A Second Chance (13 page)

After dinner was finished and the men
had returned to the football game, Madeline walked into the
kitchen, where Emily and Kathy sat at the table with cups of
coffee. “Thank you for a wonderful evening.”

Emily stood and kissed her on the
cheeks. “I’m so glad you finally came.”

“
So am I.” She turned toward
Kathy, who had stood too. “Thank you so much for being so kind and
letting me join you all. It means the world to me that you’re so
kindhearted and let me be such a big part of Carlos’ life. I know
I’ve been a real pain lately.”

“
Oh, no. You’re very
important to him. You’re part of our family,” Kathy said with a
smile that reminded Madeline just how kind a person she really was,
but also with a tightness to her lips that let Madeline know that
as welcome as she’d felt in her presence, it wasn’t more than a
one-time deal.

“
I’m going to talk to the
kids about going back to our normal schedule. I know he misses
them, and I have to start back to work in a week or so. It’s helped
me having them around, but they need to be with you both
too.”

“
Well, if you wouldn’t mind,
could we have them next week? I’ve planned for pictures. Engagement
pictures, actually, but I’m not marrying just him, so I want the
kids in the pictures too.”

The thought gnawed at her. Kathy was
right. She wasn’t marrying just Carlos. She was marrying the whole
family. Madeline swallowed back the pain of the thought and smiled.
“I think that sounds nice.”

“
I’m glad you’re feeling
better. I know how he worries about you.”

“
Well, I think things are
looking up. Hopefully by next Christmas I’ll be cancer free and
I’ll be able to go to the company Christmas party in a strappy
number and show off my new cleavage.” She laughed, but it was
forced because no matter what her hair or body looked like, she
wouldn’t be on the arm of the man she loved, and that hurt even
worse.

Chapter Six

Kathy had sagged in the passenger seat
of Carlos’s car like a deflated balloon when the kids went home
with Madeline. The fewer people she had around her, the better off
she would be.

She sat with her hands clenched in her
lap, listening to Carlos go on and on about how good he thought
Madeline looked and how wonderful it was to have her at
dinner.

He tapped his fingers on the steering
wheel to the beat of the song on the radio. “I think I’ll have to
make sure Regan goes by a few times and takes Tyler to see her. I
think that was the best part. She looked so comfortable with him in
her arms.”

He was positively ecstatic about the
evening, and the very sound of his happy voice was raking across
her nerves. The moment they pulled into the driveway, Kathy grabbed
her purse and headed into the house while Carlos grabbed the bags
of leftover ice cream from the trunk and put them away in the
freezer. By the time he’d made it to their bedroom she’d gotten her
pajamas on and brushed through her hair.

“
Turning in
early?”

She pulled back the sheets. “It’s nine
o’clock. I have an early meeting in the morning.”

“
I have some papers to
grade. I’ll come to bed in just a little bit,” he said, moving
toward her and kissing her. She couldn’t help but flinch when his
lips touched her.

“
Are you okay?”

“
I’m fine.” She meant for it
to sound sincere, but it came out snappy. She looked away and swung
her feet under the sheets. “Please turn off the light when you walk
out.”

When she heard the door to his office
close, she began to sob. Jealousy was ugly when it reared its nasty
head. Jealousy on her was worse. But she couldn’t help it. Did he
know how he looked at Madeline? Did he know how he spoke of her?
Kathy had sat by him all evening, but did he even notice as he sat
and looked at his ex-wife?

If he’d noticed all of that, he would
have stopped. He wasn’t the kind of man to ignore the woman he
loved. But that hit her too. Perhaps she wasn’t the woman he loved
after all.

She pounded her fist into the pillow
and then dropped her head onto it. They were getting married.
Madeline was doing better. She had to fight the ugliness of
jealousy and make it go away. She’d hate herself if she didn’t, and
she’d hate him too.

Madeline woke to a glorious sunrise.
She sucked in a breath and let it out slow. She hadn’t felt so good
in months. Dinner at the Kellers’ was just what she had needed—and
holding little Tyler, well, that had made her night.

The sounds of her children moving
about the house made her even happier. She pulled on her robe,
slipped her feet into her slippers, and headed to the
kitchen.

Eduardo handed her a piece of toast
and kissed her cheek. “Mom, I think you’re glowing.”

“
What are you
making?”

“
I made some eggs. They just
wanted cereal.”

“
Can you make me some
too?”

He turned to her and studied her
close. “Really?”

The other sets of eyes at the table
looked up at her.

Madeline smiled at each of them. “Yes,
really. Today I feel like eating.”

“
Then I will make you eggs.”
He moved back to the refrigerator and took out the carton as she
sat down and enjoyed the morning with her family.

Once they’d left for school, Madeline
used the energy she had and changed her bedding, vacuumed the
living room, and ran a load of laundry. Within an hour, she’d used
every ounce of adrenaline she had and decided it was time for a
shower.

She wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to
seeing herself naked. They’d taken out the stitches, and now she
was left with only scars where her breasts had been. The best idea
was just to not look down, but it was hard to divert her eyes as
she ran soap over her body.

She poured shampoo in her hand and
worked it through her hair. But it felt different. She massaged the
shampoo on her head, and when she pulled her hands back, the amount
of hair still stuck to her fingers was more than ever
before.

She quickly rinsed off, climbed out of
the shower, and wrapped her robe around her, leaving the tangle of
hair clogging the tub drain. She took a deep breath and faced the
mirror. It was then that she saw what she’d wanted to pretend
hadn’t been happening. Her hair had thinned to the point that she
could see right through it. It made her look even sicker. It made
her feel sicker too.

