A Shining Light (25 page)

“Why you accusin' me of wrongdoin', Andrea? The boy probably didn't want to tell you because he knew I wasn't supposed to go walkin' out in the woods.” I spread butter on the buckwheat pancakes before dousin' them with maple syrup. “Wish they'd serve pancakes every day instead of those fried taters.”

“You should be thankful you get any food at all. Beggars can't be choosers, Fred.”

“Always got a smart remark, ain't ya.”

She ignored me and looked away. Except for the sound of silverware clanking on china, the room remained silent till I finished breakfast. As soon as I pulled the napkin off my chest, she jumped to her feet and took the wooden board from my lap. After placin' the dirty dishes in the metal container, she closed the lid. Holdin' the wooden board in one hand, she started across the room.

“I want that over here,” I said.

She turned and looked first at me and then the board. “This? What for?”

“I wanna write a letter.” I pointed at the table. “And bring me that writin' paper and an envelope from over there.”

After puttin' the board across my lap, she returned for the paper and envelope. “I suppose you would like a pen and ink, as well?” She didn't wait for an answer before gathering the items and placing them on the board. Instead of preparing to depart, she returned to the chair and sat down. “I'm in no hurry. I'll wait and take your letter to be mailed.”

“You go on. Ain't no need to wait. It's gonna take me a while to figure out what all I wanna say. Lukas can mail it after school.”

Instead of gettin' up, she smiled real big. “I'd be happy to help you with the letter.”

“I don't need no help, just time alone to think. You best get on back to your kitchen work.”

She paused a minute after she stood up and looked at me like she had somethin' she wanted to say but wasn't sure she should. Finally, she picked up the basket and stared at me real hard.

“I've been diligently praying to see some changes in you, Fred.”

I tipped my head back and laughed. “Well, you can quit your prayin', Andrea, 'cause I ain't plannin' to change no time soon.”

Andrea

A week had passed since Lukas came home and announced that the doctor had stitched up his father's wound again. Lukas was pleased by his father's progress, but I'd noticed that ever since the accident in the woods, Lukas appeared anxious. Several times I asked him questions, but he'd been less than forthcoming. And though I wanted to probe further, I feared he would withdraw from me. And Fred wouldn't provide any answers—he was even more evasive than Lukas.

With Fred on bed rest, there had been no opportunity to read any more of his letters, and he'd now placed them out of sight. While I believed the letters would reveal more of what had happened during Fred's absence, I feared the contents would make it impossible for me to feel safe living with him again. And then what would I do?

Knowing that Lukas longed to win his father's approval increased my concerns even more. I worried that his recent anxiety was
connected to Fred, and he was somehow manipulating the boy. I needed a confidant, but my choices were limited. If I discussed my concerns with the elders, they might decide Fred's presence could cause unwanted disruption to life in the colonies. If they asked him to leave, Lukas and I would be expected to go with him. I shuddered at the thought.

Once we had completed cleaning the breakfast dishes, Sister Erma waved me toward the door. “Go on and visit your husband, but try to return before we begin the noonday preparations. Greta and I will take care of the morning lunch.”

I removed my apron and hung it near the back door. “Danke.” A twinge of guilt assailed me as I opened the door. Once the potato harvest had ended, I had returned to my usual schedule and hurried off each morning to visit Fred. Truth be told, I would have preferred to remain in the Küche, but I couldn't say such a thing without causing raised eyebrows. “I'll be back in plenty of time. I promise.”

The door banged shut behind me, and I inhaled a whiff of sweet autumn air. Rays of bright sunshine shone on trees full of colorful leaves. Though I had left the kitchen with every intention of visiting Fred, when I should have turned left, I continued straight—on toward the tinsmith's shop, where I would find Dirk.

Perhaps Lukas had confided in him. If so, maybe Dirk could answer some of my concerns regarding the boy's recent unease. These were the things I told myself before I entered the shop. As I stepped across the threshold, I ignored the nagging feeling that I should turn away. I should be going to visit my husband instead of confiding in another man.

“Guten Morgen, Sister Andrea. It is gut to see you.” Dirk's broad smile drew me toward him like a ray of sunshine on a cold winter day. “What brings you to my shop this morning?”

