A Special Summer (Love Conquers All) (30 page)

“I guess I was a little selfish. I still loved you, so in my mind and in my heart carrying your baby was a way of holding on to a part of you.”

Nick gently lifted her chin with his forefinger to meet his gaze. “Do you still love me?”

Summer nodded. “Yes, I still love you, Nick,” she whispered as she wiped away tears.

“Go on, I’m still listening,” he prodded gently.

“As the weeks and months passed I accepted the fact that I would never see you again. Then one day I read in the paper you were coming back to Philly to take on another business venture. I knew I had to avoid seeing you or letting you know about the baby.”

“Why?” He could feel the heat creeping up his neck.

“Because I knew what you did to people when you felt that they had used or crossed you. Like how you did Veronica,” Summer softly whispered.

A flash of disgust waved over his features at the mention of
her
name.

“What did you think I’d do?”

“Exactly what you did, threaten to sue for full custody.”

“Summer, what did you expect me to do? I felt like I had been kicked in the gut?” Nick let out a frustrated sigh as he felt his composure slipping. “I came to see you that night with the intention of telling you that I had made a mistake… that I wanted you back.” He dragged his hand down his face. His voice was eerily quiet. “You threw me for a damn curve Summer. You were seven months pregnant. You knew at the time that I didn’t want children. Yet you still allowed yourself to get pregnant.”

Summer winced at his admission of not only wanting children, but the fact that he had blamed her for getting pregnant infuriated her. He was acting as if she had gotten pregnant without
his
help!

An indignant anger dried up her well of tears, as she wailed, “Nick, you are being so unfair!”

“How am I being unfair Summer? You should have told me! I had a right to know!”

Jumping up from her position on the bed, Summer paced the floor from the shot of adrenaline her anger set off.
This can’t be happening. He can’t be serious.

“Why are you blaming me for everything?” Summer shouted, her face contorted in emotional anguish. “You told me to trust you that night in the cabin. I trusted you. I gave into what you wanted, regardless of the consequences because I loved you! I loved you so much I was willing to raise our son all alone so you wouldn’t have to be bothered with a baby I knew you didn’t want!”

She couldn’t stop, wouldn’t stop. She was determined to let free every pent up emotion she’d held bondage for months in her broken heart.

“You’re always crying about why I never told you I was pregnant! How do you think I felt? Huh! Crying myself to sleep every night over you! Knowing you didn’t want me anymore! Carrying a baby that I knew you didn’t want!” Summer shouted as she pointed to her heaving chest.

“And how do you think I felt when people who I grew up with all my life at church pointed their fingers and talked about me when I showed up big bellied at church! Trying to find just a little bit of peace and comfort in my miserable life! You weren’t the one being ridiculed or judged! I had to go to another church because of you!”

Summer was so overcome with raw emotions she wasn’t aware that she was now stomping her feet in a tantrum like fashion. Nor was she aware Nick had become completely paralyzed. The breadth of her hurt and how he had hurt her was breaking his heart as she emotionally crumbled before his eyes.

“I gave you everything I had to give! I never asked you for anything, Nick! Whenever you gave me something it was because you wanted to…not because I asked or begged you for it! Whatever you wanted to do…we did! Wherever you wanted to go…we went! I never complained when you showed up hours late for a date without so much of an ‘I’m sorry for making you sit around like a stupid fool waiting on me’!”

“Noooo, that was too much like right! Instead you always acted like a freakin’ god or something and treated me like I was your stupid little follower worshipping the ground you walked on.” Stopping momentarily, catching her breath, she reminded him, “You even called me out of my name, Nick! You said I was a conniving whore like Veronica! How could you compare me to her? I never lied to you or try to use you like she did!”

If there were a hole in the floor or a crack in the wall, Nick could have crawled in, he would have settled in there for the rest of his life. The viciousness of his words had come back to haunt him as Summer painfully reminded him of his cruelty.

Summer’s tone lowered and she trembled as she went on to remind him of their past together. “Nick, you were my first… the
only
man I ever gave my body to. I gave it to you freely…whenever…wherever…and however you wanted it. I compromised my values for you. I gave you my most precious gift.”

Emotionally spent, Summer slumped to her knees on the floor. By now her voice was hoarse and barely above a whisper as she looked up at Nick. “I knew you never loved me. I just hoped…even prayed that you had at least cared about me.”

Immediately, Nick found himself on the floor pulling Summer onto his lap, hugging her in a tight embrace. He did love her. He was just too stupid to admit it at the time.

“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could make it up to you.”

“Let me go, Nick! You’re not sorry! All you want is to take my baby from me!” She cried, attempting to push herself away from him.

Holding her tight as she struggled to free herself, Nick knew if he let her go now she would never come back to him. And that he couldn’t, wouldn’t let happen. “No, sweetheart, that’s not what I want. I could never take NJ from you.” Giving her a tight but gentle squeeze, he assured her, “Baby, you are a wonderful mother. If I had tried taking you to court the judge would have laughed in my face.”

Summer wasn’t quite ready to agree with him on that notion. She was certain if a man of his caliber offered a crooked judge a tempting bribe anything was possible. And that included having custody of her son given to his father.“Then what Nick? What is it that you want?

Maintaining his tight hold on her, Nick trailed tender kisses along her forehead, temple and the soft contour of her delicate jaw. “I want you
and
I want our son. I won’t deny that I was content living a carefree, bachelor life. Not being committed to anyone or anything but my work. And I resented you for forcing me to be the one thing I said I would never be…a father.”

