A Question of Love (6 page)

Her words ripped through his chest. Christ, she couldn’t distinguish him from Connor. Couldn’t separate them out in her mind. He hadn’t stood out enough as an individual. He was simply one half of a whole.

He wasn’t man enough for the one woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

Gabe rose to his feet, the weight of his realization sitting like lead on his shoulders. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” he said. “And I’m sorry I broke up your life. It was never my intention to cause you pain. Please. Give me a chance to make it right. Let me prove that I can love you enough for Connor and me. Love you enough that you’ll forgive my leaving you before.”

Tina shook her head. “I can’t do it, Gabe. I can’t pretend I’d be okay with just you. If—and that’s a big ‘if’—I ever did consider becoming involved with you again, I’d want the whole package deal. I’d want you
and
Connor.” Tears stood out in her eyes. “But it’s been too long anyway. Too much time has passed for me to ever go back.”

Gabe buttoned his jeans and straightened his shirt, the pain of her admission strangling him, cutting off his air. He took a deep, ragged breath. Tried to put his thoughts in order. Tried to maintain a modicum of composure. Not easy when he felt like he’d just been kicked in the nuts.

He gave her a small nod. “I hear you, T. And I guess I owe you yet another apology. I…it was wrong of me to seek you out after all this time. Forget about today. Forget about me and everything I told you.” He took another ragged breath. “I hope I haven’t upset you. I…I won’t bother you anymore.” He walked towards the door, his legs stiff and awkward. “Good luck with the exhibition. I’m sure with Valerie’s help your sketches will finally get the recognition they deserve.”

“You’re leaving?” She gaped at him.

Gabe nodded.

“After everything you just said to me? Everything you just did to me?” She kicked the covers, and the vibrator rolled off the bed and landed on the floor with a soft thud.

Gabe stared at it for a long moment. “I had to try. I had to let you know how I felt, on the off chance that maybe you felt the same.” He shrugged indifferently while inside his stomach cramped. “It would have been good if we could have tried again, just the two of us. But I’m not what you want anymore. I’m just…a man. Just one man. And that’s all I’ll ever be.”

And then he couldn’t be with her any longer. Couldn’t face his failure to please her as that one man. He’d disappointed her when he’d left her the first time, and he hadn’t measured up this time round. It would be better for both of them if he just left her the hell alone.

“Goodbye, Tina,” he said as he walked through the bedroom door. “Be happy.”

Chapter Five

Inadequate. Not the best way to think of oneself, was it? But that’s how Gabe felt as he walked into his kitchen when he arrived home. Always used to being in control when it came to women, he was thrown by this situation. He wasn’t man enough for the woman he loved. Alone he couldn’t measure up to what Tina wanted.

He stopped short when he saw Connor standing by the kettle, a steaming mug in his hands.

“Hey,” Gabe said by way of greeting. “I thought you were heading back to Melbourne about now?”

Connor nodded. “My flight leaves in a couple of hours. I wanted to catch you and say goodbye.”

Gabe looked at him speculatively. “Where’s Maddie?”

Connor pointed his thumb over his shoulder. “In the living room.”

Gabe nodded. “Did you two work everything out?”

Connor grinned. “We sure did.”

He smiled back. “Maddie’s good for you. I’m happy for you both.” He was. It didn’t stop the twist of jealousy in his gut. Connor had found the perfect partner. A woman who wanted just Connor.

Gabe’s perfect partner wanted more than Gabe. She wanted Connor too.

Connor nodded in agreement. “I’ve decided to come back to Sydney.”

“You going to take up the job offer after all?” Connor had been in town this weekend to interview for a position. He’d been undecided about returning to Sydney. Maddie must have helped him make up his mind.

“Yep.”

“That’s cool.” It would be nice to have his mate back in the same city again. “When d’ya think you’ll make the move?”

Connor took his mug and sat at the kitchen table. “Two months, max. I’ll have to find someone to replace me at work and train them up before I can leave.”

“You going to see Maddie in the interim?”

“Damn straight,” Connor said. “I’ll visit here and she’ll come to Melbourne. We’ll alternate weekends.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Christ, it was difficult to believe that a few days ago Maddie was with Gabe, and Connor had just entered the picture. Life had spun around almost one hundred and eighty degrees since then.

“Gabe?”

“Yeah?”

“I owe you a thank you.”

Gabe raised an eyebrow in question.

“If not for you, I’d be in Melbourne, and Maddie and I never would have gotten together.”

“Don’t mention it.” Gabe shrugged. Maddie and Connor made a good couple. “True love doesn’t come around often. No point wasting it.”

“Yeah.” Connor frowned. “That’s the other reason I’m here.”

Gabe’s lips tilted in a smile. “You going to tell me you’ve been in love with me all this time?”

