A Spanish Seduction (12 page)

‘I want you to be my lover, Jessica.’

How could she keep saying no to him?

The image of her mother filtered into her mind’s eye. Her mother may once have been carefree and vibrant, but Jess only remembered a sad, hollow woman. Surely it stemmed from giving herself to men when love had not been part of the equation?

Jess did not want to become like her mother.

Digging into her inner reserves of resolve, pushing down on every instinct that begged her not to refuse him, she fought for self-preservation. ‘I want for us to be lovers, but we’ve talked about this and how I feel.’

When he replied, every word was edged with frustration. ‘I promised myself I wouldn’t pressure you. I’ve been trying to keep my distance, but it’s impossible when I know you feel it too — when you admit you want it too. Would it be so bad to give into this and enjoy where it leads us?’

‘It wouldn’t be bad, it’d be a disaster, because I really like and admire you too.’ She held up her thumb and forefingers with a tiny gap between them. ‘I’m this close to falling in love with you, Ricardo — this close to giving myself to you body, heart and soul. I don’t believe I could become your lover and walk away with my heart intact at the end of three months.’

‘You don’t have to involve your emotions.’

‘My heart is part of my body. I can’t give you one without the other. I’d be devastated at the end of three months.’

‘We don’t have to end this in three months,’ he argued.

She arched her eyebrows questioningly.

‘You could stay with me, Jessica. Stay until this passion between us runs its course. You don’t have to lose your heart.’

‘I —’

‘Trust me. In time this will burn out, and then you’ll be okay about leaving.’

He was wrong. Didn’t he realise that lust might burn out but love was lasting?

‘You just need to change your mindset,
querida
.’

Despite her misgivings, she was sorely tempted. Feeling herself weaken, she grasped the one thing she knew would strengthen her resolve. ‘Aberto was right in what he implied. You’re paying me to be here. If I share your bed, I’m nothing better than a hooker.’

‘That’s not true,’ he denied adamantly.

‘It
is
true.’
Couldn’t he see it?
‘It doesn’t matter how you dress it up.’

He clasped her hands. ‘When you came to Barcelona with me, we’d already agreed I’d pay your debt. It had nothing to do with sex.’

‘So, don’t turn it into sex.’

‘I can’t ignore the sexual flame sparking between us.’

‘But — ’

‘I paid you as compensation for your loss of income while you put your life on hold to help me. I’m not paying you to share my bed. Become my lover because that’s what we both want. Resisting is consigning us both to hell.’ He rested his forehead against hers. ‘If we don’t become lovers, it’s going to drive me crazy. You must be feeling the strain?’

Strain seemed too mild a word for it. ‘I can’t be your lover.’

He cursed softly as she drew her head away.

‘I do want you, Ricardo. My God,’ she extricated her hands from his and moved them in a gesture of pure frustration, ‘I want you almost more than I want my next breath. But, even if I weakened — even if I agreed to take that next step when you’re telling me there’s no future to it — I can’t go to bed with you during this three months we’ve agreed on. It doesn’t matter how you explain it, I’m not sleeping with you while you’re paying me.’

His hiss of breath was pure frustration, as were the agitated movements of his hands. ‘And after that three month period? Will you walk away? Will you go back to England without having explored all we could share?’

Jess chewed again at her lower lip. Didn’t he realise he was offering her both heaven and hell?

The limousine came to a halt in front of his apartment block. Wanting more time to consider her answer, Jess bolted out of the car and inside, but Ricardo was at her side the moment she’d reached the opulent entryway.

The second he closed the penthouse door behind him, he demanded, ‘I’d like an answer, Jessica.’

It was so hard to look up into his face. ‘My marriage was a dismal failure. When Jett died and I learnt about his infidelity, I thought I’d hardened my heart about the possibility of finding someone I could share my life with.’ She shrugged helplessly. ‘This probably sounds inane to you, but I guess I’d never really extinguished my hope entirely. I don’t want a string of meaningless affairs, and I don’t want to lose my heart to someone who’s only out for a short-term fling. You aren’t prepared to contemplate that we could have a permanent future together, are you?’

His features shuttered into hard, implacable lines. ‘No.’

‘Why not? Why aren’t you prepared to consider it?’

‘Lust burns out.’

She steeled herself to say, ‘I guess that’s when people fall back on respect and liking.’

His brows drew together.

‘You’ve told me you’re in unchartered waters here, Ricardo. Don’t you think—?’

