A Promise for Tomorrow (8 page)
Taking a deep breath, Carolina closed the front door and turned to lean against it. Spying the staircase, her eyes gazed upward. “Help me, Father, to face Leland,” she whispered.
James found himself once again the traveling companion of Ben Latrobe. Riding in a private railcar, they made their way from Harper’s Ferry to Cumberland. It was planned that James and Ben would meet up with several other members of the survey team and review some additional ideas on the three proposed routes to conclude the B&O. But James saw it as a good time to sort through his conflicting thoughts.
He had regretted leaving Carolina with their anger between them, but at the time James hadn’t been able to bring himself to make yet another attempt at resolving their differences. He was tired. Weary of all that seemed to come between them. His father. The house. Victoria. He felt despair like that which he’d never known. Finally his dreams were being realized, and yet it wasn’t enough to hold conflict at bay.
“I don’t believe you’ve heard a word I said,” Ben Latrobe said, pushing up his glasses.
“I’m sorry, Ben. Please continue.”
Latrobe spread out a map on the small table between them. “The route that seems most sensible and obvious is to head straight out from Cumberland, follow down around the south branch of the Potomac and on west to New Martinsville by way of Fish Creek, then through to Clarksburg and finally Parkersburg on the Ohio River.”
“And the benefits of this route over the others?” James struggled to keep his mind focused.
“It puts us on a straight line with St. Louis, of course. It also lines up well with other proposed railroads to the west. Parkersburg is a very young town and quite small; however, this could be a bonus rather than an obstacle. We would have a free hand to develop our terminus the way we desired.”
“And the negative side of choosing Parkersburg?”
“Namely the James River and Kanawha Canal Company of Richmond. They fear that should Parkersburg become the B&O’s terminating location, Richmond trade will be given over to Baltimore. If the Virginia legislature listens to that caterwauling, then Parkersburg may become a moot idea.”
“So what of the other two routes?” James asked, shifting uncomfortably and hating the heat of the day inside the car. Already Latrobe had given up on the June afternoon and tossed propriety aside, along with his outer coat. James, never one for convention, shrugged out of his coat, as well, and felt as though he was suddenly free of his bonds.
Ben wiped perspiration from his forehead and pointed to Pittsburgh. “Pennsylvania would like our western terminus to be Pittsburgh. The city is already comprised of nearly 70,000 citizens. The ports are well established with a monumental amount of commerce and trade moving through the city from the Ohio River on a daily basis. The city handles everything from cotton to pig iron and mass produces the latter in the form of everything from bridges to steamboats. There is daily packet service from Pittsburgh to Cincinnati and plenty of connections to canal trade for Erie and Cleveland.”
James heard the words but cared little for their meaning. What would it gain him to be a part of deciding the Baltimore and Ohio’s future when his own future was hopelessly muddled?
Latrobe didn’t seem to notice James’ dilemma, however, and continued on with his thoughts. “Of course, Pittsburgh is in Pennsylvania, and there is the matter of Virginia disallowing any portion of the B&O to pass over Virginia land, unless the western terminus is also in Virginia. That would create an additional routing problem in that we haven’t even begun to survey routes that take themselves through Maryland and Pennsylvania without touching Virginia. And while I plan to do more surveys next August, my guess is that the added distance would create a monetary conflict that would take away the attraction of a Pittsburgh terminus.
“As for Wheeling, and I know this is your preference”—Latrobe marked the surveyed route with his finger—“it has a great deal of potential. It is a U.S. port of entry on the Ohio, and they are soon to become the home of the world’s first wire suspension bridge across the same. Wheeling would solve the question of a Virginia-based terminus, and it already has the National Road, which brings in a great deal of freight and passengers.”
Latrobe continued with the negative aspects of Wheeling. Something was mentioned of the location creating its own problem with three different proposed routes from Cumberland to Wheeling.
“I’m sorry, what did you say?” James asked, realizing his mind had wandered again.
Latrobe sat back and pulled off his glasses. As he gently rubbed the lenses he glanced across the table to James. “You’ve not been yourself since your arrival in Harper’s Ferry. Want to tell me about it?”
