A Pinstriped Finger's My Only Friend (26 page)

"Say what?" Has this guy been eating funny mushrooms?

"Seriously?" Judd frowns. "That's how we leave?"

"Gather yourself up." The guy swings his arms back and bends at the knees. "Then jump as hard as you can." He swings his arms forward and simulates leaping off the ground without actually doing it. "Plus focus your mind on getting out of here."

Judd's still frowning as he does a little practice hop. "But the gravity feels normal here. Are you sure--"

"It'll work," says the guy. "Trust me. I've seen it tons of times before."

"Like a
thousand
," says Tipper.

Which makes me think. "Just how many visitors come
through
here, anyway? How many people come unstuck from reality?"

"You'd be surprised," says Tipper. "What do you think happens to all the people who go missing?"

"Holy spit," I say.

"So are you going to stand around and shoot the bull all day?" says the guy. "Tipper and I have things to do, y'know."

Judd clenches his teeth and bends at the knees. He crouches low, coiling his leg muscles as tight as he can, building up as much force in them as possible. He reels his arms back, getting ready to go, getting ready to launch.

And then he jumps. He pushes off as hard as he can.

And sure enough, he leaves the ground and keeps on going.

We gain altitude fast, rising into the dark sky. The guy and Tipper shrink in the distance, waving goodbye.

(Looking sad in spite of their smiles.)

(Now I feel bad for them. I didn't want to stay, I didn't want Judd to get stuck here, but now I feel bad for those two lonely souls who only wanted some company.)

Soon, we're so far from the ground that the ones we left behind are mere specks. I can barely see them in the dim gray light.

Still, we keep rising into the darkness, weightless and free. It reminds me of my solo flight in the blue sky of that other reality, soaring untethered through the ethereal expanse. Except this time, I'm connected. Judd is with me.

Strangely, I realize, this flight feels just as free as the first. My attachment to him doesn't seem like so much of a burden as it does a bond.

I can soar just as easily with him as without him. I feel like we belong together.

His eyes are open, but he doesn't say a word. His mind must be focused on escaping, moving on to our next destination. That's where my mind should be focused, too. Maybe that's why we haven't left this place yet.

Still, I can't resist watching a little longer as we spiral into the darkness of the universe as if we're on a voyage of exploration. I imagine that planet is out there, the one I aimed for in that other flight, the planet I was going to name after myself. I imagine us flashing toward it at the speed of light, smiling as the solar winds caress us.

Maybe someday
.

Then, I focus all my thoughts on getting out of here, just as we were told to do by that guy we left behind...

(Who
was
he, anyway??)

...and suddenly, there's a flash of light in the lightless sky, and we are gone.

*****

When we reappear, one thing is obvious: we didn't make it home. We didn't even make it to a better place. So much for hope.

A mob of monsters surrounds us, snarling with wicked intent. Vampires bare their fangs; werewolves lick their chops. Zombies groan and drool; witches cackle and knead their bony fingers.

We've gone back to the last place we got away from before Limbo. In other words, we've returned to certain death.

So much for my great idea of leaving Limbo.

Thankfully, Judd doesn't comment on how much I suck. Maybe he knows I feel bad enough as it is.

Or maybe he's too busy trying to figure out how not to get killed.

"Déjà vu," I say. "Times a jillion."

Judd turns in a slow circle, taking everything in. He looks dead serious and utterly determined. "They've backed off some, you see that?" His voice is low. "They were making a grab for us when we vanished, and now they've moved back."

He's right. The ring of monsters is eight feet away on all sides. "Maybe we spooked 'em," I say. "Maybe we surprised 'em with our disappearing-and-reappearing act."

"Then let's
keep on
spooking them, before they get over the surprise." Judd stands still for a moment, breathing in and out...getting ready. He closes his eyes, then slowly opens them again.

And starts shouting at the top of his lungs.

"
Get the hell away from me
!" Voice full of rage, he screams at the wall of creatures in front of him. The vampire and werewolf who are closest to him flinch. "I said
get away
! I can't stand the
stench
of you!"

The monsters in front of him instinctively draw back. So do many of the other monsters in the inner circle of the mob around us.

