A Sensible Arrangement (26 page)

Brighton met him at the door. “Welcome home, sir.”

“Brighton,” Jake said, barely taking time to hand the man his hat. “Don't worry about helping me with my clothes. I'll manage for myself. Where's Mrs. Wythe?”

“She's in her room, sir. I believe she's been unwell.”

Jake frowned. “I'm sorry to hear that. I'll go to her right away.”

He bounded up the stairs, taking them two at a time. He hated to think of Marty sick and prayed silently that it wasn't anything serious. He knocked on her dressing room door but didn't receive a response. Opening it just a crack, he could see that no one was in the room. He quickly made his way to her bedroom door and knocked again.

“Come in,” she said in a voice that suggested she'd been crying.

Jake entered and noted that only a sliver of light from the window penetrated the darkness of the room. He reached for the lamp, but Marty halted him.

“Please don't. I have a terrible headache.”

“I'm so sorry. Brighton told me you were sick.”

“I'm not really so much sick—I'm . . . I'm worried.”

Jake crossed the room and pulled up a chair to where she was sitting. “What's wrong?” Fear edged his soul. “Is this about last night?” He closed his eyes, dreading her response.

“In a way,” she whispered. “I shouldn't have let it happen. I should have . . . I needed to tell you something first. Something that may alter . . . no, I'm sure it will alter your feelings for me.”

His eyes snapped open. “That's impossible. I love you. I've loved you for some time, but I couldn't bring myself to tell you for fear of your rejection.”

“Just as I fear yours now,” Marty said. She turned her face to his, and he could see that her eyes were swollen from crying.

“You don't need to fear me, Marty. You can tell me anything. I love you.”

“I hope you'll feel that way after you hear what I have to say.”

———

Marty hesitated a moment before continuing. She could see that Jake was surprised by her statement. “I want you to know that I've tried several times to tell you the truth. But for one reason or another, I've always backed down. Mostly because I'm a coward. But I cannot live with this lie between us. Not now. Not when I know I love you more than I ever dreamed possible.”

Jake reached out and took hold of her hand. “Marty, there's nothing you can say that will make me love you less.”

She wanted to believe him. She had spent the day in tears and prayers, and now that her moment of confession had come, she felt unable to continue. Her lies had finally caught up with her . . . and she feared the cost would be more than she could bear.

“Jake, I've kept something from you. Something that I knew would have pleased you. Something that you had hoped for.”

He looked at her, puzzled. “What are you saying?”

“I own a ranch, Jake. That is, I owned a ranch until a short time ago. My brother-in-law has reclaimed it, as it was his gift
to me to begin with. I gave it back to him, however, because I couldn't bear the idea of returning to ranch life. I couldn't bear the thought—no matter how much it meant to you—of losing you as I lost Thomas.”

Jake looked at her without saying a word. The light seemed to go out of his eyes, and he released her hand. Marty knew the impact of her confession was only now starting to hit him. She hurried to continue, praying he would understand her pain.

“I'm so sorry. I know I should have told you the first time you mentioned your dream of returning to ranching. Each time you talked about it, however, I felt my fears get the better of me. I answered your ad for a wife mainly to get away from Texas and all that it stood for, yet you wanted to take me back to that life. I just couldn't bear the thought of it.”

“So you lied to me? You lied about something that you knew was important to me—was my very heart and soul?”

She bit her lower lip and nodded. “Yes.”

He rubbed his hand over his mouth, staring straight ahead at the cold fireplace. For several minutes he said nothing at all. Marty wished he would speak. She'd rather have his rage or even his sorrow rather than this silence.

When he got to his feet, Marty jumped to hers as well and took hold of his arm. “Jake, I'm so very sorry. I don't know what else to say. I want our marriage more than you'll ever know, but if you feel you . . . have to . . . to . . . send me away . . .” She gave a heavy sigh. “I'll understand.” She bit her tongue knowing that, too, was just one more lie. She wouldn't understand.

He looked at her for a long time, his face betraying his anguish. “I can't talk to you about this right now. You've
near broken my heart, and all I can think about is getting away from you.” He turned and left without another word.

Marty collapsed on the floor and sobbed. Once again she'd lost a man she loved more than life itself. Why couldn't God just end her life now and be done with it? Why wouldn't He just show mercy and put her out of her misery?

Alice found Marty on the floor, weeping as if her life were over. She knew of her mistress's plans to tell Jake everything, and apparently it hadn't gone well. With a gentle hand, Alice helped Marty up from the floor and directed her to the bed. Marty stared aimlessly at the wall as Alice undressed her and replaced her tear-soaked dress with a white lawn nightgown. She helped Marty into bed, then surprised herself by sitting down beside her.

Taking up Marty's hand, Alice told her, “The truth will set you free. You may not believe that, but you've done the right thing, and God will bless it.”

“He said that all he could think of was getting away from me,” Marty said in a hushed, weak voice.