James shrugged. “I don’t suppose it would do any harm. Seems you are always helping me through my messes anyway.”
Latrobe laughed. “And you have yet another mess?”
“The biggest yet.” James leaned back against the leather-bound chair. “My wife and I have reached a point of disagreement.”
“Is that all?” Latrobe replied. “Buy her a lovely trinket, apologize on bended knee, and complete the act by sweeping her into your arms. Minor conflicts have a way of not appearing quite so major an ordeal when a little humility is practiced.”
“I’m afraid this is much more than a minor conflict. In fact, it is several very large conflicts all rolled together into one large, consuming problem.”
“I see. Well, we have several hours ahead of us, so why don’t you tell me all about it?”
“I wish I could. The fact is, I find it difficult to sort through it all in my own mind. First and foremost is the situation my father created.” Latrobe eyed him curiously but said nothing, and James quickly continued. “My father, suffice it to say, practiced a bit of underhandedness, and my wife found out about it. The biggest problem in that was that it also affected her father, and she took that quite personally.”
“I can understand why. Most women tend to be very defensive in regard to their family.”
“Yes, well, that’s putting it mildly. Carolina refuses to forgive my father, and the situation is further frustrated in that he recently suffered a heart attack—in our home—and is dying. I left for Harper’s Ferry, with Carolina being forced to remain behind to care for him.”
“I’m sorry to learn about your father’s attack. And you are right, that makes it more than an issue of trinkets and bended knee,” Latrobe replied as he put his glasses back on. He squinted a couple of times as if to adjust the focus, then continued. “You say she refuses to forgive him, yet she must care for him while he dies?”
“Yes. The doctor was supposed to send someone over to help us, but the woman he had in mind was unavailable and no one else seemed suitable. My father’s presence has added additional burdens to Carolina’s already busy schedule, and given her feelings toward him, I know that weight to be doubled—if not tripled. Furthermore, I made matters worse by arguing with her about how much of this was my fault. I upset my father, and he probably wouldn’t have had the attack in the first place had I left well enough alone.”
“You cannot possibly know that, James. Besides, how can you take responsibility for your father’s actions and health?”
“That’s what Carolina said. I argued with her that if I’d only paid better attention to his needs, if I’d been a better son, then maybe he would never have found the need to cheat and deceive.”
“His nature is what it is,” Latrobe said in a nonchalant manner. “I doubt seriously that you would have swayed his nature by being more attentive. Without knowing all the details of the matter, I will add this.” He paused and tilted his chin upward ever so slightly. “A man takes chances on the things he believes will make him happy. Be they right or wrong, he chooses for himself, and, in spite of the influence of those around him, he must still decide for himself what those choices will be. It’s no different with the routes we’re trying to decide on for the B&O. Each path a man takes must be carefully weighed and decided upon. Either he seeks to know the pitfalls of each way, or he ignores all warning signs and strikes out without any consideration of the consequences. Your father obviously did the latter.”
“If that were the only problem I might not feel half so bad,” James said in a dejected manner. “The truth is, besides this there is the growing frustration I feel from living in another man’s house.”
“Ah,” Ben said with a smile. “Perhaps now we get to the crux of the matter.”
“What do you mean?”
“Only that no man wants to believe he stands in the shadow of another. You’ve married the woman of your dreams, but in doing so you’ve taken on the responsibility of another man’s child and home.”
“Yes, and although I love Victoria dearly, she is becoming more and more of a problem. She resents my authority and often seeks Carolina out to keep from having to carry through with my wishes. Carolina most generally finds something objectionable to my instruction and thus, whether or not the matter is resolved, it always pits Carolina against me in dealing with the child.”
Latrobe laughed at this, totally taking James by surprise. “That happens in homes where the children are born to both parents, James. Children, being children, will often see how far they can push their boundaries. They play one parent against the other, all in hoping to accomplish the most beneficial circumstance for themselves. My own children are masters at this. Victoria is simply doing nothing more or less than any of her contemporaries.”