‘That’s why I’m prepared to leave this open-ended.’ Jaw firm, body language stiff and unyielding, he cut off her question. ‘You talk about wanting love. Love, if it even exists, only ends in suffering. It’s a process of dependence that eats away at an individual’s identity. I don’t want to lose myself to anyone.’

‘You’re afraid of losing control,’ she said slowly. ‘But, you can grow from being with someone else. You could be a happier, more fulfilled person for loving and allowing yourself to be loved. You’ve got it all wrong when you view a relationship as making you weaker.’

‘So now you’re an expert on relationships?’ Sarcasm edged his words as he lashed out at her. ‘You’re chasing an illusion. The reality check is your marriage. It didn’t make you a happier, more fulfilled person.’ He turned away from her and walked further into the apartment.

‘No, it didn’t.’ Jess trailed after him. ‘I married a bastard who didn’t love me.’

He swung back to her. ‘But you thought you loved him or you’d never have married him. That should tell you love doesn’t exist in a lasting capacity. You mistake lust for love.’

‘No. I don’t. When I married Jett I was desperate. He was the first guy who’d ever paid any attention to me and it was the fantasy I fell for, not the person.’

‘I’m the second guy who has paid attention to you,’ he pointed out. ‘Now, you claim you’re close to falling for me.’

She reached out and touched his arm. ‘You’re a far better man than Jett was.’

‘You give away your heart too easily and that’s why you get hurt.’

‘That’s not true. You’re worthy of loving.’

‘Huh!’ The sound was full of derision. ‘You don’t even know me, Jessica. Besides, you’ve already admitted you feel you’re living a fantasy. These feelings you claim to have are part of the fantasy.’

‘You’re wrong. I’m different than I was when I met Jett. I’m not desperate anymore. I don’t feel gratitude when you pay me attention because I have far more self-worth now.’ She held out her hands as she appealed to him. ‘Love does exist. It’s all around us and I really want to find it. I deserve it.’

‘You’ll be disillusioned, and any emotional relationship you enter into will weaken you and make you vulnerable.’

‘It won’t.’ She tilted her chin defiantly and willed him to listen to her. ‘Even after all the trauma and disillusionment I had in my marriage, it didn’t weaken me. I survived it and grew stronger.’

‘I can think of better ways to grow stronger — ways that don’t involve trauma and disillusionment.’

She shook her head sadly at the bitterness in his words and the cynicism on his face. ‘What happened to you to make you think this way?’

‘I am what I am.’

‘In other words you’re not prepared to talk about it. You’re shutting me out,’ she accused as he turned his back on her, stalked over to one of the massive glass windows and stared out at the view of Barcelona.

‘Shutting you out?
Madre de Dio
, I wish I could! You’ve worked your way in and got closer to me than any other living soul!’

‘If that’s true then you desperately need me in your life.’

He turned slowly. ‘I need you in my bed.’

She ignored his statement. Somehow she had to reach him. ‘You once accused me of being a coward, but you’re the coward here. I was hounded because of what my mother did. As much as I hated it, I didn’t hide away.’

‘You did hide away!’ He gave a short, humourless laugh. ‘You were still hiding when I met you. You hid behind ugly glasses and dowdy clothes.’

‘Okay, perhaps I hid away behind an image. But, you’ve helped me. You’ve shown me what I was missing out on and the person I could be. You’ve forced me to grow. Let me help you see things differently.’ She saw she still wasn’t reaching him. ‘Take a chance I might be right, that we might be good together — long term. You’re being a coward because you could benefit from the love I have to give, but you’re too scared to accept it.’

‘
Diablo
!’ One hand cut savagely through the air as he took a step toward her. ‘You don’t understand!’

‘Then, make me understand. Explain it to me.’

Everything in her urged him to open up to her. Each word came with heartfelt conviction. As she spoke, she realised she wasn’t close to falling in love with him — she already had. Even without sharing his bed, she’d leave her heart behind in Barcelona.

Ricardo paced the apartment like a caged tiger.

He was poles apart from her in his belief about love and relationships. Perhaps she was trying to communicate with him in a way that was beyond his comprehension? Loving him as inexorably as she now understood she did, perhaps the only way to reach him was on his terms — on a level he understood. A physical level.

It was a hell of a risk, but with absolute clarity she realised it was a risk she was compelled to take. If she didn’t take it, she’d regret it for the rest of her life. ‘You talk about risk taking. I’m prepared to do that. Are you?’

He stopped pacing and looked at her through narrowed eyes. ‘What are you suggesting?’