Alice patted her hand. “He's shocked and hurting. Give him some time to pray through this—to think on it.”

“I crushed his spirit, Alice. I wounded him more deeply than he could bear.” Marty shook her head slowly, her blond hair spilling out across the pillow. “I never thought a lie could hurt anyone that much. It seemed such a simple thing—an easy thing.”

“But a very harmful thing,” Alice added.

Marty continued to look away. “I can't bear the way he looked at me. He knew I'd betrayed him in the worst possible way. He could have forgiven me had I been unfaithful in our sensible arrangement, but not this. Not keeping him from his dream of ranching. Not keeping him from his beloved Texas.”

She turned to Alice and gripped her hand tightly. “I've lost him. The truth set him free from me, and now I'm alone again.”

“No,” Alice said, shaking her head. “You are never alone with God.”

“Why would He do this to me?”

“Marty, listen to yourself. God didn't lie, nor did He make you lie. You made that decision. I don't say this to hurt you, but you have to see the truth of it. God loves you, Marty, and He wants you to give Him your life—your love—your all. You had to tell the truth, otherwise things would never be right between you and God or you and Jake.”

“I know,” Marty whispered. She closed her eyes. “I can't bear who I am—what I've done. I'm a wretched creature. A sinful, wretched creature.”

Alice smiled. “Well, now that you realize what you are . . . maybe you can let God show you what you can be. I'm going to pray for you, Marty. Just as I have been doing for the entire time I've worked for you. I'm going to pray that you and Jake will both seek God's healing in this and trust Him to help you both know what to do about it.”

She released Marty's hand and stood. “I'm going to get you some hot tea and lemon—maybe some headache powders, too. I'll be back shortly.”

After she got Marty settled, Alice went to her room and
sank to her knees. “Oh, Father,” she began to pray, “please hear my prayers.”

Marty lay awake throughout the night waiting and listening for some sound that might indicate that Jake had returned home. Alice had checked on Jake's whereabouts several times, only to have Brighton tell her that he had stormed from the house, not even stopping to take up his hat.

Tossing and turning in her bed, Marty did her best to pray, but the words seemed stuck in her throat. She had no desire to go back to being the woman she'd been before—bitter and angry at God. She desperately needed God's love at this moment, probably more so than any other time in her life.

Even in losing Thomas, Marty had not felt so alone. Back in Texas she'd had Hannah and Will at her side. Hannah had stood by Marty and cared for her. Marty had known that her family loved her and that love would get her through the loss. Now, however, she had betrayed everyone—even her family.

She knew that in the days to come, she would write to tell Hannah everything. If Jake insisted she leave—if he annulled their marriage—Marty had already decided to remain in Colorado. She would ask Alice to be her friend, to find a place where they could live together. She would get a job.

I know how to work hard. I can do
any number of jobs. If Jake won't have me
anymore . . . I'll find a way to live my life.

But she doubted the truth of that. She might be able to survive the blow, but she seriously doubted life would be worth living.

Closing her eyes, Marty imagined life without Jake and tears formed anew. It wasn't a life she desired—at all. When
sleep finally came, Marty endured one nightmare after another. She relived her confession to Jake and felt the cut of his rejection over and over.

She dreamed about Thomas at one point, and instead of seeing him attacked by the longhorn, he stood in accusation, telling Marty that she had disappointed him. That was worse, in some ways, than watching him die.

Waking, Marty brought a hand to her forehead and noted it was beaded with sweat. She felt the damp perspiration all over her body and longed for a cool bath. She got up and sponged off with the water that Alice had left in her room. It helped a little, but not enough. She went to the window and leaned out as far as she dared. The cooler night air hit her damp skin. It felt good, and Marty lingered there for some time.

She noticed a hint of the darkness lessening.
It must be close to dawn. In a few hours
I'll have to face another day. But how?

For a moment she gave serious consideration to just packing up the things she'd brought to Colorado and leaving. She could stay with her brother, Andy, in Wyoming for a time. Maybe that was the answer she sought. If she left and gave Jake time to consider the situation, it might do them both good.

Oh, Jake. I'm
so sorry
.

Marty turned toward her closed bedroom door and wondered if Jake had ever come home. Without much thought she opened the door and passed through the dressing room. She hesitated a moment at the passageway that would take her to Jake's bedroom. Dare she continue? If he wasn't there, she would worry all the more. If he was there, he might be awake and waiting to speak with her.

She opened the first door and tiptoed through the hall to the second door. Opening it just enough to glance inside, Marty could see that the room was dark. Even so, she could hear Jake's even breathing. He'd come home. Relief and dread washed over her in equal parts.

Entering the room, Marty made her way to the bed. She could see his outline in the darkness, but little more. The urge to pray overcame her and Marty knelt beside the bed. At first she prayed silently, but then her heart grew much too heavy, and the words just seemed to pour from her mouth.