Connor snorted. “Yeah, right!” And then he became serious. “I wanted to apologize.”

“For what?” Gabe asked, puzzled. “If this is about you and Maddie, there’s no need. You were meant to be together.”

“It’s not about me. Or Maddie. I’m sorry I never broke the rules four years ago.”

Gabe stood stock still.

“You loved Tina. I should have realized then just how much and walked away.”

“I never expected you to. She was yours first. We had rules.”

“Yeah, that’s the thing.” Connor scraped his fingers through his hair. “I was too rigid in the way I stuck to the rules. I can see that now. Trying to leave Maddie just about killed me. I can imagine what saying goodbye to Tina did to you.”

Ripped out his heart and shredded it. “It hurt,” Gabe acknowledged. It still hurt, maybe even more now.

Connor shook his head. Remorse lined his face. “I fucked up, mate. I should have cut her loose the minute I understood how much it messed with your head when we both slept with her.”

“I left. There was no need to cut her loose.”

“You left because I didn’t,” Connor pointed out. “I fucked up.”

“I did too,” Gabe said after a minute. “I could have tried harder to win her over. I didn’t.”

“Do you still love her?”

Gabe sighed. “Uh huh.” Not that it made a difference now.

Connor studied him for a few seconds. “You look like shite.”

“Thanks, mate.” Gabe almost laughed.

“Did you find her?”

He poured himself a mug of coffee. “Yeah. She was at the coffee shop on the corner.”

Connor waited until Gabe sat opposite him at the table before asking, “And?”

Gabe shook his head. “And nothing.”

“Nothing?” Connor narrowed his eyes.

“She’s not interested.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Wish I was.” Gabe dropped his hands on the table. Damn, he wished he was.

“Is she involved with anyone?”

“Not anymore. She broke it off this morning.”

“How’d she respond to seeing you again?”

Gabe thought about the answer. “She was surprised at first, but forced herself to make small talk for a few minutes. Then she threw in a couple of sarcastic comments for good measure and walked away.”

Connor stared at him in disbelief. “And you let her go?”

“Fuck, no! I went after her. We spent a little time together.” Memories of the time raced through his mind, the images of her naked and convulsing in pleasure blindsiding him.

“Christ, Carter.” Connor chuckled. “You slept with her.”

Gabe grimaced. “Nah, mate. I didn’t. Wanted to, real bad, but never did.”

“So why the look on your face?”

That was the problem about sleeping with the same woman at the same time as your best friend. You couldn’t hide your sexual exploits from him when he knew you so well. “Things got heated. That’s all.”

“You saying you got T all hot and worked up and nothing came of it?” Connor frowned. “Doesn’t sound like the woman I remember. Doesn’t sound like you either, for that matter.”

Gabe took a mouthful of coffee. How much did he tell Connor? Sure, they’d always shared everything when it came to Tina. That’s how he’d gotten into this screwed-up situation in the first place. But now they’d gone their different paths. Connor had chosen Maddie, and Gabe had chosen Tina. They were no longer partners on a sexual journey. From this point on they both flew solo.

Well, Connor had Maddie. It was just Gabe flying solo.

Still, he needed a friend, and Connor was the one guy he’d trusted his whole life. He’d leave out the details about Tina getting naked, but the rest he could speak to Connor about. “I’m screwed,” he said after another minute’s deliberation. “When it comes to matters of the heart, I am good and fucked.” He slammed his mug on the table. Dark drops of liquids splashed over the sides and onto the wooden surface.

Connor jerked in surprise. “What happened between the two of you?”

“I spoke pretty frankly with her. Told her I left because I loved her.”

“And…?”

“And she told me that four years ago she loved me too. Me and you.”

Connor swore. “Both of us?”

“She thinks of us as a single entity. Two halves of a whole.”

Connor twisted his lips as he digested that bit of information. “Fuck me,” he muttered.

They sat in silence for several moments.

“Think it was the same for all of them?” Gabe asked. “We know Maddie didn’t have that outlook. But what about the others?”

Connor shrugged. “Until Maddie I’d never thought about our threesomes in terms of love. They were fun, sure. And satisfying. But love?” He shook his head. “It was never part of the equation for me. I’d never contemplated a love relationship with three of us.”

Gabe grimaced. “Me neither.” Especially not when it came to Tina. “Maybe I’m naïve, but I don’t think it was a question of love with the others. I think they were in it for the same reasons as we were. Sexual exploration and sexual gratification.”

Connor nodded. “Tina and Maddie are the only two who stand out as acting differently.”

“Maybe we were the ones acting differently with Tina and Maddie?”

“Because we loved them.”

Connor let out a long sigh. “What are you going to do now?”

“Fuck if I know,” Gabe told him.

“There’s only one thing you can do,” a feminine voice said from behind Gabe.

Connor’s gaze swung above Gabe’s head.

