A Rocker and a Hard Place (10 page)

I would not be my mother’s son.

Emma

“This is a joke, right?”

I don’t know what I had been expecting. Tyler had shown up at my house ten minutes after I sent T.J. off to camp on the bus. We’d driven in his car for nearly thirty minutes and he had refused to give me any hints as to where we were headed. It wasn’t until I saw the signs for the airport that I began to think we might be going somewhere more exotic than Hanson’s Dairy.

But now we were standing in front of a private plane and Tyler was gesturing impatiently for me to ascend the stairs.

“This is not a joke. Start climbing.”

I stubbornly kept my feet on the ground. “Where are you taking me?”

“Just get on the plane.” Tyler put his hand on the small of my back and pushed me forward. “I promise that you will like this surprise.”

I took a deep breath and slowly climbed the rickety stairs.

It was my first time aboard a private plane, and I stood awkwardly in the doorway while I took in the luxurious interior.

“Have a seat,
Em. Make yourself comfortable.”

I perched on the edge of the nearest chair which could more accurately have been called a couch. It was oversized and plush, smooth brown leather. Tyler slid into the seat across from me, looking perfectly comfortable in his surroundings. He gave a small wave, presumably to the pilot, and said, “Do you want something to drink?”

I both nodded and shook my head. I had no idea what I wanted. Tyler just laughed and reached over to open a mini-fridge. He poured small bottles of vodka into a glass and topped it with orange juice. He filled a separate glass with water. The plane’s engine roared to life and we started to move forward slowly.

“This should take the edge o
ff,” he said, handing me the mixed drink. I caught him glancing nervously out the window.

“You’re adorable when you’re scared to death,” I said, proud that my hands weren’t shaking when I lifted the glass to my lips. I wasn’t scared of flying, but spending the day with Tyler, alone, had
me petrified.

Tyler down
ed half of his water in one gulp. “I usually take a sleeping pill before a flight,” he confessed.

“I wouldn’t have been offended.”

“I don’t want to miss one second of our day together.” He smiled, probably fully aware of how seductive he looked. “Besides, how do I know you wouldn’t take advantage of me?”

“Adorable
and
funny… you’re quite the catch.”

“And did you see this plane? I’m rich, too.”

I nodded, feigning seriousness. “Don’t forget humble.”

The plane picked up speed, rumbling loudly as it accelerated. Tyler’s knuckles turned white, one of them gripping his armrest and the other squeezing his glass so hard I was afraid it might shatter. When the wheels left the ground, his eyes closed.

I wanted to tease him, but he looked so miserable that I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. Instead, I moved quickly into the seat next to him and put my hand on top of his. His eyes stayed closed, but his jaw relaxed just a bit. I wedged his hand free and twined my fingers through his.

“I’ll be alright once
we level out,” he said, voice tight.

A few seconds later, the plane was done ascending and Tyler’s eyes opened.

“Thanks,” he said, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. “I used to think that flying would get easier the more I did it, but that hasn’t happened.”

“I’ll get you some more water
,” I said.

Tyler started to relax
and we were able to have a nice conversation. He asked an endless stream of questions about me, mostly keeping T.J. out of the questioning. I understood that he was trying to treat it like any other date, a chance to get to know the other person. But with our history, it was hard not to drag in our baggage.

“I’m not really sure why I stayed in Salvation after Dad died,” I admitted. It was a fair question, but I felt uncomfortable answering it. “T.J. had started school and he seemed to be happy there. I didn’t want to ruin that.”

“He was still really young. I’m sure he would’ve readjusted.” Tyler knew that I was just using T.J. as my excuse.

“Probably,” I admitted.

“So what’s the real reason?”

“The same reason you can’t look out that window while we’re in the air,” I said. “I was scared.”

“But you’d already left home once to go to college. You always wanted to leave Salvation, so why were you scared?”

“Because my plan to leave Salvation had always been contingent on leaving with you.” I had never admitted that out loud before, but it was the complete truth. I had never hated Salvation the way that Tyler had. He had been so focused on getting out and his passion for leaving had been contagious. When he talked about our future together somewhere else, I was an easy sell.

“So when I told you I wasn’t going to college anymore…”

“Yeah.” I could tell that he finally understood what that confession had done to me. How I had felt panicked at the idea of us not being together.

“You seemed really happy when I visited you that first year.” He couldn’t hide his surprise.

“Things aren’t always what they seem.”

The truth was that it had taken me nearly a month to make a single friend. I had spent all of my time studying in the library while other girls my age went to frat parties and bars using fake IDs. I had never been a party girl, and I was lonely without Tyler. That had been pathetic, sure, but I couldn’t seem to change that feeling.

Eventually, a few girls on the floor had taken pity on me and made it their mission to get me to have fun. They weren’t party girls either so we spent our weekends going to movies or
hanging out in the dorm. After a few weeks, I finally started to feel like I might actually last four years without Tyler by my side.

Then Tyler had come to visit, and everything came rushing back. I tried not to let it show, forcing myself to brag about how great college was and how happy I was to be there. I didn’t want him to feel guilty for chasing his dreams.
Somehow, I’d managed to keep up my happy façade throughout his visit.

“I missed you every single day,” I said quietly. At first, I had just missed being with him, being able to see his face every day. Talking on the phone helped, but it wasn’t the same. Then, after we broke up, I missed everything about him.

“I’m here now.” Tyler shook his head. “I know that doesn’t make up for the past, but it’s all I can offer you.”