I glanced around, hoping he would be alone. He grinned and glanced over his shoulder. “Werner has gone outdoors to draw some sketches. He is now painting pictures as well as helping here in the shop. Did Lukas tell you?” When I shook my head, Dirk pointed to some paintings sitting on a shelf across the room. “The boy has great talent, so I spoke to the elders. They agreed with my suggestion that he continue his artwork. The paintings will be displayed for sale in the general store. Already two outsiders have purchased artistic pictures.”

“That's wonderful. You've been so good to help Werner.”

“He is the one with the talent. And the elders have even agreed that he will get extra credit on his store account for each sale, which makes his Mutter and Vater very happy.” He hesitated a moment. “So that is why I am alone this morning.”

“I am glad.” The moment I'd uttered the remark, I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks. “I mean, I am glad to have the opportunity to visit with you privately. I wanted to speak with you about Lukas.” I feared my hurried explanation only made me sound more foolish.

“Why don't we sit down.” He carried a couple of the stools to the area at the front of the shop. For us to be alone in the back would be inappropriate. And even though we were sitting where we could be seen, I wondered what Brother Bosch might think if he walked into the shop right now. No doubt he would not approve. But that didn't stop me. I accepted Dirk's offer and sat down opposite him.

“I have been worried about Lukas and wondered if you have noticed any changes in his behavior.” I looked up and was met by his quizzical gaze.

“Lukas has not been coming to the shop after school. A couple days before Fred reinjured himself, Lukas came by and told me
that he would be going to see his father each day after school and would not be able to come to the shop. I thought you knew.”

I couldn't believe my ears. “So Lukas has not been here at all?”

“Nein. He said his Vater wanted more time with him.” Dirk massaged his forehead. “I should have spoken with you to make sure, but I did not think Lukas would agree to such an arrangement without first talking to you.”

“Before Fred arrived, that would have been true, but it seems that he is having quite an influence upon Lukas—and I fear it is not for the better. At home he is distant with me, and when I ask him questions, he tries to avoid direct answers.” I wrung my hands together. “He has not been the same boy since Fred arrived.”

“If you would like, I can speak to him and see if he will confide in me. I could draw him aside after prayer meeting and tell him how much I miss him at the shop.” He cleared his throat. “I do miss Lukas.”

“And I'm sure he misses you, as well. Perhaps that's why he has been so quiet. He didn't want to tell me he wasn't coming to the shop. I'm sure Fred warned him against telling me.” My anger bubbled like a kettle of boiling water. How dare Fred teach Lukas to be dishonest!

I wanted to march over to the doctor's office and confront him this very moment, yet that would only make matters worse. There would be time to deal with Fred later. Right now I needed to remain focused upon Lukas and how to help him. I wasn't sure why Fred wanted to keep the boy so close, but I doubted it was for any reason that would benefit Lukas.

“Why don't you talk to Lukas after prayer meeting? I don't know if you can discover what's bothering him, but it won't hurt to try.” I hesitated a moment. “How is everything going between
you and Sister Greta?” I waved my hand. “Never mind. I should not have asked—it is none of my business.”

He chuckled. “You do not need to apologize. I am guessing she told you that I do not wish to participate in her strategy to win her Vater's approval to marry Benjamin.”

Learning his interest in Greta had been no more than a ruse caused a sense of relief to wash over me. “She has not said anything to me, but I wondered if something was wrong. She has been a little sour lately.”

After he had explained the plan, he said, “I am not proud that I agreed to play any part in this. I should have refused from the outset. I knew it was wrong, but Greta has been my friend for years and I wanted to help her. She had already arranged the picnic, so I agreed to escort her, but I told her I would do nothing further to help with her plan.”

I heard the shame in his voice and wanted to comfort him, but I remained silent and let him continue.

“She is unhappy with me. I do not want to destroy our friendship, but I couldn't agree to deceive her Vater.”

No wonder Greta had been so sullen. I thought I had done something to anger her. Now her actions made more sense to me.

“What if— No, never mind.” I shook my head.

Dirk reached for my hand then quickly pulled back. “Tell me, Andrea. What were you going to say?”

“What if you gained Greta's permission to speak with her father and tell him what she had planned? Maybe if he knew the lengths she was willing to go to in order to gain his approval, her father would understand how much she loves Benjamin. Her father admires you, Dirk. If you spoke to him, I think he would listen.”

He arched his brows. “I do not know if he would be convinced,
but it would not hurt to try. For sure, I would be willing to speak to him.”

