A Sinclair Homecoming (The Sinclairs of Alaska) (10 page)

CHAPTER ELEVEN

W
ADE
WATCHED
,
PUZZLED
,
as Morgan hurried down the hall and wondered if his unfortunate experience with her sister had upset her more than she’d let on. He had half a mind to chase after her just to make sure everything was okay but he had to talk to his mom. Wade was still out of sorts but he wanted to see what his mom’s perspective was on his dad’s voluntary jail stay. He could probably guess what her opinion was but he needed to be sure. He walked in and found his mom staring out the window, her expression wounded and lost and he gentled his voice to ask, “Is everything okay, Mom?”

She glanced at him briefly before returning her gaze to the view. “I’m sure you saw that woman leaving. I don’t understand why she has to keep poking at me. Haven’t I gone through enough?”

“Mama, do we have to go through this again? She’s here because she’s
required
to be. If you hadn’t ruined your house none of this would be happening. But I’m not here to talk about your house. I need to talk about your husband.”

At the mention of Zed, Wade snagged her attention. “What’s wrong? Is he okay?”

“He’s fine. I just saw him at the jail. But I have to say I’m incredibly disappointed. He’s choosing to stay in that place instead of letting anyone bail him out. We could really use his help in this situation but he’s digging his heels in and refusing to budge. Sort of like you,” he added with a mild frown. “I don’t understand what’s wrong with the two of you.”

Jennelle took immediate issue with his statement. “What do you mean, what’s wrong with us? What kind of question is that? Your father is his own man. I’m not his boss. If he doesn’t want to help it’s his choice. Besides, has it ever occurred to you, all of you are making a big deal about nothing? Maybe your father realizes that and just wants to let the dust settle so things can get back to normal.”

“Normal?
Which normal would that be? The one where you live like a hermit crab, piling on more and more crap until it topples over onto you and Dad remains oblivious to what’s going on under his nose because he’s stoned half the time? That normal?” At Jennelle’s disapproving stare, Wade threw his hands up in frustration. “Because I’ve lost sight of what normal is in this family and I think you have, too.”

“You’re in a fine mood. Nobody asked you to get involved.”

“Stop it. This is serious. I put my life on hold to come out here to help you and him. The least that he can do is accept the help to bail him out.”

She shrugged. “Zed’s never been one to accept a handout. I would’ve thought you would remember that.”

“It’s not a handout. In one instance it’s a friend being there for another friend, and in the other it’s his son.”

“Well, either way it doesn’t matter, does it? Because he’s perfectly content to sit there and if that’s the case then that is where he will remain until he’s ready to leave.”

“Mama, did you know that Dad had a drug problem?” he asked, going straight for the hard question.

She scowled. “A drug problem? Really? I think that’s a little extreme, don’t you? Your father doesn’t have a drug problem. He has a gardening problem.”

“Well, the
garden
he was tending is illegal. So I would say it’s a problem no matter what. And that doesn’t bother you?”

“I don’t like it,” she admitted stiffly. “But he’s a grown man. I can’t chase after him and make him do what’s right, any more than I could make you children do what’s right.”

“Yeah, that’s the thing. We
are
doing what’s right. And the fact that both my parents are acting like children is really disheartening.”

Jennelle glared. “I did not raise my son to talk to his mother that way.”

Wade took a moment to collect himself. “You’re right. I apologize but I’m frustrated. I feel we are all killing ourselves to help you both and neither of you will lift a finger.”

Jennelle’s eyes flashed. “Oh, that’s rich. Nobody said that you needed to come out here and police what we were doing. If your sister hadn’t poked her nose where it didn’t belong none of this would’ve happened. If you feel the need to blame someone, blame your sister.”

It killed him that his mother was being so hard on Miranda because he knew it was unwarranted and coming out sidewise from a different place. Thank God Miranda had found Jeremiah and straightened herself out. Otherwise, Jennelle’s wrath might’ve ruined her. “Please stop being so harsh to Miranda. She’s the one who’s been doing the heavy lifting around here and you’ve done nothing but run her down. It’s gotta stop, Mama. For Miranda’s sake, please. It’s almost as if you hate her and that hurts my heart to even think because she loves you very much. We all love you and I wish you could see that.”

“Parenting advice from a man who has never had any children? That’s hilarious. I don’t hate your sister. I’m very disappointed in her—there’s a difference.”