“Well that, and a private jet.”

I knew that I was deflecting our conversation away from getting too serious and Tyler knew it, too. He stared at me long and hard until the plane started to slowly descend.

I turned away from him, craning my neck to see through the window. “Are we in Paris already?” I joked.

“Not quite.”

“I’m disappointed.”

“If you want to go to Paris, I’ll take you to Paris. Just say the word.” He was still in serious mode.

“Not today,” I said softly, sitting back in my seat. I wasn’t sure why I couldn’t bring myself to have a serious conversation with Tyler about what was developing between us. It
was clear that we both had strong, complex feeling for each other and we were going to have to address them eventually.

The landing was smooth, but Tyler didn’t relax until the plane stopped moving completely.

The pilot announced over the intercom, “Welcome to Nashville, Mr. Cole.”

As soon as I heard the city, I knew instantly why Tyler had brought me there. Nashvil
le had been our version of Paris.

“Nashville?” I felt light-headed.

“You invited me into your home, now it’s my turn to invite you into mine.”

Tyler had a limo
waiting on the tarmac.

The limo
took us slowly into town, taking back roads and detours. It occurred to me that Tyler had given the driver instructions prior to our arrival. This approach meant I got to have a guided tour of the city with a limo as my chariot and Tyler as my tour guide.

“That’s the coffee shop where I used to play gigs every Wednesday night when I first moved to town,” he said, pointing to a small hole-in-the-wall called Coffee Café.

“I remember you talking about it.” I had been awed by the fact that Tyler was playing his music in front of an audience every week.

“My record label is in the building on our left.”

He said it so casually, the way most people might talk about their dentist office. I wondered when exactly he had gotten comfortable being “one of them.”

We stopped for lunch at Tyler’
s favorite restaurant where they actually had a burger named after him.

“Really? The Cole Burger?” I scoffed heavily at the name, but had to admit it sounded delicious.

“The owner is a fan,” he said with a lazy shrug.

“What’s that like?”

“What?”

I nodded to where two girls were snapping pictures at a nearby table. “Having fans. What’s that like?”

He thought for a few seconds. “At first, it’s like always having a chaperone. You can’t act out or do anything wrong because someone is always watching. But eventually, you stop caring and pretty soon, you don’t even notice that they are there.”

“Don’t you ever just want to eat your meal in peace?” I had only been in Tyler’s world a short time, but I was already tired of the staring and whispering.

“Now you understand why I ended up staying in Salvation.”

That thought had never occurred to me. I’d assumed that he had stayed because of me, and eventually because of T.J. I had not considered that he had been using Salvation as an escape from his celebrity lifestyle.

“How much time do you actually spend in Nashville?”

“As much time as I can. I’ve got a house out in Malibu for when I need to be in L.A. for promotional appearances and award shows. But that lifestyle has never really suited me.”

“That’s not what the tabloids say,” I said with a raised eyebrow. In fact, according to the magazines, Tyler fit very well into that world of debauchery and glamor.

Tyler stared hard at the table. “It’s hard not to get swept up into that world. Everyone out there acts like they’ve got your back. Before you know it, your agent is stealing your money and your girlfriend is sleeping with your best friend. I tolerate that world because I have to in order to keep my career going. But if I never went back, I’d be fine with that.”

“What happens when that world finds out about T.J.?” I asked. It was something I had been thinking about for a long time and I wasn’t sure I was ready to hear the answer.

“I’m hoping to avoid that for as long as possible.” Tyler frowned deeply. “If I had it my way, they would never know about him. Or you.”

“Really?” I couldn’t keep back a flinch as my chest tightened.

“I’m not saying that because I’m ashamed of T.J. or because I want to lie about the two of you. I would just prefer to keep you out of that life. It can break the strongest person.”

I looked deep into his eyes, remembering all the times I had seen him on the news getting into fights or being arrested for drunken behavior. “Did it ever break you?”

“Almost.” He returned my gaze just as forcefully. “But anytime I got close to being broken, I thought of you. You gave me strength.”

“Are you an alcoholic?” I asked bluntly.

Tyler had shown up to my house drunk the night after he found out about T.J. Before that, he’d been in the news almost every
week for some scandal. But thinking back, I had never actually seen him drink anything. I knew that alcoholics often did their drinking alone.

“Maybe.” He sighed. “Probably.”

“When was the last time you had a drink?”

“The night I showed up at your house drunk.” Tyler tapped his fingers on the table in a steady rhythm. “
After the truth about T.J. sank in, I knew I had to make a change.”

“You poured me that drink on the plane.” Knowing how tense he had been, it must have tortured him not to make a second drink for himself.

Tyler waved away my concern. “I’ve been drinking or medicating away the last ten years of my life. It feels good to
feel
things again.”

“Spoken like someone who’s never been through childbirth.”

“Are you planning to turn every serious conversation we have today into a joke?” Tyler’s eyes flashed with annoyance.

“Sorry.” I shifted in my seat
. “You should know more than anyone that I’m not good with serious, heartfelt talks.”

“I remember.” Tyler smiled fondly. “I remember everything about you.”

I squirmed under his piercing gaze. “What else do you have planned for us today?”

“Would you like
to come home with me?” His eyes twinkled flirtatiously.

“You’re kind of my ride, so I don’t think I have much choice.”

He leaned back, a satisfied smile on his face. “Then my plan is working perfectly.”