I see confusion on their faces. Since when does food
talk
back
? Shouldn't the human and his pinstriped finger be
cowering
in a
fetal position
?

"
Get away
!" yells Judd. "
All
of you!"

Let me just say this: Judd is
rocking
the
house
. Last time we were here, in this situation, he passively awaited his fate.

(We
both
did, actually.)

But this time, there's nothing passive about him. It's as if that little trip to Limbo gave him a shot in the arm. The old Judd is gone; long live the
new
Judd.

(I can't wait to see what the dude does next.)

"Are you
deaf
?" He lunges forward, waving his hands at the monsters before him. "What part of
get away
don't you
understand
?" He presses forward again with his hands out in front...

(...meaning
I'm
out in front!)

(If I'd known he was gonna do
this
next, I could've
waited
to see him do it!)

...and he's barely two feet away from the creatures before they finally back up a step.

Please note, they
did
back away. The front rank of an army of supernatural monsters endowed with superhuman powers, and they backed away from him. From
us
.

I'd like to think it's because they're scared spitless of the ol'
Killdigit
...

(...and to be honest, that's how it might come out when I retell the story later...)

...but I know the truth is, they're intimidated by the dude. By his newfound force of personality. From their perspective, they just got done chasing him across campus like a frightened mouse--and now he's standing up to them like he's an equal. Or a
superio
r
.

I can see the question in their baffled expressions:
What the fudge??

Meanwhile, Judd strolls the perimeter of the space he's carved out for himself. "What the hell's the
matter
with you people?" He glares at every monster he passes, from the most ravenous-looking teenage vampire to the most hateful-looking hot young harpy. "What're you coming after
me
for? Have you lost your pitiful excuses for so-called
minds
?"

I'm dying to know where he's going with this, but I don't dare interrupt. He's on a roll, and I don't want to blow his rhythm.

"I'm one of
you
!" Suddenly, Judd spins, throws his arms up, and roars at an evil leprechaun, whose eyes flare with alarm. "See?" Judd smirks and drops his arms, and the leprechaun relaxes. "You
never
go after one of your
own
, you
morons
."

One of the werewolves leans toward him, sniffing. "You don't
smell
like one of us."

"You don't
look
like one, either," snaps an orange-skinned demon, pointing a smoldering pitchfork in our direction.

Judd folds his arms over his chest and rolls his eyes. "Because I'm a
fingerling
, you
boobs
. I can pass for human if I
want
to, but I'm
not
human."

"Fingerling?" snarls a shaggy brown troll-thing with spikes sticking out of its shoulders. "Where's the
proof
you are what you
say
you are?"

"Right
here
, ugly!" Judd uncrosses his arms and thrusts his right fist at the troll-thing. "How many normal humans have one of
these
?"

I feel his muscles twitch, and I take the cue. Uncurling from his fist, I stand straight up, stretching out to my full height.

(Damn, do I feel like a big shot!)

The troll-thing glowers and slumps in disappointment. "Oh. All right then."

Sneering, Judd storms around the perimeter, holding me high for all the monsters to see. I'm terrified one of them will make a grab for me...but I'm also thrilled. I know I'm just standing up straight, showing myself to these creatures, but I feel like I'm in the thick of it, doing my part, truly acting like a warrior Killdigit for once.

A war chant booms in my mind like the pounding of a drum:
Oogachucka Oogachucka Oogachucka Oogachucka.

"I've never heard of fingerlings," says a ski-masked serial killer type with machete in hand. "What do they do?"

Judd sneers and turns around, marching the opposite way around the circle. "The nail of my special finger will
pierce
your flesh!" He jabs me at a black-scaled lagoon creature, making it flinch. "It will
inject
you with a million
parasitic larvae
that will
devour
you from the inside out!" He jabs me again, this time at a female cat creature who hisses and shields herself with her claws. "Once they've eaten their fill, my finger-thing children will slither away from your rotting corpse and attach themselves to new hosts. They will be imprinted with your memories and emotions and will be drawn to your
friends
and
loved ones
." The dude pokes me at a bull-headed minotaur, who glares at me with wide-eyed alarm and disgust. "So there!
That's
what a
fingerling
does!"

(What a story! If I get out of this alive, I am
so
gonna steal it!)

