A Season of Love (27 page)

“Danki
,
”
Katie said. “I better go check and see if
mei mamm
needs help in the kitchen. I just wanted to say hello.”

Jake nodded before she weaved through the crowd toward the kitchen.

Jessica glanced across the room and spotted Jake standing with Matthew and Lindsay. Now was her time to finally get him to talk to her.

Jessica looked back at Lizzie Anne and Samuel, who had been talking to her with a few other Kauffman cousins. “Would you excuse me for a moment?” She held up her empty cider mug. “I’m going to go get a refill.”

Jessica had noticed when Jake arrived, and she was almost certain he’d been avoiding her in person, just like he’d avoided the phone calls. Every time she tried to approach him, it seemed he deliberately moved to speak to someone else. She was going to face him and find out what his problem was. She walked over to him, finding him engrossed in a conversation with Matthew.

“Jessica!” Lindsay said with a smile. “Are you enjoying the party?”

“I am,” Jessica said, nodding a greeting to Matthew. She turned to Jake. “Jake,” she said. “I’ve been looking for you.”

“Jessica,” Jake said. “Good to see you. Merry Christmas.”

Jessica touched his arm. “Can we talk in private? I promise it will only take a moment.” She gestured toward the back door. “Let’s just go for a quick walk. I won’t keep you away from the party long.”

Jake nodded. “That’s fine.”

Jessica fetched her coat from the hook by the door and followed Jake down the back porch steps. The cold air hit her legs like a solid wall, and she wondered why she’d decided to wear a skirt and hose today. After all, it was December in Pennsylvania.

“Let’s go over by the barn,” Jake said, walking fast and hugging his coat to his body.

Jessica tried in vain to keep up with him as they walked around to the back of the barn. When they rounded it, Jake faced her. She wondered why he was frowning. He seemed to be upset about something, and she hoped she wasn’t upsetting him.

“Jake,” she said. “I’ve been trying to talk to you all evening.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’ve been really distracted.”

“Distracted?” She folded her arms over her coat. “Is that why you haven’t called me back? I’ve left two messages on your voice mail. Are you avoiding me?”

He paused. “No, I’m not avoiding you. I should’ve called you back, but I’ve had a lot on my mind. Also, I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, but I’m not certain we have anything else to talk about. We said it all last spring.”

“I don’t think we’ve said it all,” she said, hugging her arms closer to her body as the cold seeped through her like ice. Was it the frigid air or his words that stung so badly?

“What else is there to say?” he asked. “I honestly can’t think of anything more to say to you. What do you want to talk about?”

“I thought after everything that happened between us we were still friends. Isn’t that what you said when we talked back in the spring? Aren’t we friends, Jake?” Her voice quavered with hurt. Oh, how she wished she could turn off her emotions. Why did this hurt so badly? She sounded like one of those girls she’d seen embarrass themselves at college. She’d never wanted to be like them, but here she stood begging Jake to talk to her. Where had she gone wrong?

“Yes, Jessica.” Jake’s expression softened. “I told you I’ll always be your friend, and I meant it.”

“So then why haven’t you called me back?” She wished she didn’t sound so desperate.

“I’ve been busy.” He looked behind her. “I’ve had a lot going on and a lot on my mind. It’s too much to explain right now, but I promise I’ll tell you when I have the time.”

“You’ve been busy?” she asked with disbelief radiating in her tone.

“I’m really sorry I haven’t had time to call you,” he said. “I’ll try to be a better friend.”

“Fine,” she said. “I wanted to tell you I’m sorry things ended the way they did in the spring. You were a tremendous help to me after I lost my parents and was thrown into this strange environment.” She gestured around the farm. “I needed a friend, and you were there for me, always listening and putting up with my moods. I grew up a lot last summer during the internship. I’ve realized what’s most important in life and those things are family and close friends. You were both to me, and I’m thankful for you. I know you and I could never be more than friends, but I’m thankful for our friendship. I truly am, Jake.”

“Thank you,” he said, and he looked sincere. “I am too, Jess.”

“That’s what I wanted to say, Jake. Thanks for finally listening.” She turned to go and then stopped. “Do you still care about me?”

“Yes,” he said. “I do care about you, Jessica. I always will. You’re my first love.”

