A Shameful Secret (24 page)

“We are family now,” Ellie said and reached out to touch her hand. “Now tell me, did you enjoy your stay in London?”

“Very much. I have been thoroughly spoiled, for both Charlotte and my mother gave me money to spend on clothes, and Paul is forever buying me some trinket—and of course my beautiful ring.”

“Yes, it is a lovely ring,” Ellie said. “Rubies are not my stone, but I think they become you well. I dare say Paul will give you the rest of the set when you are married. The ring is new I believe, but his grandmother left him all her own personal jewellery, and I know there are some lovely pieces, some very good rubies and emeralds, though perhaps a little old-fashioned. I dare say he will have it all cleaned and reset for you in a lighter mount.”

“I do not wear much jewellery,” Hester told her. “I have some pearls which were left to me by my godmother, but nothing else of value—except my ring, of course.”

“Well, there are some pieces of family jewellery that will look better on you than me,” Ellie said and smiled. “I shall speak to Longstanton, and I am sure that he will have them sent down from London. We keep the things I do not use in the bank, my dear. It is safer that way, for I once had a diamond brooch stolen, and because I did not often use it, I did not realize it had been taken until months later. The culprit was probably a girl I had dismissed for bad service, but we never knew for sure. So now I choose a few things I like and leave the others in the bank’s safe until I wish for a change.”

“I am sure that I would not need many pieces of jewellery.”

“But Paul will want to give you lots of things,” Ellie said and laughed softly. “It is the way of new husbands. You must enjoy them, Hester dear. The first few months of marriage are very special and must be appreciated.” She gave a little sigh. “I have often thought how nice it would be to be courted again, but alas, Longstanton is not romantic. I think Paul has a great deal of me in him, and you may fare better. Not that I complain. Frederick has always been faithful to me and generous. I could have been much less well used. I know he loves me—but I long for the flowers that he once brought me every day.”

Hester smiled for she knew that her hostess did not intend to be taken seriously. Lord Longstanton loved his wife, and she ruled the household as a queen. She had a garden filled with flowers, and there were always flowers in her rooms, but her husband was a little absent-minded and sometimes forgot to offer her the small tributes that she liked.

A woman in her prime, Ellen Longstanton might have had a string of young admirers dangling after her if she chose to bestow her favors on a lover, but she refrained from flirting. She might complain that her husband was not a romantic, but in her heart, she knew she was loved and had too much respect for Longstanton and the family name to tarnish it with a tawdry affair. Hester knew that many women in Society were not as circumspect and that her future mother-in-law was a stickler for good behavior.

She had noticed that her future mother-in-law was scrupulous in her behavior with gentlemen, and had made a mental note to follow her example. Indeed, she must be extra careful for she must never give Paul a reason to doubt her.

At Longstanton, in the days that followed their return, there was little opportunity for flirtation with other gentlemen. Most of Paul’s friends were married, and though they complimented Hester frequently on her looks and congratulated Paul on his good fortune in securing her, they did not attempt to flirt with her.

She was beginning to know her fiancé better and understood that he was well respected, both because of his gentlemanly behavior and of his service in the army. He never spoke of it, but there were others to tell her of the commendations for bravery that he had earned in the face of enemy fire. It was something more to admire in him, and she had a sense of living in a charmed existence, of being almost too happy as the long hot days of summer passed and the day of their wedding  neared.

She had almost forgotten the strange letters that had disturbed her when she received them, for she had decided to put them out of her mind, but then, on the day of their dance, she found another amongst the pile of cards brought up to her with her chocolate and croissants. After reading so many letters and messages of goodwill, it was a shock, and for a moment, she felt quite sick as she read the few lines.

It is almost time for your unmasking. If you do not come soon to regret your marriage, your husband will.

What could it mean? Hester could not doubt that it had been sent with malicious intent, and she decided that she must tell Paul of the letters after all. She had hoped that it was something she could brush aside, but now she had a most unpleasant feeling that someone was planning to ruin her, and Paul ought to be warned.

She saw him leaving the breakfast room as she came downstairs. They had no arrangement to ride that morning, because Paul had estate business for his father, but she called to him and he halted, smiling at her.

“You look beautiful as always,” he said, and then, his eyes narrowing as he looked at her, “Is something wrong?”

“I think you should see these,” Hester told him holding out the letters. “May we speak in private?” There were servants in the hall, and he took her arm, leading her into a small salon to the left, closing the door before opening the letters. The most recent was on top and he frowned over it for a moment before looking at the others and then at her. “How long have you been receiving these?”

“The first was given me on the day the banns were called in church for the first time. The last arrived this morning. As you see, the first two did not seem as threatening, and I decided to ignore them, but this one . . .” She gave him a serious, steady look. “I think someone intends harm, Paul—but as much for you as me. If I were the target, he might have spoken out before this, but if he waits for our marriage, he may ruin us both.”

“What are you saying?” Paul moved towards her, his mouth pulled into a thin line. “You do not wish to change your mind?”

“Oh no,” she said urgently. “I think myself the most fortunate of women, but perhaps you may wish to reconsider? If the scandal should come out after we are married . . .”

“Yes, it would cause a scandal,” Paul said looking thoughtful. “Which means that we must be prepared and do our best to avoid falling into the trap. However, for myself I care little.  This tragedy has made you stronger, given you a character that others must admire – but we shall do our best to keep the secret for I would not have anyone think the less of you, dearest.”

“But what can we do?” Hester asked. “My family concealed my shame as best they could, but if it has become known . . .”