For a long moment, the crowd remains silent. The horde of creatures watches Judd as he stops circling and stands in the middle of the open space. Compared to before, the mood is noticeably subdued; I don't feel the same imminent danger in the air. I guess the story worked.

Just as I think that, however, a familiar voice calls out from above. "I wonder how a fingerling
tas
ss
tes
ss
?"

Looking up, I see the flying serpent, Glossolalia Aquinas. His rainbow scales glitter in the moonlight as he traces lazy circles overhead.

"
Fatal
," snaps Judd. "
That's
how. One bite will pump you full of killer
parasites
."

"Or maybe," says Glossolalia, "a fingerling isss like a
blowfish
. Perhapsss partsss of it
are
edible, ssso long asss one avoidsss the
pois
ss
onous
ss
part--the
finger
, in thisss cassse."

"
No
part is edible!" shouts Judd. "
One bite
will bring certain
death
!"

"I'd be willing to give it a try." Glossolalia's wings twist and beat as he starts spiraling downward. "If any of you isssn't a
coward
, you may
join
me."

(Uh-boy.)

The tide is turning. The change in the crowd's mood is palpable. Things were going so well, too.

Judd, to his credit, doesn't give up. He keeps shouting about how one bite will kill anyone who dares try to devour him...but the crowd is starting to tune him out. They're suggestible, but Judd doesn't have the juice to keep them in his sway. Glossolalia's charisma's too damn powerful, and he knows them too well.

Here they come.

It starts with a tall, blond vampire a few bodies back. He pushes his way to the front and licks his lips. "Break me off a piece of that fingerling, too, would you?"

Then, a she-devil pushes through on the other side. Her horns and eyes glow cherry red as she takes a step toward Judd. "I'll take a little white meat, too, while you're at it."

Next, a werewolf pads forward, his black lips curled away from his glistening teeth. "Dibs on the drumsticks."

Everybody laughs, including Glossolalia.

Judd makes one more effort. "Do you
want
to die in agony? Because that's what's going to
happen
if you try to eat
me
!"

"Yeah!" I shout, thought no one can hear me. "I've got your agonizing death
right here
!"

But it's too late and I know it.

I think the laughter was what did it. When the werewolf cracked a joke, it defused the situation for the other monsters. If
he
wasn't going to worry about an infestation by carnivorous larvae, then neither were
they
.

So show's on now. We bought ourselves some time, but the clock has run out.

Glossolalia descends from above. The vampire, she-devil, and werewolf creep in from opposite sides.

And soon, the rest of the monster army is in motion, as well. They shuffle toward us, shrinking the perimeter of the circle in which we stand. They drop down from the sky, closing off our view of the moon and stars.

"
You're dead!!
" screams Judd. "
Every last one of you is dead!
"

It's then, as he lashes out at them, defiant to the end, that I realize how far he has come. In the beginning, he was shaken and traumatized by the bizarre environments and situations in which we found ourselves. He was driven by fear and worn down by the constant upheavals. Later, he went too far into the crazy side, throwing himself into the insanity at the expense of his better judgment. His wild-eyed craziness seemed like it was just another escape attempt, another way to run away. All along, I never felt like he really got past being afraid.

Until now. Until right this instant.

He faces them unafraid, unblinking, without trembling or hesitation. Death is seconds away, and he howls at it, determined to the last to break its grip. He is unshakable.

And I am proud of him.

Even when Glossolalia's tail flashes down to wrap around him, he refuses to surrender. He fights against the tightening coils, struggling to slip free of them.

Even when the tall, blond vampire strides over and takes Judd's chin in his icy grip, he shows no fear. He jerks away from the vampire's hand and spits in his face, still thrashing against Glossolalia's coils.

Even when dozens of hands...

(...claws, pincers, paws, fins, pseudopods, mandibles...)

...start grabbing him, plucking at him, stroking him, even then he refuses to go quietly. He kicks and bucks and twists and thrashes and roars, giving it his all, giving it everything he has.

Even as mouths open and jagged fangs converge on his throat and the rest of his body, he does not surrender.

And in that moment, even though it's the moment of my own death, too, I am so much prouder of him than I ever thought possible.

*****