“Well, it’s sort of hard to tell. Because what comes out of your mouth sounds like hatred. And the situation with Simone’s room has definitely gotten out of hand. Everything in it needs to be boxed up and put in the attic.”

“Don’t you dare touch a single item in that room. Do you hear me? Not a single item.”

“Why? So you can stay in there and pretend that Simone is alive? She’s not,” he said, adding in a lowered tone, “she died eight years ago. It’s time to let the past go.”

Jennelle gasped as if Wade had just sliced her with a knife, and her eyes watered. “How dare you. How dare you speak to me like this. A mother can never forget her child. And you are cruel to ask for me to do so. Now get out of my room. I no longer want to look at your face.”

“Mama...”

“Get out.”

Wade was flabbergasted by how stubbornly difficult his mother was being. She flat-out refused to give him an inch. He’d never seen her so closed off to her children. Just as the man rotting in jail was not the man who’d raised him, this bitter and mean woman was not the woman of his childhood. He didn’t know this woman. And frankly, at the moment, he didn’t want to.

Wade left, needing to put some distance between him and that room. He didn’t know who to talk to or how to handle the situation. All he knew was that he was one big ball of stress. He could really use a beer. By the time he reached his car he already knew he was headed to The Rusty Anchor. He wasn’t much of a drinker but right about now he could use a little bump in the chillout factor.

He walked into the old bar, assaulted by the smell of frozen boots, spilled beer and the subtle odor of fish but the pungent aroma somehow soothed his ragged nerves. The Rusty Anchor never changed. This place was an integral part of Homer and his childhood. Back in the day, the rules were a bit more lax than they were now. His mom used to send him into The Rusty Anchor to go bring Zed home on the occasion that he’d spent a little too much time with his buddies. One time he and Trace had seen Delainey’s dad, Harlan, passed out at the bar and they’d helped him home for Delainey’s sake. Not all the memories were good. He sidled up to the bar and gestured. The old bartender was a face he recognized and he smiled. “Hey, Russ, it’s been a while. Do you remember me?”

Russ squinted at Wade and then nodded in recognition. “There’s no mistaking a Sinclair but it’s been a while since I saw your mug around. How you been, Wade? I heard about your dad. Tough break. But we all knew he was gonna get caught sooner or later. Part of me wondered if that’s what he wanted all along.”

“Was it pretty much common knowledge that my dad was growing and dealing pot?”

“Pretty much.” He paused then asked, “What’ll you have?”

“Whatever’s on tap.”

“You got it.” Russ turned and filled a stein with amber liquid and pushed it toward him. “So I take it you’re here to help out your parents?”

Wade took a drink of his beer. “I guess you could say that. Things have fallen to crap. Not sure what to do about it, either.”

“Probably not much you can do about it until they want to change. Your dad, he just sort of fell apart after Simone, you know? And I do know about your mom but there certainly has been a lot of change in her life that hasn’t been for the better.”

“Yeah, you can say that again. It’s like I don’t even recognize them anymore.”

“Death will do that to you. Tragedy sucks the life out of you and leaves an empty shell behind.”

“Do you remember Simone?”

Russ nodded. “Cute kid. Didn’t know her very well, though. We didn’t exactly run in the same circles.”

Wade smiled. “Yeah, I guess not. You want to know something? I can’t remember the sound of her voice. It’s just gone from my memory and I’ll never get it back. Sometimes I wonder if that’s what my mom is going through. She’s got her room all fixed up as if Simone hadn’t died. Maybe she’s just trying to hold on to everything because she’s afraid she’ll wake up one morning and everything she thought she remembered about Simone will be gone.”

“It’s possible. But life goes on. That’s a fact that she’s going to have to get used to. No matter how many trinkets she holds on to, it ain’t gonna bring the girl back.”

“Yeah, that’s the part she’s having trouble with.”

Russ smiled. “Take it easy, kid. Don’t OD on home stuff. Take it one step at a time. Good to see you.”

Wade rubbed his forehead in an attempt to relieve the pain that had begun to throb. He needed more sleep. This insomnia was killing him. He’d hoped that a different bed, perhaps the change in scenery, would help with his sleep issues but it hadn’t. He’d spent just as much time staring up at the ceiling as he did when he was at home. And he was exhausted.