A choked sob sounded behind her.

Turning, Jessica found Katie Kauffman looking at her and Jake with tears shining in her eyes.

Katie couldn’t believe her ears or stop the tears from flooding her eyes as she looked between Jake and Jessica.
Jake still loves Jessica! This can’t be true. I had hoped he loved me!

“Katie?” Jessica asked, looking confused.

“Katie!” Jake rushed toward her. “Wait. Let me explain.”

“You’re seeing Katie?” Jessica asked Jake with a shocked expression.

Katie turned and started toward her house. She felt as if her world were crumbling around her.

“Wait!” Jake yelled.

A strong arm pulled her back before she reached the other side of the barn. “Let me go!” Katie smacked Jake’s hand away. “You still love her, Jake.” She spat the words at him. “I can’t tell you how stupid I feel.”

“No, no.” He reached for her cheek, and she backed away from his touch. “I don’t love her anymore.”

“That’s not what you said!” Katie swiped away her hot tears. “You said you care for her, and you’ll always care for her because she’s your first love. I was so naive. I thought you might actually love me.” She pointed toward her chest. “I thought you only cared for me!” She couldn’t stop the sobs from racking her body. “How could I be so stupid to think you cared about me?”

“Because it’s true. I do love you, Katie.” He pulled her into a hug. “I only love you.”

“That’s enough!” A voice boomed behind them.

Katie sucked in a breath as she turned and found her father glaring at them.
“Dat?”

“Jake Miller,” her father bellowed. “Get off my property now and stay off!” He turned his smoldering gaze on Katie. “You! Get to your room, Katie Joy, and don’t come out.”

Katie ran toward the house. Her tears continued to flow as she rushed in through the back door, nearly knocking Lindsay over on her way up the stairs. When she reached her room, Katie slammed her door and fell onto her bed, letting her tears flow into her pillow.

After a few moments, her door squeaked open and closed once more.

“Katie?” Lindsay asked. “Katie? What happened?”

“I’m so naive,” Katie said, rolling onto her side. “I can’t
believe I thought he cared for me. And
mei daed
heard everything! I’ll be shunned now for certain.”

“Katie,” Lindsay said, sinking down onto the bed beside her and pushing the ribbons from Katie’s prayer covering away from her face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Please tell me so I can help you.”

“Jake Miller.” Katie grimaced as if the name were laced with poison. “I thought he cared about me, but he doesn’t. He still loves your sister.” She shook her head. “I was so naive. I saw him go outside, and I followed him behind the barn. When I got out there, he was talking to Jessica, telling her he’ll always care for her because she’s his first love. I thought he wanted to be with me.”

Katie swallowed a sob as she stared at the white wall across from her bed. “I told him I never should’ve been so stupid, and he said he does love me.
Mei daed
walked over just as Jake hugged me, and he told Jake to get off his property and sent me to my room.” She shook her head. “I can’t even imagine what
mei daed
is going to say to me, but I know I’m in big trouble. And I risked it all for someone who doesn’t even love me!”

“I’m sorry your
dat
interrupted, but I don’t think Jake loves Jessica.” Lindsay shook her head. “Jessica told me Jake doesn’t return her phone calls. She’s tried to call him more than once before she came here.”

Katie frowned at Lindsay. “I know what I heard.” She turned toward the pillow. “I’m going to be shunned. You shouldn’t even be in here.”

“I don’t think you’ll be shunned.” Lindsay touched Katie’s arm. “Your
dat
will be upset, but it will be okay.”

Katie sniffed, wishing she could take away everything she’d done in the last twenty minutes. “I’m certain I’ll be shunned. He’s already warned me. What was I thinking? I should’ve stayed inside and helped serve the food for the guests. I had no business going outside at all.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Lindsay rubbed Katie’s shoulder.

“That’s easy for you to say.” Katie glared at Lindsay. “You have no idea how I feel. Your boyfriend is Amish. You don’t have to risk getting into trouble by being with him.” She paused and cleared her throat. “Jake isn’t Amish. I have no chance of a relationship with him even if your sister wasn’t here to ruin everything.” She shook her head. “Jessica needs to go back to her fancy job in New York City and just leave us alone! It’s all her fault that Jake and I quarreled.”