Gabe twisted around to see Maddie standing in the doorway.

She gave him a quick smile and answered his silent question. “I thought I’d wait in the living room while Connor and you spoke in private. I… I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation.”

Maddie glowed. She had a gleam to her eyes that he’d never seen before. A gleam that Connor had reflected when he’d looked up at her. Gabe tried to ignore the tightening in his chest. He wasn’t jealous of Connor’s relationship with his ex-girlfriend. He
was
envious of the love that flowed between them.

“You have to go after her, Gabe,” Maddie said with conviction. “You have to prove to her that you are man enough for any woman.”

Gabe laughed out loud at her words, although they were not amusing. “Just like I proved I was man enough for you?” Christ, talk about his ego taking a knock. Dumped by Maddie in favor of Connor in the wee hours of the morning and rejected by Tina not twelve hours later. Ah, yes, Gabe felt as much a man as a castrated bull might.

Maddie pointed her finger at him. “You were more than man enough for me, Gabriel Carter. Hell, you did things to me no one has ever done before. You ignited fires I never knew could be lit.”

Connor growled at her from across the table.

“Hush, Connor,” Maddie chided. “You know what Gabe did to me. You were there when he did it. You encouraged him to do it.”

Connor made a strangled sound but said nothing. Gabe appreciated the effort it must have taken.

“My point is, Gabe,” Maddie continued, “I’ve been alone with you, and I can say with complete confidence that you are all any woman would need. Tina may have once loved both of you, but she never got to know you alone. I’m not surprised she fell for you
and
Connor. You presented yourselves as a package deal. When you left, Gabe, the relationship didn’t last. Without you, Connor and Tina didn’t work anymore.”

Yep, and Tina had made it crystal clear that without Connor she and Gabe wouldn’t work either.

“You have a dubious look on your face,” Maddie informed Gabe. “Get rid of it.” She walked to the table and took a seat between Connor and Gabe. She took Gabe’s hand.

“Maddie…” Connor objected, but she silenced him with a look.

Gabe gave him an apologetic smile. He knew how he’d feel if Tina took Connor’s hand now.

Maddie continued as if no silent communication had passed between the two men. “The Gabe I know would not doubt his ability to woo a woman. You charmed me and seduced me all by yourself. You gave me a chance to get to know you before Connor entered the picture. Yes, it’s true that when I met Connor I fell for him. I chose him. But Tina didn’t. She had her chance with Connor after you left, and she gave it up. What she never had a chance at was getting to know you separately from Connor. Getting to choose you.”

His heart twisted again. “I gave her that chance this morning. She wasn’t interested.”

“That’s bullshit,” Maddie said. “How can you expect her to say anything else? After four years of complete silence you surprise her with an admission of love. You think she’s going to throw herself in your arms and confess her undying love for you? Not a chance, buddy. You dumped her. You walked away. And I’m betting you hurt her in the process. No way she’s going to come running back to you after all that.”

Gabe remained silent. There was little he could say in defense. Heck, Maddie was right on every count.

“Go after her. Go show her the real you. The individual. The man separate from Connor.”

“She’s right, Carter,” Connor said. “You owe it to yourself and to her. Give yourselves a chance to get to know each other.”

“C’mon,” Maddie said, “you told me yourself not a day goes by when you don’t think about her. Don’t let another day pass like that. Act now.”

Gabe remained silent.

“Damn it, Gabe!” Maddie yelled at him. “How can you be so dominant in bed and so fucking useless out of it? So what if she rebuffed you once? Go prove you’re bigger than that. A real man would not run away at the first hint of trouble.”

Gabe’s spine stiffened. Until today his masculinity had never been questioned. He’d never questioned it. Now Tina had him doubting himself.

“How badly do you want her?” Connor asked.

“How badly did you want Maddie?” Gabe shot back at him.

Connor grimaced and nodded. “A damn lot.”

“Well, multiply that by four years and you might have an inkling.”

“Gabe,” Maddie said beside him. “Go get your girl. Go and prove to Tina that you are all the man she’ll ever need.”

Gabe stared at Maddie for a very long time.

“Do it, Carter,” Connor encouraged. “Pull out all the stops. Go and get your girl.”

Gabe squared his shoulders. Since when did one knock back mean he had to stop trying? Gabe was not the kind of guy who gave up without a fight, not when his goals meant something to him. And Tina meant something. Heck, Tina meant everything.

And that was all the decision time he needed.

Gabe leaned over and kissed Maddie on the cheek. Then he walked around the table to clap Connor on the back. “Mate,” he said to his friend, “you’re damn lucky Maddie loves you. If I wasn’t so hell-bent on winning Tina over, I’d pull out all the stops to get Maddie back.” He winked at Maddie who rolled her eyes in response. “Now if you’ll both excuse me, I have a woman to woo.”