Paul reached out, putting a finger to her lips. “Let me make something clear to you, Hester. What happened was no shame to you. The man responsible has accepted the blame, for it lies with him. Society may shun young ladies who find themselves in trouble, but I think it is most unkind in such a case as yours. You have been made to believe that you were wicked, because your father was so harsh—but it is not true. You are loving and good, and I love you more than you can possibly know. To me you are perfect . . . a ruby without a flaw.”

“Oh, Paul,” she said, her throat closing on a sob. “I do not deserve such goodness. I was but a foolish girl. If I had never allowed Richard to kiss me in the first instance . . .”

Paul reached out to touch her cheek with his fingertips. “He has told me everything. If I can forgive him—and I have—how could I blame you?”

“But I disappointed . . .”

She got no further, for he swept her into his embrace, kissing her in such a hungry, passionate way that she lost her breath. She gazed up into his eyes as he released her, gasping as she saw the aching need in him and understood for the first time how much she meant to this man.

“I should never have said such a thing to you,” he said huskily. “It was shock, and for a moment, yes, I was jealous and even angry that another man had touched you—but it was a passing thing, Hester. You are who you are because of what happened. Had it not you would probably have been happily married for years, and we should never have met. The past is gone and forgotten. I want to spend my life with you, Hester. Nothing else will content me.”

“Paul . . .” Tears stung her eyes but she smiled through them. “I love you so, and I never thought that such happiness could come to me.” She blinked hard. “But I do not want to ruin you or bring shame to your family.”

“Then you must trust me to take care of this,” Paul told her. “All I will say now is that if I ask you to agree with me concerning this affair you will do so, and that you will follow my lead. You must not let your honesty overcome you, dearest.” She looked at him doubtfully for she could not see a way out of the situation. “Will you give me your word?”

“Yes, if you ask it,” she said. “But I do not see . . .” He placed a finger to her lips once more, then dropped a kiss on her nose. “Paul, what are you planning . . . ?”

“Something I have already begun,” he said. “But do not forget your promise to me. And now I must leave you, for there is something Father asked me to do for him, and I may not neglect my duty—even for the pleasure of kissing you.”

Hester nodded, watching as he left her. She hoped she would not be asked to lie for she had never been good at it and it went against her natural character—but she had given her word, and if called upon she must keep it.

Paul had made no mention of her daughter. It was clear that she would need to be very careful in the future, which meant that she might not be able to have the child with her as she had hoped—but perhaps Paul would allow her to have a secret meeting now and then.

Hester could only pray that it would be so. Her throat caught with emotion as she thought about the child and longed to see her. If there had been any way of going to her, she would have managed it somehow, but until she could discover her daughter’s whereabouts, she must be patient. Once they were married, there would be more time to please themselves. For the time being, she was required to smile and greet all Paul’s large family, who were arriving in droves every day now.

There were so many uncles, aunts, great-aunts, and cousins that she had difficulty in keeping up with them, but they were a happy, jovial family and always jesting amongst themselves. Hester felt at home with them immediately, for they treated her as their own, particularly Admiral Staunton, who was a large, ruddy-faced man who called her Hetty and winked at her with such wickedness in his eyes that she loved him as she would her own family.

Because of their kindness, the time just sped by, giving Hester no time to brood about the things that hovered at the back of her mind. Everyone was giving her lovely gifts, and many of them were for her personally.

“Waste of time to give that young pup anything,” Uncle Staunton told her with a wink as he presented her with a beautiful travelling case filled with glass and gold topped bottles. “Has more than he needs already, and he’ll have what’s left when I’ve gone—for I’ve no children of my own and not like to be leg-shackled at my age. Mind you, Hetty, had I seen you first, he would have had to fight me for you.”

Hester shook her head at him and laughed. It was difficult to be serious with Uncle Staunton around, and indeed, she had enough to make her happy, for Paul had become more urgent in his loving and she guessed that he was finding it difficult to keep his hands from her.

* * * *

It was traditional for the bride and groom to separate the evening before the wedding, and Paul was carried off by some friends to enjoy the revelry that had been planned, but he returned to the house before midnight. Hester was in bed but not sleeping when she heard a knock at the door that led through to sitting rooms and his bedchamber. She slipped out of bed, pulled on her dressing gown and opened the door to him.

“Did I wake you?” he asked, his hot gaze going over her for she looked slightly dishevelled, her hair tumbling down over her shoulders. He had never seen her wear it thus, and it made him ache with the need to touch it, to bury his face in the sweet perfume of her flesh. “Forgive me, but I wanted to see you.”

“Is something the matter?” She gazed up at him anxiously, her lovely eyes wide.

“No, nothing is wrong, except that I wanted to see you—and to do this.” Drawing her into his arms, he kissed her deeply, passionately, his tongue exploring her mouth, dancing with hers in a sensuous way that made her moan and melt into his body, wanting him to go on and on and never stop. He kissed her mouth and the silken arch of her throat, his tongue licking delicately at the soft flesh revealed as her gown fell open to reveal the shadowed valley between her full breasts.

“You are so beautiful, my darling,” he said sighing as he released her. “It is torture lying in my bed and knowing that you are so close and yet so far. I can hardly wait for tomorrow. I want you so much . . . so very much.”

“If you wish it you may stay,” Hester said huskily for she was trembling with the heat of desire, her own need as great as his. “We have only a few hours to wait, and then we shall be man and wife.”

“And I have vowed to wait,” Paul said in a low burning tone. “Much as I want you, and as lonely as I find my own bed, I shall wait, my darling. I want you to know that I love and respect you.”

Hester smiled and shook her head at him. Taking him by the hand, she led him to her bed.