“So it isn’t just me?”
“Absolutely not. There isn’t a father alive who hasn’t found himself up against the same thing. And while that doesn’t solve the problem for you, at least you may take comfort in knowing that it isn’t a unique dilemma.”
“It may not be unique, but it’s tearing Carolina and me apart. I can’t get her to see that she needs to support me in this situation.”
“Have you talked to her about it? Not in the heat of the moment when the problem is upon you, but rather in private, when nothing in particular is causing friction between you?”
“But that’s the problem. There’s been friction between us ever since we said, ‘I do.’ I don’t know how to explain it, but as much as we love each other, and as much as we desired to be married, there hasn’t seemed to be one moment of true peace between us since the wedding.”
Again Latrobe smiled. “Welcome to matrimonial bliss, son.”
James couldn’t quite understand Latrobe’s easygoing attitude. “Please don’t tell me that this is all there ever is—that Carolina and I will be at each other’s throats the rest of our lives.”
“Of course I won’t tell you that,” Latrobe responded. “But I will say this. Marriage is work. It’s hard work. Harder than anything else you’ll ever do. Believe me, I know. And you want to know why?”
James nodded and Ben Latrobe leaned forward as if to impart a deep, mysterious secret. “Because marriage isn’t about the wedding or the wedding trip afterward. It isn’t about cozy nights spent in each other’s arms or the way she makes you feel when she smiles. Oh, those things all have a part in it, but a very minor one. No, James, marriage is about sticking it out when it isn’t so nice. Marriage is being there to pick up the pieces when your perfect world falls apart. It’s seeing the mess you’ve made of things and being willing to work through it until you have created something better than you had before. It’s listening to her fears, her troubles, and concerns. It’s eating meals that don’t taste as good as those your mother fixed, enduring her temperamental outbursts and tears, and not giving up when things get hard.”
Latrobe paused for a moment and a frown lined his face where the smile had been only moments before. “True love is standing by your mate when his health fails, along with his business. It’s holding on to what you have in each other and God when you watch your infant suffer and die. It’s knowing that the world goes on and you can depend on each other even when everything else around you lies in ruins at your feet. Those things have happened to me, James.”
Latrobe looked up then, and James could see the glint of tears in the older man’s eyes.
“But through it all, my Ellen was steadfast. Not because she always agreed with me, and certainly not because I was always right in my choices. No, James, she stayed because of her commitment and her love. A love that she knew was completed in my love for her. I would imagine your Carolina feels the same. But you’re both new to this. You’ve both had time on your own to decide how life should be, and now that you’ve come together you’re bound to have disagreements in one area or another.”
“It just seems I can’t open my mouth without saying the wrong thing.”
“Give it over to God, James. He has a way of working wonders. Don’t be so hard on yourself, or on Carolina. You two will need to make some definite choices where Victoria is concerned, but don’t put yourselves on opposite teams. Remember, you are partners in life.”
“I do remember that,” James admitted, “but it’s hard to know where to go from there.”
“Like the railroad, eh? You have to pick one path over the other.”
James nodded. “I suppose so. Only the positive and negative effects are more uncertain than the issues of where to lay tracks and what city to build to.”
“Life is what it is—a journey. You start in one place and move to another, and along the way you experience the everyday complications of love, hate, trust, betrayal, hope, promise, and truth. You can take the journey alone or go with God as your full-time partner. It’s one of those choices we each have to make.”
James felt relief wash over him. He had chosen to take God along as his partner. Of that there was no doubt. That he had chosen to ignore His companionship was yet another issue. “I suppose as I’ve become more and more bent under the weight of my troubles, I’ve forgotten about God taking the journey at my side.”
“He’s happy to shoulder the burden, James. And He won’t leave you to solve the problem for yourself.”
The train rocked and bounced along the line while James silently prayed and put his mind at ease. He knew matters wouldn’t solve themselves, but he felt confident that God could prepare the path for him to take. And by following that path and trusting God for the proper words, James felt a new hope that he could mend the rift between himself and Carolina.