“But first you must ask Greta. If she thinks it is a bad idea—”

“You do not need to worry. I will first gain her approval. But I think this is a gut idea. Danke, Andrea.”

I nodded and glanced toward the door. “I should be on my way. I promised Sister Erma I would return in time to help with noonday preparations. And I need to stop by and see Fred for a few minutes, or he'll tell Lukas I didn't stop by to see him.”

“And does it bother Lukas when you don't visit Fred?” Dirk asked while he followed me to the door.

“If I don't make a visit to his father, Lukas will ask why. I think it's another way Fred manipulates both of us into doing what he wants.” I smiled and shrugged. “And of course, his tactics usually work. Thank you for your offer to help, Dirk.”

“Ja, of course. It is gut we could both help each other.”

Though I shouldn't have been pleased by what Dirk had told me, it delighted me to hear him say he did not wish to marry Greta. However, the warm glow evaporated like a morning mist when I considered my selfish spirit. Would I ever be truly free of my feelings for Dirk?

As I walked to the doctor's office, I thought about the vows I'd made when I married Fred. Deep within, I knew I must set aside my feelings for Dirk, honor my marriage vows, and trust God to change Fred into the man he should be—a man who would love and protect his wife and son.

Two days later, Greta and I began the weekly chore of cleaning lamp chimneys and trimming the wicks of the kerosene lamps that hung on the walls in the dining hall. A large pan of soapy
water sat alongside the rinse water on one of the long tables. She washed one of the chimneys and dipped it into the rinse water before handing it to me to dry. “Thank you for trying to help. Brother Dirk spoke to me about your suggestion.”

I continued to work the soft cloth around the interior of the lamp chimney. “Do you think it would help to have Brother Dirk speak to your father?”

She nodded. “I told him he could try. I did not think my Vater would listen. I expected him to be very angry about my attempt to deceive him.”

I arched my brows. “So Brother Dirk has already spoken to him?”

“Oh ja. We went together after prayer service last night. I did not think it was fair for Brother Dirk to speak with Vater alone. Since I was the one who came up with the plan, I thought I should be there to help explain. Besides, if Mutter or Vater had heard any of the comments I'd been making to the other sisters, Vater might be angry with Dirk. I needed to explain that Dirk only went to the picnic with me because I had already asked permission and he did not want to embarrass me.” She turned away. “When Dirk said he would not be a part of my plan, I decided I could still make others think we were more than friends.”

I now knew why Sister Dorothea had considered Greta and Dirk a couple who planned to marry. Greta had carefully dropped a comment here and there—just enough to convince the sisters and anyone else who might ask questions.

“Does Dirk know that you involved him more than he agreed?”

She bobbed her head. “I told him. He was not happy to hear what I had done, but he has forgiven me.”

I was surprised Greta had taken her plan so far, but I was pleased she'd been honest with Dirk—and her parents. I was almost afraid to ask how her father had taken the news. Her facial expression
didn't reflect whether the discussion had met with a good or bad reaction. “And did your father become angry?”

“Nein. At first, he appeared confused. But once Dirk fully explained what I had hoped to accomplish, he said he would reconsider his decision.” She smiled and handed me another dripping glass chimney. “He asked me to leave and he talked with Dirk for a short time. Once Dirk left, my Vater called me back into the parlor and spoke to me. He was unhappy that I had tried to deceive him, but he was even more disappointed that I had involved Dirk and then deceived him, as well.” She sighed and shook her head. “I know I was wrong and I am sorry for what I've done, but Vater has agreed to reconsider and seek the Lord's guidance about my future.”

“I am pleased to know he is willing to reconsider his decision. I think your father cares very much for you. I am sure he wants to be certain you are happy.”

She exhaled a long breath. “Ja. I tried to explain to him long ago how much I love Benjamin, but he did not listen.”

I finished drying the remaining chimney and placed it on the table alongside the others. “I know, but fathers want to protect their daughters. As a mother, I know I would do most anything to protect Lukas. Try to remember that his actions are based in love for you—not to make you unhappy.”

“I know you are right. Sometimes I forget that he wants only the best for me.” She leaned forward and picked up the wick trimmer. “I'll trim the wicks. You can hand me the chimneys.”

I carried several chimneys as we crossed the room. With careful precision, she reached up, cut straight across, and then made carefully angled cuts along each side of the wick.