anyone so far. Loving someone is complicated for me. And to put words on it? I’m…I’m not good with words.” He raised his head to look him in the eyes and one of his hands rose of its own will to stroke the stubble on his lover’s beautiful face. “But one thing’s for sure…what I feel for you…”

He loved the scratch of the facial hair on his knuckles, the rasp highly erotic to his ears. He wanted to worship him, to make him his king. He needed him more than he needed air to breathe. He
had
to express how he felt. He had to try again. “What I feel for you is what I saw in my sister’s eyes when she met her first love. It’s what I saw in my mom’s eyes when she looked at my dad, in the beginning.” His voice shook with the severity of the emotions. He felt raw, naked. Vulnerable. “I…I…”

David interrupted his stuttering. “You know, sometimes actions speak louder than words. Every time you kiss me, every time you take me in your arms and you hug me tight… every time you make love to me. Each of these actions is proof of your love for me. Don’t think I don’t see it. I know you do. You might have difficulty saying it but you certainly haven’t any showing it.” He punctuated his speech with a chaste kiss on James’ lips, followed by a myriad of light brushes on his entire face. Each kiss was full of love, knocking James over. He swallowed despite the lump in his throat before he kissed him back.

At the first touch of their tongues, James unleashed what he had kept in him for as long as he could remember. David wanted him to show him his love?
Yeah right! I can do that!
Still straddling his lover, he brought his hands up to cup David’s face and devoured his mouth, plunging tongue first into the hot, wet cavity. As they clung to each other, James tried to convey all his love for the man underneath him, pinned to the back of the sofa. He slid his hands from his face to his chest and grabbed the hem of David’s t-shirt. He left his lips only for the time needed to pull David’s tee off and then he crushed him again under his demanding lips and tongue.

Oh dear, I love him so much. He’s mine. I’m his. I love you, baby. I love you…
He could say it over and again in his head but the words wouldn’t get past the barrier of his mouth. A mouth that was greatly busy at the moment anyway. His hands grazed David’s naked chest and kept creeping lower to, eventually, grope his ass cheeks. He prayed for his knee not to give out as he moved off David’s lap and braced his force.

David folded his arms around James’ neck and, when James lifted him up, he automatically crossed his ankles behind James’ back. James secured his hold under his ass and gave David a reversed piggyback ride to the bedroom. Fortunately, the distance was short and his knee didn’t give him grief. David was tall but not heavy, his bone structure fine for a man his height. James loved his pale complexion, his skin so easily flushed and the few freckles here and there. He was still kissing him, even when he dropped his burden on the bed. They were sick with the same fever. Love Fever.

David was receptive to his caresses, consumed as they were by passion. Each romantic moment James had experienced in his life, each time he’d had sex paled in comparison to the perfection of this moment. At the very beginning of their relationship, he’d wanted it to be shallow and kinky. That’s why he had bought the anal plug he had left as a second clue that first night. He had desired to let David choose between two tortures but David had chosen the feather so they never used the plug. Maybe, one day, David would surprise him again and offer to use it, but tonight was not the night to bring it up.

From shallow and kinky ―which never really came to fruition― their love life was steady and profound. James didn’t regret for a second what they had become. All he wanted was to enjoy the moment, seize the day. And he would, by completing the strip he had started earlier that day.

James let David lie on his back and unhurriedly kissed his way down to his belt, lingering on his navel, as he lapped the gorgeous little hole, too often neglected in foreplay. David moaned loudly and his hands clutched James’ arms at his sides. James chuckled, the sound vibrating against the taut belly. He folded his fingers around the belt and, kneeling between David’s parted legs, he unbuckled it before unzipping his lover’s jeans. He chuckled as he discovered David’s underwear but continued to free him from his jeans and socks in one go. He rose to undress himself and feasted his eyes on the vision before him until his eyes came to rest on David’s boxer shorts.  He couldn’t help but snort.

“Geez, you are such a geek!” He eyed him fondly from where he was standing, a playful smirk on his face.

“What? You don’t like the minions?” David replied with mock outrage.

“Oh, I adore them.” James strolled over to the bed, climbing it like a cat and putting his possessive hands on what was his to take. “But I’d rather set the beast free right now. Your minions won’t stop me!”

“Oh, you should make sure you have a shield to protect you from my lipstick taser!” David’s evil grin grew wider when James took things in hand and tugged his boxers down. His cock popped out of the underwear and James gave Lil’ Dave the welcome he was due.