At one in the afternoon, Carlos called
to check on her. When she couldn’t hide the tears in her voice, he
said he’d be over as soon as he could.

“
Carlos, don’t you dare. I’m
fine. I’m just being a little vain.” She rubbed her scalp because
now it itched, and the urge to pull at the hair that was left was
overwhelming.

“
But you’re
upset.”

She gripped the phone tighter. “And
I’ll be upset tomorrow about something else.”

“
Well, guess what. I haven’t
listened to you since this all started and I’m not going to listen
to you now. I had meetings today, so I’m done early. I’m on my
way,” he said, and the phone line went dead.

True to his word, he was there within
a half hour.

She heard his car and pulled open the
door.

The moment he reached the door, he
held out his arms, and she fell into them and sobbed. His hand
rubbed small circles on her back. “What’s wrong?”

She stepped back and looked at him.
“Look at me. In that last two days it’s all but completely fallen
out.”

“
Sweetheart, it’s okay.” He
wiped a tear from her cheek. “What do you want to do about
it?”

“
I’m going to just have to
shave it off. What the hell else am I going to do?”

“
I’ll tell you what. Why
don’t we take care of it. I’ll cut it off, and tomorrow we’ll go
buy you some wigs.”

“
A wig?”

“
No, I said
wigs
.” The crooked smile
on his lips made her laugh, and she wrapped her arms around him as
though it were the most natural thing to do.

When she stepped back and looked at
him, the brown of his eyes had grown deeper, which was what
happened when he was full of passion for something—or someone.
Madeline bit back the joyful sob that lodged in her throat. “You’ve
been planning this?”

“
I was prepared for the day.
I’ve looked up some shops that specialize in people who’ve lost
their hair to cancer treatments. There are a million options,
Maddie. If you want to feel good about yourself, there are people
out there who want to help you, and I’m one of them.”

She let out a sigh, and her
heartbeat vibrated in her chest. It raced as it had when she was
fifteen and looked at that face for the first time. He might be
marrying someone else, but he loved her in his own special way, and
that made it feel as though everything
was
going to be okay. “Thank
you.”

“
Well, don’t thank me yet.
You might hate me when we’re done. Are you ready?”

“
For?”

“
Let’s do this. Let’s cut
off your hair.”

Madeline sucked in a breath, held it,
and then dropped her shoulders as she let it out. It was time to
let go of another part of her appearance. Really, with a flat
chest, scarred and ugly, what did it matter if she had hair on her
head or not? This was the next step. And if she was going to do
something so drastic, there was no one in the world she wanted with
her more than Carlos.

Carlos took her hand and gave it a
squeeze, and they walked to the bathroom together.

“
Where do you keep the
clippers for Ed’s hair?” he asked.

“
Second drawer.” She wrapped
a towel around her neck and sat backward on the toilet
seat.

He plugged in the clippers and took
off the guard she kept on for doing the boys’ hair. She took a deep
breath and closed her eyes.

“
Okay. Go.”

He stood behind her with the clippers
buzzing in his hand. “You’re going to keep your eyes
shut?”

“
Yes, until I have a wig on
my head.”

“
Chicken,” he squawked and
she shot her eyes open. “I knew that would do the
trick.”

He started at the top of her head. The
clippers vibrated through her scalp. Madeline gritted her teeth to
keep them from clattering. He drew them through her hair. Long
strands fell to the floor.

“
Oh, God!” Her lip quivered
and she bit it to keep steady.

“
If you cry, I’ll carve my
initials in it.”

That made her laugh.

It only took a few passes, and her
head was free of the dark hair that had graced her head since she
was born.

She stared in the mirror that covered
the length of the bathroom wall, no longer crying. It wasn’t real.
It wasn’t her.

“
I can’t believe we just did
that,” she said, running her hand over the soft, tiny remnants of
prickly hair on her head. “This is just crazy.”

“
You know what?” He smiled
at her in the mirror. “You really don’t look that bad.”

The scars on her chest pained when he
said that. Madeline smiled, looked in the mirror at how ridiculous
she looked, and then looked back at Carlos and laughed. “What
part?” “Every part,” he said, but he wasn’t laughing.

Madeline swallowed hard. “Thank
you.”

“
Okay, get up.”

She stood up and brushed the loose
hairs from her shoulders.

Carlos sat down and wrapped the towel
around his shoulders. “My turn.”

“
Are you kidding me?” She
laughed harder. Maybe he’d been drinking, but she wasn’t gong to
cut off his beautiful, thick, black handfuls of hair. “Stop. I’m
fine.”

“
I’m not kidding.” He turned
and looked at her as he handed her the clippers. “Go.”

“
Carlos, I am not shaving
your head.”

“
Fine. Then I’ll do it.” He
took the clippers from her, turned them on, and made a pass down
the middle of his head.

Madeline gasped and covered her
mouth.

He examined the hairless patch in the
mirror. “Now that really looks dumb.”

“
Oh my God, Carlos. What are
you doing?” Her fingers shook at her lips as she watched him
examine what he’d done. Astonishment swirled in her head, humor in
her belly, and love in her heart for the man she should never have
given away.

“
Shaving my head because you
won’t.”

Madeline dropped her hands and shook
her head at him. “You shouldn’t do this.”

“
Too late. If you’re going
to do it, so am I.” He held the clippers up as if to hand them to
her. “Now are you going to help me?”

She started with a giggle, looking at
him. The realization of what he’d done and how silly he looked
turned that into a full-blown laugh as she took the clippers from
him. Timidly she took the first pass and watched as his dark, full
hair fell to the ground.