“Let me finish,” Nick soothed as Summer again struggled to free herself because of his blunt words. Holding her tighter, to the point where breathing was becoming almost difficult for Summer, Nick planted another tender kiss on her temple as he continued to speak. “But then I watched you giving birth to our son, holding him and loving him. And I knew you had made the right decision not to tell me you were pregnant. I had to man up and accept
I
was the reason why you kept the truth from me.” Releasing Summer from the tight embrace, he lifted her chin and gazed into her eyes. “I truly am sorry for everything. I’ve been a complete bastard. Nothing I can say or do will change that. That’s something I’ll have to live with. I also know I’ve hurt you repeatedly. I must live with that, too. I just pray that I haven’t destroyed everything between us.”

What he was about to request of her, he had no right to do. And he knew it. “Do you think you could ever forgive me?”

Nick patiently waited for her to answer. If she told him to go to the nearest bridge and jump he only had himself to blame.

“I forgive you. But do you really mean what you just said about NJ?” She wanted to believe that what he said was the truth. He put a finger to her lips. “Ssssh. Sweetheart our son is staying right here with you.

Summer’s tiny frame collapsed against Nick’s. For the first time in months, she finally felt free. Free from the miserable dark cloud that constantly threatened to storm over her. Free to not have to worry about Nick thinking the worst of her. Most important, free to know in her heart that her precious baby would always be with her, in her care where she could love and nurture him forever.

“Thank you.” Summer whispered as she kissed his lips.

Standing, he gently placed Summer on her feet. “Come with me.”

Hand in hand they walked to the nursery. Summer stepped in front of the crib. Her hands were itching to pick NJ up. She didn’t want to disturb his sleep.

Nick eased up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. On cue, she leaned back into his strong, solid body. Silently they watched the sleeping infant. Summer whispered, “He’s so beautiful.”

Nick kissed the side of her face. “He’s his mother’s child.”

“What are you talking about? He looks just like you.”

“Are you calling me beautiful?”

“Yes.”

Slowly, he turned her to face him. Silently they stared into each other’s eyes communicating without words just like that night of their first date. In the sweet stillness of the room, they both understood that they would always be an integral part of one another.

Nick was the first to break the silence.

“Um, I think I better get going, it’s late.”

Summer didn’t want him to leave tonight or any other night.

“Stay the night with us.”

Summer had spoken so softly Nick thought he was hearing things.

“What did you say?”

“I said I want you to stay the night with me and your son.”

He pulled Summer close. Loving how she felt in his arms. “Are you sure?

“Positive.”

♥♥♥

Sleep eluded Nick as his mind filled with thoughts of his life and what had become of it. With all of his accomplishments, they did not compare remotely to the newfound joy he felt from the petite woman snuggled against him and the sleeping infant down the hall.

Holding Summer so close, he was even more determined never to let her go. She had not lied; she had given him everything, and then some. In return, he had uncaringly taken everything she offered and more. He had blamed her and labeled her deceitful. When in all actuality he was to blame. After all, it was his primal lustful desire that changed the course of their lives a year ago. Now they both were living according to the consequences of their actions. During that time in their lives neither one of them had a desire to be a parent. But none of that mattered now. Every time he looked at or touched his seed an indescribable feeling washed over him. Within a span of a few seconds, NJ’s life would flash before Nick. He would envision his taking his first step, his first day of school, pitching at his first little league game, starting high school, and going off to college. These images always caused a thick lump to form in his throat nearly cutting off his oxygen.

Nick gently squeezed Summer. He thanked God she had the strength and willpower not to cave into the pressures of terminating her pregnancy, killing their child. In the past, he believed the lie ‘it’s not a baby, only a mass of cells during those first few weeks after conception. The truth revealed its self the instant NJ emerged from his mother’s body full of life. He had always existed and was born with a purpose regardless of the circumstances of his birth. For whatever reason, he and Summer were the vehicles responsible for their son’s existence. And he thanked God for such an awesome blessing.

Overwhelming shame and guilt tied a knot around Nick’s neck, suffocating him as he replayed Summer’s tearful admission of what she had gone through. Abandonment, humiliation, chastisement and rejection by people she had loved and cared about. And he was the main culprit who gave her the greatest degree of heartache and pain.

Without even thinking, he quietly questioned himself. “How could I hurt love? Hurt Summer?”

Nick accepted what he’d tried so hard to resist. Love. He was in love with Summer and knew he needed her like the oxygen he needed to breathe. She was his oxygen. This time when he squeezed her it was with all of the love he had for her and then some. All of the love he denied her. Love he should have freely given to her from day one when he realized she was special and different from the others.

Summer squirmed and shifted in her sleep as a shapely leg slid between Nick’s muscular thighs. The feel of her soft flesh so intimately close made him close his eyes tight as his body responded to her sensuous touch.

“Summer?” He whispered in hesitation not sure if she was asleep or not.

“Hmmm.”

“Uh, do you think you could move your leg?”

He was close to losing it. To flipping her over on her back and doing…well you know. It had been so long since he had touched or held another woman. It was almost impossible for him to restrain himself.

Soon as she came into contact with Nick’s hard flesh she became aware of his desire for her. He wasn’t alone. She wanted him too. But she was also conscious of the fact that he was holding back. He wouldn’t take things any further than she allowed.

Keeping her hot scorching flesh in place, she made a bold request. “Nick make love to me.”

There was nothing in the world Nick wanted more. He wanted to love Summer, but wasn’t sure where her heart and her head was. True, she had admitted to loving him. However, he wasn’t certain if Summer was still
in
love with him. There was a difference. Finally after all this time he knew where his heart belonged and who it belonged to. What he wasn’t certain of was if Summer’s heart still belonged to him? Summer sensed his hesitation.
He doesn’t want me.
“What’s wrong Nick?” She asked, fear trembling her words.