‘I’ll offer you a deal of my own. Set aside your prejudices about relationships and agree to embrace being together with an open mind. If you can do that and you still want me as your lover once you’re cemented into the position of CEO, I’ll stay here in Barcelona with you.’

‘You’re asking me to wait until the end of these three months?’

‘Yes.’

He rolled his head backward a little. ‘You don’t know what you’re asking of me.’

‘You know my past. Don’t put me in a position where I feel I’m doing what my mother did.’

His curse was crude. ‘Grow up, Jessica! Stop making everything about your mother. I’m not asking you to prostitute yourself for me. I’m asking you to trust me and to enjoy an adult relationship with me.’

‘I don’t want to be your lover simply because you have to be with me, and you can’t have another bed-mate without putting your ambition for this CEO role in jeopardy.’ Unable to prevent the defensive action, she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

‘That’s not what this is about. I don’t want you simply because you’re the only woman I can have right now. I desire you more than I’ve ever desired a woman. I’ve already told you that. Stop fighting this and put us both out of our misery.’

‘I’m sorry, Ricardo. I can’t.’

‘Forget the contract! We’ll tear it up. I’ll pay off your debt because I care about you and don’t want you to carry financial burden, or to be in any danger from that loan shark. You don’t have to stay with me because of the CEO position. Just stay with me because you want to. No time period stipulated.’

‘I need the time period to know this isn’t something either of us is rushing into.’ Turning quickly on her heel, she ran from the room before she caved. She wouldn’t become his lover unless she was sure he really wanted her and not just a woman he had been thrown together with. Oh, but she was so close to agreeing...

Chapter Nine

Two nights later, Jessica’s bedroom was a mess. Clothes littered the bed because she’d tried on and discarded one outfit after another. Make up palettes covered the surfaces in her en suite bathroom. She’d used every tool at her disposal to look as stunning as possible and boost her confidence, but she was still jittery.

Ricardo had phoned her with the news he’d been appointed as CEO on a two month, trial basis. Tonight, they were having dinner with his uncle and aunt, Raoul and Marguerite, to celebrate the unanimous vote, and she wanted to make a good impression. Not only was it important to Ricardo that their pretence held up in front of the couple, but Jessica also wanted their approval.

The strain of being with Ricardo and not yielding to their mutual desire had caused her sleepless nights and deep soul-searching. She wanted his love and was going to try to win it.

Ricardo was home ten minutes earlier than expected.

Jess couldn’t help herself. The second she saw him, she raced forward and launched herself into his arms to offer a congratulatory hug. ‘I’m so thrilled for you! You deserve this position.’

As he gathered her in his arms, she melted against him.

‘Suddenly, being CEO takes second place to coming home to your welcome,’ he said.

If he meant that, it was an amazing compliment.

The kisses he gave her were delicious, but left her craving more.

‘We can’t keep doing this,’ he rasped, ‘unless you’ve changed your mind and want to stay home tonight and celebrate privately.’

Her chest was tight and her womb clenched in unfulfilled need. But even as he lowered his head to continue kissing her, she clung to her resolve. She didn’t want to be just another notch on his bedpost.

His words were warm against her mouth as he said, ‘We won’t rush this. We can take all night.’

‘I’m not deliberately teasing you, Ricardo. I’d rather be here in your arms than anywhere else in the world, but I’m not ready to take the next step.’ She inhaled the unique scent of his cologne and the sheer masculinity that lay beneath it.

‘You’re sheer torture,’ he groaned. ‘You have no idea how much it’s costing me to wait for you.’

Her fingertips ran along the scratch of stubble peppering his jaw. Then, her arms wound around his neck and she was immersed in the slow, languorous feel of his tongue stroking hers. The action caused an acute pull of arousal from deep within her and the sound she made communicated her longing.

‘Sure you don’t want to change your mind?’

‘I’m sure.’ The words of denial were more whimpered than spoken.

He closed his eyes and she detected a slight shake of his head as he pulled away from her. ‘I’ll shower and shave before we go,
mi bella dama,
and try to strengthen my resolve so I don’t ravish you on the spot.’

Heat stole over her cheeks. It was a relief that he turned away, because otherwise he may have guessed the reason she blushed. Jess couldn’t prevent visualising him wet and naked in the shower. The prospect of being ravished by Ricardo threatened her resolve every second of every day.

***

The warm embraces from Raoul and Marguerite instantly put Jessica at ease. In an evening where conversation and laughter flowed, Jess experienced the closeness of family for the first time in her life.

The love between husband and wife was tangible in their exchanged looks and physical proximity. How could Ricardo ever doubt love existed when he’d been brought up by this couple?