“Oh, God, please help Jake not to hate me. Please let him know how sorry I am. I never knew my lies could cause such pain. It wasn't my desire to hurt him like I did—I was just a coward. I kept thinking of how Thomas had died, and it was more than I could bear. Forgive me, God. Please forgive me, and help Jake to forgive me, too. I promise I won't lie again . . . leastwise, I promise to do my best to never lie again.”

“Do you mean that, Marty?” Jake asked, rolling to his side.

Marty nearly jumped from the floor at the sound of his clear voice. Obviously, he hadn't been sleeping. “I do,” she said, barely able to speak. Her heart pounded so hard she could hardly hear his voice. For several long moments Jake simply stared at her. When he did finally speak, it pierced Marty to the heart.

“You know, I couldn't believe you would do such a thing. I didn't see how you could say you loved me and yet lie like that. Josephine betrayed me like that. I loved her and thought she loved me, but she didn't. She was a liar and betrayed my trust. And then you went and did the same thing.”

“I know. What I did was horrible, and I have no right to ask your forgiveness. I've spent a lifetime lying to get myself out
of uncomfortable situations and never thinking of the cost. It was only my love for you that made me tell the truth.” Marty knew he probably couldn't see the details of her face, but she hoped he could hear the sincerity in her voice. “I didn't want to tell you. I thought after . . . after . . . our night together, that maybe I didn't need to tell you. But my conscience wouldn't leave me be. I knew I had to tell you, but I also knew it was going to destroy any affection you had for me. All I ask is that you give me a chance to make it up—to prove my love.”

Jake sat up and reached out to take hold of Marty's hands. He pulled her to her feet and had her sit on the side of the bed. “And there will be no more lies between us?”

“No more. I know it's in my nature, but I'm sick of my nature—and I want to be a good wife to you, Jake. Please forgive me. Please. I never meant to hurt you, but I know I did and for that I'm so very sorry.”

“I love you, Marty, but your lie really tore me apart.”

“I know. Please forgive me.”

“I wanted nothing more than to return to Texas and own my own spread again. I wanted to be back in the saddle rather than in a bank office.”

“I know. Please . . . forgive me.”

Jake drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. “But mostly I want a wife I can trust. A wife I can plan a future with—have a family with.”

Marty felt a pang of sorrow and drew in a deep breath. “I don't think I can have children, Jake. Thomas and I tried for ten years, and they all ended in miscarriages.” Silence hung heavy between them, and Marty thought she might burst into tears anew.

“There's always your orphans.”

Marty laughed and cried at the same time. She fell into his arms and sobbed again. “Please forgive me, Jake. I can't bear one more minute if you don't.”

With a tenderness she had never known, Jake pulled her close and kissed her wet cheek. “Ah, Marty, God knows I've needed enough forgivin' in my life. I love you, and love sometimes comes in pain as well as joy. I forgive you, Marty. I forgive you.”

Standing before the justice of the peace, Marty and Jake held hands as Mrs. Landry and Mr. Brighton exchanged their vows. Alice and Mrs. Standish had also come to witness the marriage, while Samson waited patiently at the back of the church. His smile clearly showed his approval, and Marty couldn't help but glance back at him from time to time.

“I now pronounce you man and wife,” the justice declared. “Groom, you may kiss your bride.”

Brighton's face turned several shades of red, but Mrs. Landry was not nearly so embarrassed. She took hold of the man's face and planted her lips on his. Marty couldn't help but giggle and ducked her head to try and disguise her glee.

Jake didn't bother. He laughed out loud at the scene and squeezed Marty's hand. “He said we could kiss.”

She looked up in surprise. “He said that the groom could kiss his bride.”

“Well, I'm a groom, and I want to kiss my bride.” He leaned over and placed a very chaste kiss upon her lips. Marty didn't even have time to close her eyes, but rather met his blue-eyed gaze. They were the same color as a Texas summer sky.

Marty congratulated the new couple, and Alice and Mrs.
Standish did likewise. Brighton had arranged a private carriage for them and soon swept his new bride off for some mysterious honeymoon that he'd not shared the details of—not even with Jake.

Outside the day was perfect and bright, a bit warm but not unbearably so. Marty thought of humid summer days on the ranch and smiled. The dry Denver air was so very different.

“You seem very pleased with yourself, Mrs. Wythe,” Jake whispered in her ear.

“I'm just happy that things could work out for Brighton and Mrs. Landry. I know they'll probably bicker and pick at each other the entire time they're away, but I'm also certain they'll forgive each other and go on.”

“As am I,” Jake said, heading toward the open carriage where Alice and Mrs. Standish were already waiting.

“It was a lovely ceremony,” Mrs. Standish declared. “Made me think I might one day find another husband for myself.”

“Why, Mrs. Standish,” Marty said, “I didn't know you were of a mind to remarry.”