Lindsay’s expression darkened slightly. “I don’t think it’s Jessica’s fault. She has a right to come and see me and the rest of the family for Christmas.”

“Her being here is ruining everything,” Katie said as new tears pooled in her eyes. “She should just leave.”

Lindsay stood. “Maybe I should too.”

“Ya.”
Katie wiped away more tears. “Maybe you should.”

Lindsay grimaced. “I only came up here because I saw how upset you were. I wanted to try to help you. I didn’t mean to make it worse.” She started toward the door but stopped before opening it. “And as I said before, I don’t think Jake loves Jessica. If he did, he would’ve been more interested in talking to her when she got here. As far as I know, he hadn’t made any attempt to talk to her before today.”

“Please go,” Katie whispered through a sob. “Close the door behind you.”

“Fine.” Lindsay pulled the door open, and it squeaked in response. “I hope your
daed
listens to you when you talk to him. You don’t deserve to be punished.”

Katie buried her face into her pillow as the door closed behind Lindsay. Grief and frustration rained down on her as she thought about the conversation she’d witnessed between Jake and Jessica.

It was all so confusing, and it hurt her all the way to her soul. To make matters worse, her father was going to punish her
again for her seeing Jake and the punishment would certainly be worse than before.

Closing her eyes, Katie succumbed to her tears and silently prayed her father would witness her heartache and have mercy on her.

21

D
id you hear me, Jacob Miller?” Robert Kauffman asked. “I told you to get off my property and I mean
now.
”

“Mr. Kauffman,” Jake began. The cold seeped into his skin, causing his toes to go numb while they stood by the barn. “I wanted to try to explain to you that I —”

“There’s nothing to explain,” Robert said, his eyes full of animosity. “You had no right to come to
mei heemet
and try to date
mei dochder.
How dare you fill her head with notions of your love for her! You know she’s been forbidden to see you. Yet you have the audacity to meet her in private so you can touch her again!” His voice rose and shook with fury. “You need to stay away from my family and my property. Leave now!”

“But Mr. —” Jake attempted to explain his actions. “Leave now!” Robert repeated while stomping back toward the house.

“But I don’t have any transportation,” Jake called after him. “I drove with my grandparents in their buggy.”

Robert spun, facing Jake. “I don’t care if you have to walk
heemet
, Jacob. Just get out of here before I escort you off my property.” He then marched toward the porch, slamming the door on his way into the house.

“I’ll drive you,” a small voice said behind him. “I have my Jeep.”

“You heard everything,” Jake said, frowning at Jessica. “You stayed and eavesdropped.”

“I didn’t mean to.” Jessica shook her head. “I know I should’ve left, but I didn’t want to walk through the conversation either.” She gestured toward his face. “You look as if you might freeze to death. Your lips are turning blue. Let’s get in my truck and I can drive you home.” Jessica started toward her SUV, her shoes crunching on the frozen ground.

He stood still, debating if he should go into the house and try to talk to Katie. But he knew her father meant business, and the last thing he wanted to do was make the situation worse than it already was.

“Come on,” she called, walking backward while facing him. “I think my legs are frozen.”

He followed her, but he couldn’t stop the longing to go make things right. “I hate leaving her when I know she’s so upset.”

“You heard her father,” Jessica said. “I don’t think he’d take it well if you tried to go into the house. You know how Robert Kauffman is.”

“Yes,” Jake said with a scowl. “I certainly do.”

Jessica pushed a button on her key ring and the door locks popped open. “Get in. I’ll get the heat going.”

Jake climbed into the passenger seat and buckled his belt while she climbed in beside him. She cranked the engine over and then blasted the heat.

“This SUV may be old, but the heater works like a charm.” She rubbed her hands together and shivered. “It’s so cold. I’d forgotten how cold it gets here in the winter.”

Jake stared at the dashboard and thought of Katie while Jessica rambled on about the weather and how she wished she’d worn jeans instead of a skirt. He glanced up at the second-story windows and wondered how Katie was while the Jeep rumbled past the house. He wished he could console her and explain to her he loved her and only her. He couldn’t take the hurt
anymore. He needed to be with her. He had to do something now to make it work between them. But what should he do?