Yet, for all that she sensed the love between them, Ricardo seemed just a little...reserved? She wasn’t even sure it was the right description, for he wasn’t really detached or aloof in any way. There was something though...She couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Every now and then she got the hint of something unspoken that hung in the air. Some...sorrow or remorse?

Dismissing the idea, she finished the last of her dessert. She was probably being oversensitive.

Raoul broke through her musings. ‘There are a few company matters I wish to discuss with Ricardo. Would you please excuse us if we adjourn to the study?’ 

‘Of course,’ Jessica replied politely.

‘Always business!’ Marguerite complained. ‘Never mind, it will give us a chance to get to know each other.’

Ricardo’s eyes blazed with need as he brushed a barely-there kiss on Jessica’s lips. ‘I promise to make this as brief as possible.’

Jessica smothered a small sound as his attention made her heart cart-wheel.

‘You love him,’ Marguerite observed with a satisfied smile as the men closed the door behind them.

Jessica nodded. ‘I do.’

Tears glistened in the older woman’s eyes. ‘You can’t begin to imagine how happy I am to hear it. Seeing you together makes me excited for the future. Has he told you he loves you, too?’

‘No,’ Jessica confessed with surprising ease. ‘I’m not sure he does.’

‘Oh, trust me, Jessica, he does.’

‘What makes you so sure?’

‘Ha! It’s in his every look — and he can hardly take his eyes off you. It’s in the way he touches you, the way he talks to you and the way he says your name when he’s speaking about you. I’ve never seen him like this with the women he’s introduced us to at formal functions, and he’s never brought a woman home for a family dinner.’

‘I hope you’re right.’

‘I am. I’ve been his mother since he was ten, so I should know what I’m talking about!’

‘It’s sad his parents died when he was so young, but good that you and Raoul were there for him.’

‘We’ve done everything we could for him, but Ricardo has suffered in many ways.’ Marguerite withdrew a lace trimmed handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes. ‘His grandfather, Hernandez, didn’t approve of Ricardo’s mother, Rosetta. He told Ricardo’s father, Fernando, that he’d be disowned if the marriage went ahead.’

‘Fernando obviously stood up to him and followed his heart.’

‘Yes, but it wasn’t a wise choice. Hernandez carried out his threat and also ensured Fernando was on the outer with the rest of Spanish society.’

‘Hernandez must have been a tyrant!’

‘Definitely.’ Marguerite nodded vigorously. ‘Poor Fernandez had always wanted to be an artist rather than going into the family business. His paintings didn’t sell well and he, Rosetta and Ricardo lived for years in poverty.’

Shock slammed into Jess. She had assumed Ricardo had a privileged upbringing.

‘Fernando was a proud man.’ Marguerite sniffed. ‘He wouldn’t accept help from Raoul.’

‘Even though he was poor while his parents were alive, was Ricardo happy?’

‘Sadly, his parents were absorbed with themselves. They made no time for him.’

Her heart caught. Sitting forward in her seat, Jess wanted to learn more about Ricardo’s upbringing. If she could understand the child he’d been, perhaps she could reach the man he’d become. ‘Ricardo’s very anti-commitment.’

Marguerite agreed. ‘It breaks my heart.’

Not as much as it breaks mine.
‘I don’t understand. It’s obvious you and Raoul love each other.’

‘Yes, but his parents were very unhappy,’ the older woman admitted as she grabbed a cushion and plumped it. ‘It’s not my story to tell you, but Ricardo had a traumatic childhood. There were problems in Fernando’s marriage from the day his father disowned him. I believe Rosetta loved Fernando at the start of their relationship, but she also loved the high-life. When Fernando couldn’t provide that lifestyle anymore, she grew restless and began to have affairs.’

Was his mother’s unfaithfulness the reason Ricardo didn’t believe in lasting love?
It seemed likely.

Marguerite continued, ‘Rosetta was planning to abandon her husband and child when she died.’

Jess was already shaken by Marguerite’s revelations and every new piece of information was another aftershock to her system.

Ricardo had emphasised how Jessica’s mother had stuck with her until she could fend for herself. Jess hadn’t realised he’d been drawing parallels to his own mother.

A multitude of questions crowded her mind, begging to be answered.

‘Ricardo hasn’t spoken much of his parents. How did they die?’

Marguerite shifted, put the cushion down and picked up another. She began plumping it more firmly and evaded the question. ‘I like you very much, Jessica. I think Ricardo needs you so he can put the past behind him and get on with his life.’