Unbidden, Morgan’s image popped into his head, and he was too tired to push it away. Maybe he really needed to smooth things out with her. He probably should’ve handled himself better the other night but in truth, he’d been embarrassed to his toes. It wasn’t often that he caught himself in that kind of compromising position.

Yeah, that was probably what he needed to do. Clear the air and start fresh. Maybe even apologize. If he was embarrassed, likely she was even more so. He wished he’d noticed the similarities between the two women before he’d allowed Mona to take him to Morgan’s home. Too late now. The only thing he could do was try to make amends.

He finished his beer, left a nice tip for Russ and, pulling Morgan’s business card from his pocket, he checked her address and headed for her office. No time like the present to get things done.

CHAPTER TWELVE

M
ORGAN
WAS
SURPRISED
to see Wade walk into her office. And for a split second her heart beat just a little bit faster, and that made Morgan highly aware that she had an awkward situation brewing. Remy ushered Wade in with an openly impressed expression that only Morgan could see, as well as a quick appraising glance at his backside that made Morgan want to wring his neck. “Thank you, Remy. That will be all.”

“Look at you, keeping all that sugar to yourself. I don’t blame you,” Remy said with a wink as he closed the door behind him.

Morgan shook her head, embarrassed. It was times like this that she questioned her decision to hire Remy at all. “I’m sorry. He’s a little flamboyant. And he’s also family. But believe it or not he’s a good secretary.” She was rambling. She took a moment to collect herself. “What can I do for you, Mr. Sinclair?”

“Please call me Wade. I feel I need to clear the air over what happened the other night.”

“No need. It’s none of my business. And my sister can be very persuasive.” Now, if only she could slow her fluttering heart to a normal level. She hadn’t felt this flustered around a man in God only knew how long, and the fact that it was Wade made it worse. She swallowed and tried a brief smile. “Truly. No worries,” she assured him. “My sister can be a force of nature.”

“Yes, that I would agree with.” He had the grace to appear chagrined, which she found a point in his favor. There was something about Wade that spoke of integrity; perhaps it was the fact that he was voluntarily suffering through a terribly awkward moment in order to clear the air. She didn’t know many men who would do that.

Her gaze snagged on the minute slivers of premature gray threading through his hair, and she was caught by the urge to run her fingers through it. The man must have a very stressful job to have a bit of gray already.

Wade continued and she realized she’d drifted. “However,” he said with a frown, “I don’t want you to get the wrong impression of me. I rarely go home with women I just met. She caught me at a weak point in the night and I want to apologize for possibly putting you in an awkward position.”

“Oh, it’s fine.” Why was she lying? It wasn’t fine. She was
very
bothered by the fact that Wade had left with her sister but how was she supposed to defend her opinion? She really had no right to be bothered. It wasn’t as if she had any claim to Wade and it would be inappropriate if she did. But when she thought about her sister kissing those lips it drove her mad. She forced a tight smile. “Really, Wade, I assure you, I’ve already forgotten about the incident. You aren’t the first man my sister has entertained in my home. I was just thrown off guard because we have an arrangement where she is supposed to call me if she is going to be entertaining, and she neglected to do that. I’d just come off a really wretched blind date and I just wanted some peace and quiet. So it really wasn’t you...it was just a situation that was a little unfortunate.”

“Why do you let your sister bring home strange men to your house? I mean, I know it’s none of my business but it does seem a little unorthodox.”

She sighed, shrugging. “I don’t know. She’s my sister and she usually gets her way. It’s easier to agree than to fight with her but I’m selling the house as soon as I can and then the issue will resolve itself because I’m downsizing.”

A memory flashed across his handsome features as he murmured, “My sister Simone was like that. She had the tenacity of a bulldog. She could never understand why anyone would tell her no.” Wade caught himself when he must’ve realized he didn’t want to open a conversation up about his dead sister and cleared his throat to focus on something else. “Why would you want to sell your home? It’s a real show-stopper and unique for this area.”

She really wanted to know more about Wade and his relationship with Simone but she didn’t want to pry too hard into business that wasn’t her own. “It has too many memories,” she answered, which was the truth. But was
memory
the right word? More like nightmares. She couldn’t wait to unload that house and everything associated with it. “Anyway, it’s too big for one person. I want to simplify my life. I’d love a cottage or small cabin, something that’s easy to maintain. A five-bedroom house with 4,000 square feet is ridiculous for one person.”

“What does your husband say?”