He held out his tongue and teased him with gentle licks, not afraid for a second of David’s “lipstick taser”. But David seemed to have other plans. He grabbed a full hand of James’ hair and yanked him up, James was so surprised he didn’t even consider not obeying him. David took his mouth, marking him as his, while their Lil’ ones met and rubbed and leaked all over each other. James read David’s body with his hands as if pleasure was written on him in Braille. His lover shocked him once again when he flipped them over. James was pinned to the mattress under his man’s slim frame and he friggin' loved it.

David stretched away from James to pick up the tube of lube and a condom from the bedside table and came back to him, straddling him once more. Without taking his heated eyes off him, he rapidly prepared himself before sheathing James and with a little whimper, impaled himself on the hard shaft.

“Oh, fuck!” James muttered as he tried to stop his hips from thrusting. He fought to stay still as David got used to the invading presence in him. David reached for James’ hands and began to rise slowly. They moaned their pleasure together, as David led the dance. James couldn’t stop staring at the man. David was striking, his pale figure glistening as he moved up and down on him in rhythm with their short huffs.

He had gained some weight since he had arrived and some muscles too. James guessed that moving the barrels and boxes had done him some good. The vision of David, as he wrapped a hand around his glorious cock leisurely masturbating, made James’ cock twitch in the tight channel. Shoving his more-than-needy manhood over and over in the passage, James held on to David’s beautiful buttocks to get a better grip and push harder.

He loved the wet slapping sound of flesh against flesh. He sensed an incredible orgasm build in his balls. As they finally reached the zenith of their bliss, James almost fainted with the force of the climax. David collapsed inelegantly on top of him and James reveled in him, draping his arms around his amazing man.
I love you so fucking much.

They took a few moments to recover. When their breaths evened out, David rolled over and James winced at the loss he felt not having David on him anymore. David cleaned them both and tossed the dirty wipes in the basket near the headboard. They crawled under the blankets and cuddled up. It felt warm and cozy and good. James never thought he would ever love this, but he did. He was about to doze off when David’s murmur came to his ears.

“Thank you, Lord…”

“Why d’you say that?” James couldn’t bother articulating right now. He was so tired. He nuzzled his lover’s cheek.

“He gave me the opportunity to meet you and the strength to recognize what I felt for you. I’d never thought I would experience something like this. Before knowing you, I was…a shadow of myself. I was a zombie. I couldn’t eat. Couldn’t sleep. I saw no interest in anything. And when I decided to go away, everybody wanted to dissuade me but I knew I was doing the right thing. Then, when I first met you on the plane, I was confused to feel such a thing for a man. And bit by bit, I remembered all I had buried so thoroughly.”

He paused and James smiled inwardly. He was always so exhausted after their lovemaking but that was when David was at his chattiest. Snuggled in his arms, he listened silently.

“I’m so happy to be here. I feel like I belong.” David traced random patterns on James’ back. “And knowing that my kids accept me…I called them earlier, you know that, right?” James nodded silently and David continued. “I talked to Jules. He said they had their suspicions because I only chatted about you and that his sister and he had a discussion about it. They have questions but hopefully we’ll sort it out. I’ve answered a few already.”

He sighed, scrubbing his chin thoughtfully. “You know what? I think there are a lot of men from my generation, stuck in unwanted straight relationships. They’d like to get rid of them, but they can’t. They have their reasons, good or bad. Maybe because they’re afraid of the scandal or because of how they think their kids would react. Anyway, don’t you think it would be worth it to suffer for a little while, the time everyone gets past it, instead of suffering your entire life? Don’t you think they’re losing a bit of themselves every day, not being true to themselves?”

When James understood that David was actually waiting for an answer, he shrugged. “I don’t know, baby. I just think that if it makes their life miserable, they should think about at least talking to someone. Maybe there are groups or therapy sessions on the subject? Because in the end, I don’t think you can deny yourself all your life long, you know? Anyway, it’s far too serious for the moment. We are who we are. There is no point denying that, don’t you think,
Lover
?”

“Hmm,” David moaned on his lips, “I love it when you call me names. James?”

“Yes,
Lover
?” James smiled lazily.

“
Je t’aime
.” David dropped tiny kisses on James’ smiling lips.

Those soft kisses made a bee line for James’ heart, which swelled with pride and love. Their kisses were modern and silent love letters, sent and received instantaneously. Between two letters, James murmured a “me too”, lost in their tender fondling.

Randomly, James thought that asking Bo to replace David for once had been a good idea. They had the entire night in front of them. Maybe even their entire life? And wasn’t that scary…

Not so much anymore…