Jess let her question slide, but realized there must be a story behind the deaths of Fernando and Rosetta.

‘We adopted Ricardo,’ Marguerite said. ‘He became a wonderful brother for our son.’

‘Oh, I didn’t realise you had a son.’

Sharp agony carved into the older woman’s features. ‘Santiago was five years younger than Ricardo.’

Registering Marguerite’s sadness and use of the past tense, Jess bit down on an inward curse. ‘Oh.’

Ricardo’s aunt gave Jessica an assessing look before she continued. ‘Ricardo became World Champion. Santiago was desperate to follow in his footsteps but he had a visual impairment that made it risky to race.’ She paused for a moment, tracing a fingertip over the pattern in the fabric of the cushion. ‘Ricardo was protective of him. He refused to allow Santiago on the team because of the risks. Without our knowledge, Santiago signed up to drive for a rival team. The very first time he drove was his last.’

Marguerite gave a little sob and Jess reached out to comfort her. ‘I’m so sorry. Please don’t go on when it’s so upsetting for you.’

Her gesture of denial was emphatic. ‘If you’re to understand Ricardo, you must understand the extent of what he has been through.’

Ricardo had suffered through the death of his parents. How much more had he endured?

‘Santiago went into the race as a mystery driver. He drove fearlessly, challenging Ricardo and pushing him on the first lap.’ She paused, visibly struggling to get a grip on her emotions. ‘They were only into the second lap of the race when Santiago misjudged the turn — a result of his poor vision, or perhaps just because of his inexperience. He got too close to Ricardo, clipped his car and they both spun. At that point, the steering column of Santiago’s car sheared off and he crashed into a concrete barrier.’

Jess gasped and her hands flew to her face.

‘Ricardo was lucky to escape with concussion after his car flipped a couple of times. He had no idea Santiago was the driver of the other car until he walked across the track and arrived just as race officials were removing my boy’s helmet. The moment he saw Santiago...the realisation of what had happened...’ She drew in a great sobbing breath. ‘Ricardo blamed himself for Santiago’s death.’

Dear God! Jessica couldn’t even begin to fathom the pain Ricardo had been through. ‘But, it was an accident!’

‘Yes, everyone knows it. If anything, it was an accident caused by Santiago’s driving. Raoul and I have told Ricardo, but he won’t accept that it wasn’t his fault.’

Jess rubbed one hand over her forehead. ‘Is that why he gave up racing?’

‘Yes.’ Marguerite’s lips thinned. ‘His grandfather was still alive then. Hernandez swore he would never allow Ricardo to race again for Garcia, even if he wanted to.’

‘But why? Wasn’t he world champion at the time? Wasn’t he still bringing in accolades for the company?’

‘Hernandez never forgave Fernando for marrying Rosetta. When Fernando...died, Hernandez transferred his anger to Ricardo.’

‘But, Ricardo was just a boy.’
Just what sort of monster had Hernandez been?

‘He was a boy who’d been traumatised and needed the love of his family, but he didn’t receive any love from his grandfather. Ever.’

‘That’s dreadful.’ Jessica leaned back. Weariness settled into her limbs as she digested all she’d learnt.

‘Raoul and I were torn,’ Marguerite continued. ‘Of course we loved Ricardo, but his grandfather refused to have anything to do with him. When Ricardo was still a boy, we were expected to visit the old man with Santiago each Christmas, Easter and on his birthday, but we were never allowed to take Ricardo with us.’

Jess felt her eyes fill with tears, even as outrage poured through her veins.

‘We made sure our visits to Hernandez were brief, but Ricardo found out he was being excluded and Raoul had to explain why. It made Ricardo all the more determined to earn his grandfather’s attention.’

‘And that’s why he went into Formula One Racing?’

‘Yes. He desperately sought his grandfather’s acceptance and love.’

‘Did Hernandez ever acknowledge him?’

‘Only once, but it was the cruellest acknowledgement of all.’ Marguerite dispensed of the cushion and began to wring her hands together on her lap.

‘Please, tell me,’ Jess requested gently.

‘When Santiago died, Hernandez went to visit Ricardo at the hospital. We heard the old man was there and thought he’d finally come to his senses and wanted to bond with his only surviving grandson. We arrived to hear him telling Ricardo that the only reason he’d ever allowed him to drive the Garcia car was because his life meant nothing. Hernandez said it should’ve been Ricardo who died in the accident, not Santiago.’ Tears ran down Marguerite’s cheeks. ‘Hernandez said if it hadn’t been for Ricardo, Santiago would never have taken up racing in the first place.’