“My husband is dead.” She flushed, realizing she’d answered brusquely. Ordinarily, she was cool and calm when people asked about David because it was an act that she put on. But for some reason she had a hard time slipping into the role she was so familiar with when it was Wade asking the questions. That certainly didn’t bode well. “I’m sorry. I didn’t sleep well last night and I’m a little out of sorts.”

“No need to apologize. I was asking questions that were none of my business. I don’t know why I asked. I mainly wanted to clear the air about the situation with your sister. I should’ve just left it at that.”

“No, I’m really sorry. I appreciate your concern. But I want you to know that I would never hold that situation against you because if Mona is involved, chances are, you didn’t have a chance. She’s a bit of a man-eater.”

“Is that so?”

“Oh, yes. Mona knows how to get what she needs and what she wants from pretty much everyone who crosses her path—particularly the men.” She laughed. “Actually, I might’ve saved you from being another notch in a long line of notches on her bedpost.”

“Oh, that’s a sobering thought.”

“Isn’t it, though?” She chuckled at his open look of distaste. “Anyway, no hard feelings.”

“Great. Happy to hear that.” He started to go for the door and then stopped. “You know, I have a hard time sleeping, too. Insomnia runs in my family and it’s riding me pretty hard lately. Do you have anything that could help me sleep? I’m not talking about drugs, just some alternate suggestions. I’m a little desperate at this point.”

“Have you tried meditation? Yoga? I find when I really can’t sleep, yoga helps.”

“I did yoga once. I think I pulled a groin muscle. I’m not sure I’m flexible enough for that kind of therapy.”

“You don’t have to be super flexible. You just have to learn how to breathe and listen to your body. It gets better with time and practice. If you want, you can come with me to my yoga class. It’s a very gentle class, and I can almost guarantee you no one is going to twist you into a pretzel.”

Was she insane? Inviting him to yoga? But the words had popped out of her mouth before she could stop them. And now she couldn’t take them back. And even worse? She really wanted him to accept her invitation. This was insanity. And yet she was waiting for his answer.

“Really? Yoga? I can’t believe I’m going to say this but I think I’m ready to try anything. I’m starting to hallucinate from lack of sleep and I need my wits about me to deal with my family. One inadvertent slip of the tongue and it’s Armageddon.”

She smiled. “Being on your guard takes a certain level of energy, for sure,” she said, realizing she liked the sound of his voice. Unlike David, whose voice had been hard and unyielding, brooking no argument, Wade’s voice was soothing. “Well, perhaps a good stretch is all you need. Try it out. What could it hurt?”

“I’ll try anything once—or twice. What should I wear?”

“Something comfortable and something that breathes. Oh, and I should mention it gets a little warm in this class so be prepared to sweat.”

“When is the class and where?”

She tried to hide her excitement. “The class is tonight at six o’clock. I hope to see you there.”

“Address?”

She blushed at how fluttery he made her. “1456 Ginger Street.”

“I’ll be there.”

She held her breath and her smile until Wade left the room. And then she sank into her chair wondering what the hell she’d just done. She shouldn’t be socializing with him. She shouldn’t be spending extracurricular time with him.

But she was excited and she couldn’t wait.

* * *

H
AD
HE
REALLY
just agreed to go to yoga? He hadn’t been lying about the fact that he’d tried it once and really had pulled something. The memory still had the power to make him wince. But there was something about Morgan that he wanted to know better. He sensed something about her that felt familiar. Maybe it was a terrible idea—one he would pay for later—but this trip home had been filled with instances that he was likely to regret later.

He rubbed the grit from his eyes. He hadn’t been lying about the insomnia. He was about ready to lose his mind. There was a reason why sleep deprivation was a form of torture.

Had Morgan always been so pretty? How had he not noticed? Her hair hung in long, tumbling, feminine waves that made him itch to explore the texture between his fingertips. And while he’d been momentarily intrigued by Mona he realized now what he found most alluring about Mona was that she reminded him of Morgan.

His phone rang, and he picked it up, hesitating when he saw who it was on the caller ID: Elizabeth. He didn’t really want to talk to her right now. When he’d left for Alaska she’d been insisting upon a conversation but he’d seen little point as he felt they’d made a clean break. He exhaled in irritation.

While Elizabeth was a sweet, sexy lady and he’d thoroughly enjoyed spending time with her, they lacked that special spark between them to push their relationship to the next level. At least, the spark was missing on
his
end. Elizabeth hadn’t agreed.

He sent the call to voice mail and went to shower and get ready for his yoga class. But just as he went to get in the shower his phone rang again and against his better judgment he checked the caller ID. This time it was his brother, Trace, and he felt compelled to take the call. He and Trace hadn’t spoken since the day he arrived, and Wade felt they needed to hash things out before a rift started that never ended.

“I haven’t heard from Miranda about the evaluation on Mom. How’s it going?”

“As good as can be expected. Mom is being difficult.”

“So has Dr. O’Hare decided whether or not she’s competent?”

“I don’t think she’s made that determination yet. Like I said, Mom isn’t exactly being cooperative. I suspect she’ll have her evaluation done by the end of the week, though.”

“Good. This whole thing is dragging on and I just want it to be done. I need to be able to give a date to the professional organizers and cleaning crew. Right now the situation is in limbo and it’s putting me on edge.”

“It’s going to be hell going in and cleaning the house. Frankly, it might be easier to mow it down and build a new one.”

“Yeah, probably. But you know Mom would freak out even more if we did that.”

“Is it possible for her to freak out more than she already is? I don’t know. Scary prospect.”

“Hey, I know we got off to a rocky start when I picked you up from the airport, and I’m sorry if I said a few things that were brutal.”

“It’s okay. I understand it was said out of frustration.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t make it right. You’re here now and you’re helping and I just need to let the past go. At least that’s what Delainey says.”

“Well, you might not want to let me off the hook just yet because I don’t how long I can stay. It’s different for you guys because you live here. My life and career are in California, and I can’t put both of those things on indefinite hold while our parents continue to act like irresponsible children. I know it might sound like I’m placing it all on you and Miranda but honestly, I just don’t know how long I can stay here and I want to be honest.”

“I understand that you can’t move home indefinitely but we’re going to need you to help us at least until Mom comes home and the house is cleaned up. Surely you have some kind of leave or vacation time built up that you can use.”

He did. But that’s not exactly how he envisioned using his banked-up personal time. “That’s not the point. I can’t put my life on hold for this situation. I just can’t do it. I’ll do what I can but I don’t want to make false promises.”

Silence filled the space between them, and Wade knew Trace wasn’t happy with what he’d said but Wade didn’t want to lie about how he felt.

In the end, Trace sighed and said, “Whatever, Wade. I guess we just need to be thankful for whatever time you can give us.”

Was that sarcasm? It had sounded a lot like sarcasm. “I didn’t say I was leaving tomorrow. I just wanted to be up-front with you.”

“I know.” Trace released a pent-up breath. “I understand. The whole situation is screwed. It’s not exactly how I envisioned starting my life with my wife.”

“I’m sorry, little brother. I don’t know what else to say. I wish it were different.”

“Yeah, me, too.”

“At least Delainey is familiar with the family. It might be overwhelming for someone new.”

Trace agreed. “Delainey’s been great. I don’t know what I’d do without her. She keeps me grounded when I want to run off and disappear.”

For a moment, Wade suffered a pang of envy for what Trace and Miranda had in their significant others. To have someone in your life who had your back and kept you centered...that had to be something special. Elizabeth had tried to insert herself in that role but he hadn’t wanted her there. To be fair, he hadn’t been interested in
anyone
fulfilling that role but maybe he’d been blind to the benefits of having someone there for more than just a bed warmer. “You’re a lucky man,” he told his brother. “Don’t let her go.”

“No chance of that,” Trace said. “Well, I gotta go. Let me know what the doctor says about Mom.”

“I will.”

Trace clicked off, and Wade tossed the phone onto the bed as he strode to the shower. Why hadn’t he told his brother that the reason he couldn’t stay was because each moment that he stayed in Homer was another moment that he absolutely could not escape the crushing guilt he felt at failing? Even though it had been Trace who’d been the unfortunate one to find Simone’s body, all three of the Sinclair siblings had been out there looking for her. And each of them had failed. Logic told him it wasn’t his fault any more than it was Miranda’s or Trace’s fault. But that’s not what his heart said. He was the big brother; he was the one who had always looked out for Simone and he hadn’t been able to save her. Everywhere he went, he saw Simone and the memories of when she was alive. And he just couldn’t take it. It’s why he’d left in the first place.